lostcause10 Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Okay, this is a long read but please help, I am so desperate. Okay, me and my ex dated for 3 years and 2 months. We started dating our junior year in high school and broke up a month and a half ago. We are each sophomores attending community college and even have a class together. Okay, here we go. One night after I got out of work at 11:30pm, (I started working a few months ago and its 2nd shift) I went to her house to stay the night. She wasn't in a good mood and wanted to go to bed. I wanted to snuggle with her BC I had a hard day, and she told me to come to her. (I wanted her to make me feel better) so we argued about what her problem was and it ended up us mutually taking a break BC we each needed to experience things. That night I was okay with it, but the next morning it hit me what happened and I wanted her back in the worst way. (We had serious talks probably 3 times in the last 2 months about us struggling, but she said she really didn't ever want to lose me) so I tell her how I feel and she says she still wants this break and I should too. A few days later I go to her house n we have a serious talk. I pour my heart out, apologizing, telling her how stupid I was, etc. She tells me she's talking to someone else, and likes them but doesn't want a relationship with them. She won't tell me who. I told her I was talking to another girl too BC I was, but I had no interest in her...it was the truth. The next day I find out it was a Guy I was good friends with a few months back and the only reason we weren't still friends was because he kept texting her trying to play Mr nice Guy. I told her he's an ******* and just putting on a fake persona. She wouldn't listen. A few weeks go by, we talk here n there, still sit by each other in class, talk/flirt, etc. I get to anxious by what she's doing so I confront her and it ends with her saying we are done and have little chance of ever being together again. Then a few days later she tells me she wants her stuff back, and we will exchange everything back the next day after she has lunch with a mutual girl friend of ours. She came n got it and I gave her her stuff, And I truly thought it was a done deal. At 1am Sunday morning she texts me and we meet up at her house. She tells me she misses me, realizes how nice I was to her, kisses me a lot, holds my hand, and eventually we had sex. (That whole time I was still hanging with the other girl a lot) she kisses me and I leave at about 430 am. She told me We werent together yet but she wanted to hang n see Where it went. I was so happpy, I still desperately wanted her back. A few days later she told me to come over BC she had something serious to tell me. She said she messed around with another Guy, not the one she was seeing who I eventually found out she messed around with too despite her saying she didn't. No sex, just messing arounnd. I told her the girl I hung out with tried to but I wouldn't let her. After this talk, she wanted to talk occasionally, not hang out, go have fun n be her. I'm like, what the hell? But anyways. She goes to the club a few times and our mutual friend told me she sat off to the side almost the whole time. Since then, she hasn't talked to our mutual friends as much, so I don't have hardly any idea How she feels. A week ago she texted me telling me she knew she was being mean n felt bad and that she had a lot on her mind and it was hard to sleep but too long to text me what's wrong. The next day she called me n vented because our mutual friend yelled at her for being confusing and misleading and playing games. I sided with my ex BC it wasn't that girls place to intervene. Soooo they hate each other now. Also on the phone she told me I was kind of wasting my time waiting for her, but when I asked if she ever saw us together again she said I don't want to say no n sound mean but I don't want to say maybe n have you sit and wait. Through the beginning and.middle I heard from mutual friends she missed me and stuff but since she doesn't talk to them as much I know nothing. I haven't talked to her outside of class in a week, And in class we r nice and talk but she sometimes seems mad or upset. I don't know what to think or do. I love her so much and want to show her I wont allow things to go back to routine how they were...I know she sometimes hangs with another Guy now but I don't think its anything. I'm scared, lost. Please help. She has said she wants to be friends still and stuff, ugh I don't know! Her closest friend/sister is leaving to live in Spain for school so I don't know if having her gone will make her miss me? Please give advice and back it up with thoughts. I've never been so lost. -john
bl22 Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Im in the same situation, all you can do now is go no contact with her. Its the only chance you got of either winning her back or gettin over her. It will be the hardest thing you've ever done but anymore pestering will just justify her decision. The fact she's gone out and cheated on you shows you 2 cannot be in a relationship anytime soon, theres literally tons of people on this board going through the exact same thing as you here, and more often than not its the women who do this not the men (just from observing on this board)
Fern Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Im in the same situation, all you can do now is go no contact with her. Its the only chance you got of either winning her back or gettin over her. It will be the hardest thing you've ever done but anymore pestering will just justify her decision. The fact she's gone out and cheated on you shows you 2 cannot be in a relationship anytime soon, theres literally tons of people on this board going through the exact same thing as you here, and more often than not its the women who do this not the men (just from observing on this board) That's some bitter BS right there. Yeah - men hardly ever cheat. He's right about one thing though - your only option is to go NC. One way or the other it'll sort your problem out. Either she'll miss you and come back, or you'll give yourself space to get over her.
Author lostcause10 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 Well we weren't together so she didn't cheat, but I know. Am I dumb to wait though? And how should I handle myself in class?
bl22 Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 That's some bitter BS right there. Yeah - men hardly ever cheat. He's right about one thing though - your only option is to go NC. One way or the other it'll sort your problem out. Either she'll miss you and come back, or you'll give yourself space to get over her. bitter bs? its really not, I've just noticed many more stories from guys where their girlfriends have 'wanted space' and 'got confused'....im not saying it doesnt happen with guys but it is more so guys coming out with these stories than itis girls from what ive seen... in fact ive had my brothers girlfriend walk out on him after 9 years last year, my cousins girlfriend walk out on him after 5 years and 2 kids at the start of the year, my friends girlfriend left him after 2 years, and last month my girlfriend left me...im going off experience not bitterness thanks
Hhhh Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 bitter bs? its really not, I've just noticed many more stories from guys where their girlfriends have 'wanted space' and 'got confused'....im not saying it doesnt happen with guys but it is more so guys coming out with these stories than itis girls from what ive seen... in fact ive had my brothers girlfriend walk out on him after 9 years last year, my cousins girlfriend walk out on him after 5 years and 2 kids at the start of the year, my friends girlfriend left him after 2 years, and last month my girlfriend left me...im going off experience not bitterness thanks agreed, the whole GIGS thread is all girls being confused and breaking it off. also agree men cheat but women get confused more often seraching for someone new that isnt even there most of the time
Author lostcause10 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 I still need to know if I'm dumb for kinda waiting? And how to act during class? Also, how do I know whens it's time to give up and that she probably wont be missing me anymore? I mean we had our whole next 10 years mapped out for college, living together, kids, marriage...I can't let go yet
Author lostcause10 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 I still need to know if I'm dumb for kinda waiting? And how to act during class? Also, how do I know whens it's time to give up and that she probably wont be missing me anymore? I mean we had our whole next 10 years mapped out for college, living together, kids, marriage...I can't let go yet. I should probably also mention I was the only Guy she had been with yet I had been with someone else prior. Don't know if that changes it BC she might want to experience it or....
LovelyDaze Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I still need to know if I'm dumb for kinda waiting? And how to act during class? Also, how do I know whens it's time to give up and that she probably wont be missing me anymore? I mean we had our whole next 10 years mapped out for college, living together, kids, marriage...I can't let go yet. Not that this will make you feel any better but a lot of "high school sweethearts" get to a crossroads in their relationship. Now that you are coming into your 20s, you are constantly experiencing a plethora of new things and especially new people that interest you. You may have to go NC until you feel indifferent to her. Your feelings for her are still raw and fresh so the thing about your ex wanting to stay friends is a bad idea. You know you don't want to be JUST friends. I know how hurtful it is to let go of the many dreams of a future with your ex. The dreams seem to have a life of its own and when that dies, it feels like a big part of you did. But don't let go of the KIND of love you want to have in the future...it's just that you will have to share that dream with someone else. Give yourself some time to heal. Grieve the relationship and soon you will know when you are ready to date again.
Author lostcause10 Posted November 10, 2010 Author Posted November 10, 2010 So you view this as done for good? I just don't know when to give up for good
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