Pepper Potts Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Hey all! I'm a long time lurker and I've read through this forum a ton and it's been great. I just went through the end of a 2 year long relationship. I attempted NC right away but couldn't sustain it because we were living together, and I had to have him come back to be removed from the lease. Later, I'm going to have to contact again to have him removed from a bank account we share. The only reason for having that account was to pay rent together. I don't have any money in it and neither does he. Obviously I won't deposit anything else in it from now on. But he is in the military and going out of state for some training stuff for a couple months so that's going to have to wait. So, besides NC, what can I do to pick up the pieces? I feel so overwhelmed. I plan on putting away pictures and other reminders of him, and I've removed him from my Facebook feed and stuff. I didn't unfriend because the terms were pretty amicable, but while we were together I never looked at his Facebook anyway so I know I won't while apart. Also, is it normal to feel weird about the idea of there being someone else? I know that there will be, someday, but it's so hard after such a long time with somebody to imagine having sex with a different guy, or spending time with a different guy, or living with another guy. You know? I'm sure time will heal these thoughts, but if it's this bad after a two year relationship I can't imagine what it's like if people end a marriage. I'm spending lots of time with my friends, filling up time with hobbies and work and whatever, but it hasn't drowned out my sadness completely. I'm basically following all the breakup advice I've ever heard. I don't really know what I'm asking here, but it's hard. It's just really hard. It was my first ever long term relationship, and for a year of the two years he was serving overseas.
LovelyDaze Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I'm sorry that you are going through this. I was where you were about a year ago. After joining LS and getting much needed feedback, I was able to start healing. Since you are aware of NC, do that along with reading similar threads pertaining to your breakup. Also, accept both the gentle and the tough love comments you may receive. I especially loved the tough love comments because it was like a slap in the face before I made stupid moves like contacting my ex for answers, confronting his new GF, keeping tabs of him on FB, etc. After a few bumps and bruises, I nullified ANY contact with my ex...I mean ANY. That will be the only real way to start healing. And yes, you two may have ended amicably and believe you want to stay friends but you will NOT heal until you completely separate from him. No minimal contact and I would highly recommend removing him from FB because if he puts up pics of a he and a new GF (which will inevitably happen), you are gonna be incredibly heartbroken. Not worth it.
Am4Real Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I'm sorry that you are going through this. I was where you were about a year ago. After joining LS and getting much needed feedback, I was able to start healing. Since you are aware of NC, do that along with reading similar threads pertaining to your breakup. Also, accept both the gentle and the tough love comments you may receive. I especially loved the tough love comments because it was like a slap in the face before I made stupid moves like contacting my ex for answers, confronting his new GF, keeping tabs of him on FB, etc. After a few bumps and bruises, I nullified ANY contact with my ex...I mean ANY. That will be the only real way to start healing. And yes, you two may have ended amicably and believe you want to stay friends but you will NOT heal until you completely separate from him. No minimal contact and I would highly recommend removing him from FB because if he puts up pics of a he and a new GF (which will inevitably happen), you are gonna be incredibly heartbroken. Not worth it. Perfectly said.
Author Pepper Potts Posted November 10, 2010 Author Posted November 10, 2010 Thanks so much. That really does make me feel better. I've been blogging a ton about all this, and I've reached out to real life friends, but there's just something refreshing about reaching out to strangers who don't know me, him, or the relationship. I'm going to have to keep digging through and see if I can find anything about military or Army relationships. If not, I might be able to make a thread of do's and don't's for one!
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