Author TigerCub Posted November 10, 2010 Author Posted November 10, 2010 TC!!!! You have come through it! So proud of you! Isn't it freeing??? Thanks fooled once It really is so freeing. Before I used to feel so bound and tied up in the whole situation (it was actually in one of the poems that I posted here) that explained just how tied up I felt because of him. And now - I really do feel free. I do still think about him, I wont lie....but its certainly NOT at all like before. His actions just seem so pathetic now... Definitely helps in getting over someone when you got no respect for them. So glad you are doing well and so proud of you for seeing him for what he really is! Keep going forward! Don't let him sweet talk you into back sliding! Each day you are getting stronger and stronger! GOOD FOR YOU!!!! Thank you so much for your encouragement and support
woinlove Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 My initial thought: I'm surprised. Usually you are more encouraging of some OW not letting go of a bad situation than I am. In this case, while TC admits she is not able to completely let go, her ability to see her MM's actions for what they are rather than just focussing on his sweet words, seems to me to be a healthy way of getting ready to move on. If watching some of this mismatch between words and actions up close helps you drop some of your romantic illusions about MM, TC, that is good. You seem to be aware of the potential danger too. My own experience is that once I let a MM know that I thought he was full of sh*t and his words were laughable, he stopped pursuing. Typically they only use their usual strategies when they think there is some hope of them working. Of course, since I never really got attached, when I was at this stage, there really was no hope and he probably saw that. MM can be good at sensing any potential weakness, so be careful.
Author TigerCub Posted November 10, 2010 Author Posted November 10, 2010 I'm surprised. Usually you are more encouraging of some OW not letting go of a bad situation than I am. In this case, while TC admits she is not able to completely let go, her ability to see her MM's actions for what they are rather than just focussing on his sweet words, seems to me to be a healthy way of getting ready to move on. If watching some of this mismatch between words and actions up close helps you drop some of your romantic illusions about MM, TC, that is good. You seem to be aware of the potential danger too. My own experience is that once I let a MM know that I thought he was full of sh*t and his words were laughable, he stopped pursuing. Typically they only use their usual strategies when they think there is some hope of them working. Of course, since I never really got attached, when I was at this stage, there really was no hope and he probably saw that. MM can be good at sensing any potential weakness, so be careful. Thanks Woinlove. I feel as you do - that its a HUGE step forward for me to see the all the BS behind his words, and its really turning me off wanting to encourage it. I see it as a pathetic little act now, so it certainly doesn't have the same effect it did when I saw it as loving and thoughtful and sweet. I can already see that xMM is pulling back (he certainly doesn't email and text as often as he used to and we don't do coffee breaks/lunch together anymore), but maybe that's also because he knows that I'm seeing someone now (and old boyfriend from about 4 years ago, that treated my like a queen). Maybe that's what xMM thinks is the reason that I'm not doing the back and forth with him, I doubt he thinks its because I see his words as laughable - but @ the end of the day, what he thinks doesn't really matter. Thanks for your advice and support. I appreciate it
blinded_27 Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 haha, I loved reading this! How long did the affair last for if you don't mind me asking? I'm glad to hear about situations like this. It's really inspiring. I've been broken up with my guy since last Wednesday and thought the pain would NEVER go away. But he just showed up at my door tonight out of nowhere. It was pretty pathetic and I had to laugh. I let him in for a bit just to be nice and listened to him bitch and whine about how he still doesn't know what he wants to do. blah blah. It's pretty empowering and makes the break a little easier knowing that ending it is your choice and not theirs! Glad to hear you're doing so well
Author TigerCub Posted November 12, 2010 Author Posted November 12, 2010 haha, I loved reading this! How long did the affair last for if you don't mind me asking? I'm glad to hear about situations like this. It's really inspiring. The Affair lasted about 10 months. We met when he was separated and then he went back in Jan. It was mostly and EA at first, it became a PA, but I never slept with him. Sure we did a LOT of stuff considered sex, but we I never let him have intercourse with me (its silly, but to me, THAT really woulda made it a real affair) - yeah its so silly to look back and admit that was my thinking However, to this day, I'm SOOOOOOOOOOO glad that I never let him have that, because he was dying to get it and now he never will - at least not from me. We do still talk as "friends" once in a while, but its sooooooo not the same at all, and he knows that I'm seeing someone now. I've been broken up with my guy since last Wednesday and thought the pain would NEVER go away. But he just showed up at my door tonight out of nowhere. It was pretty pathetic and I had to laugh. I let him in for a bit just to be nice and listened to him bitch and whine about how he still doesn't know what he wants to do. blah blah. It's pretty empowering and makes the break a little easier knowing that ending it is your choice and not theirs! Glad to hear you're doing so well The bold part is so true. Its nice to be in control of our actions I'm glad that you're seeing your xMM's actions as pathetic, but I will pass on the same advice that I got from almost everyone here - and that is to be careful not to slip back. I wish you all the best, and I'm so glad that you found this post inspiring for you to stay strong and see thru their bullS***.
SunsetRed Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 AMEN! What a perfect post and today is the perfect day for me to read it. I've gone emotional pain that hurt so much I could feel it physically burning through my body. Broke NC for the final time 2 days ago when he called me, crying and saying he missed me. I fell for it and of course ended up with my heart shredded into peices as it was all a "show" like you said. This time was so bad and so hurtful that something in me has clicked. My whole body feels different, esp my heart. I'm done and once I've reached the point of being done, then thats it..I'm done. No one can get me back once I'm done. I don't even want to watch the show anymore because this show sucks and I want to move on to a show that is worthy of me watching it. I so love being DONE.
Author TigerCub Posted November 12, 2010 Author Posted November 12, 2010 AMEN! What a perfect post and today is the perfect day for me to read it. I've gone emotional pain that hurt so much I could feel it physically burning through my body. Broke NC for the final time 2 days ago when he called me, crying and saying he missed me. I fell for it and of course ended up with my heart shredded into peices as it was all a "show" like you said. This time was so bad and so hurtful that something in me has clicked. My whole body feels different, esp my heart. I'm done and once I've reached the point of being done, then thats it..I'm done. No one can get me back once I'm done. I don't even want to watch the show anymore because this show sucks and I want to move on to a show that is worthy of me watching it. I so love being DONE. Hey Sunset, I just read your other post and am familiar with your story. I'm so glad that you are staying strong and that you're happy feeling the freedom of being "DONE". yeah I don't get the crap they do - like in your case, him calling and crying about how he missed you. UGH!!! that stuff just makes me mad because I've been there! Its all crap - its all an act. I'm just surprised that in your case, he didn't use the "kids" excuse and that he actually said it was because of finances - which in my opinion is waaaaay worse! its like, "yeah ok, you love me, and miss me, but you're back with her for $$?" - yeah that's not insulting AT ALL!! They're all clowns!!
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