blizzard Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 It's been 6 months of NC. And today I found myself face to face with a person that is special to xMM...one he spoke of often in hopes that I would meet one day. I want to tell him so badly that I saw her...he would know significance of it. But, I swore I would close those doors. I am not interested in it going any further than me making him aware of today...though I know how things can roll. And apart of me still has that weird feeling that he will be back someday. The belief has grown smaller...I am trying so hard to work on that. I have been doing better. I still think about him and what has happned everyday but it doesn't bring me to tears. I stay busy...but all it takes is that one song or a mention to take me back. I feel like I have this weird connection to him though. When a thought drifts to me, I will hear one of our songs or someone will mention something that relates to him. I chalked it up to maybe he is thinking about me and all of the hell that has occurred. Gotta stay strong...
newpriorities Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 It's been 6 months of NC. And today I found myself face to face with a person that is special to xMM...one he spoke of often in hopes that I would meet one day. I want to tell him so badly that I saw her...he would know significance of it. But, I swore I would close those doors. I am not interested in it going any further than me making him aware of today...though I know how things can roll. And apart of me still has that weird feeling that he will be back someday. The belief has grown smaller...I am trying so hard to work on that. I have been doing better. I still think about him and what has happned everyday but it doesn't bring me to tears. I stay busy...but all it takes is that one song or a mention to take me back. I feel like I have this weird connection to him though. When a thought drifts to me, I will hear one of our songs or someone will mention something that relates to him. I chalked it up to maybe he is thinking about me and all of the hell that has occurred. Gotta stay strong... Hey, not sure if this resonates with you, but sometimes I think we (xOW) find things we so desperately want to share with our xMM that we consider the possibility of doing so and believe it is that simple. That somehow we can share an event with our xMM and there won't be that pull/tug back toward the A. But really? Is it really that simple? I don't think so..of course we miss sharing such things and instinctively we reach for the phone to communicate, but where would it go from there? Truly, where would it go? Hang in there and stay true to yourself!
siuys Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Stay strong. You've done 6 months already that is a huge achievement in itself. Congratulate yourself. Remind yourself of the pain when you were in the A. Then remind yourself how you feel now. It can only get better.
Author blizzard Posted November 10, 2010 Author Posted November 10, 2010 Thank you so much for your support. I didn't do it. I didn't turn to jelly and do it last night. I decided lights out. I couldn't think about it if I were sleeping. NP- exactly. that is why i hesitate. and contrary to those that label OW as not having a heart...I do. And if the BS wants to work on the marriage under whatever pretense or he things he hasn't told her...I have to let them be. I owe her that much...and more. Being that he initiated NC after Dday and hasn't contacted me it is doubtful he would reply anyway. But no chances. Siuys- I think what gets me through it is the fact that he didn't chose me. If I contacted him it would hurt my pride. I am better than that. I swore that I would never chase another man like I did my stbx. And I will stick to it. He knows how to find me if he really cared. And divorced. And not lie about it. I just have to leave it alone. Leave-it-alone. And move ahead. Grrr it's so hard though.
siuys Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Blizzard, I know what you mean. xMM did that twice, as in he said he chose to work on his M i.e. he didn't choose me. They made it easier. It was at least a damn decision. But unfortunately for me, he kept swaying. So more pain for me. He only just threw me under the bus again last week, and I am pissed off I even replied after he texted me again telling me he loves me. WTF? So, like you, I am leaving it alone. I feel very angry today. I am working on writing him off. Helps that I have lost respect for him.
Recommended Posts