She's moving out, but they're going to a marriage workshop?

[4321sn]

I could step back, I suppose. We did talk about that. That maybe we just shouldn't see each other until he's divorced. But we've tried that before, and it hasn't worked. I think that I'm just gonna wait to see what happens this weekend. If she doesn't move out, I really don't want to be seeing him every day as we are now because it will just be another rollercoaster ride.

 

It's that up and down that's killing me. Saying she's gonna move out, then doesn't. Saying he's gonna move out then doesn't. He told me that she suggested going to this weekend retreat thing, but wasn't gonna go and now they are.

 

So if that happens AGAIN, I really can't take it. Don't even know how I've handled it up to this point, to be honest.

 

I understand where you are coming from. I've had so many deadlines come and go. So many promises of this or that. I believe and perhaps this is true in the case of your MM that When he says these things about what "will" happen he is saying what he hopes or what he believes to be true at that moment. I don't think it's about lying. I truly think that leaving is not such a simple thing for most people.

 

If you tell him you need to step away for a bit, you may be surprised that he either moves things along or that you will begin to feel better without him and all the anxiety...

That's where I am right now...

[sc58]

If you tell him you need to step away for a bit, you may be surprised that he either moves things along or that you will begin to feel better without him and all the anxiety...

That's where I am right now...

 

 

The thing is, I don't want to step away hoping that he'll move things along quicker, because then I'll just be hung up on that hope...If I do tell him I need to take a break, it will have to be because I really want that for myself, not as a way to make him do something about the situation.

 

In any case, we'll just see how things go. He keeps telling me that we WILL be together, that he is SURE they are going to get a divorce. Hey says that he almost lost me once, and will never let that happen again. That he is going to "fight" for us. And actually, my gut is telling me that he is sincere about what he says. But as you said, it could be what he hopes and wishes will happen, but not necessarily what WILL happen. So I guess all I can do is wait and see.

[wheelwright]

If he's saying things that don't quite make sense, look to his actions to tell you the real story.

 

Absolutely second this wise post!

[wheelwright]

The thing is, I don't want to step away hoping that he'll move things along quicker, because then I'll just be hung up on that hope...If I do tell him I need to take a break, it will have to be because I really want that for myself, not as a way to make him do something about the situation.

 

In any case, we'll just see how things go. He keeps telling me that we WILL be together, that he is SURE they are going to get a divorce. Hey says that he almost lost me once, and will never let that happen again. That he is going to "fight" for us. And actually, my gut is telling me that he is sincere about what he says. But as you said, it could be what he hopes and wishes will happen, but not necessarily what WILL happen. So I guess all I can do is wait and see.

 

 

Step away like you say. Else you may be forced to.

 

He is probably totally sincere. Then he hasn't seen the W and kids as they are faced with a decision yet.

 

As a MxAP that was gut wrenching. I owed my H a long time of trying after seeing his hurt.

 

Any half decent M will have a whole heap of compassion in it. Which means you will do anything to ease the pain of your BS should you try to leave or have DDay. IME.

[whichwayisup]

The thing is, I don't want to step away hoping that he'll move things along quicker, because then I'll just be hung up on that hope...If I do tell him I need to take a break, it will have to be because I really want that for myself, not as a way to make him do something about the situation.

 

In any case, we'll just see how things go. He keeps telling me that we WILL be together, that he is SURE they are going to get a divorce. Hey says that he almost lost me once, and will never let that happen again. That he is going to "fight" for us. And actually, my gut is telling me that he is sincere about what he says. But as you said, it could be what he hopes and wishes will happen, but not necessarily what WILL happen. So I guess all I can do is wait and see.

 

It could be, he just wants an affair. Him telling you there's a future, fight for you two is complete crap. He means it in the moment, but once home, all that changes. His words are empty, broken promises, and after FIVE times, you still have hope and belief he is going to up and leave, divorce to be with you?

[sc58]

It could be, he just wants an affair. Him telling you there's a future, fight for you two is complete crap. He means it in the moment, but once home, all that changes. His words are empty, broken promises, and after FIVE times, you still have hope and belief he is going to up and leave, divorce to be with you?

 

I guess I should clarify what happened. A few months ago, MM called me to say that he and his W got into a fight and she said she was moving out. But then she never did. That was the first time. Then a few weeks later, he said that he got kicked out, and when he tried to leave, his W told him he couldn't just abandon his other child (from another woman) as he was not her responsibility, so he didn't move out that night. THEN, another month later, they decided he would move out for a week, and he stayed at his office. When he went back home, he said that she gave him a guilt trip about family and the vows they made, etc. and he felt so guilty that he owed it to her to at least try, or "pretend" to try (whatever that means). And while he did say that he still FELT the same way about me, he had a responsibility and commitment to her, so we went NC. That lasted all of 6 days.

 

He called me to say that it was no use trying. He asked me to give him until the end of January. He said by then, living arrangements would be different and the divorce proceedings would be starting. That was about 2-3 weeks ago. I did not expect him to tell me so soon that his W would be moving out, and neither did he. But she has said that she'll be moving out before, and didn't follow through, so I suppose it could happen again....

 

But I do believe that this time it is different, and maybe I am just thinking with my emotions and not with a clear head. I know that he hasn't lied to me about what is going on at home, and there were things he could have EASILY lied about, but didn't. I know that he doesn't just want an affair. It's so not worth it. We fight all the time about our situation, why the hell would he want that? What's the purpose of stringing me along for another few months?

[2sunny]

his actions are all you need. the actions show he's still willing to give his W hope and to participate with HER in a weekend retreat - designed to repair the M or R.

 

that is all you need to understand right there. huge betrayal to you - IF he's told you he's divorcing his W. he will be divorced and available when it's FINAL - until then - he will only manipulate and control you into staying in the position he's had you in for a while - if YOU let him! soooo, stop letting him. do not ALLOW it.

 

step away from the train wreck and see IF the dust even settles - because it may not settle at all for years.

 

get off his train - find your own train called happiness and start living again.

Edited November 11, 2010 by 2sunny

[yeah]

I know that he hasn't lied to me about what is going on at home, and there were things he could have EASILY lied about, but didn't. I know that he doesn't just want an affair. It's so not worth it. We fight all the time about our situation, why the hell would he want that? What's the purpose of stringing me along for another few months?

 

In response to the bolded statements:

 

[Exhibit A.]

WeLL DUH! He can't B.S. ALL the time... (not to be confused w the other term for B.S.)... There's always a grain of truth to every lie, that's a fact. If everything seemed to be going smooth with the proceedings you'd REALLY be questioning why he hasn't filed yet. It's also a sympathy tactic on their end.

 

[Exibit B.]

The purpose could be a few perfectly feasible things; Either he assumes by now you're going to still be around anyway whether he follows through by the end of January or not and he's just trying to patronize you so you feel like he's giving you a smidgen of the upper hand.

-OR-

Even if he DID think you were really gonna bail at the end of January, he may as WELL keep you around for a couple more months if you're WILLING! Not only does he still have you for at the VERY LEAST a couple more months, BUT it also likens the chance that he can continue to PULL YOU IN DEEPER so you keep falling harder and making it that much less likely you'll let go sooner than later.

 

You have my FULL support no matter what you do, I just voluntarily deaded a 4 month long off and on A with a MM about 2-3 weeks ago (I'll get to my full story eventually), and it was partially because of this website. I'm 28 and he is 42 with 2 kids and a manager at my job(small company but he's in a different deptartment thankfully, and not my direct supervisor) , and I had just gotten out of a 5 yr relationship 2 weeks prior to our first hook-up (with a single guy) I was extremely vulnerable, and had never in my life even CONSIDERED liking someone who was taken, let alone married. I fell for his whole sob spiel though, about them having not slept in the same room or had sex for the last 3 yrs ::cough:: ::cough:: ::BuLLS^T!::, and how they were splitting up, etc etc..I heard every excuse along the way.. And a good friend whom I confided in reccomended this forum to me, and I was BLOWN AWAY by how stereotypical the MM and the scenarios are.

I couldn't let go right away (I really came to my senses after about 2 months, I'll get to the details eventually) but still tried to validate him and his buLL-stories for 2 more months just because it felt "so right" when we were together. It sucks. I'm still in a good deal of pain, so I feel almost every person's perspective on here.

I am currently actively searching for a new job, but times are rough right now and it's my own fault I got into this predicament so I know deep down, in my logical brain, that I must be mature, continue to do the best I can at work so all my years spent working here weren't in vain bc of a pathetic *****-bag. It's rough though, I hear his voice/ catch glimpses of him in the hall each day and it makes it that much more of a challenge. I am managing though, because I know I'll thank myself when I find the right person. I went back and forth in my head so many times over which was worse, A.Not being with him at ALL or B.Being with him and ALLOWING him to assume (speaking for myself) that I'm just a misguided fool with low self-esteem, and/or no morals.

 

Hang in there. This site is amazing. Better than therapy in my opinion.

[Woman In Blue]

I know that he hasn't lied to me about what is going on at home, and there were things he could have EASILY lied about, but didn't.

You have to be kidding when you make this statement?

 

He clearly LIED to you about this weekend retreat being some kind of effort on both their parts to "learn how to divorce amicably." That's probably one of the biggest whoppers I've ever heard and I'm sorry, but I actually chuckled when I read it the first time.

 

You keep giving this guy the benefit of the doubt and he KEEPS LETTING YOU DOWN, doesn't he?

 

It sounds as though you'll just continue letting him run the show and keeping you as his "Plan B," no matter what anyone tells you. How's that been working for so far?

 

Maybe one day you'll finally take off those rose-colored glasses and realize the guy is a liar.

[Carrot2000]

SC58, please be careful. Going by this couple's track record of breaking up and getting back together again, I have a feeling that the wife is not moving out and if she does, it won't be permanent. He says once she moves out he's not moving her back in, but he's said a lot of things that he hasn't stood by.

 

You have to stop trusting everything he says wholesale and start examining his actions. You absolutely must stop overlooking the inconsistencies between what he says and does and stop making excuses for his behavior.

 

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

 

This man has already fooled you three times.

[alexandria35]

So when (if) they do seperate what is his plan for the child he has from his previous relationship? Is he going to take this child with him or leave her with the BW? I sure feel sorry for the kid.

[sc58]

So when (if) they do seperate what is his plan for the child he has from his previous relationship? Is he going to take this child with him or leave her with the BW? I sure feel sorry for the kid.

 

His W is going to take their daughter with her and his son from his previous relationship would stay with MM.

 

I don't think he lied to me about what that program was about because he said it was just something that his W brought up and she was the one that said it was to help them communicate better - not necessarily through a divorce, but that it could also help with that. He gave me the name of the program and when I looked it up, that's how I found out it was NOT for that purpose, but rather to "renew" a marriage. He wouldn't have given me the name of the program if he knew he would be caught in a lie.

 

And I looked at his e-mails and saw a couple from his W regarding the moving out and discussing their holiday plans and how they were going to split their time with their daughter. So I know he isn't lying about that.

 

But I understand what everyone is telling me about being careful and to stop trusting his words. I am being careful by not trusting him 100% and am just waiting to see what happens. My sister will be here in a week and my dad is coming home tomorrow, so I will have plenty of family activities to occupy my time and will continue to live my life. The way I see it, if he goes to this retreat thing and they decide to work it out, good for them. They're a family and they should try and stay together if at all possible. But in that case, I will be completely done with him. And in all honesty, I might even feel relieved. He is 18 years older than me with two kids from two different women. I doubt he would want another child, and my parents would literally kill me when I tell them about him. I could just find someone else who is SINGLE, age appropriate, with no baggage and start my own family.

 

If he comes back and they're still going to get a divorce, then hey, at least they tried and they can go through with it knowing that they tried everything before going through with a divorce. I might even feel better about that. I don't want it to feel like it was my fault that they got a divorce and their family is splitting up. So if they go to this thing, and it still doesn't work, then I would feel less guilty about their divorce and being with him afterwards...

 

I'm sure most of you may think that I'm just being blinded by my emotions and feelings right now, but I am thinking quite clearly. I figure that waiting a couple weeks is not gonna kill me and I am not trusting his words 100%. At this point, it's like, whatever happens, happens and I'm fine with whatever does.

[Mimolicious]

Hello all,

 

Soooo I'm just a little confused about what's going on with my MM and thought some of you could help me understand. He told me yesterday that his W is moving out with their daughter and dog this weekend. He's going to help her move out all their stuff to her parent's house. He said this means that their M is completely over. I mentioned there's a chance she could move back in, but he said no way. They're moving out everything, and there's no way he's gonna move it back.

 

If this was all he told me, I would feel relatively positive that they are headed towards divorce. But he also said that they're going to some marriage workshop/ seminar thing next weekend in another state. Apparently it's to help them communicate better during their divorce to make things easier for their child, and while it did say that it is also for couples who are divorced or separated, the main focus of this thing seems to be improving your marriage and "marriage renewal."

 

I am not happy about them going on this little trip together, even if it is just to make the divorce process smoother. There are other ways to do that, that DON'T involve going on a trip. He agreed and said that he told her that too and told her that he didnt want to go, but she signed them up and bought the tickets anyway.

 

I just don't get it and am not sure what to believe. If she's moving out and their marriage is "over" as he says, why are they going to this seminar/ workshop thing? I want to believe that it's really to make the divorce process smoother, but that doesn't seem to be the main focus of this particular program.

 

Anyway, I hope to hear some of your input and opinions. I guess I'll just wait and see what happens after that trip. Thank the lord my sister happens to come home the same day he leaves and I couldn't have seen him anyways. Or else I would have been obsessing and worrying about the whole damn thing all weekend.

 

Hone- A "MARRIAGE WORKSHOP" to help them go through a "DIVORCE"?

 

Yesterday Cinderella text me! She, Barbie, Snow White, Little Mermaid and I are going to Capri next weekend! Aladin is taking us on his magic carpet! Yippie! - (this is actually less delusional than that bubblegum story your MM just sold you).

 

You honestly believe everything this dude tells you, don't you?!

[4321sn]

"I know that he hasn't lied to me about what is going on at home, and there were things he could have EASILY lied about, but didn't. I know that he doesn't just want an affair. It's so not worth it. We fight all the time about our situation, why the hell would he want that? What's the purpose of stringing me along for another few months?"

 

I understand what you are saying here. My MM and I were fighting all the time the past couple of months. Hours upon hours of him telling me his feelings of me telling him mine. Honestly I do not think that disolving a marriage is an easy thing to do and his hesitation may have nothing at all to do with his feelings for you.

 

My marriage was over for a year before my exH moved out. We went to therapy for a month. Did that mean that I wasn't serious about ending my marriage? Did that mean that I did not love and want to be with my MM eventually? No, not at all. Everyone moves at their own pace. Children have to be considered, finances. Living arrangements. Honestly it may be simple for some but these things often take time to unravel.

 

It seems like our situations have similarities. For me today I chose to move forward causiously optimistic. Take care of yourself...

My MM and I stepped away for a few days and it gave me a break from the constant worry and turmoil. We now have limits in place because constantly asking what he was thinking and what was going on, on a daily basis was killing us...killing all the good things about us.

 

Maybe take a breather for a few days...can you do this? Tell him you will give him the time he needs to resolve his marriage then see what happens. Either way it will leave you better than you are feeling now. You will feel stronger and perhaps without the daily discussions and fighting he will be able to focus on what he needs to do...

[4321sn]

Do you think you can tell him you want to take a break? Maybe just until Tuesday? Doing so may give you both some clarity. Tuesday is only 4 days away. Distancing yourself may even make you think about if you even want him in your life... I will try to help you as I am sure many others here will.

What do you think?

[whichwayisup]

I have to ask, why are you going through his emails? Did he give you the password, and knows you check up on him?

 

keep in mind one day you might read something you won't like..

[sc58]

Do you think you can tell him you want to take a break? Maybe just until Tuesday? Doing so may give you both some clarity. Tuesday is only 4 days away. Distancing yourself may even make you think about if you even want him in your life... I will try to help you as I am sure many others here will.

What do you think?

 

I probably could tell him that I want a break, but I figured I would wait until after this weekend or after they come back from their little trip. I probably should think about whether or not I really want him in my life after all this is over because its not going to be easy at all. My parents are very traditional and would flip out and disown me when I tell them about him. People might say I'm being dramatic, but u don't know my parents...

 

And what u said about how going to therapy and your xH h not moving out for a year didn't mean that u weren't serious about ending your marriage is exactly what my MM told me. That the end result is what matters and he has absolutely no doubt in his mind that his marriage is over, but that to her its not so its going to take time.

 

It might seem dumb to believe him, but I do. Yea it sounds like a bunch of bull and I told him so but apparently that's what she told him they were going to work on at this weekend thing. Anyway, I may ask for a break if it becomes too much to bear, but right now we're actually doing ok and not fighting anymore. I can't force him to do anything and that is his marriage and his divorce, so he has to handle it his own way, even if I don't approve of it.

[sc58]

I have to ask, why are you going through his emails? Did he give you the password, and knows you check up on him?

 

keep in mind one day you might read something you won't like..

 

I checked the other day just out of curiosity to see if I would find something that would either prove he was lying or telling me the truth. And he gave me his password a while ago to fix something with his email account as he is not very computer literate. And he does not know I check up on him.

 

And hey, if I find something I don't like that doesn't match his words (which I haven't yet), I can just end it. MM told me once that he knows I'm the one that can walk away from this anytime I want. Yea he might be the one that's married and has the power to make us be together, but we're the single ones and we can say at anytime this isn't worth it and just bai and find someone else who can give us their 100%. And I know that. If he doesn't follow through, I'm out. But I do want to give him a reasonable amount of time. I know that you can't end a 10 year marriage in a matter of weeks. As another poster said, it takes time and its difficult, especially when kids are involved.

[4321sn]

Honestly, yes you need to look at actions but from what I know about your situation I would not wash my hands of the situation just yet.

 

Many people think that if he truly loved u and wanted to be with you he would just file. I just don't think that is necessarily true in all cases. My MM is trying to unravel his 18 year marriage...he has 2 teenagers...is it truly that easy to just up and leave? It's a process...I wound prefer slow and steady progress so that there is no flip flops.

 

My MM is wrapping up their second therapy session at this very moment. Do I think they are repairing the marriage? No way. It is way beyond the point. He agreed to go to help move things along. If your MM's marriage us truly dead, believe me it will become obvious very quickly through counceling.

 

At the end of my first session the therapist said that to save the marriage would take very hard work and wound be painful. In the end there is still only a small chance that we will overcome the issues.

 

MM's first session ended in a simlar way. I am glad he is going because it will bring things to resolution one way or another. Either it will become apparant to both if them that it is beyond repair or they will make it work (doubtful at thus point)

[4321sn]

So I would be careful...take care of yourself. Take everything he says with a grain of salt.

How long have u been seeing him? You need to be realistic about your expectations. I've been with MM for a year and a half. Honestly I realize that there is no way he's going to file and move before Christmas...

Honestly it will probably be more Spring time...

 

If it gets very bad, just step away for a bit to assess where you are. Think about how long you are willing to wait.

 

My therapist told me from the start that this process will be a lot longer than I imagined.

[Mary3]

Okay : Eye Opening Time :

 

You are with a Cheater . He climbed into your bed . He had a wife while he did that. . That makes him a nasty slimy creep. Not a wonderful lost soul who's mean wife cut him off in the bedroom and just does not understand him .

 

How would you like for someone you love to have sex with someone else tonight ? And then LIE to you about it.

 

He will tell you all the usual : She hasn't given me sex for 3 years , we don't talk, we don't share the same bed , I am leaving her pretty soon , I don't love her.

 

Do you THINK you would have gotten involved with him if he said " Oh God shes so hot and I love her but I also love different women in bed so would you like to go out for a drink tonight ?

 

As soon as you can get the * what HE said * out of your head and get into *what he DOES* into your head then you can remember the saying : If the words don't match the ACTIONS then you have a problem.

 

So in the last months < ( fill in the blank ) you have lived 1/2 a life and he has lived 1 1/2 lives Meaning you waited and waited and did not date others and sacrificed while HE had her there ( and still does ) or WILL when they go back and forth.

 

The REASON this is taking so long is because he does NOT want to get sc**** financially. Or he LOVES his wife still . OR he loves his life. OR He just likes to sleep with different women . OR his kids. But You will do just fine if you wait a little longer , and a little longer and blah blah

 

He is SAYING and DOING what all MARRIED cheaters DO. Promise you they are leaving, give lots of excuses why or why not.

 

But THIS is the BIG question; Why would you want a cheating s**m bag as your bf / husband /lover and DO NOT say because you LOVE him because you don't even love YOURSELF . If you did love yourself you would not tolerate this garbage.

 

Get out of this MESS !

[fooled once]

The thing is, I don't want to step away hoping that he'll move things along quicker, because then I'll just be hung up on that hope...If I do tell him I need to take a break, it will have to be because I really want that for myself, not as a way to make him do something about the situation.

 

In any case, we'll just see how things go. He keeps telling me that we WILL be together, that he is SURE they are going to get a divorce. Hey says that he almost lost me once, and will never let that happen again. That he is going to "fight" for us. And actually, my gut is telling me that he is sincere about what he says. But as you said, it could be what he hopes and wishes will happen, but not necessarily what WILL happen. So I guess all I can do is wait and see.

 

As long as you are happy being the mistress, that is what you will be. You have - by your actions - told him it is okay for him to disrespect you and not honor his word to you. You give him the "okay" to keep doing this because you keep going back to him. He knows he doesn't have to honor anything or be respectful to you or your feelings because you will continue to be there.

 

I don't understand why women do this! I really don't.

 

 

It could be, he just wants an affair. Him telling you there's a future, fight for you two is complete crap. He means it in the moment, but once home, all that changes. His words are empty, broken promises, and after FIVE times, you still have hope and belief he is going to up and leave, divorce to be with you?

 

Yep - I think he is content in the affair.

 

His W is going to take their daughter with her and his son from his previous relationship would stay with MM.

 

I don't think he lied to me about what that program was about because he said it was just something that his W brought up and she was the one that said it was to help them communicate better - not necessarily through a divorce, but that it could also help with that. He gave me the name of the program and when I looked it up, that's how I found out it was NOT for that purpose, but rather to "renew" a marriage. He wouldn't have given me the name of the program if he knew he would be caught in a lie.

 

And I looked at his e-mails and saw a couple from his W regarding the moving out and discussing their holiday plans and how they were going to split their time with their daughter. So I know he isn't lying about that.

 

But I understand what everyone is telling me about being careful and to stop trusting his words. I am being careful by not trusting him 100% and am just waiting to see what happens. My sister will be here in a week and my dad is coming home tomorrow, so I will have plenty of family activities to occupy my time and will continue to live my life. The way I see it, if he goes to this retreat thing and they decide to work it out, good for them. They're a family and they should try and stay together if at all possible. But in that case, I will be completely done with him. And in all honesty, I might even feel relieved. He is 18 years older than me with two kids from two different women. I doubt he would want another child, and my parents would literally kill me when I tell them about him. I could just find someone else who is SINGLE, age appropriate, with no baggage and start my own family.

 

If he comes back and they're still going to get a divorce, then hey, at least they tried and they can go through with it knowing that they tried everything before going through with a divorce. I might even feel better about that. I don't want it to feel like it was my fault that they got a divorce and their family is splitting up. So if they go to this thing, and it still doesn't work, then I would feel less guilty about their divorce and being with him afterwards...

 

I'm sure most of you may think that I'm just being blinded by my emotions and feelings right now, but I am thinking quite clearly. I figure that waiting a couple weeks is not gonna kill me and I am not trusting his words 100%. At this point, it's like, whatever happens, happens and I'm fine with whatever does.

 

see what I bolded, I can't believe you wrote that. This is the guy who TOLD you he was going to "pretend" to give the marriage a try. PRETEND. And yet you are sitting here saying " he gave it a try". Really? How is he giving it a try? You are right there for him to run to. You are right there for him to lean on. He is NOT giving it a real try. Please don't try to insinuate this is a stand up guy who really is trying to make his marriage work. He isn't.

 

And yeah, why are you going through his email? Does he know you go through it????

I am married and my H doesn't go through my email, nor do I go through his. Know why? because we TRUST each other.

 

I have to ask, why are you going through his emails? Did he give you the password, and knows you check up on him?

 

keep in mind one day you might read something you won't like..

 

Agree

 

I checked the other day just out of curiosity to see if I would find something that would either prove he was lying or telling me the truth. And he gave me his password a while ago to fix something with his email account as he is not very computer literate. And he does not know I check up on him.

 

And hey, if I find something I don't like that doesn't match his words (which I haven't yet), I can just end it. MM told me once that he knows I'm the one that can walk away from this anytime I want. Yea he might be the one that's married and has the power to make us be together, but we're the single ones and we can say at anytime this isn't worth it and just bai and find someone else who can give us their 100%. And I know that. If he doesn't follow through, I'm out. But I do want to give him a reasonable amount of time. I know that you can't end a 10 year marriage in a matter of weeks. As another poster said, it takes time and its difficult, especially when kids are involved.

 

So you have to go through his email to check up on him?

 

Do you really think that is a healthy relationship? When will you stop doing that? I mean, you two aren't even really together and doing it -- can you image a life with him?

 

You can just end it? Really? You haven't ended it and he is going to a marriage workshop with his wife ... so why do you think reading his emails will give you cause to end it?

 

Could be he, like many other cheating MM, have a "secret" email account. One that you don't know about.

 

if he doesn't follow through, you are out? Yet you said you both have tried to end it many times, yet never do.

 

Your posts are full of contradictions, mistrust and disrespect towards each other.

 

But, this is who you want so .......

 

The actual divorce process takes time, but as many of us have posted, we make decisions and follow through. As I have posted numerous times, I knew on a Saturday I was done, called an attorney on Monday, met with her on Wednesday and told my now xH that afternoon I was filing for divorce. None of this waffling, indecision and "needing time". I had been married 9 years with a 6 year old. but I knew I wanted out and I didn't have someone waiting in the wings for me. I was piss poor, robbing peter to pay paul and lost 20 lbs in 6 months because I didn't have enough money to feed me and my son (and I couldn't afford to lose the 20 lbs). But I refused to live in an unhappy, unhealthy marriage and was DONE. No amount of begging and pleading from my ex would change my mind. He finally realized I was serious after I had been RE-married for 5 years after he called me begging and pleading for me to get back with him. As if..

 

Best of luck. You are the one who has to wait and you are the one choosing to do so. Doesn't affect my life if that is what you choose, but I hate seeing so many women willing to give up THEIR life to wait for some dude to make a decision. I mean, if he loves you like he claims, there is no way he would be going away for a weekend with his wife. There is no way there would be any waffling in all of this. He would be rushing to get papers filed so he could PROVE to you by HIS ACTIONS that you are the one he wants to be with.

[2sunny]

 

I don't think he lied to me about what that program was about because he said it was just something that his W brought up and she was the one that said it was to help them communicate better - not necessarily through a divorce, but that it could also help with that. He gave me the name of the program and when I looked it up, that's how I found out it was NOT for that purpose, but rather to "renew" a marriage. He wouldn't have given me the name of the program if he knew he would be caught in a lie.

 

you are contradicting yourself. he did lie. acknowledge that his actions say he's willing to spend his time and energy in the M.

 

he will tell you anything YOU need to hear in order to keep you in the position as his back up plan.

 

i wouldn't settle for being THAT gal. why are you?

[WowReally]

Their marriage isn't over...sorry.