BTG Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 So I'm a very shy guy. I'm 25 and am going through my first break up. I've gotta tell you, its been hard. I met a girl who works in my building. For about a year I was very interested in her but could never get the courage to ask her out. I couldn't tell if she was interested in me or just being nice. Around Christmas last year, she asked if I would like to do something with her on New Years Eve. I said yes, and we were together for almost seven months. Things started off great. I was incredibly nervous at first, but after a few dates things started really clicking. We were having fun and couldn't stand to be apart. Then, about 4 or 5 months into it, I guess sometime in May, we had a conversation. She knew this was my first serious relationship, or really relationship of any kind, but she asked me about the first girl I made out with. I was honest, and told her it was her. After that, things started to slow down a little. We did go to the beach together in June and had an amazing time, but after the beach trip, everything started to fall apart. She started spending less time with me and more time with her friends. When we were together, we would just sit in her apartment and watch TV. This kind of scared me a little, but she was helping her best friend plan her wedding and was going through a lot of stress, so I attributed her lack of attention to me to that. In late July, she went to the wedding. It was out of town, and when she got back, she told me "it's time." She said how the wedding made her realize that marriage is something she wants. She told me she loved me, that I did everything right, that I was the sweetest, most thoughtful guy she has ever dated, but she doesn't feel "that way" about me. I was heartbroken for a long time. Working in the same building hasn't helped things. If I don't see her, I feel fine, but today, I saw her. We only said hi to each other as we passed, but all the pain came rushing back. Everything was fine before we had that conversation in May. Maybe I need a woman's opinion. Is there something she's not telling me? Can someone who truly loves you be that turned off by the fact that I am inexperienced with love when I supposedly did everything else right? I've been trying to rationalize this, but it seems that conversation turned everything upside down.
SeriousBob12 Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Hey there BTG, I feel for you dude. I went through a rough breakup in the summer and it's only in the recent time that I've seen the light at the end of the tunnel. I can't imagine how I would feel if I bumped into her on the regular and had to be reminded of her. I don't think there is one true answer to your questions, but I think what you have to start doing is stop blaming yourself or getting upset over something you didn't have any control over. Her feelings may have just changed, maybe she thought the grass was greener, maybe she got sick of a bf, maybe she wanted to reinvent herself, maybe she was turned off after your chat, maybe it was a combination of everything? You can guess all you want, but it will be never-ending. You just constantly wrap your head and thoughts over and over, which isn't healthy. Eventually you'll accept it for what it is, which at the present, over. At least respect that she gave you some closure in telling you that she didn't think you were "the one." A lot of girls beat around the bush, if they share any "breakup" reasons at all. I've had a few female friends that have ended it with their bf's for similar reasons as yours. Mind you the situations were different (long term young-sweethearts who grew older). Feelings towards people and more importantly that significant other. Bottom line is if you grief so be it. It's going to bug you, that's apart of being human and the complexity of our emotions. Take pride in the fact that you were a great boyfriend. You said yourself it was your first relationship and you were super nervous, and guess what? You didn't blow it! You did everything right and as well stayed true to yourself. I think that's a pretty great accomplishment. For just about everyone we have to go through a few relationships to finally find that one person. I think you should at least try and marvel in your pride and your actions. By the sounds of it you handled the breakup in a mature matter, and didn't get caught up in the nasty cycle of angry texts, drunken phone calls, or anything else that makes you look bad and them just reassure themselves in their choice. I wish I could give you the answer to change her heart and get her back, but if I or someone else had it, life would be A LOT EASIER! We do everything we can for these girls to show them how much we care, but one thing we're powerless with is how they feel. Chin up my friend. There will be a time where you'll be able to move forward and this won't cause you to come crashing down. Even later down the world, you'll meet someone else, and will KNOW that you have what it takes to be a fantastic boyfriend. Hang in there dude.
Eternity001 Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 From what I hear from my female friends. Inexperience unfortunately can be a deal breaker for some. Depends on her background I suppose. Take some positives from this, you say you may be shy but you were able to attract this girl and make it work. Women aren't that scary and most find confidence attractive to my knowledge, not too much confidence but some. Keep your head up, you'll find someone that appreciates your qualities and who you are as a person obviously more than this person did.
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