reknown29 Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Just trying to get a sense of how long it is taking people here to get over the ex. I'm on 2 months and I am just now realizing that she is gone. I guess I've been in shock for 2 months. It kind of wiped my life out during this time as if I've been hospitalized. If the world was only a little more sensitive to how painful it is to have a broken heart, maybe less people would be jumping into relationships for selfish reasons? I definitely do not wish this kind of pain on anyone. I also dont see how anyone could get back with someone who caused them so much pain. I can now safely say that I am never get back with this girl. I couldnt see it being anything but disfunctional at this point. I deeply loved this person and trusted her. She was mean during the breakup. She was trying to justify it in her head by being cruel. If anyone else experienced this, think twice or three times about getting back with this person. I doubt that it will ever work.
bestrong Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Just trying to get a sense of how long it is taking people here to get over the ex. I'm on 2 months and I am just now realizing that she is gone. I guess I've been in shock for 2 months. It kind of wiped my life out during this time as if I've been hospitalized. If the world was only a little more sensitive to how painful it is to have a broken heart, maybe less people would be jumping into relationships for selfish reasons? I definitely do not wish this kind of pain on anyone. I also dont see how anyone could get back with someone who caused them so much pain. I can now safely say that I am never get back with this girl. I couldnt see it being anything but disfunctional at this point. I deeply loved this person and trusted her. She was mean during the breakup. She was trying to justify it in her head by being cruel. If anyone else experienced this, think twice or three times about getting back with this person. I doubt that it will ever work. She and I broke up a year ago and I didn't start healing until July when I decided to go NC. It's a painful decision but that's my only choice to drag myself out of depression. You were right, things will never be the same after she hurt you badly. I have been going through it in my head many times about getting with my ex if i had a chance. But I probably won't put my guard down cause my heart was stabbed so badly by her in the past. Let's just say it's going to take a lot of hard work .
SeriousBob12 Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 We broke up in May, and I'd say in the last 2 months was when I really felt like I was moving on. The last month was the most progressive. A lot of it has to do with moving to a new city, that I was supposed to move here with her. At times I find myself vulnerable due to loneliness and the feeling of having someone you cared about a lot, there to talk and enjoy their company. I still get feelings and thoughts about the "old us." But I have learned to realize that, like most things in life, it's over and now jut a memory. For each person it's different, and further more how much the relationship meant to them. Similarily to you, I really cared about this girl and it killed me to lose her. It took me a lot longer than 2 months, hell that was when I stopped smoking a pack of cigarettes a day....and moved down to 3/4's a pack lol babysteps my friend. It's a road that has a different end point for everybody. The trick is to stay on it, and not mess yourself up with bumps in the road and trying to get back with them.
Gt.ooh Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Almost 3 months...I'm a heck of a lot better than 1 month ago.. I hit the gym almost everyday of the week, (take weekends off), in the process of adopting a dog, once I regain some financial stability(spent over 10,000 on crap), looking into a newer truck... Needless to say, I miss the sex. I do miss hanging out, and our dinners.. but she comes out in 1.5 weeks and I honestly don't care if she calls me or I see her.. Have bits here and there where I just didn't wish this to happen, but taking it as it is now.
Hhhh Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Been 2 months for me, I think I'm at the same stage as the OP I also don't want to get back with my ex but I do miss her company and how she can throw everything out the window and ignore me just surprises me (I don't know who I fell in love with) but I guess memories are just where you leave them
SeriousBob12 Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Hhhh, you raise a big point. A lot of the hurt and depression I think stems from the feeling of being inadequate and betrayed. Like you, I just couldn't fathom how I went from being someone she was "nuts" over to not even being worth a damn to her. It's like the person you fell for had a mask hiding the real them. You start to wonder if you ever knew them at all, or if that person you did like/love will ever come back... It's an awful realization, that 99.9% of us don't want to have to embrace, but fact of the matter is we have too.
Hhhh Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 ^ I agree. All we can do is move on and put the past behind us. I think the way the dumper handles a break up shows if they care about you. If my ex didn't ignore my phones calls and text messages it would have showed me she at least cares to speak to me when i am in need, but she chose to ignore them which blew my mind away and has left resentment behind. The reason for the break up was "confusion". Now that my brain has a grip on my emotions i realize why should i be angry with my ex because she doesn't see a future with me? I should be angry because she didn't care enough to speak to me after we spent 1.5 years together. Like you mentioned, it's like they were masked during the relationship. I guess it shows her maturity level
Fern Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 It's been 3 months for me. I'm nowhere near over him completely but I know I will be. I know it's just a matter of time. Having NC is the best thing I ever did and I'm glad I implemented it quite quickly. When I look at how much I've improved in the last 3 months I get very hopeful that in another 3 months I'll be pretty much over it. I long to be indifferent to him, but while I'm still not, I'll do the next best thing and avoid him completely. Out of sight out of mind. :-D What hurt me most and has made my recovery painful, is the fact there is another girl involved in my breakup. Letting go of that rejection and realising that him 'choosing' her doesn't make me 'lesser' than her has been a hard fight. But I'm getting there. I suspect in 3 - 6 months he'll come crawling back. I actually AM the best thing ever happened to him. Hopefully by then I'll be in a position where I won't even care enough to feel vindicated. That's my goal. Indifference.
bl22 Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Been around 5/6 weeks for me, it seriously hasnt sunk in fully, it does every now and again but there are times i forget for a few seconds then go to ring her and realise...its painful. I stil have a feeling she will contact me eventually, when that will be I don't know but I've lost faith in humanity and what I thought I knew about life since she left me (for someone else)
Fern Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Been around 5/6 weeks for me, it seriously hasnt sunk in fully, it does every now and again but there are times i forget for a few seconds then go to ring her and realise...its painful. I stil have a feeling she will contact me eventually, when that will be I don't know but I've lost faith in humanity and what I thought I knew about life since she left me (for someone else) Chin up! I remember being where you are. I cried BUCKETS over that bastard. It does get better. It really does. I know that doesn't help right now, but I promise that in another month you'll not recognise the person you are now. And a month after that you'll be coping just fine and dandy without her. Just stay NC and try to keep busy. *virtual hugs*
alimpo83 Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 It feels awful, I broke up 3 weeks ago(first talked about that a month ago, then broke up the following week). It's been like hell, she broke up with me but I imposed the NC. It's being horrible, believe me, but everyday is a bit better. I still hope that we'll get back together, the feeling was too strong and our projects too, but don't get my hopes high. Yet I know she's struggling to forget me, because she didn't expect my rational, NC reaction. I sunk completely at the end of the first week. At that time, I was almost 24 hours a day completely ******. Now, I have one or two really hard moments a day, but that's it. They're still pretty messy inside, but I'm getting there.
melenkurion Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Five weeks for me. I am not even close to getting over it. I got a lot better after maybe two weeks, then I kind of stayed still. Currently I think I might even be getting worse, I am obsessing over the fact he moved in with the Other Guy, although he is not going to live there permanently.
bl22 Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Chin up! I remember being where you are. I cried BUCKETS over that bastard. It does get better. It really does. I know that doesn't help right now, but I promise that in another month you'll not recognise the person you are now. And a month after that you'll be coping just fine and dandy without her. Just stay NC and try to keep busy. *virtual hugs* thanks for the kind words! I do think its getting better, been gym pretty much everyday since the breakup and i believe ill be able to cope without her soon enough, its not that i NEED her in my life, i just want her in my life, i stil love her even after shes put me through hell. I do blieve she'll come crawling back like you said for your ex, just got that feeling because I know I made her happy and the way shes acting now is just a phase.
ARISthess Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Hhhh, you raise a big point. A lot of the hurt and depression I think stems from the feeling of being inadequate and betrayed. Like you, I just couldn't fathom how I went from being someone she was "nuts" over to not even being worth a damn to her. It's like the person you fell for had a mask hiding the real them. You start to wonder if you ever knew them at all, or if that person you did like/love will ever come back... It's an awful realization, that 99.9% of us don't want to have to embrace, but fact of the matter is we have too. ^ I agree. All we can do is move on and put the past behind us. I think the way the dumper handles a break up shows if they care about you. If my ex didn't ignore my phones calls and text messages it would have showed me she at least cares to speak to me when i am in need, but she chose to ignore them which blew my mind away and has left resentment behind. The reason for the break up was "confusion". Now that my brain has a grip on my emotions i realize why should i be angry with my ex because she doesn't see a future with me? I should be angry because she didn't care enough to speak to me after we spent 1.5 years together. Like you mentioned, it's like they were masked during the relationship. I guess it shows her maturity level I don't know the specifics of your breakups, but I think you guys are getting it a bit wrong. Your ex's were just practicing NC. THink about what is preached on here every day, to everyone who comes on here with a story about a great relationship that ended up in a breakup: Go NC and make her/him think that you're doing great
thatsonlyme Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 It's been 2 1/2 months and I feel like I'm moving on. I miss her company still but my life is getting better, my social circle is growing and I'm content with my life, but not happy just yet. It's funny but a friend told me yesterday that when he asked my ex how long it's been since our break up and she said 5-6 months! I guess that's what moving on feels like, for her it's all just a distant memory
SeriousBob12 Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I don't know the specifics of your breakups, but I think you guys are getting it a bit wrong. Your ex's were just practicing NC. THink about what is preached on here every day, to everyone who comes on here with a story about a great relationship that ended up in a breakup: Go NC and make her/him think that you're doing great You raise a point, but I think you're getting it wrong too. In MOST legitimate cases/breakups (not drama fueled or up and down relationships) The damage to the dumpee and the dumper are on completely different playing fields. The dumper has acted out on already accepting that they don't want to be intimate or committed to this person. Right there they have a 1up in the dealing process because in many cases they've accepted it; they've already seen/comprehended life without this person. For the Dumpee, it's a totally different ball game, in most cases. Unless it's a mutual breakup, they have NOT seen things that way and it comes as a harsh reality for them to accept. It's a rough time, and some want closure, others want reassurance, most want them back. Initiating NC is a brilliant move, but sometimes before it can be initiated there has be a level of understanding and respect. I can tell you from my personal experiences going NC with no answers or closure, is not a course of action I'd suggest to anyone...Down the road the confusion really gets to you. Further more you start to wonder how things would be if you DID get some answers or support. Every situation is different though.
kaycstamper Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 (edited) Each relationship is different and so are we unique with our coping skills. Relationship #1-Husband #1: hurt me throughout the six years we were married...to the point where I got numb to it...when it came to the divorce, I was so over him already! Relationship #2-Engaged: He broke up with me without explanation, parted "friends", took a long time to heal from it. Incidentally, all these years later (he never married) he wants me back...not a chance!! Relationship #3-Husband #2: married 23 years, it never was ideal, not that close. He got a quick divorce (over in one month)...at the time I thought I was over him but in retrospect, I wish we'd tried harder at saving it and we had a lot more potential than I'd realized. Relationship #4-Husband #3: married 3 years 8 months...he died. It was a wonderful marriage, he was my soulmate and we were very happy. (does God have a sense of humor or what?) It took me until 3rd year to come to acceptance but I don't think you ever totally "get over" the spouse you lost to death, not if it was a happy marriage, it's just way different than divorce. Relationship #5-Husband #4: married two years...a mistake that shouldn't have happened. Turns out he was a con man, he never did live with me, just took me financially and cheated on me repeatedly...lots of heart ache. It took me over a year to get over him, it'll take me the rest of my life to recover financially. Relationship #6-Fiance: Engaged for a year, he abruptly ended it without even a discussion. How long will it take to get over it? A year? Two? Who knows, still in the process. As I finally moved from shock to anger, it's helping me a bit. See what happens when you live long enough? I'm not interested in even dating now, just content to spend time with my dog, he's drama free and easy. Edited November 10, 2010 by kaycstamper
Hhhh Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I don't know the specifics of your breakups, but I think you guys are getting it a bit wrong. Your ex's were just practicing NC. THink about what is preached on here every day, to everyone who comes on here with a story about a great relationship that ended up in a breakup: Go NC and make her/him think that you're doing great Why would an Ex who broke up with you need to go No Contact they are obviously over you already if they decided to break up with you. The only reason they would avoid contact is if they don't care, or they have someone else in their life already
ARISthess Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 You raise a point, but I think you're getting it wrong too. In MOST legitimate cases/breakups (not drama fueled or up and down relationships) The damage to the dumpee and the dumper are on completely different playing fields. The dumper has acted out on already accepting that they don't want to be intimate or committed to this person. Right there they have a 1up in the dealing process because in many cases they've accepted it; they've already seen/comprehended life without this person. For the Dumpee, it's a totally different ball game, in most cases. Unless it's a mutual breakup, they have NOT seen things that way and it comes as a harsh reality for them to accept. It's a rough time, and some want closure, others want reassurance, most want them back. Initiating NC is a brilliant move, but sometimes before it can be initiated there has be a level of understanding and respect. I can tell you from my personal experiences going NC with no answers or closure, is not a course of action I'd suggest to anyone...Down the road the confusion really gets to you. Further more you start to wonder how things would be if you DID get some answers or support. Every situation is different though. You also have a point... but i beg to differ that most legitimate cases/breakups don't have to some degree drama or ups and downs. I think there are very few cases where the dumpee didn't see it coming, didn't notice any signs/fights or didn't at least realize that their bf/gf was at least contemplating it. There are almost always signs or conversations that touch the subject, and i would say its pretty rare to just get dumped 'out of the blue'... I accept your point that the dumper has already contemplated living without the dumpee and its easier. However, after 2 or 3 years with someone there are always feelings, and its tough to get yourself out of the routine, expell the security you had, etc. NC by the dumper is also a healing process. BTW.. man NC without any closure... you climbed a high mountain my friend... my hat goes off to you
ARISthess Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Why would an Ex who broke up with you need to go No Contact they are obviously over you already if they decided to break up with you. The only reason they would avoid contact is if they don't care, or they have someone else in their life already Thats not the case... want some reasons people break up while they still have feelings? - She wants to get married but he's not ready yet. - She loves him but she's tired of him being a deadbeat - He loves her but she has a disability that he can't handle (actually saw this one on the forum) - He wants to move to another city for work and she wants to stay close to her family - She loves him but his jealousy is ruining their relationship - She loves him but he's an alcoholic/abusive/gambles/whatever I could make a pretty long list of situations. If you check out this forum you'll see tons of 'i left my partner/made a mistake' threads.
Wrenne Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 almost 7 months, and i still spent last weekend in my room, miserable, journaling, listening to music. 1.5 year relationship, and i was the dumper...
Wrenne Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Why would an Ex who broke up with you need to go No Contact they are obviously over you already if they decided to break up with you. The only reason they would avoid contact is if they don't care, or they have someone else in their life already read my posts, i was the dumper and am most definitely NOT over my ex. there are all sorts of reasons why people "dump" aside from being "over" someone. in my case, i didn't believe that my boyfriend respected our relationship or shared my values and i didn't want to let myself get hurt further. but that doesn't change that i still wish that we could be together.
fivefive Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 it's been a year now since I have seen or talked to my ex. but I have come close many times, and am proud that I haven't given in to the temptation.
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