Dude's going to blow it...

[D-Lish]

Just treat him well and continue to do what you are doing.

 

I will, thanks Woggle.

[Art_Critic]

I think we might have sex for the first time tonight:).

 

Don't forget to take and post pictures

[D-Lish]

Guys: Take note.

Girls: Same applies to you.

 

Self-confidence is essential.

 

Well, as much as it bothered me in the beginning, we've pushed through it.

[daphne]

Thanks D, I hope so.

Everything is fine so far. We get along so well. It's crazy some of the obscure things we both like.

 

Women have obviously taken advantage of his kindness in the past- then again, he chose to be with those women (kinda in the same way I've chosen to date douchebags from time to time:eek:).

 

I think we might have sex for the first time tonight:).

 

We've all made poor dating decisions in the past. That's how we learn when we find something good.

 

And as for the sex... good to know it still exists. As for me, I'll be working out and cleaning up my office. Jealous???

[Seamless74]

So from what ive read its still sounds like dudes gonna blow it,,, Hes just going to get laid first..

[D-Lish]

So from what ive read its still sounds like dudes gonna blow it,,, Hes just going to get laid first..

 

No, I think we've progressed past him blowing it.

I'm probably more worried about me blowing it.

[Art_Critic]

I'm probably more worried about me blowing it.

 

That's not a bad place to be D-lish... it will help you keep your eyes open to any self sabotaging (not that you have that problem, but still..) you might do.

 

Good luck

[Seamless74]

Best of luck to you D-Lish but if your already worried about "too-nice" and some of the character traits you talked about recently... Well see heres to hoping for the best... Lest just hope after he climaxes he doesnt say he loves you..

[D-Lish]

That's not a bad place to be D-lish... it will help you keep your eyes open to any self sabotaging (not that you have that problem, but still..) you might do.

 

Good luck

 

Thanks Art, and I DO have that problem, or HAVE had that problem in the past. I want to make sure I stay on top of myself and keep myself in check this time!

 

I still find myself thinking in a certain way or having a little irrational moment...But I just keep talking myself down.

[LittleTiger]

Don't get me wrong, I like nice- but some of the stories he has told me about his ex's make me cringe. He's been walked all over in the past. I certainly don't intend on doing that, but I need him to be strong and stand up to me when it's required and appropriate.

 

Have you considered telling him that D-Lish? If it's important to you it's worth letting him know.

 

If you don't want to tell him straight, you can tell him indirectly - describe a situation similar to what he's been talking about involving yourself and how a guy stood up to you and you really admired and respected him for it.

 

You're at the stage where he wants to know you better, so help him out a little. He will appreciate the prior warning. Men aren't mind readers.

[sumdude]

Don't get me wrong, I like nice- but some of the stories he has told me about his ex's make me cringe. He's been walked all over in the past. I certainly don't intend on doing that, but I need him to be strong and stand up to me when it's required and appropriate.

 

He told me a story about his last ex not being able to hold her alcohol. She'd phone him in the middle of the night from some random guys house where she ended up after a bar passed out- and he'd get out of bed and go get her. A regular pattern apparantly. That's just one of many little things that have come out.

 

I really just want to be the kind of girl that shows him what a kind and loving woman really is. I also want to set the precedence quickly that he needs to stand up for himself when it's appropriate.

 

We've been seeing quite a lot of each other. We took our dating profiles down a couple of days ago.

 

Maybe a bit too much ex talk so soon. But at least he's giving you a window into his past. Just live in the moment. At some point you'll naturally test each others boundaries.. don't think too far ahead.

[Tressugar]

You're going to get tired of this real quick....this behavior of his will be the death of him getting anywhere far in a healthy relationship.

[threebyfate]

Don't get me wrong, I like nice- but some of the stories he has told me about his ex's make me cringe. He's been walked all over in the past. I certainly don't intend on doing that, but I need him to be strong and stand up to me when it's required and appropriate.

 

He told me a story about his last ex not being able to hold her alcohol. She'd phone him in the middle of the night from some random guys house where she ended up after a bar passed out- and he'd get out of bed and go get her. A regular pattern apparantly. That's just one of many little things that have come out.

 

I really just want to be the kind of girl that shows him what a kind and loving woman really is. I also want to set the precedence quickly that he needs to stand up for himself when it's appropriate.

 

We've been seeing quite a lot of each other. We took our dating profiles down a couple of days ago.

D, how did he explain this doormat phase to you, as in emotional vibes?

[whichwayisup]

I've been out with someone I like. 2 Dates, we've clicked, I like him. I want to see more of him.

 

All of a sudden he's saying things that make him appear insecure about himself.

 

I accept that everyone is insecure- but you shouldn't showcase it, because it's not attractive.

 

We made out a bit last date- date #2.

 

I originally liked him because he came off as so confident and funny on our dates. I saw a little bit of self deprecating humour initially- but it's getting a bit overboard.

 

We had a great time Sunday and planned to meet again this Wednesday. He text me this morning to firm up the plans for Wednesday and I didn't text him back right away- I was on the road and when I got to my desintation I was jumping into work stuff right away. I got a second text saying "it's okay if you aren't interested, just let me know".

 

I just loved that he was so confident initially, that's what attracted me to him- that and his awesome humour.

 

I text back- "we are on for Wed, looking forward to it". He immediately text back "ok, good, wasn't sure :-("

 

I immediately felt different about him after this exchange.

 

texts..Again. D, go for phone calls instead of texts, they can be taken out of context, especially since people don't always text back right away it's easy to think one is being ignored. Let him know that either not to take it personally if you don't text back right away.

 

still need to read the rest of your thread, but don't base this on text exchange..It's like someone not checking their email daily and not receiving an answer within an hour or the same day..

[RecordProducer]

D-Lish, what's this guy's occupation?

 

My thought is: how come these doormats are never some multi-billionaires?

 

They're always some schmucks of whose schmuckness you can't make any meaningful use.

 

D-Lish hasn't posted since sex date. Hopefully it's his pecker that left her speechless.

Edited November 28, 2010 by RecordProducer

[turnstone]

That extremely caring behaviour sounds very like how my fiancée acts. His ex wife largely took him for granted and abused his good nature and I'm sure some people would accuse him of being a doormat too, and maybe your guy really does have the kind of martyr personality that means this behaviour has, what I'd consider an unhealthy, payoff for him - so making him a 'doormat'.

 

Having said all that, I've never felt that way about the actions of my fiancée. He's consistently shown himself to care very much about people to the extent of putting their feelings, their needs and their well being well ahead of his own, but with absolutely zero self-pity on his part. Does your guy ever sound sorry for himself? I think its probably ok to bitch about his ex, but I'd be concerned if he expected to be pitied for his role in it.

[D-Lish]

Well, I know I haven't been back since I had sex, lol. Things have been really good with this guy.

 

I don't remember the last time I felt so adored by someone- and it's mutual, I feel it too. It's still so early, but he's a truly genuine, generous, attentive, cool person. I don't remember the last time I met someone that it felt so easy with.

 

We've been out quite a bit, and he always insists on paying for everything (that's new for me, I have always split the bill with most of my ex's). He makes me laugh in a way not many people are capable of doing.

 

 

Have you considered telling him that D-Lish? If it's important to you it's worth letting him know.

 

Hi LittleT, Yes, we actually did talk about it! We've been spending a lot of time together. We had a frank discussion about why he put up with **** in the past and I told him how important it was to me to be with someone that won't put up with my crap, should I pull it.

 

He has a passive side to him, I can tell he shies away from conflict

 

D, how did he explain this doormat phase to you, as in emotional vibes?

 

Ugh, I cringe at some of the stories pertaining to what he's put up with in the past.

 

It actually makes me angry to hear some of the stories. In his last relationship, he got involved with a woman with a 2 year old- and she was emotionally and sometimes physically abusive toward him...and he stayed.

 

D-Lish, what's this guy's occupation?

 

My thought is: how come these doormats are never some multi-billionaires?

 

They're always some schmucks of whose schmuckness you can't make any meaningful use.

 

D-Lish hasn't posted since sex date. Hopefully it's his pecker that left her speechless.

 

Not speechless, but happy!!! lol.

He has a good occupation- he's in finance (an analyst)- gorgeous condo (no mortgage), nice car, not a billionaire, but he's solid.

 

That extremely caring behaviour sounds very like how my fiancée acts. His ex wife largely took him for granted and abused his good nature and I'm sure some people would accuse him of being a doormat too, and maybe your guy really does have the kind of martyr personality that means this behaviour has, what I'd consider an unhealthy, payoff for him - so making him a 'doormat'.

 

Having said all that, I've never felt that way about the actions of my fiancée. He's consistently shown himself to care very much about people to the extent of putting their feelings, their needs and their well being well ahead of his own, but with absolutely zero self-pity on his part. Does your guy ever sound sorry for himself? I think its probably ok to bitch about his ex, but I'd be concerned if he expected to be pitied for his role in it.

 

He doesn't expect to be pitied for his role in it- he accepts that he put up with more than he should have. I think he stayed far too long in his last relationship, despite his ex being incredibly out of line, because she had a child, and he became a little attached to the child. I can understand that to a degree.

 

I don't know, I like him enough that I feel a little vulnerable. In the past, I'd be looking to sabotage, find a reason to run. I don't know why, but with this guy, I want to keep investing. I normally hate being vulnerable, I haven't gone there since my divorce.

 

He is a nice guy for sure- he def does have that quality of being "too nice"

I don't know, I just want to be more of the girl he deserves as well.

[Woggle]

Let me give you a cyber high five.

[Woggle]

Also most decent men have at least one example of giving a woman too many chances that did not deserve it. I have done that in the past myself and while I go all out for my wife if she ever betrays or mistreats me she is out of there.

[tigressA]

Let me give you a cyber high five.

 

Seconded! Up high!

[Surrealist]

If you continue 'being more of the girl he deserves' this could turn into a great thing, and be a great example that demonstrates how good chicks with nice guys produces a good, healthy long-term romantic relationship.

[D-Lish]

Also most decent men have at least one example of giving a woman too many chances that did not deserve it. I have done that in the past myself and while I go all out for my wife if she ever betrays or mistreats me she is out of there.

 

 

I cyber high five you back Woggle.

 

He does have a history of putting up with crap. I got more than an earful from his friend the other night that probably told me more than I wanted to hear about a couple of my guys ex's. It actually enrages me on his behalf when I hear how a woman treated him- he just deserves so much better than what he's experienced.

 

Things seem to be progressing quickly, but it seems so natural to do so. We went out for dinner the other night and the waitress thought we were a long term couple- she was surprised when I told her we'd only been together a month. We really do get along that well.

 

I think he just needs to develop a little more confidence. I don't think he's ever dated someone that has been articulate telling him he's hot and sexy, smart and kind. To be honest, I've not dated anyone that compliments me as much as he does.

 

Historically, I've never been overly affectionate. I have had ex's tell me I am "cold". I'm just laying it all out there this time. He just makes me feel comfortable and confident being open and vulnerable with him- so I am going there this time.

 

I know it sounds really cheesy- but I remember Jack Nicholson in that movie telling Helen Hunt she made him want to be a better person. I actually feel that way. Being with him, experiencing how genuine he is- I just want to be a better person when I am with him. He brings out the best in me so far.

 

It's early on, but I am really "into" him. I don't remember the last time someone made me feel so good about myself.

 

I want to learn from my mistakes in the past as well- and I don't want to blow it with him.

[threebyfate]

Really happy for you D!! Wish you the best.

[D-Lish]

Really happy for you D!! Wish you the best.

 

Thank you TBF, I am pretty happy right now, happier than I've been in a very long time. I know I've told you in the past that I never saw "happiness" with a man in my future, but I am warming up to the idea that maybe I deserve it, and actually accepting it:).

[Art_Critic]

Thank you TBF, I am pretty happy right now, happier than I've been in a very long time. I know I've told you in the past that I never saw "happiness" with a man in my future, but I am warming up to the idea that maybe I deserve it, and actually accepting it:).

 

Well.. it doesn't hurt that you are getting some either

 

^ I'm happy for your D-lish... You are a warm and good woman and really deserve some good vibes in your life..

 

Let us know when the wedding is ....j/k