Would a woman go on a second date just to be nice?

[jimbo]

Ladies, would a woman go out on second date with a guy just to be nice?

[Tim The Enchanter]

Yep. I've had it done to me several times.

[jimbo]

Interesting. Never heard of that before. Just asked a few of my female co-workers and they said no they wouldn't. There's no point.

[ReturnToSender]

I wouldnt...yeah there is no point. Might go on a second date if for whatever reason the first date was just so so to me, but I wanted to keep an open mind and see how another date would go...which is probably whats happened, but going through the motions of a date just to be nice? Yeah, that makes no sense at all, and is actually pretty mean.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Interesting. Never heard of that before. Just asked a few of my female co-workers and they said no they wouldn't. There's no point.

 

I seen women say they wouldn't and then do it anyways.

 

They are going to see it as legitimately giving you a second chance... even though that chance is like a winning lotto ticket.

 

The only times they won't do it... is when they are moving on to another guy quickly... or you were horrible on the first date.

[jimbo]

What if at the end of the first date she said she wanted to see you again and get to know more about you. I would think that's shows interest in her part, no? She also texted me during the week out of the blue saying what up. I thought those were signs of interest, not of pity.

[Untouchable_Fire]

What if at the end of the first date she said she wanted to see you again and get to know more about you. I would think that's shows interest in her part, no? She also texted me during the week out of the blue saying what up. I thought those were signs of interest, not of pity.

 

Yes! If things are going that well... what are you worried about?

 

I would suggest that you find a way to get her on Instant Messenger or on the phone for a few hours. Put some effort into getting to know her before date 2.

[jimbo]

We've spoke several times over the phone and text. A guy colleague put that idea in my head cause he thinks she's out of my league.

[somedude81]

It's happened to me.

 

When I thought I'd never talk to her again, she calls me up and ask me out. We get lunch, go to the beach, have a nice time.

 

I call her a few days later and she's too busy to get together. Try again next week and she doesn't pick up or call/text me back.

 

After the first date she actually told me that she didn't want to date, so I was shocked when I heard from her again.

 

I would have been better off if she just left me alone and we didn't have the second date.

[Untouchable_Fire]

We've spoke several times over the phone and text. A guy colleague put that idea in my head cause he thinks she's out of my league.

 

Leagues don't really exist. It's all about matching up... like gears meshing.

 

Don't worry about what other people are telling you. Just pay attention to the signals she is sending.

 

I would keep some fairly good contact with her and try to get to know her quickly. It's going to tell you whether she is the type of woman you want or not.

[xpaperxcutx]

I only did this once with one guy. I wanted to confirm we had chemistry, because for the life of me, he truly bored the h-ll out me the first date. I wanted to give both him and I another chance to build an attraction.

 

The Result- I had to bail on the third date.

 

I haven't done that again. There' no point in giving a guy hope only to crush his little heart later on.

[jimbo]

We were both laughing, smiling and direct eye contact at the first date. We were talking so much, we barely had anything to eat. There was no boredom at all. We we were talking on the phone last night, also, always laughing and having a good time.

[carhill]

IME, not to be nice but rather to irritate an ex or provide some social proof for a third party, sure. Everything isn't always as it seems. IME, the longest 'period' was a couple months.

 

Of course, no one would ever admit to such motivations, or that they were still married, either

[veggirl]

I wouldn't and I'm trying to think of a situation in which a girl would, and I can't think of one. If she isn't interested, obviously she is not going to have fun and leading someone on (which is what would happen) certainly isn't nice and would negate the whole "going to be nice" idea...

[betamanlet]

Ladies, would a woman go out on second date with a guy just to be nice?

Some will do it to get a free meal.

[ReturnToSender]

We were both laughing, smiling and direct eye contact at the first date. We were talking so much, we barely had anything to eat. There was no boredom at all. We we were talking on the phone last night, also, always laughing and having a good time.

 

There may be other things going on in her life that youre totally aware of and is no reflection on you. Like I know I must have confused the heck out of a guy or two, where we had a great time together on our date, and things seemed nice, but what he wouldnt know is Id come home, think about how it used to be like that with my ex, and work myself in a frenzy where Id end up in tears cause Im still not over the relationship.

 

Then Id collect myself, try again, and same thing would happen. I was (and probably still am) the messed up one in that situation. Trying to get out there, and failing miserably. I wouldnt take it personally if I were you, just consider yourself lucky...not in the way that shes not worth your time or less than you, but in the way that until someone has themselves sorted out and can date like a normal human being (yeah, directing that one at myself ) then they arent ready for what you have to offer, no matter how great things seem when youre together.

[jimbo]

Then why agree for a second date?

[Stung]

I have never accepted a second date 'just to be nice.' I have accepted a second date if I wasn't sure how I felt about him yet--I have often tended to make a good mental connection first, and needed more time to see if there was any real physical or emotional spark.

 

It sounds like this woman genuinely likes you so far and you have nothing to know about. Conversation flowing freely and open communication is a great sign, and your jealous guy 'friend' should shut it. Try not to start overthinking things, just keep going with the flow.

[ReturnToSender]

Then why agree for a second date?

 

Was that to me? I have, because I genuinely am interested in the guy and have a great time with him. Ill convince myself that I am over the ex, will be doing great and can handle it, then after the date realize I cant afterall. Ill convince myself Im being ridiculous and to drive on, but emotions still get the best of me. Im an imperfect human...if only I did everything perfectly right all the time, but alas...

 

But lets say its as simple as she just wasnt sure and decided to go on another date and open to the possibilities, would you prefer it if she decided not to bother try at all?

 

When youre getting to know each other and just starting to date, youre both still in the stage of deciding whether to take things further...its unreasonable to make expectations that you are definitely going to spend time together until/unless youre actually in a relationship.

[jimbo]

Getting to know one better is the idea for the second date. However, a second date, such as a pity date, cause you feel bad for him or do not want to hurt his feelings is another thing. I understand the idea of seeing if your compatible, but the point for the thread was to learn more about this pity date. I am no ones pity. If that is what it is, I'd rather not go. I have no problem getting dates, however, I do tend to want something with her to materialize. This was the reason why I asked for a second date. I did not run after her. I did not hound her. There were a couple times where she contacted me just to chat. Albeit, it was via text, but she contacted me, I did not contact her. Hence, I think there is real interest. But this pity second date idea is really getting to me. I do not need a date out of pity. And that is what I am concerned about. I asked once for the second date and she immediately agreed. No hesitation. Granted its been about a week and a half since we seen each other, but that should not be an issue.

[ReturnToSender]

Youre going off the assumption that you know exactly what she is thinking and that you know for a fact the 2nd date was out of pity. Unless she really did flat out say that, its more likely she just has issues that has nothing to do with you, but you are taking it personally....see what I mean?

 

I mean, if she was a good friend who you two had a pretty good relationship and she had a reason to feel so bad for you and want to make you feel better and not be alone thats one thing.. but if you two barley know each other and she has no invested feelings towards you, to have that kind of pity and empthay, it doesnt make any sense.

 

Getting to know one better is the idea for the second date. However, a second date, such as a pity date, cause you feel bad for him or do not want to hurt his feelings is another thing. I understand the idea of seeing if your compatible, but the point for the thread was to learn more about this pity date. I am no ones pity. If that is what it is, I'd rather not go. I have no problem getting dates, however, I do tend to want something with her to materialize. This was the reason why I asked for a second date. I did not run after her. I did not hound her. There were a couple times where she contacted me just to chat. Albeit, it was via text, but she contacted me, I did not contact her. Hence, I think there is real interest. But this pity second date idea is really getting to me. I do not need a date out of pity. And that is what I am concerned about. I asked once for the second date and she immediately agreed. No hesitation. Granted its been about a week and a half since we seen each other, but that should not be an issue.

[musemaj11]

What's up with desperate men who r begging to be given chances? Have some dignity. Go for women who go on a date with u due to mutual attraction rather than feeling of superiority.

[Eeyore79]

Nice girls who are looking for a lasting relationship often tend to give you more of a chance even if they don't fancy you, especially if you seem like good relationship material.

 

If he's an extremely nice guy but I don't fancy him, there's this little voice in my head that says "He's a really nice person, just give him a chance, get to know him a little better before you write him off". So I give him a chance - maybe I go on a couple more dates with him and I'm still not feeling any attraction, so I break it off.

[jimbo]

What's up with desperate men who r begging to be given chances? Have some dignity. Go for women who go on a date with u due to mutual attraction rather than feeling of superiority.

 

Where was I begging? Asked once and she agreed without hesitation. Not let me check my schedule. Not maybe, but yes. I am not sure why some people here are also leaning towards a pity date when nothing she said or did implies that.

[dispatch3d]

We've spoke several times over the phone and text. A guy colleague put that idea in my head cause he thinks she's out of my league.

 

*******.

 

I do my best to operate from a position that everyone means to do good, even if they once in a while do harm. That said, never ever ever ever take advice from that guy again about dating or life. Literally never. He would be pretty damn far off my advice list after that kind of comment.

 

Most guys suck at dating as much as you do. They just suck at different things. So I'm pretty careful about who I ask advice from. If you read pickup stuff you would realize what the pinnacle is, and then have more of an appreciation for how unbelievably far 99.9% of people are from that pinnacle.

 

All of that aside, I think you are being very insecure about this particular issue. She agreed to a second date, go on a second date. Stop associating negativity with getting a second date. That is kinda crazy. That's like being negative about having a fun time with a girl. These are good things.

 

Caveat: Girls will date guys they have no real intention of getting with for MONTHS. If things aren't progressing after each date or in some kind of linear fashion, cut ties and move on. If there hasn't been sex in two months for sure cut-and-run.