halemeno Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Thanks to the support of people here, I've decided it's time to go NC. How do I go about this? What are the rules about what medium to use, what to say, etc? Any advice would be greatly, greatly appreciated.
whichwayisup Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I don't know your backstory, but will go read it later. If you truly are ready to do NC look at NC for YOU. A way to heal, a way to begin your grieving process so you can accept it is over, get him out your heart. If you are doing NC in hopes he'll notice you, choose you over his wife, then NC isn't going to work. You block every way he can contact you. I would advise you not to do this face to face, unless you're really ready to end it and walk away. Email or phone, do what is easiest for YOU. DO NOT worry about him, he's a grown MARRIED man, knew the consquences going when choosing to have an affair.
Norville_Rogers Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 No contact means no contact. Don't call/text/email/talk/have coffee/wave high/or anything with this person. No contact means no contact.
spice4life Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 (edited) Thanks to the support of people here, I've decided it's time to go NC. How do I go about this? What are the rules about what medium to use, what to say, etc? Any advice would be greatly, greatly appreciated. I'm sorry if I sounded harsh in my post on your other thread but I hate to see someone allowing a person make them feel so badly. You don't have to feel that way...you have choices. And it seems like you have made a great choice here. There is no medium or anything you need to do nor do you owe him that after the way he has treated you. All you have to do is go NC. No explanation needed or owed...just do it. Block and walk and don't look back. I know it's hard but there are many others here doing the same thing so you are in good company. You don't owe this man anything. Good luck! Edited November 10, 2010 by spice4life
desertIslandCactus Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I think Mindset is the most important. As other posters have said, it must be done for the right reason - not to be noticed, or "absence makes the heart grow fonder", not to reel him in, and not out of anger. I think it is most successful when it happens because you have had enough and you want and Expect More for yourself. Also I think it's very important that the discussion is left amicable, with Honesty, and without bitterness .. remembering that NC is for a long time and you don't want to have regrets later.
fooled once Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 i don't know your backstory, but will go read it later. If you truly are ready to do nc look at nc for you. A way to heal, a way to begin your grieving process so you can accept it is over, get him out your heart. If you are doing nc in hopes he'll notice you, choose you over his wife, then nc isn't going to work. You block every way he can contact you. I would advise you not to do this face to face, unless you're really ready to end it and walk away. Email or phone, do what is easiest for you. Do not worry about him, he's a grown married man, knew the consquences going when choosing to have an affair. ditto! ....
newpriorities Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I don't know your backstory, but will go read it later. If you truly are ready to do NC look at NC for YOU. A way to heal, a way to begin your grieving process so you can accept it is over, get him out your heart. If you are doing NC in hopes he'll notice you, choose you over his wife, then NC isn't going to work. You block every way he can contact you. I would advise you not to do this face to face, unless you're really ready to end it and walk away. Email or phone, do what is easiest for YOU. DO NOT worry about him, he's a grown MARRIED man, knew the consquences going when choosing to have an affair. I second the part about doing what's easiest for YOU! This is your time to take care of yourself. I'm guessing you have put your needs second to his during the R, now it's your turn. I have been NC for 10 days and debated/worried about how to tell him. Isn't it funny but I didn't tell him and he hasn't noticed. Now, we work together so we see each other every day, but he hasn't seemed to notice that I no longer text him or respond to his (few) texts, nor do I ever go to his office anymore (I used to go twice per day). This has reinforced my belief of what a low priority I truly was, DESPITE his words. As so many others have said, look at the actions, not the words. Listen to your gut and if you are feeling like NC is best for you then do it 100%! You may have weak moments but that's when some safeguards come in handy--delete ALL of his contact info--that way, late at night, when you're tempted to text him, he won't be in your contacts list. Whatever you do, it's time to PUT YOURSELF first!
siuys Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 NC just means that - NC in all forms. I find personally NC only works for me when I work on writing him off totally from my head. Once that is achieved, continuing NC should be easier. I have deleted his # from my phone, all emails, all photos. The longest NC I've ever managed is 2+ weeks before he came crawling back. But after you've been thrown under the bus twice, you are at your limit. Good luck. Stick to your guns. It does get easier.
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