Fedup&givingup Posted March 18, 2004 Posted March 18, 2004 Dyer, I speak about myself. Lots of WOMEN leave their cheating husbands and take everything. Why the h*ll do you think everyone told me to get a good attorney when I posted my thread about my husband/situation?
Fedup&givingup Posted March 18, 2004 Posted March 18, 2004 Dyer, I might add that I've lost all nobility by keeping on with my husband that cheats. There are reasons for it, though. They are circumstantial reasons. I don't care for your judgements on me. In the end, I'm taking what I feel I deserve. I have busted my hump for him with working, cooking fine meals, cleaning, etc. It's the least I can do, and if that's not "noble" to you, then you've got a lot to learn.
jmargel Posted March 18, 2004 Posted March 18, 2004 Originally posted by kkat No personal offense taken, Jenny. I continue to appreciate your support and opinions - all of them. My point about the excuses of the married men, as discussed by this particular group of lounging women , was not well articulated. I meant to express that the stories and excuses never change, whether you read them on LS or hear them in some random setting. I guess my hope is to express to women who are about to cross the line into the ugly world of OW-doom is that they shouldn't think for a second their MM is the first one, nor will he be the last, to have a long list of reasons why he's not yet left his wife. BTW, the chairs weren't plastic, so visually speaking, it wasn't quite as bad as it could have been Thanks for your ongoing support! Kkat, then why are you with this guy? Are you afraid of commitment, KNOWING that this guy will never be just yours? You know one day it will end between you and him, and that his wife will know. This will leave YOU single and depressed. This isn't a matter of IF it will happen, but WHEN. Why subject yourself to be this guy's sex toy? All you are to him is a dog on a leash. You come when called. He doesn't respect you nor his wife. He's power hungry as well. He treats you like a toy, and the boy who has the most toys in the end, wins.
Author kkat Posted March 19, 2004 Author Posted March 19, 2004 I'm neither a sex toy or a dog on a leash, nor am I in denial about that. It's just not the case. However, I am in an unhealthy relationship that is causing pain to myself (and to the MM), and I'm working hard to end it, as is he. When you ask why I'm in it, I'd like to pose the consideration that it is often difficult and drawn out to end any relationship - whether or not it is healthy, whether or not a person is unavailable emotionally or otherwise, e.g. married. I think most people can relate to that - often ending a relationship takes several tries and time. I passed the three week mark yesterday of not seeing him, which has been very hard for me as I was previously seeing him on a daily or near-daily basis. At this point, I am still talking to him on the phone. Most of our conversations are very healthy (at least per the view of my therapist) in that they are mutually respectful and loving with the viewpoint of how we can move on in the most healthy way possible. We are both having a very hard time letting go of our relationship, primarily the friendship aspect. However, we both realize that neither of us are happy or feel any integrity surrounding the relationship, so at this point it's about the addiction, the friendship, the sadness of goodbye. He has had somewhat of a minor breakdown over the past week and yesterday contacted a therapist with whom he intends to start therapy as soon as possible. I had encouraged him to do this, for him, even though I KNOW this will absolutely bring about the final end for us, because obviously the therapist will encourage him to end his affair. So, it's hard, very hard. I'm ashamed that I haven't been stronger, and I am doing the best I can, day by day.
thankful1 Posted March 21, 2004 Posted March 21, 2004 I was reading the post about OW being a sex toy, dog on a leash. Originally becoming physically involved was the furthest thing from my mind since I did not see him as someone who could appeal to me sexually plus I thought I was above getting involved with someone who was already 'taken'. Sex while spectacular was never a major part of our association. Since after the first two times, most of our 'trysts' have been at my instigation. did that make him my sex toy?
Arabess Posted March 21, 2004 Posted March 21, 2004 DAMMIT Kkat....you didn't tell me in email that he offered to PAY for the trip!! I would've LET him!!! Maybe it all was easier when an OW was accepted as a 'Mistress' who had a nice chalet kept for her out in the country....away from the palace. At least then..... OW's got SOMETHING out of the relationship! LMAO!
thankful1 Posted March 21, 2004 Posted March 21, 2004 I was reading the post about OW being a sex toy, dog on a leash. Originally becoming physically involved was the furthest thing from my mind since I did not see him as someone who could appeal to me sexually plus I thought I was above getting involved with someone who was already 'taken'. Sex while spectacular was never a major part of our association. Told him that sometimes I felt guilty for luring him to my home and his usual response was: he is an adult, fully prepared to deal with the consequences of his actions, that he was not there under duress and I should stop assuming responsibility for his actions etc. Since after the first two times, most of our 'trysts' have been at my instigation. did that make him my sex toy?
Arabess Posted March 21, 2004 Posted March 21, 2004 thankful, I think men are more prone to look at affairs as 'sexual transactions'.....but most women I know are much more emotionally involved than sexually involved. This is why these things gets so tricky........and painful.....and messed up. I think most men are there for the sexual aspect and don't realize how seriously the OW is taking it.
jenny Posted March 22, 2004 Posted March 22, 2004 When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. very... lyrical.
Arabess Posted March 23, 2004 Posted March 23, 2004 I wonder if there is any correlation with the fact that MM are great communicators because they actually LIVE with a woman on a daily basis. Maybe they aren't as nervous or hesitant as a single guy because they really don't have anything to lose if the OW dumps them. Either that....or they are wonderful psychotic liars. I don't know Thankful if I would look back at an affair as a 'lovely phase'. I can't think if anything which reaps more havoc and creates more heartache than these forbidden relationships from hell.
TheFaithfulWife Posted March 23, 2004 Posted March 23, 2004 It still gets me that my husband shelled out 200 bucks for a hotel for him and the OW to do their thing and another 55 dollars for Chocolates from "The Chocolate Affair" but claimed to be unable to afford to take me and the kids on a vacation the past six years. That has all changed now, but when I first saw the bill I wanted to die! Since he has been back home we have been on three wonderful vacations with the kids and two by ourselves and he has discovered that he is enjoying it immensely. Glad your MM is taking care of his wife as well as his mistress TFW
AnotherOW Posted March 28, 2004 Posted March 28, 2004 I stumbled onto this website and it has helped me trmendously. I've read pages and pages about women who are involved with MM, and i am one of them as well. I have been stuggling with this relationship for a year and a half. And reading kkat's story helped me to realize that i'm not the only one, her story is very similiar to mine in many respects and if she can break free from him i know (or hope) i can too. its so hard, and he doesn't want to accept the fact that i cant do it anymore, i tell him that all the time and he just keeps calling and inviting me to go away with him on business trips. He wants me to go with him tonight, and i dont want to but i do and i just hope that i can be strong enough not to go. I will continue reading this site for further advice and help. thank you kkat and all the women who threw in their 2 cents... its helping me to break free........ eventually
thankful1 Posted March 28, 2004 Posted March 28, 2004 Originally posted by Arabess I wonder if there is any correlation with the fact that MM are great communicators because they actually LIVE with a woman on a daily basis. I can't talk about other OWs circumstances and don't know what the future holds for me. And maybe I will have a relationship which will cause affair to pale in comparison but what I do know is that the last three years have been the happiest time of my life and marked by the greatest personal growth. His wife is the first woman that MM LIVES with but based on how he communicates with friends, co-workers etc, I know that it is a special quality that he has and something which I most value about him. Recently a male friend got most upset when I told him that I had absolutely no interest in getting anything material from MM – that I could provide for my physical needs, what was important was having my emotional needs met. And what a difference that has made. It gives me such an inner glow that even now sometimes I cannot believe how much I have changed, how much I have a better appreciation of myself and aspirations, not to mention that I no longer feel intimidated by life, people, situations etc For a while I did not trust what we shared was special and real. Now having had that experience, it will be hard for me accept anything less. And yes the fact that it was at the expense of his betraying his vow does bother me at times. Nevertheless while I miss him, I am truly glad that affair ended without anyone getting hurt - MM positive contribution to my life is for a [color=blue]reason[/color], [color=green]season[/color], [color=red]lifetime.[/color]
unluckylady Posted July 26, 2004 Posted July 26, 2004 Originally posted by kkat I'm neither a sex toy or a dog on a leash, nor am I in denial about that. It's just not the case. However, I am in an unhealthy relationship that is causing pain to myself (and to the MM), and I'm working hard to end it, as is he. When you ask why I'm in it, I'd like to pose the consideration that it is often difficult and drawn out to end any relationship - whether or not it is healthy, whether or not a person is unavailable emotionally or otherwise, e.g. married. I think most people can relate to that - often ending a relationship takes several tries and time. So, it's hard, very hard. I'm ashamed that I haven't been stronger, and I am doing the best I can, day by day. You nailed it right on the head, kkat. I'm not in denial either, and it is hard - incredibly hard - to end ANY relationship.
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