sally4sara Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 What happens when, after a few tussles with this guy you don't respect and can't fully accept, he begins to lose interest and rejects YOU? I'm not trying to predict it will happen, but I do wonder how well you will handle being rejected by a guy you already feel isn't good enough for you to to give a real shot. Especially if what UF said had you hitting that alert button so fast. He may have fumbled the delivery, but I think he was just trying to imply what I'm wondering right now - that this might pan out for you in a way you won't see coming such as Mr. Not Good Enough deciding you're not good enough for him either. It could happen. Just think it over real well first. You're going to have to ignore your lizard brain impulses and that isn't always easy for anyone - especially when they get hit by something they didn't see coming.
Mad Max Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 If you make a date, stick to it. Do not flake, do not remember that you have "that work function" few hours before that date. That's common courtesy. If you don't contact me for 2 days and I send you a small talk text, please respond within few hours. Responding 24 hours later is going to be taken as low interest. People have lives. People work. I know a text doesn't take long, but for people that work 9-5 jobs, it's not uncommon to get a text at 10 and be busy to the point where you don't get to respond to the text until you leave work. If I ask to see you on day x, do not give me a vague answer or change the topic. It's fine if you can't but don't say "I will get back to you" without telling me the reason. I will get back to you and not getting back to me until few hours before, is going to be taken as waiting to see if a better option comes along. Many women do the same. Be genuinly open to getting to know me. If I ask "what do your parents do?", do not say "my mum is a nurse, my dad is an accountant FULL STOP". Give me some more information. I do not want to get to date 5 without having any idea of who you are. I also do not want to have to pull every word out of you. If it's a first date, personal information should be kept at a minimum. Offer to pay for me on date 1 as a gentleman would. If he asks you out, then yes he should be a gentleman and pay. Do what you say. If you say you will call on Thrusday, it's not cool to call on Friday instead. If you're going to be petty over one day, that's pathetic. Things happen.
Star Gazer Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 You have a beef with the formatting? Really?? She was communicating in a concise and clear manner on an internet message board. She didn't say she had these printed out in bulk and brought them along with her on dates. In his defense, she once started a thread including the bullet points she included on her profile. In bulleted form. It's not just for LS purposes.
sally4sara Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Why are people acting like OG's list is all that unreasonable? Well there is having standards and there is having "rules". Both are faced with a difference of opinion, but "rules" are often applied irrationally to the point where they don't do what they were established for in the first place. Do you know how many times my stupid Iphone gets muffled in a pocket to the point where I can't hear it and have to respond well after it was sent? Her rules are for weeding out incompatibilities, but if I were a guy - I'd end up getting dusted simply because my phone has crappy speakers and I wandered away from my coat when she decided to send me a message. In a world where she can earn as much as any guy - she still expects a less than equal minded dynamic at a time where neither she or the guy know much about each other. So while she can set any "rule" she'd like, she sets ones that require no extra effort beyond what she feels like doing (and would probably do anyway because she can't know he will pay before he pays) while expecting more effort out of the guy. It can be pretty frustrating to a guy who does see her as an equal, albeit largely unknown by him, person at that moment. Standards still allow for the unexpected but still in good intention mishap. Rules most often don't. And maybe she does make exceptions or give second chances, but her list doesn't say anything about that.
Author OceanGirl Posted November 10, 2010 Author Posted November 10, 2010 Heh, as it happens I had a really nice OKC first meet/date just now. I think it was a date because we kissed at the end..for a while too. He asked if he can see me again this weekend but I have a major work deadline and I have no time. We said next week but with no specifics. Things were just really natural...even kissing..even chatting. He is a computer programmer
Author OceanGirl Posted November 10, 2010 Author Posted November 10, 2010 The weird things is, all the guys from online always recognize me from a long way away. They always comment on how I look exactly like my pictures.
Author OceanGirl Posted November 10, 2010 Author Posted November 10, 2010 OMG he just texted me this: "Mmmm you are the best kisser I have ever had. wow :)" I am not liking this. Does it look like a start of possible FWB/NSA? I really liked how we clicked. I am just worried now BTW this is NOT the same guy I wrote this thread about. I LIKE this one and I would want a relationship with him.
Kamille Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 OMG he just texted me this: "Mmmm you are the best kisser I have ever had. wow :)" I am not liking this. Does it look like a start of possible FWB/NSA? I really liked how we clicked. I am just worried now BTW this is NOT the same guy I wrote this thread about. I LIKE this one and I would want a relationship with him. Note: he initiated contact the same day of the date. That's a good sign. Good. Now chill and stop looking for problems. Notice that he has yet to violate any of the points in your list. It's impossible to tell if it is the start of a FWB or NSA. But, what is clear is that you can't even enjoy what you say you want - a show of high interest- when it is happening.
jerbear Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 OMG he just texted me this: "Mmmm you are the best kisser I have ever had. wow :)" I am not liking this. Does it look like a start of possible FWB/NSA? I really liked how we clicked. I am just worried now BTW this is NOT the same guy I wrote this thread about. I LIKE this one and I would want a relationship with him. I wouldn't say it is a start to an FWB/NSA. You can have one with him and the other one if you so choose. If you like this one and you two click then an FWB/NSA, you shouldn't settle for one.
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 OMG he just texted me this: "Mmmm you are the best kisser I have ever had. wow :)" That is a really nice and flattering compliment! I'd enjoy receiving it. I am not liking this. Does it look like a start of possible FWB/NSA? Only if you want it to (and of course if he does too.) Now, relax and enjoy the compliment ... I hope you liked kissing him as much as he did you. I really liked how we clicked. I am just worried now Okay, when are you NOT worried after you meet or date a guy you like? Stop that right now. BTW this is NOT the same guy I wrote this thread about. I LIKE this one and I would want a relationship with him. Maybe back up a little ... you LIKE this one, and you are interested in getting to know him further ... he MIGHT be a person with whom you can have a relationship.
Star Gazer Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 But, what is clear is that you can't even enjoy what you say you want - a show of high interest- when it is happening. Ding ding ding!!!
Star Gazer Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 He asked if he can see me again this weekend but I have a major work deadline and I have no time. We said next week but with no specifics. This is EXACTLY like the guy you started the "LAME...." thread about, but in reverse!! He asks you out; you say you're busy, and y'all don't set up anything specific. That's what the other guy did, and it was unacceptable to you. Why do you hold guys to a higher standard than you're willing to meet yourself?
musemaj11 Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Why are people acting like OG's list is all that unreasonable? I quoted someone else's demands, not OG's. Honestly, I found OG's bullet points mostly acceptable. Except the part where she has a problem with a guy calling a day later than promised.
Author OceanGirl Posted November 10, 2010 Author Posted November 10, 2010 OK, I will stop worrying. I responded with a one liner and I am grateful that he didn't take it further and turned it into some kind of sex-texting. In his profile he says that he is looking for a girlfriend and hates FWB arrangements. In "looking for" section he has only selected "long term relationship". He also asked to see me on the weekend way before we even kissed. We will see if he calls. I may text him first if I don't hear from him in a few days, given that I blew him off for this weekend (I am kind of proud of myself for taking my work commitments seriously and not dropping them over a guy). He is really fun, together with being smart and sexy. He is also a lot better looking in person that he is on the pictures. He is tall, well built, his body is really hard lolol, he is cute but overall he is not so hot that I would think he is out of my league. I was super attracted to him when kissing He was married though, to his high school gf for 10 years (18-28). He has now been divorced for 4 years. No kids. He asked about my relationship history and he was quite open about his marriage without going into too much detail. I am thinking today that it's great that I can meet someone that I feel a connection to. I am not going to fall apart if he never calls again.
Kamille Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 OK, I will stop worrying. I responded with a one liner and I am grateful that he didn't take it further and turned it into some kind of sex-texting. Great job! Had he tried sex-texting, you could have simply joked that you don't sex-text after only one date. I am thinking today that it's great that I can meet someone that I feel a connection to. I am not going to fall apart if he never calls again. That's a great attitude!
Author OceanGirl Posted November 10, 2010 Author Posted November 10, 2010 This is EXACTLY like the guy you started the "LAME...." thread about, but in reverse!! He asks you out; you say you're busy, and y'all don't set up anything specific. That's what the other guy did, and it was unacceptable to you. Why do you hold guys to a higher standard than you're willing to meet yourself? I know but this is truly the worst possible time for me. It's the end of term exam period and I have to mark exams for a number of different subjects. Marks have to be in by Monday. I literally don't even have a couple of hours to spare. I am not even sure if it is humanly possible for me to mark them all in that time frame. I did take this on for some extra cash because now that I have bought a house, my finances are going to be tight. So this is on the top of my normal work responsibilities. I have explained this to him (minus the house part) and his sister is a PhD student so he seems to understand. It felt too far into the future to set the date for next week on the spot. This is good because at least I won't have time to obsess
Author OceanGirl Posted November 10, 2010 Author Posted November 10, 2010 Great job! Had he tried sex-texting, you could have simply joked that you don't sex-text after only one date. That's a great attitude! Thanks Kamille. I think that I took dating more seriously when I just got back into it after a long break. At this point, I know there will always be more guys so I feel like I am not placing as much importance on one particular guy (after 1 date).
Surrealist Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I did take this on for some extra cash because now that I have bought a house, my finances are going to be tight. So this is on the top of my normal work responsibilities. How do you like the recent RBA interest rate rise eh? Wouldnt happen to have a mortgage with CBA? Or ANZ? Or any other big bank for that matter, who will also raise their rates above the RBA.
Author OceanGirl Posted November 10, 2010 Author Posted November 10, 2010 How do you like the recent RBA interest rate rise eh? Wouldnt happen to have a mortgage with CBA? Or ANZ? Or any other big bank for that matter, who will also raise their rates above the RBA. Ha, I am with CBA. CBA's interest rate rise is 0.4% which I am REALLY pissed about. Talk about bad timing for taking on a mortgage. I am pretty worried if I will be able to make the repayments, especially if they rise even more in the future. I was never one to keep a very strict budget but as things stand now I have to think of every cup of coffee I buy
Surrealist Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Ha, I am with CBA. CBA's interest rate rise is 0.4% which I am REALLY pissed about. Talk about bad timing for taking on a mortgage. I am pretty worried if I will be able to make the repayments, especially if they rise even more in the future. I was never one to keep a very strict budget but as things stand now I have to think of every cup of coffee I buy I bought at the exact WRONG time - October 2009, that was the beginning of six consecutive rate rises and the most recent 7th rise, in addition to CBA putting up over and above RBA on two occasions in the past 12 months is effectively 8 interest rate rises. I fortunately have family willing to help with bills and **** as they are pretty well-to-do , but man its depressing. I'm investigating refinancing and dumping the CBA. I certainly feel your pain there.
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