Starting to forget

[swfc_77]

im still thinking of her everyday, through-out the day asking myself different questions i cant help it.

 

my ex got in touch last thursday out of the blue which was a suprise but after some initial argueing we calmly tx for a few days, i told her to leave me alone on sat morning as i still loved her and it was still hurting me. then i tx her telling her she would be ok, i dont hate or dislike her and wished her well, i just needed to remove her from my life.

 

what is upsetting me really bad though now and this is a killer, im starting to forget what she looks like, i know it sounds daft. i have no pictures of her i wouldn't want to see any though. but it really hurts that some1 that was with me for nearly 2 years, their face is fading.

 

her voice aswell, which i could recognise anywhere is begining to fade, im trying to remember things we did, cook, play fight, go places and its like each day i struggle to remember things.

 

i'v not seen her for 6-7 weeks

[TheUnthoughtKnown]

im still thinking of her everyday, through-out the day asking myself different questions i cant help it.

 

my ex got in touch last thursday out of the blue which was a suprise but after some initial argueing we calmly tx for a few days, i told her to leave me alone on sat morning as i still loved her and it was still hurting me. then i tx her telling her she would be ok, i dont hate or dislike her and wished her well, i just needed to remove her from my life.

 

what is upsetting me really bad though now and this is a killer, im starting to forget what she looks like, i know it sounds daft. i have no pictures of her i wouldn't want to see any though. but it really hurts that some1 that was with me for nearly 2 years, their face is fading.

 

her voice aswell, which i could recognise anywhere is begining to fade, im trying to remember things we did, cook, play fight, go places and its like each day i struggle to remember things.

 

i'v not seen her for 6-7 weeks

 

That happened with me too for a while. I stopped looking at pictures and forced myself not to think about my ex. I still did think about her, like you, every single day. But eventually I started to forget what she looked like until I decided to look at the pictures again...which were such a wretch, I'll never forget how I felt looking at them again.

 

Similarly, I'd forgotten her voice, what she sounded like, how she laughed etc, etc, until I shockingly discovered a file on my phone which turned out to be a recording I'd made of her near the beginning of our romance when we both were in the middle of that infatuated phase where we spent all day talking, laughing and playing silly little games with each other.

 

My heart ached and broke all over again when I heard her voice, heard her laugh. I'm actually getting quite upset just remembering it as I type this.

 

What I've figured out now, after about 7 months broken up and 6 of those NC, is that the memories in my head, the images I have and the experiences I often reflect upon...didn't actually happen.

 

See, everything is perspective. How you chose to view things is how you become affected by them, so by allowing your ex to stay up on that pedestal you're punishing yourself. And the memories you have are warped by your perspective and your frame of mind currently. Try thinking about the things that upset you, the thing she did which you disliked and you realise the image you have of her in your head isn't actually her, just a manifestation of the hopeless infatuation you felt with her.

 

Now that is a killer, my friend. Building this person up in your mind till they hold so much power over you, power you gave them, that they affect your daily decisions without even knowing it!

 

We need to pull our minds out of this naive little wonderland we create to torture ourselves and face reality; no one's perfect.

[sacg]

Gotta be a good thing Sw, Kudos to you bud!

[swfc_77]

it doesn't feel like a good thing tho sacg, i couldn't look at a photo if i wanted too, everything is gone. i binned everything when we split changed the house, deep cleaned my life.

 

i even threw out the food we bought together, the only thing i have is a cat.

 

its just hit home tonight, was nearly in tears writing that earlier. this is really happening im starting to move on and it feels strange, like my body, life and mind are moving on but my heart is still pulling me back.

 

i was thinking about intimate conversations we had about our future and the look on her face, and it was like a blurred memory, times i took her to work every day for nearly 2 years, her looking at me with tired eyes smiling as i grasped her hand at 6am in the cold. everything seems so clear apart from her face.

 

i do feel a bit better these last few days, i have dropped a bollock though as i told her i am slowly understanding why she left and the truth is i dont.

 

but the fact i cant remember the sound of someones voice or the sight of someones face after all that time day in day out living together sleeping together, just make me wonder how my head is working.

[Eternity001]

I haven't heard my ex's voice or seen her face, picture or otherwise for 10 months or so. We spent the better part of 5 years together, living and sharing a bed and space, everything really, for four of those. I removed all existence of her from my life at least material wise from about week one. Blocked her on Facebook and have never looked or tried to find things online or otherwise. Never asked my friends about her. They bring her up occasionally, as early as yesterday even but never anything of any substance.

 

Some of her stuff is still at my house in a small cupboard under the stairs though. I know there is one picture in there, my favourite of her, that used to be in my wallet but I've never looked at that either. She has never broken contact with me for the entire time via text message only. As early as yesterday also.

 

I can't remember how she sounds or barely and have no idea what she looks like now. Hasn't stopped me from feeling somewhat like you do right now though for some reason. Out of nowhere. For a good 8 months I was fine and would have easily said I was over it without a second thought.

 

It's a weird and confusing situation to be in. Quite the head **** actually.

Edited November 10, 2010 by Eternity001

[bl22]

 

its just hit home tonight, was nearly in tears writing that earlier. this is really happening im starting to move on and it feels strange, like my body, life and mind are moving on but my heart is still pulling me back.

 

i was thinking about intimate conversations we had about our future and the look on her face, and it was like a blurred memory, times i took her to work every day for nearly 2 years, her looking at me with tired eyes smiling as i grasped her hand at 6am in the cold. everything seems so clear apart from her face.

 

.

 

This is exactly the same for me. Whenever i forget about her briefly in my day and start to have fun, suddenly she appears in my thoughts and its like my heart is telling me not to move on. In a way it feels like i'm betraying her by trying to move on because i was so set on a bright future together and she was my everything.

[Gt.ooh]

This is exactly the same for me. Whenever i forget about her briefly in my day and start to have fun, suddenly she appears in my thoughts and its like my heart is telling me not to move on. In a way it feels like i'm betraying her by trying to move on because i was so set on a bright future together and she was my everything.

 

I agree, it's like your own mind plays games with you..when there is no game to be played anymore. IT's over.

 

Very confusing indeed, she treated me like garbage after I was gone, it was easy to send me nasty txts, and emails. Delete me off of facebook..but there's something in my head that goes, time(she was speaking in spite). And this in my head prevents me from totally moving on, it's almost saying that it isn't over when it really is. I think i just confused myself ...

[bestrong]

its just hit home tonight, was nearly in tears writing that earlier. this is really happening im starting to move on and it feels strange, like my body, life and mind are moving on but my heart is still pulling me back.

 

I feel the same way too. Her voice, face and smell faded already. Sometimes I would have to think really hard to recall how she looks like. Part of me is moving on already, but my heart is constantly pulling me back. I dream about her almost every night, sometimes I was with her in my dream, doing silly things like we used to, sometimes it's just her voice. It's killing me.

[alwayshoping]

nail on the head.

 

Just when I think something and check loveshack you seem to be going through the exact same thing!

 

Swfc77 I was going to call her today! decided in the end that id worked too hard on 8 weeks NC to just through it away when she obviously doesnt care! Btw I spoke to all my close friends who now tell me they secretly hated her and thought I could do much better and find someone who isnt selfish! And here was me thinking everyone loved her and that she was perfect for me! Clearly not!

 

Anyways I got off point! I cant remember her voice or face anymore! I could look at pictures etc but I dont want too. I just want to forget she ever existed! But hey, Tonights been hard. Im really hurting that she didnt love me enough to fight for us.

 

I just wish she used her tiny noodle (brain)every once in a while as she will never find anyone who treats her better than me. She may find someone like me, but he will leave when he sees how selfish she is. The rest will just treat her like crap and she'll probably love them for it.

 

honestly Im hurting. I felt so good the past few days and then today boom, its like she is some kind of ghost coming to haunt me whenever she pleases.

 

I really hope we can all look back at this in a few months and laugh but by the way things are going I seriously doubt that.

 

Heres hoping eh?

 

Im glad your feeling alittle better even though it probably really hurts to start forgetting her matey.

 

Hope your taking care of yourself.

[swfc_77]

if you treat some body good in a relationship i dont think anyone can come along and "do better" they can be different but not better.

 

money, gift and holidays ect shouldn't matter, as long as you love them and treat them with care and respect, there is no better in my eyes.

 

my mother started to dislike her after she saw everything she put me through, cancelling holidays, messing me around, going off with someone else. but she would always make the effort with her.

 

my friends were the same but they didn't say anythhing while i was with her.

 

i know myself that these feelings wont go away anytime soon or at all, i know that even in 5 years i might still looks back and have a moment, i am just trying to learn to live with it.

[alwayshoping]

Hey,

 

Maybe a silly question but you think I should text her and ask her for a snuggle?

I know it's sounds silly but I would give up my entire world for a really long hug from her!

I know she probably doesn't care but 57 days nc I'm still madly in love with her. Maybe she wants to say it to me but feels like she hurt me too much?

But then again I don't want my heart ripped out!

[bl22]

Hey,

 

Maybe a silly question but you think I should text her and ask her for a snuggle?

I know it's sounds silly but I would give up my entire world for a really long hug from her!

I know she probably doesn't care but 57 days nc I'm still madly in love with her. Maybe she wants to say it to me but feels like she hurt me too much?

But then again I don't want my heart ripped out!

 

NO DONT SAY IT

 

2 weeks after my ex left me i did the exact same thing but txtd her saying *my pet name she gave me* misses *her pet name i gave her* x'

 

she txt back saying 'dont send me **** like this again'

[swfc_77]

its not for me to say do or dont contact her.

 

if you did contact her 1 of 2 things will happen -

 

1. she lets you back in, accepts you (i dont mean back together) this gives you a platform to work on and work towards what you want ie maybe being friends or getting back together.

 

2. she rejects you again and you feel like **** for another 3-4 months probably longer.

 

your probably looking at number 1 being the best option, but for me it would be the worse. she wont have changed, she will more then likely do this again if you did get back together. at best you will expect to remain distant friends and that would hurt also as you have to see/hear about their new roads in life - new jobs/new friends/lovers/new adventures

 

the truth of the matter is both options hurt, i went with option 1 and got let her back into my life only for her to rip my heart out after 2 months again.

 

i wish i had the strength first time around to have walked away from her, i still dont in some respects, but letting her back into my life was 1 of the single biggest mistakes i'v ever made another mistake was getting with her in the first place.

 

i had job offers in canada and holland very well paid, i still have 1 on the table now in holland but haven't got the confidence to go it alone, this due to her taking me for a mug, for a second time.

 

i know what your saying about a long hug, i would kill for 1 of my ex and i have had 1 before when we split.

 

this does nothing for you apart from hurt you. while you hold them the pain goes, really its gone.

 

as soon as they let go pain/heartache returns within seconds x 10, and they are still stood in front of you.

 

its not about how to get a quick fix or how to stop the pain because you cant, there is no magic pill you can take to stop hurting. its about looking at the situation and planning ahead to cause damage limitation.

 

imagine there is an dark street down 1 street theres 10 nut-jacks waiting to beat you up down the other theres only 3. which street do you take?

[swfc_77]

option 3 -

 

keep on NC build on your progress, keep getting stronger, take the bad days on the chin take the good days as a bonus.

 

[alwayshoping]

option 3 -

 

keep on NC build on your progress, keep getting stronger, take the bad days on the chin take the good days as a bonus.

 

 

thanks swfc, bl22. I will try not to call her. I know it wont acheive anything and she has my number so tbh it should be her calling me. I just feel like I need a hug.

 

Im not sure why I need one! My consultant today said I was the only student that would become a surgeon after med school etc.

 

But I still feel like even though I have so much, this huge hole is missing and that hug would fill the void! Maybe a night out will help so I dont call her and 2m I can get back on with the work.

 

Guys seriously thank you so much. your advice is seriously keeping me from making myself look like some lonely desperate idiot who cant let my ex go. I just wish she would miss me, then call me and ask for a hug because I have 1000000000000000 (one trillion billion) saved up for her!

 

Oh well if this is what 57 days nc does I cant wait to see how 100 feels. I think I will be suicidal by then lol (that was a joke btw!).

 

So swfc77 how are your emotions going? stable or still a rollocoster?

 

Ps That job in Holland sounds amazing. Next time an opportunity arises, you should defo take it.

 

hmmmm time for some relaxing tea to make me feel better, its not a hug/snuggle. But it will do for now.

Edited November 11, 2010 by alwayshoping

[alwayshoping]

I wonder if anyone ever contacted their ex after 60 days NC and things worked out. Hmmm Stats for this would help because even 1% is looking pretty good right now.

 

Guys do you really think there is nothing we can do to get them back? I mean they LOVED us for 2-3 years!!!!!!!!

 

We KNOW they are not heartless right? They may act it but we know them. We know they are just trying to push us away.

 

Man I want a Hug :-(

Edited November 11, 2010 by alwayshoping

[alwayshoping]

Okay im so close to texting her!

 

Friends have decided I need to get out and they will look after my phone.

 

I will regret it 2m. I think.

 

hmmmm. Maybe if I still feel this way tonight I will text but maybe my friends can talk some sense into me.

 

Afterall why hasnt she called me. bl22 has she called you since she told you to leave her alone???

 

They cant just forget and stop loving us in 2mins........surely??????

[swfc_77]

always you have got to let it go. leave your phone at home.

 

you aswell as me are holding on to this last bit of hope the only difference between us is that i gave my ex a second chance. it doesn't work.

 

unless you were a bas.tard the first time which i gather you were not nothing will change.

 

i was good to her the first time, she came back i carried on being good to her and she still left again. its not you, its her.

 

jesus man your going to be a surgeon, if you want someone to swob your forehead ask me because even that would be double what im on,and i run my own business. you have everything in life going for you, dont waste precious time on her. its her loss.

 

i tried to pm you other day but cant seem to send one, if your near sheffield pal we will have to have a beer and a chat.

 

that would be fun a builder and a surgeon going for a beer to discuss bitches in life. lol

 

take care matey.

[alwayshoping]

always you have got to let it go. leave your phone at home.

 

you aswell as me are holding on to this last bit of hope the only difference between us is that i gave my ex a second chance. it doesn't work.

 

unless you were a bas.tard the first time which i gather you were not nothing will change.

 

i was good to her the first time, she came back i carried on being good to her and she still left again. its not you, its her.

 

jesus man your going to be a surgeon, if you want someone to swob your forehead ask me because even that would be double what im on,and i run my own business. you have everything in life going for you, dont waste precious time on her. its her loss.

 

i tried to pm you other day but cant seem to send one, if your near sheffield pal we will have to have a beer and a chat.

 

that would be fun a builder and a surgeon going for a beer to discuss bitches in life. lol

 

take care matey.

 

 

Haha,

Im not a surgeon yet! But your right that would be really fun! I used to come to sheffield all the time (my sister trained to be a dentist there!).

 

Its also on my way home so the next time I pass through we really do need to go for a drink! Thats a chat I actually look forward too!

 

Oh man I wish you could pm me! I want you on msn!

 

I know we both have to move on, but im finding it so hard to let go of that final shred of hope. Sometimes I feel thats all I have to keep me going! You know?

 

I just cannot accept the last 2-3 years meant nothing to her. I truely believe she still loves me. The heartless girl I spoke to afterwards is someone I really dont know.

 

I just want a snuggle from the girl that I was madly in love with for nearly 3 years. I didnt text her, i figure she will think im wasted and dont mean it so I wont/cant do it now but hey ho, 2m I will probably look back at today and think wtf was I thinking!

 

Do you ever think you would take her back again or is all hope lost?

[Gt.ooh]

Well Always...I know the question isnt directed to me, but I would like to chip in.

 

Definitely do not txt or call. I still toss the idea back and forth every day. Right now our ex's are in the transition stage where they're dicovering what they want out of life. They are in no mind "position" so to speak to chat about hugs, or being friends, anything...

 

It's just not worth it right now. I haven't thrown out the chance for reconciliation; however, I've come to the harsh reality that it wouldn't happen for some good time. Like a year minimum. I've contacted my ex throughout this whole process, and let me tell you it's not pretty..

I truly believe they'll come around, but like I said not for a good chunk of time..and at that point is when u have to decide whether u even want them back, or to become some sort of distant friends..

 

In the meantime, all I can suggest is go out. DO something anything. Gym, hike, whichever u decide. Focus on what u did before you went out with your ex, and take everything to the next level for you.

 

Right now it's waaay to early for any kind of contact. To many emotions, anxiety, and mental frustration on "why"...After some time you'll have worked on yourself, they'll have gotten whatever it was desired at the time out of their system and then will come the fork in the road. Like you said they did love us, it's not totally gone even though the act like it..

 

I could go on for a long time, but I tried to keep it short. Be strong man.

[bl22]

Okay im so close to texting her!

 

Friends have decided I need to get out and they will look after my phone.

 

I will regret it 2m. I think.

 

hmmmm. Maybe if I still feel this way tonight I will text but maybe my friends can talk some sense into me.

 

Afterall why hasnt she called me. bl22 has she called you since she told you to leave her alone???

 

They cant just forget and stop loving us in 2mins........surely??????

 

 

Nope she hasnt contacted me atall, when we'd properly broken up, the 2 weeks after she'd msg/txt me with 'i hope you're okay' in which i just rang her up straight away and she gave off the vibe 'i txtd you doesnt mean i want to talk to you'

 

eventually i told her i cant be friends with someone like you, leave me alone...and i havent heard from her since.

 

funny thing is, i realise how good of a relationship we had, how much we had in common and how much id make her laugh and encourage her/support her, it will only be a matter of time before she realises it also...i know that much...i wont be there then, she'll be the 1 in pain not me. Same goes for you guys.

[swfc_77]

id make her laugh and encourage her/support her, it will only be a matter of time before she realises it also...i know that much...i wont be there then, she'll be the 1 in pain not me. Same goes for you guys.

 

i dont know about that, some people tell themselves things too much they start to believe it.

 

i'v just woke up for work after a night of dreaming and still didn't see her face. i had the "i hope your ok" tx. just a guilt thing i think.

 

i know if i saw her she would act like she's moved on and over me whether she is or not i just dont know, seems strange like whats been said that people can just drop the feelings and past like they never happened.

 

i know why she left i think and its because she couldn't have everything she wanted, she wanted to buy our own place, for us to start a life together but buying a house at £100,000 is not some thing that you can do over 2-3 months it takes a good year or 2 of planning and saving and this is not they way i wanted to do things, it wouldn't be good for me in the long run and would have been better for us both to do things different. i wanted to buy somewhere cheap and rent it out then eventually borrow against that to get some where nicer.

 

after all that i think she wondered where it left us, in all honesty she isn't ready to give up her comforts, she doesn't wash her clothes herself, tidy up after herself she expected my family to do it and now she's back home her farther will be doing it. she also expected to live rent free like she did with me, like she is now.

 

the three sisters mine was the youngest are spoilt rotten, they have been treat like princess's and get what they want from whoever is there, my ex said to me a few months ago that her farther wont allow her to have another BF until she's 21 (april) and the way she said it, i know she's on the look out for the next guy already.

 

i wasn't special to her, she just came out of a 2 yr engagement when i met her and she use to speak so little of the guy she was engaged too. i was next in line and i would bet all i have that in 3-4months she will have found some1 else and started this whole process again with me being the ex.

 

its funny because she has now done this to 2 guys a pattern is forming 2 yrs with me also and its turned out the exact way the last relationship did except we were not engaged but i could have if i wanted.

 

im pretty sure the next relationship will turn out the same, she is the type of girl to look at what you have and not look at who you are, she might land on her feet and meet a wealthy, good looking young man but hey its not my business anymore. i know that relationships are based on love, trust and feelings - not money, looks and material things.

 

the girl also has a problem with dealing with things, instead of working at something and try to save something, she just turns and runs.

Edited November 12, 2010 by swfc_77

[alwayshoping]

gtooh, bl22, swfc77 thank you.

I didnt text her. Hmmm still not sure thats a good thing but I do realise that its best to be single and looking than be in a relationship you wernt entirely happy with.

 

I wasnt super happy at the end but I really do beleive she wanted me to feel that way so she could break my heart in a less brutle manner.

 

I know you guys say she isnt ready etc but she wanted us to be friends no matter what! Her last text even said, "leave it be and call me when you want to be friends" so that means she maybe waiting on me! I dont think I will ever want to be friends so i guess that means me and her will never speak!

 

I cannot believe she doesnt still love me. I know she does. We were honestly perfect for each other in every single way! We even thought alike in many ways (apart from our ideas about the opposite sex obviously!).

 

Im running 3 times a week. I go to rugby training. Im acting in a play on monday! But nothing relieves the pain and I know that a hug would help. I just wish I could text her. The only thing stopping me is knowing that if I do truely love her I will leave her and let her find her own happiness as I cannot force it upon her.

 

As they say, if you love something set it free, if it comes back then you have it for life, and if it doesnt then it was never yours to begin with!

 

SWfc77, bl22, gtooh. I really admire you guys. I havent come across many of your threads latley were you talk about the pain/anguish your going through and it makes me feel crap! Sorry! But we are all going through the same stuff and its pretty much the same time period too and you guys seem to be doing so much better than me.

 

Im not sure if you guys managed to get some awesome closure or what but I still love her and wish me and her could start over.

 

My closest friends told me they didnt like her and they thought she was selfish and treated me like ****. They said I can do 100 times better but Im not sure what to beleive. Afterall they are my freinds and isnt that what they have to say?

 

I mean even if I was **** and she was amazing, and even if I cant do better and Im actually ugly they would probably say that right?

 

So where is our consoloation? They always say your first love is the worst break up ever.

 

The guy who said that seriously wasnt joking around. Infact I bet he was sat in his room crying his eyes out as he came up with that one.

 

This 60days NC has literally been hell. i think i have felt happy for perhaps 30 of those days. The other 30 though.......dont get me started!

 

Sorry for the long post but Im just not sure moving on is as easy as people make out. God knows how she managed to get over me after 2 weeks, because the last time I examined her heart it was beating in her chest, nowadays I think if I repeated the examination, it would be missing.

Edited November 12, 2010 by alwayshoping

[alwayshoping]

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had?

 

answers on a postcard people.

 

Im stuck as to which one is worse!

[reknown29]

I haven't heard my ex's voice or seen her face, picture or otherwise for 10 months or so. We spent the better part of 5 years together, living and sharing a bed and space, everything really, for four of those. I removed all existence of her from my life at least material wise from about week one. Blocked her on Facebook and have never looked or tried to find things online or otherwise. Never asked my friends about her. They bring her up occasionally, as early as yesterday even but never anything of any substance.

 

Some of her stuff is still at my house in a small cupboard under the stairs though. I know there is one picture in there, my favourite of her, that used to be in my wallet but I've never looked at that either. She has never broken contact with me for the entire time via text message only. As early as yesterday also.

 

I can't remember how she sounds or barely and have no idea what she looks like now. Hasn't stopped me from feeling somewhat like you do right now though for some reason. Out of nowhere. For a good 8 months I was fine and would have easily said I was over it without a second thought.

 

It's a weird and confusing situation to be in. Quite the head **** actually.

I'm in the same boat as you as far as the ex continuing contact since the day of doom. I think this may be the reason why we are still yearning for our exs I informed my ex that I need to not have any contact from her but she never listens. Its as if I never existed to her and still do not exist... I wonder why she texts me every few days. She even sends me messages that say 'love'. I am learning that she has been doing this with the last guy to. At least I am fairly certain, do not know for sure, but it makes sense. She has detachment issues from her parents divorce possibly?

 

I'm recommending to both of us that we get them to stop doing this to us or delete the texts immediately before reading them. It is only to their benefit that they do this. It hurts us and makes them not feel so bad about the breakup or it helps with what I mentioned above about the result of a parental separation. At least with my girl. Damn I miss her as I write this. She just texted me last night... I have been too soft with her. I dont want to be an a-hole because I think she may have serious detachment issues, but enough is enough. We will always suffer until these people are gone form our lives.

Edited November 12, 2010 by reknown29