waitedtoolong Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 So I've recently been seeing this girl. I like her a lot and she likes me too. We have already spent 2 nights together. I brought up the topic of exclusivity. We talked about and agreed to be exclusive. But when we talked about being a couple a few days later. She tells me that although we are exclusive, she is not yet ready to be a couple and boyfriend/girlfriend. I don't know what this means. She tells me constantly that she misses me, that she really likes me, and that she thinks I'm perfect. And we are having sex. But, she is working on wanting a relationship with me. And wants to someday be a couple. I don't understand. Can someone please explain this to me?
Trinity2 Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 I can't explain this to you because I just went through the same thing and don't understand it myself. Fear of committment? I hope all works out for you:)
welikeincrowds Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 So, to rephrase, "I'm not ready to consider you my boyfriend, but I don't want you ****ing other women." What that has meant for me, personally, is "I'm apprehensive about the emotional and social investment involved in considering you my girlfriend/boyfriend, but it would hurt me to think of you being with others. So, we agree not to have sex with others; I am given security while we are together; and you'll give me fair warning if you change your mind. We'll get to the label later on." The funny thing is that the emotional investment seems to be about the same. If it would hurt you to think of that person with others, it will hurt you if they leave. So, I dunno. At one point this distinction made perfect sense to me, but now I no longer understand it.
utterer of lies Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 But, she is working on wanting a relationship with me. And wants to someday be a couple. I don't understand. Can someone please explain this to me? No, she's not working on wanting a relationship with you. She is waiting for someone better. Until then, she has you to for company, affection and sex. But you are not boyfriend material, just a ****buddy. Enjoy it while it lasts.
Anela Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 A young woman here went through the same thing a couple of months ago. I don't understand it either.
Author waitedtoolong Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 I think you are right... She said some things while avoiding giving me a straight answer that worried me when we talked about exclusivity like: "i will try to spend as much time with you as i can" and "i Do value the time I spend with you". But afterwards she did tell me we are exclusive.. but sigh i dont know I'm just preparing my heart. I hope this works out, but i need to ready myself for whereever it leads.
carhill Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 How long have you known her? How long have you been dating? What's her relationship history?
Author waitedtoolong Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 I've only known her for little over a week now. Our first date was on last tuesday. I do not know much about her relationship past. I can only extrapolate information based on what she has told me so far. While talking about exclusivity, she said she's not in her early 20's anymore so she doesn't play around now, so I don't have to worry. She asked me about how many girlfriends I had, but I didn't want to answer so I told her that I'm the kind of guy that has had more long-term relationships. So since I didn't directly answer her question, I really couldn't ask her the same at the time.
that girl Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Ignore Utterer of Lies. Welikeincrowds has a pretty good read on it: What that has meant for me, personally, is "I'm apprehensive about the emotional and social investment involved in considering you my girlfriend/boyfriend, but it would hurt me to think of you being with others. So, we agree not to have sex with others; I am given security while we are together; and you'll give me fair warning if you change your mind. We'll get to the label later on." She's trying not to rush into things. Now would not be a good time to invite her to a big family wedding. But she likes you, she isn't seeing anyone else and she sees you two as a serious couple in the future.
daphne Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Ignore Utterer of Lies. Welikeincrowds has a pretty good read on it: She's trying not to rush into things. Now would not be a good time to invite her to a big family wedding. But she likes you, she isn't seeing anyone else and she sees you two as a serious couple in the future. I agree with this. One week and she wants to be exclusive means she is thinking that you have potential. No need to rush after a week, although it seems you guys have already rushed the sexual aspect. If she's still waffling in a couple of months, then reassess.
Recommended Posts