Will he do it again?

[ns1234]

Hi all.

 

I been with my bf for almost a year now. We used to have problems because he could not listen to my concerns and try to understand my issues. He would start getting angry right away and made it hard to get my messages across.

 

I dont think that he had been wit women who speak their minds before. I think he was used to the "sit and smile" type. Due to his inability to stay calm enough for both of us to talk some things through and work it out. He would say hurtful things to me. He would not call me name or anything but he would say that my reaction or what I was thinking was weird and would just shut me down.

 

That resulted in a lot of pain for me. I used to cry myself to sleep and just carried those issues and the pain on me without them getting resolved. At one point, I felt like he would stay that way and our issues would only pile on, so I decided to leave him. Fortunately, at the same time, I was moving to a new city.

 

He is a very possessive person. Before, I would stay away from others for his happiness. However, after breaking up with him I no longer had a reason not to make new friends. I am attractive so some men approached me. I made it clear to them that I just got out of a messy relationship and did not expect anything more than friendships at the moment.

 

One of the guy started flirting with me explicitly. My bf found out and could not stand the fact that I might actually move on that he changed. Or I thought he did.

 

After that he became a perfect guy for a month and I really believed that from then on he would be calm and hear me out without getting so defensive. I was so happy with him and I fell back in love with him again that I exclude myself from the outside world again. Furthermore, I even told my family we were getting married because we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.

 

The plan to get married is next month. Even though, I am not traditional, I have traditional, old fashioned parents. In my culture, dowry if expected from the guy's family. He is against it. I understood but because I want my parents to be happy I tried to talk to him about it to see if there is a way he could go along with it. He got really mad and start talking about committing suicide. He ended up hurting my feelings again. He feels that my family wants his money. Truth is, we are very well off but because of our social status, we need him to pay the dowry or else people will say that I am not worth anything. I know this is a questionable tradition and I disagree with it. But then again, this is for my parent's happiness and image in the society.

 

He promised me like a 100 times before that he would not get mad again and that we would discuss everything calmly. This is the first time he slipped since a month and I was so sure in him. Now i just feel so stupid and confused. I feel pathetic even that he keeps treating me this way. I hope that this is a one time thing and that his old habit is not coming back again but how will I know? and we plan to get married next month so I dont really have time to wait and see. I love him very much. I tried to get him to talk things through again calmly twice after the first time he got mad after us getting back together and both times were not successful.

 

I asked him for assurance that he is not gonna react like that again after we're married but he said he could not help it. He was only human. I dont get it. he promised me he would not do it again. But now hes saying hes only human...

 

His parents already invited people to the wedding and I really want to wait longer and see how things go now. I dont know what to do. Im hurt and confused. I wish there is a way to tell that he would not do it again.

 

I want your opinion on my situation and what I should do.

 

 

Thank you

[jdean76]

This is just my opinion, but ask yourself this: If he's threatening suicide on an issue like that, what's he going to do when some that's actually a big deal comes up?

 

And, you know how the old saying goes: A leopard doesn't change its spots. After all, he is human, just like he said.

 

What's YOUR gut feeling on this? I assume it can't be good or otherwise you wouldn't be here. I think you know what you need to do.

 

Best of luck to you.

[ns1234]

Thanks for your advice. I think you're right. It's a hard step to take since I love him so much and he is great in my eyes. But he keeps this up it will keep getting easier every time for me