Twos Company Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 (edited) Hello everyone, Im a long time lurker on here and would appreciate some advice. A bit of background, Ive been single nearly 2 years, about June last year a guy on an online dating site sent me a message and we really seemed to click. We got on really well with the same humour and outlook on life and it seemed like we would be a really good fit. We spoke on the phone about 3 times but due to schedules (both have kids/jobs) never got to actually meet. Contact faded out shortly after this and I heard from him randomly one night by a voicemail message. I followed this up with a phone call and we chatted briefly. Again this was the end of the contact, I was trying to let him lead, as really I was ready to meet but he never made any direct plans, so I left it at that. About Feb this year I texted him just asking how he was etc, he replied straight away, and there were a couple of exchanges...I then made the mistake..or was it? of jokingly asking if he was still 'free' and end of contact again..by him not answering my last message. Does that mean he wasnt 'free'...fair enough if he was with someone else at the time but I found the complete silence kind of insulting. Then about 3 weeks ago I got a text out of the blue asking how I was, and apologising for not being in touch , but he had lost his phone ( ??!) Anyway I was glad to hear from him and we texted back and forth for a week, the texts being v affectionate and him mentioning a few times how he was really looking forward to meeting me soon, and that we should plan something. I agreed..but then..it stopped abruptly again, him just not responding to my last text. I left it for over a week and then just sent a friendly message..he responded 2 days later, stating how busy he was but asked how I was, I repiled and he answered that one, but now I havnt replied as I am feeling he only replied to me to be polite. I really am confused as he seemed really keen a couple of weeks ago, but I cant stand all this ambiguity. I had hinted that we should 'speak' but again wanted it to come from him as he has been the one doing the fading out and I didnt wish to seem like I was pursueing him. Any idea on whether or how I should respond to his last message? because if I respond and he then doesnt reply again I'll feel like a fool... Id love to meet him in real life but this has been nearly a year and a half of this fade in fade out...Im a straightforward person and would either like to meet or end the connection now...but how do I get this across to him without seeming pushy? seeing as he has mentioned how busy he is. Thanks Edited November 9, 2010 by Twos Company
Tim The Enchanter Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 I left it for over a week and then just sent a friendly message..he responded 2 days later, stating how busy he was but asked how I was, I repiled and he answered that one, but now I havnt replied as I am feeling he only replied to me to be polite. Thanks Unless he works as a top secret spy, commando or masked crime fighter, there's no excuse for him taking days to respond to a bloody text. He's flaking on you, because he's not sure whether he's interested in you or not. Your gut feeling is probably telling you this already, and in my experience, your gut feeling is usually right. Personally I would delete someone's number if I thought that they were flaking out on me.
Author Twos Company Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 Thanks for that Yes, my gut is telling me hes flaking, I had actually deleted his number after Febs fade out, but was then pleasantly surprised to hear from him again, and this time it seemed as if it would be all systems go and we would finally meet...but for some reason hes stalling. I think it best to let him contact me again? even though the last message was from him, but it was not ended with a question to me, thats whats making me think if I reply it will be back to being ignored again...guess I take back some self respect from this if I just leave it?
Cee Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 It took a year to get a date from a guy on a dating site once. He had two children who he had primary custody of and his divorce wasn't going as swimmingly as he first portrayed. I was completely aggravated by him making contact, acting interested, and then dropping out for months at a time. But I gave him a shot because he seemed like genuine and caring person. But by the time we had our date, I was tired and didn't feel like pursuing things. But we had dinner and a nice chat. He was a good guy, just pulled in too many directions. If you want to meet the guy for the sake of meeting him, pin him down to a date and if he doesn't bite, then move on. If you are looking for someone who is available and capable of taking you seriously, then it's best to cut bait and look elsewhere.
In The Green Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Block his number and then go find someone just as eager to see you as you are them. They're out there, good luck.
Author Twos Company Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 Thanks for the replies...just an update, I decided to text him this eve, to give him the benefit of the doubt and because I think he is a genuine guy, saying hello, how was your week, short really, but adding at the end that it would be good to catch up soon. He replied straight away...how his week was going and a 'yes, be great to catch up. So I texted back..that sounds good...when would you like to speak?, its been ages ! quite lighthearted in tone. As of now...about 20 mins ago...nothing...! I guess I had to push this as Im really frustrated with this texting and not speaking/meeting carry on...but no reply as yet.
Author Twos Company Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 Ok...he just replied! says he'd love to chat over the weekend if thats ok with me. I sent a reply saying yes, that sounds good...now I just have to wait and see if the phonecall actually materialises! Im going to make this one the final judgement on whether hes worth any more of my time and mental energy...Id like to think that my gut feeling that hes a genuine guy is right, even though the flaky behaviour is forcing me to have serious doubts...guess I'll know by Sunday one way or the other...crikes 18 months in total we've been in contact and never even met...is this a record???
Dustinb15 Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Good luck! I have something similar going on but hope it works out.
Cee Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 I might break your 18 month record. I've been talking to a guy on Facebook & IM for 2 years. It's platonic though and our relationship is mostly about sharing music and chit chat. We used to flirt, but that ended a long time ago. Last week, I sent him a message saying it's time to meet. He wrote back saying that I was right and he will contact me about getting together over the weekend. Umm, that was last weekend. He didn't contact me. And we still haven't met. I'll be curious how your story unfolds.
Author Twos Company Posted November 15, 2010 Author Posted November 15, 2010 Hello all...well the weekend is now over...and NO call...somehow was exactly what I was expecting to happen. My main feeling though is confusion and Im thinking why would he even bother getting in touch after so many months only to scurry away again when pinned to speak on the phone?. He obviously doesnt want human to human in the flesh interaction, yikes, he doesnt even want human to human voice to voice contact! This is just something I wouldnt do to a guy, I would and have been honest with guys if I dont want to take things any further, only the other week I turned a guy down after 2 dates, as he was pursuing me with calls and wanting to meet up again, but I stopped it dead and told him we didnt have enough in common, hard to do but least theres no stringing him along and Id hope he would appreciate that, I treat how I like to be treated as far as is possible, Ive done wrong like any other person, but have tried to learn and adapt for future reference. Oh well, least I can dismiss him now, such a shame as he seemed so genuine when we spoke ( many months ago!) and we had lots in common, really disappointing that its come to nothing,
Author Twos Company Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 Hello all Just wanted to post that as I write this there has still been no word from Mr fade in/out, what a flake...but lo and behold I think I have at last found a real genuine guy, from an online dating site Ive been on...Im due to meet him tomorrow for the first time, we've been talking on the phone every day ( him calling)for nearly a week and he is so what Im looking for, we can chat about anything,but of course we have yet to meet in real life so Im under no illusions and know that there is just no telling untill you're face to face...will my instincts be right this time about this guy?... Ive been single nearly 2 years and have met plenty of guys but apart from Mr Fade in/out ( who I never even met !) I havnt felt that special something with any of them and have been feeling terribly disappointed ,but even if there is nothing there tomm when we meet, at least my faith will still be somewhat restored that there are guys out there who are genuine and available and dont hide behind a screen or text messages. Fingers crossed!
Ilovecake Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Oh cripes OVER A YEAR???? What happened to you that you would let a person you've never even met treat you with this much blatant disrespect? He's stringing you along big time and for nothing more than simply to boost his own ego. How much more can you take before you finally get it? How desperate do you have to be to keep going back for more? He's getting off on the fact that he's got some chick waiting around for him for almost two years, who wouldn't want that much power over another human being?
Author Twos Company Posted November 23, 2010 Author Posted November 23, 2010 I guess it was a case of my having felt an initial connection with this one guy out of many I had been in contact with and then after that there was the potential that we were going to meet up imminently,I trusted what he told me, but when I cornered him in the end for a proper phone call he disappeared...course I get that this behaviour is the height of disrespect and he wont be getting any more of my time, I doubt even he would have the nerve to resurface again with some crappy excuse of being ultra busy or having lost his phone...both of these he used before...the nerve! Funny, the contrast between his shady behaviour and this guy I am meeting tomm has really made a lightbulb go off in my head at last...yes Ilovecake..you are so right, I needed to have more respect for my own worth and should have cottoned on to the fact I was being used for an ego boost..I see it now so clearly.
810 Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Unless he works as a top secret spy, commando or masked crime fighter, there's no excuse for him taking days to respond to a bloody text. i like this that's why i don't text anymore ...i call
Cee Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 Thanks for posting the updates. I was curious about your story. I'm glad you let Mr Fade fade to black and are moving on. As for the guy I've been talking to for two years, I've pretty much given up on ever meeting him. I didn't even want anything romantic. I wanted to have one face to face conversation. I guess that's too much of an effort for some people. Good luck with that date. I feel like it's brutal out in the dating world, but I think if you maintain your sense of humor, it will be all right. Hope you post about the date on the board.
Sarabina Posted November 23, 2010 Posted November 23, 2010 I guess it was a case of my having felt an initial connection with this one guy out of many I had been in contact with and then after that there was the potential that we were going to meet up imminently,I trusted what he told me, but when I cornered him in the end for a proper phone call he disappeared...course I get that this behaviour is the height of disrespect and he wont be getting any more of my time, I doubt even he would have the nerve to resurface again with some crappy excuse of being ultra busy or having lost his phone...both of these he used before...the nerve! Funny, the contrast between his shady behaviour and this guy I am meeting tomm has really made a lightbulb go off in my head at last...yes Ilovecake..you are so right, I needed to have more respect for my own worth and should have cottoned on to the fact I was being used for an ego boost..I see it now so clearly. I am going through the exact same thing right now with this guy I have been chatting with online. We will talk for hours and then he will suddenly ignore me for days, even though he is the one who started the convo! anyway, I suggest you ignore him, (I'll be doing the same thing) don't chase him or any other man. When someone treats you like this then they don't deserve you or your repect.
Author Twos Company Posted November 25, 2010 Author Posted November 25, 2010 (edited) Ok...my gut told me this guy was special and it was right...wow, we met today and it was instant, no doubts whatsoever, we both took one look and sort of laughed and pressed against each other in a sort of sideways hug, before going in for something to eat. Ended up sitting really close and holding hands...good God...hes just right for me from what Ive seen today, and he told me there and then that I was exactly what he was looking for...texted me after getting home, and rang me tonight, we both admitted that we felt IT, we've both been single over 18 months and are similiar ages (40) ...theres no playing it cool and waiting 24hrs or whatever before contacting after a date, this is natural and felt right...no games, no how should I play this...there really wasnt any need to. Ive read so much on here from guys and girls, wondering when to text or call, and what did this or that mean, Ive lived in that dating fog for ages now, but after today have my answer...that is..when you meet someone and its there for both of you..then you dont have to prethink the next move, it will reveal itself, theres no need to play any sort of game , and worry if you'll seem too keen if you text straight away, I would have been v surprised after the time we had tog today if he had waited 24 hrs, I just knew he would be in touch straight away...this is so what Ive been waiting for guys...its v early days but my faith in' love' has at least been restored...it can happen again after all the hurts and disappointments Edited November 25, 2010 by Twos Company
true2010 Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 This guy's either not that into you or has you on the side.
Author Twos Company Posted November 12, 2011 Author Posted November 12, 2011 Please guys I need some advice /perspective. This is an update on this thread about the fade in /fade out guy. ( the one I mentioned that I met after him turned out to be a big turn off) Ok, my dilemma is the fade in/out guy has come back on the scene. He popped up on a dating site that I'm using. This is ages after he again faded away. I say hello, how are you..to which he replies immediately. Says he regrets not meeting up with me before, I don't question why and we go on to exchange a few messages. On about the third day he leaves me his number and says to text any time. I leave it a day or so and then text, he responds and one or two messages go between us. He has his children that weekend but mentions going out this weekend. I agree. This is where it started to get weird again. No more texts, so I log back on the site on the Sunday night and he is online. I ask how his weekend was, he replies to this and a couple of messages follow. I hear nothing more so midweek I see him online and ask again how he is etc. He replies that he has a cold and work has been stressful. I say well hope you feel better soon. No reply to this. Hear nothing more (it's Thursday by now) I see he has logged on to the site at some point that eve so I send him a message asking how he is and if he is still ok for this weekend. He replies saying he has an infection so can't make it and can we reschedule. Trouble is I really am not buying this, he has flaked on me so many times. Besides I see he was online quite late, like 11.30pm, when his earlier message he said he was in bed with this infection. Sorry this is a short potted version, please what do you guys think? I think I should not even bother replying and write him off once and for all...but what if he's telling the truth?
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