nelson305 Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 My wife and i have been together for 16 plus years 7 years married... i met her when she was in middle school. I have been her only sex partner. I have had one other.. During high school... she was approached by many girlfriends and had offers to be with another girl... But she never accepted.. So here we are years later... we are done having kids.. and we are both just early 30s ... we are very sexually active with each other...love a lot of kinky stuff... so she told me she was into girls and was very curious... so i gave her the okay to look around in chat areas and dating websites... but i turned out that I caught her with an email account that i didn;t know she had and she was not only chatting with girls.. but now she was also chatting with guys... out of what i saw things got really hot and heavy in some of these chats.. she was doing it for a month.. i know she never met anyone... but my question is if she has never been with another guy and she is very curious about that... SHOULD I GIVE HER A FREE PASS TO EXPLORE HER FANTASY???? oh and once i confronted her about the email.. she was honest and told me everything... we have a very open line of communication and i strongly believe we have a strong relationship.....what should I do?
jerbear Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 I suggest giving her a pass or consider the swinging life style? Either way it is another way to keep things interesting, including "kinkyness". Not giving her a "pass", she might get resentful, hide stuff, or end up in divorce. Giving her a "pass" or change to a swinging life style, you two maybe together or strengthen. Or one of you end up being resentful and well...
TheMENemy Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 How do you know for a fact that you are your wife's only sex partner? If she lied to you about her online activities she's capable of having previously lied to you about almost anything. That doesn't mean she wasn't a virgin when you got married. It does mean she could definitely have had a fling or two during your 16 years together. Tigers don't generally change their stripes in their mid 30's. Beware.
imagine Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 This is called the thin end of the wedge. Sit here and watch the anguish of swingers and internet contacts. You are setting up a whole lot of hurt for both you and your missus.
Holding-On Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 How do you know for a fact that you are your wife's only sex partner? If she lied to you about her online activities she's capable of having previously lied to you about almost anything. That doesn't mean she wasn't a virgin when you got married. It does mean she could definitely have had a fling or two during your 16 years together. Tigers don't generally change their stripes in their mid 30's. Beware. I'd disagree. A good number of women find that when their sex drive amps up in their mid 30s they DO crave different men. It was certainly a surprise for me. You've mentioned your wife but how do YOU feel about swinging et al? I'm curious as you put this thread in the infidelity section.
Gman95670 Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 SHOULD I GIVE HER A FREE PASS TO EXPLORE HER FANTASY???? oh and once i confronted her about the email.. she was honest and told me everything... we have a very open line of communication and i strongly believe we have a strong relationship.....what should I do? My suggestion is to only give her a free pass if she also gives you a free pass. Having it one-sided can lead to problems later on in your marriage. Both of you need to be on the same page... i.e., what is good for the goose is good for the gander.
carhill Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 SHOULD I GIVE HER A FREE PASS TO EXPLORE HER FANTASY???? oh and once i confronted her about the email.. she was honest and told me everything... we have a very open line of communication and i strongly believe we have a strong relationship.....what should I do? She can do whatever she wants. It's up to you whether to accept it or not. If you wish to accommodate her, set up the ground rules for both of you having multiple sexual partners and go to it. Don't dawdle. Get started today. The sooner she explores her fantasy, the sooner she can put it into its proper place within your M. There's nothing like holding a mirror up to someone's face to give them clarity on the image. Good luck
TheMENemy Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I'd disagree. A good number of women find that when their sex drive amps up in their mid 30s they DO crave different men. It was certainly a surprise for me. You've mentioned your wife but how do YOU feel about swinging et al? I'm curious as you put this thread in the infidelity section. Craving different men is not the same thing as having secret email accounts and having sexual chat with them, which is "cheating."
TheMENemy Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 She can do whatever she wants. It's up to you whether to accept it or not. If you wish to accommodate her, set up the ground rules for both of you having multiple sexual partners and go to it. Don't dawdle. Get started today. The sooner she explores her fantasy, the sooner she can put it into its proper place within your M. There's nothing like holding a mirror up to someone's face to give them clarity on the image. Good luck Well isn't this a case of a day late and a dollar short? OP sounds like he is way behind the curve here. If she's already setting up secret email accounts and already chatting with other men, this marriage is as good as done. You might as well stick a fork in it.
michelangelo Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 She can do whatever she wants. It's up to you whether to accept it or not. If you wish to accommodate her, set up the ground rules for both of you having multiple sexual partners and go to it. Don't dawdle. Get started today. The sooner she explores her fantasy, the sooner she can put it into its proper place within your M. There's nothing like holding a mirror up to someone's face to give them clarity on the image. Good luck You do realize that she sees getting your permission as strictly a formality don't you? You would be a fool to give her permission to have sexual contacts outside your marriage.
carhill Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I needed a sarcastic smilie. I see that now. OP, if you find your W's behavior unacceptable, give her one opportunity to accept MC. If she refuses, file for divorce. You can do it. It costs a few bucks, about the same as a couple of MC sessions. It sends an important message; that you take this breach of your marital boundaries seriously. The result isn't inevitable. It must be prosecuted or agreed upon or it will languish impotent. I hope she sees the value in MC. Good luck Where do you want your M to go? You're in charge of you.
goingstrong Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Nelson, You're playing with fire and are gonna get burnt.
michaelhopes Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 (edited) You and your wife are on the road to stupid...... Pretty soon you'll be in the divorce forum Where's your moral compass dude? Edited November 10, 2010 by michaelhopes
wicar1 Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 My wife and i have been together for 16 plus years 7 years married... i met her when she was in middle school. I have been her only sex partner. I have had one other.. During high school... she was approached by many girlfriends and had offers to be with another girl... But she never accepted.. So here we are years later... we are done having kids.. and we are both just early 30s ... we are very sexually active with each other...love a lot of kinky stuff... so she told me she was into girls and was very curious... so i gave her the okay to look around in chat areas and dating websites... but i turned out that I caught her with an email account that i didn;t know she had and she was not only chatting with girls.. but now she was also chatting with guys... out of what i saw things got really hot and heavy in some of these chats.. she was doing it for a month.. i know she never met anyone... but my question is if she has never been with another guy and she is very curious about that... SHOULD I GIVE HER A FREE PASS TO EXPLORE HER FANTASY???? oh and once i confronted her about the email.. she was honest and told me everything... we have a very open line of communication and i strongly believe we have a strong relationship.....what should I do? she's probably started cheating already....watchout
Dexter Morgan Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 SHOULD I GIVE HER A FREE PASS TO EXPLORE HER FANTASY???? oh and once i confronted her about the email.. she was honest and told me everything... we have a very open line of communication and i strongly believe we have a strong relationship.....what should I do? if you had a strong relationship, she wouldn't be thinking about wanting to be with other people. Give her a free pass? The very fact that you are considering it says that this isn't the marriage for you, unless you can handle being a cuckold or consider yourself a swinger. She's a cheater, whether she has messed around with anyone or not. I'd get rid of her myself, because its only a matter of time before she cheats. But sounds like you may not really care if she does.
Lauriebell82 Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 if you had a strong relationship, she wouldn't be thinking about wanting to be with other people. Give her a free pass? The very fact that you are considering it says that this isn't the marriage for you, unless you can handle being a cuckold or consider yourself a swinger. She's a cheater, whether she has messed around with anyone or not. I'd get rid of her myself, because its only a matter of time before she cheats. But sounds like you may not really care if she does. I would have to agree with this. The fact that you posted this thread asking for advice clearly means that you are not 100% sure this is what you want. If that's the case then DON'T DO IT. Sure she could cheat if you "deny her the free pass," but that just means she is a manipulator, and you don't want to be married to someone like that. She already lied to you about the internet chats. By the way, how do you REALLY KNOW that she didn't meet anyone off the internet? Please don't do this. She married you knowing that you were the only sexual partner she has/would have for the rest of her life..she needs to accept that, not try to get you to do something you are uncomfortable with.
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