alwayshoping Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 I'm in the same boat as you as far as the ex continuing contact since the day of doom. I think this may be the reason why we are still yearning for our exs I informed my ex that I need to not have any contact from her but she never listens. Its as if I never existed to her and still do not exist... I wonder why she texts me every few days. She even sends me messages that say 'love'. I am learning that she has been doing this with the last guy to. At least I am fairly certain, do not know for sure, but it makes sense. She has detachment issues from her parents divorce possibly? I'm recommending to both of us that we get them to stop doing this to us or delete the texts immediately before reading them. It is only to their benefit that they do this. It hurts us and makes them not feel so bad about the breakup or it helps with what I mentioned above about the result of a parental separation. At least with my girl. Damn I miss her as I write this. She just texted me last night... I have been too soft with her. I dont want to be an a-hole because I think she may have serious detachment issues, but enough is enough. We will always suffer until these people are gone form our lives. Man I wish my ex cared enough to contact me!
Author swfc_77 Posted November 13, 2010 Author Posted November 13, 2010 well im using this as a springboard, i'v just applied for the job in holland at £40k a year after tax. i'v always wanted to work abroad and this is my time i feel. you all need to use what talents you have in life to better yourself and move forward. i haven't told my close mate that i maybe moving to holland as he is friends with her too and would rather she didn't know as then she would probably tx me and try to change my mind. chance's like this dont come along every week, even though this is the second chane i'v had to work there and also missed the chance to move to canada as she wasn't ready. me, i, myself is NUMBER 1. im going to go for it. make my life what i want it to be. FU..CK HER and her feelings she had none towards me when she split.
alwayshoping Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 Wow that amazing well done matey! Fingers crossed for you.
bl22 Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 "SWfc77, bl22, gtooh. I really admire you guys. I havent come across many of your threads latley were you talk about the pain/anguish your going through and it makes me feel crap! Sorry! But we are all going through the same stuff and its pretty much the same time period too and you guys seem to be doing so much better than me. Im not sure if you guys managed to get some awesome closure or what but I still love her and wish me and her could start over." Hmm sometimes I feel I'm doing well, others not to well. It is like a rollercoaster of emotions everyday. We've not seen or spoke to each other for over 5 weeks now, damn. I dunno but I just have a funny feeling that she will come to regret it with us. I was her first time and her first serious relationship, ive had plenty of relationships before her and none even come anywhere near close to how good ours was. Funnily enough, today my ex before my recent ex has tried adding me on FB.....I DONT THINK SO. Me and her just wernt compatible and it was nothing compared to my recent ex. It ended mutually but look, shes already heard the news and trying to get back into contact...that was a relationship I didnt think was even that great so I am confident the person i love(d) will be back into contact 1 day...by then I'll be a stronger better person. You just got to think positive guys...in a way maybe its good the relationship has ended...for me i became lazy and now this is the wake up call i needed to get my self in shape and happy with myself again...maybe in time i can put it behind me and we can try again, but thats not going to happen anytime soon.
Author swfc_77 Posted November 26, 2010 Author Posted November 26, 2010 well how is every1 doing ? i'v been up and down, mainly down the last few weeks. i sent her a stupid tx on sat night, she replied saying she would meet for a chat if i wanted if it would help. i said i didn't want her near me ever again as all she does is hurt me. i told her she had changed and she wasn't the same girl, she said she hadn't and was all family and friends now more loving if anything. she acted cold and strong as though she had moved on completely. i told her again that i still loved her thats why we couldn't meet, she didn't seem fussed about it tbh. i felt like i was annoying her, like i was the past that just wouldn't go away. anyway i'm just waiting for this job abroad to materialise, then im off. would go tomorrow if i could but looks like after xmas now.
bl22 Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 Been doing good overall but very recently been missing her like mad. I havent contacted her though, its clear she cares more about the other guy than me which is very sad and painful to me...after everything weve done and promised each other, i meant them. Its her birthday 1st december, im pretty much at 80/20 over what to do, 80 being NC stil, 20 being a quick happy birthday text. Either way i dont want to hear from her, I have a feeling she will contact me if i do nothing saying 'No happy birthday, guess you didnt care much' And if i do contact her she will respond. Damn, either way it will hurt
alwayshoping Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 Swfc77! I was thinking about you lately and wondering how you were doing! Why did you text her??? Especially after you persuaded me not too! Im doing okay thanks. Still in love with her. Just not in the same way. Ive kinda realised she wasnt right for me and so much of what she did annoyed me and made me a bad person. She was so selfish! Im glad im alone, Im getting lots of attention from girls, ive been asked out and been told im really funny and hot! Not too shabby. Im still not ever her but wouldnt get back with her even if my life depended on it. Im so much better. Anyways back to you! How are you doing? Is it getting any easier? Its not easier for me, but the pain gets easier to bear when im chilling with other girls and getting complimented lots. Try not to text her again. She should be doing the chasing if she truely cares about you (although I know you already know this, afterall you told me it!). Im here if you ever feel weak and think about texting her. Im 11 weeks NC and it feels good. The hurt is better too bcos she hasnt bothered to contact me which is awesome. Anyways matey if you ever need anything, im always here x
alwayshoping Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 (edited) Been doing good overall but very recently been missing her like mad. I havent contacted her though, its clear she cares more about the other guy than me which is very sad and painful to me...after everything weve done and promised each other, i meant them. Its her birthday 1st december, im pretty much at 80/20 over what to do, 80 being NC stil, 20 being a quick happy birthday text. Either way i dont want to hear from her, I have a feeling she will contact me if i do nothing saying 'No happy birthday, guess you didnt care much' And if i do contact her she will respond. Damn, either way it will hurt man if I were you, I so wouldnt text her. Afterall she knows your still thinking of her. If she really cares that much about a text I guess it will prove there still are lingering feelings. If not then she clearly has moved on. Well done on the NC. Its so hard. But it really does help with getting perspective. Best thing ive ever done. Its also taught me just how little she must have cared for me, not a single text or anything. But im kinda happy about that as I know there is no way she could ever lure me back to her. Im finally free and so much better for it! I do still miss all the little things she would do or say though. That hurts esp when I would give her my house for a 5 minute snuggle. Do you guys ever think we may become good friends with our ex's? Right now im 80/20 NO/Yes. Edited November 26, 2010 by alwayshoping
bl22 Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 I cant see how there isnt any lingering feelings because even when she told me she has feelings for someone else, she was saying how much she loves me and how much this other isnt her type atall and too young. She even spoke to her mum and her mum said I was good for her and she text me saying she really does love you shes just confused. She decided to give it another go, but then in the space of a day or 2 became cold, I hadnt even seen her in that time either... I think i could maybe be friends with her but only if the guy she left me for is out of the picture big time. He was a sly, slimey manipulative FOOL who I wouldnt hesitate to punch in the face if I saw him. I couldnt be friends with her anytime soon, and If i did become friends with her, It'd only be when I'm totally happy with myself and my achievements, and she can see everything she lost. I'm that type of person, I love to win and proove any doubters wrong. Thing is, even though shes been dead cold since the breakup, she never once shown any signs of not caring or being affectionate during our relationship, even at the end. Like the last time I went to her house before we broke up the week later, there was a chance i couldnt make it, and she got REALLY sad and upset, then when I made it down that day her face lit up, everything was fine and perfect. I just dont getit stil. Glad you're doing okay alwayshoping.
Author swfc_77 Posted November 26, 2010 Author Posted November 26, 2010 i'v not been on for a few weeks as my pc has broke down so i'v bought a laptop im going to need 1 to take to holland with me, honestly felt a little bit alone. i know i shouldn't have txt her but i was drunk and annoyed still at her lack of respect towards me. just from the way her tx read i can tell she has no feelings for me any more, i told her that i was still hurting and she said "i didn't think you loved me that much" i have had women come on to me but tbh im not intersted in sleeping/starting anyhing with anyone right now, i still feel i have commitments to my ex. the one thing bugging me is about this job abroad, i dont know whether im doing it for me or for her, i mean its well paid and would benifit me greatly but on the other hand i feel im running away as i cant stand being here anymore without fear of seeing her set-up life with some1 else. i wouldn't take her back, i wouldn't even let her see me or the cat. i dont know how i would react, i think i'd lose my temper and lose my head if i did see her, another reason to move abroad maybe. she just seems so damn cold about it all, like she's done it accepted it moved on and not even looking back at the disruction she caused. how are you always my scalpel swinging soon-to-be surgeon friend -lol
alwayshoping Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 bl22, im glad your doing better too! So what are you thinking? are you going to text her? I wish I knew what to do in your situation! perhaps just facebook her? if its on her public profile then there is little chance of a chat which may make you feel worse? swfc77! I was getting worried about you tbh! I was going to send you a pm if hadnt posted by this weekend! Im good thanks! Im not going to lie though the past 11 weeks have been hell on earth, but Im happy and just plodding along! I really doubt I will be swinging said scalpel for a very long time but the future is bright. More importantly I think this holland job will make you a better person and broaden your horizons. Its not forever and of course you have to come back to England! But hey it will be fun and who knows you may meet the girl of your dreams out there! So when is the big move??? I reckon its time you delete your ex's no. hence stop these drunk calls etc. I know my ex hated it when I did that as it felt less genuine to her than if I had called her sober. I really still hope she will suprise me and be stood outside my door one day but I really doubt that will happen. Even if its just for a an evening of snuggles. Then I remember the look in her eye the last time I saw her and I felt there was no love left in her eyes and everything she was doing was to ease her guilt. Thats whats keeping me going. Plus the fact Im better than someone who always wanted an ego boost off every tom dick and harry. Im glad we all seem to slightly moving on. Obviously non of us are completely over our ex's. But then again im not sure we ever will. One day though we just wont care and only remember the good times. We just have to carry the optimisim we shared with our ex's into our next relationship. This will be hard but when you can look at another girl and smile at all the amazing things she makes you feel I think it will come naturally x
alwayshoping Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 i still feel i have commitments to my ex. The only commitmant you have old friend is to make yourself happy as she is doing. Its time to take a leap of faith and follow your head for a while and not your heart!
alwayshoping Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 I cant see how there isnt any lingering feelings because even when she told me she has feelings for someone else, she was saying how much she loves me Thing is, even though shes been dead cold since the breakup, she never once shown any signs of not caring or being affectionate during our relationship, even at the end. Like the last time I went to her house before we broke up the week later, there was a chance i couldnt make it, and she got REALLY sad and upset, then when I made it down that day her face lit up, everything was fine and perfect. I just dont getit stil. Glad you're doing okay alwayshoping. There is definitely lingering feelings. The problem is though there isnt enough of them for her to want you. Perhaps she got upset the last time because she knew it was the last few times she would be spending some intimate time with you? my ex also got upset when I was late seeing her in the last few weeks, and her face lit up when she saw me. The thing is though, it doesnt matter to me anymore. If she truely loved me, then she would have given me an opportunity to make things better. She didnt even want to try and possibly even cheated on me so really trust is gone. Babysteps. Sorry if it sounds like im being harsh, im really not. I just want us to all make it through this with our heads held up high knowing we are truely nice people who have been mistreated is some form or other. We are going to make a girl (obviously not the same one haha) very happy someday and she will never let us go. Heads held high boys, we deserve better, and hopefully we can do it. PS just as a last min contradiction, how much would you guys love it if our ex's suprised us for a night of snuggles. It is getting pretty cold afterall! haha x
Fufu Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 We definitely deserve someone better that equally cherish us as much as we do for them. I'm waiting for the time I can forget how he looks like, smells like, talks like....
Author swfc_77 Posted November 26, 2010 Author Posted November 26, 2010 just waiting for a phone call from holland to let me know where im going, will be after xmas now i think as sites close for a few weeks in dec. i was hoping to go before but i'll have to wait, its a bit nerve wracking moving abroad alone but i feel like i need some time alone and some time away from here. i will come back but if i like it then theres no reason to really is there. not got much over here to stay for now, my business can be looked after by my co-worker and he can take it if he likes. the last thing i want is to be near her anymore, she makes my skin crawl and my spine shiver, i drive to the shops or around the village with a fear of seeing her, i just dont want it anymore.
Author swfc_77 Posted November 26, 2010 Author Posted November 26, 2010 im also thinking alot about whether she actually ever really loved me, i mean all the things she put me through and the lack of respect she showed for me and my feeling have left me wondering if she ever loved me or appreciated me at all. the sad thing is i dont think she did i have learnt this week that when the new-ness wears off with my ex she's off a bit like a kid with a xmas present that they have wanted for ages then on new years day it goes into the wardrobe never to be seen again. i dont know just going to have to stop looking for answers, its been 10 weeks how sad am i
alwayshoping Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 im also thinking alot about whether she actually ever really loved me, i mean all the things she put me through and the lack of respect she showed for me and my feeling have left me wondering if she ever loved me or appreciated me at all. the sad thing is i dont think she did i have learnt this week that when the new-ness wears off with my ex she's off a bit like a kid with a xmas present that they have wanted for ages then on new years day it goes into the wardrobe never to be seen again. i dont know just going to have to stop looking for answers, its been 10 weeks how sad am i Dude its completely normal to doubt if she loved you. I went through that phase too. The answer is off course she did (for the majority of the relationship). Things obviously just changed for her and thats why she ended it. Im sure if our exs knew they were going to break our hearts they would not have gotten in a relationship with us. They took the risk, as did we, and we ended up getting hurt. Its just a good learning curve for us. Also 10 weeks is barely anything! Im 11 weeks in and still feel like calling her and telling her I still love her! So dont expect too much of yourself. It takes time and there is no point rushing it! Deep down inside they feel the same, im sure of it, even if they are with other people im sure they are thinking about us. After that long with us its only natural to feel this way. Just try and ride this rollacoaster of emotions swfc, it will start getting better, today I feel good 2m I will probably feel the way you do now! They were a huge part of our lifes and we cannot discard them in the way they did it to us because we actually still care about them! Dont be too hard on yourself matey, we are all here for you when you need us x
bl22 Posted November 26, 2010 Posted November 26, 2010 bl22, im glad your doing better too! So what are you thinking? are you going to text her? I wish I knew what to do in your situation! perhaps just facebook her? if its on her public profile then there is little chance of a chat which may make you feel worse? Not a good idea, theres no way i want to risk looking at her fb picture incase its 1 of them 2, or even just seeing a picture of her will make me very sad. On a brighter note, I do feel myself getting back to how i was before i met her and during the first year of our relationship. I was full of confidence and werent even looking for a gf...then she came along and i fell in love. Hmm give me a few more months i think ill feel even better, and when that day comes (if it does) when i see her again, i hope i see some regret in her eyes. Also ive got abit of attention from a girl ive been friends with for a while now but the past few years just gradually stopped speaking. Most people would say shes even hotter than my ex and i agree shes nice looking and very nice to me....................but theres something about my ex. I dunno what itis......I'm just so drawn to her, shes was just perfect for me
Gt.ooh Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 im also thinking alot about whether she actually ever really loved me, i mean all the things she put me through and the lack of respect she showed for me and my feeling have left me wondering if she ever loved me or appreciated me at all. the sad thing is i dont think she did i have learnt this week that when the new-ness wears off with my ex she's off a bit like a kid with a xmas present that they have wanted for ages then on new years day it goes into the wardrobe never to be seen again. i dont know just going to have to stop looking for answers, its been 10 weeks how sad am i Well, I feel the exact same way swfc.. I often wonder if it was just a "show", in order to get me to move across the country and benefit her. I'm truly beginning to understand, we want what we can't have.. When I was reluctant to quit my job and go across the country she was sad..wrote me notes and letters...talked on the phone everyday...then a mere 5 months after I put myself on the line and moved...Here I am back on the other side of the country? WHY, how, what for?? Who knows, and who cares now...we have to move onward and forward...fast forward. Take care man.
strangeways Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 im also thinking alot about whether she actually ever really loved me, i mean all the things she put me through and the lack of respect she showed for me and my feeling have left me wondering if she ever loved me or appreciated me at all. the sad thing is i dont think she did i have learnt this week that when the new-ness wears off with my ex she's off a bit like a kid with a xmas present that they have wanted for ages then on new years day it goes into the wardrobe never to be seen again. i dont know just going to have to stop looking for answers, its been 10 weeks how sad am i Only natural to be thinking like this. It's been about the same time for me too and I still wonder sometimes. Been about 8/9 weeks of NC and she hasn't bothered to see if I'm OK and that used to make me wonder even more. Ultimately I'm glad she hasn't broken NC because it would have set me back. I'm learning not to question her feelings, no point. At some point they did love us and we were the most important person in their lives. Just not any more:(. As to the job, I wouldn't think too hard about whether you're doing it for her or you. You're the one that's going to benefit from it. It'll be a great experience and I suspect it'll speed up the moving on process. And just think of all those lovely Dutch girls. I'm jealous.
skydiveaddict Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 (edited) I don't know if I'll ever get over her. The feelings just won't go It's been so long' I should have been long over it by now. But i feel I am dying inside and I cant stop it Edited November 27, 2010 by skydiveaddict
Fufu Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 swfc_77: Perhaps there's love, sadly the love is either not true or not strong enough for them. Hey, at least we know ourselves well. We know our love for them is true and strong, that's why we are not the dumper of the relationship. However, no matter how hard it is we still have to move forward. We will find someone eventually who love and cherish us, the same way we feel for them.
hitbyatruck Posted November 27, 2010 Posted November 27, 2010 I would truly jump at the opportunity to forget my (now ex) partner of over a decade after what she did. Shared parenting responsibilities for our young child makes this impossible and I have to see her and discuss child related issues twice weekly. If it wasn't for this I would never speak to her again.
Author swfc_77 Posted November 27, 2010 Author Posted November 27, 2010 well i went out last night and met 2 really nice young women the first was really attractive and she gave me her number. the second was the barmaid and wow she has to be the most gorgeous girl i'v seen in a long time and i got her number too.... she wasn't drunk either. lol. still miss my ex a bit and cant imagine being with any1 else yet but its not about replacing her is it, i think i just need some1 there to love and make happy.
Gt.ooh Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 well i went out last night and met 2 really nice young women the first was really attractive and she gave me her number. the second was the barmaid and wow she has to be the most gorgeous girl i'v seen in a long time and i got her number too.... she wasn't drunk either. lol. still miss my ex a bit and cant imagine being with any1 else yet but its not about replacing her is it, i think i just need some1 there to love and make happy. Indeed swfc.. we just need to have the love back that we so very much gave to our ex's. We've put ourselves so much on the line to have it shattered, it's really hard to gain back, or put forth that same love we did... Just not a fun thing to deal with all around, but at least we are not alone.
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