Dude's going to blow it...

[SunsetRed]

Yeah, that would turn me off too. When he got needy because you didn't respond to his text right away that was weird.

 

I'd still give him a chance. He hasn't disrespected you or made you feel like you owed him anything..he's just insecure. Is this the redhaired guy?

My brother is a red head and he says red hair on a woman is great, but feels that red hair on a man is unattractive. He has some self esteem issues over it, but he's a great guy. Plus, in your picture you look like a beautiful woman, so maybe this guy is feeling a little insecure.

 

Being insecure isn't a bad thing, its just how one handles it. If they become needy, demanding and possessive or controlling with their insecurity, then its time to jump ship, but just a little insecurity can be dealt with.

 

Pay attention to your gut feeling and see where this goes.

[lapse]

Gosh, that would get him friend-zoned super fast because I'd be wanting to have self-reflexive conversations with him, give him pointers, etc. e.g., "Sweetheart... let's deal with *yoooooo*... I'm here. I'm going out with you. I've scheduled another date with you. Obviously I'm interested. Let's examine your thought processes here..." And then unfortunately, there he goes into the friend zone because it's no longer equal... counseling that early in is a bit of a passion kicker!

[D-Lish]

This all sounds weird. You guys met up only once so you barely know each other and he already is in the state of mind like you're too good for him. Weird... I really hope it will work out though but I can see how this may come off as a turn-off for you... Good luck! Don't scratch him off yet - see how the second meeting goes and how he'll behave afterwards.

 

P.S. I'm seeing "my girl" tomorrow - so excited to get to know her better!

 

We've met twice, Sunday was our second date and I'm still seeing him again tomorrow.

The self deprecating humour is funny, he's a funny guy- which I like about him. It's a huge turn on for me.

 

I personally find him very attractive- but that little glimmer of a lack of confidence shifted my enthusiasm a little.

 

I really just want to nip this in the bud. If he keeps it up, I know I'll lose interest quickly.

[Jannah]

I think in situations such as these, it may be more beneficial to look at the picture as a whole, rather than zooming in........

 

If everything else looks good with this guy, and it appears to be based on what you've described, I just hope it doesn't ruin what could seemingly be a good thing.

[Star Gazer]

I don't think that is what he was doing at all. She kind of left him hanging after the last date for about 4 days. He was expressing his feelings about her slowness to contact him.

 

Huh?? Where did you get 4 DAYS from? Maybe 4 HOURS! That's totally wrong.

 

She just had her last date with him this past Sunday, where they made out. On that date, they made plans for Wednesday.

 

The VERY NEXT DAY (yesterday, Monday), he texted her about those plans. She was on the road to work when she received the text, and when she got off the road she jumped into work stuff right away.

 

HOURS, not days!, later, he sent the follow up text with the sad face.

[SunsetRed]

A guy on POF sent me a picture of a bunch of skeletons wearing dresses sitting a table with a bottle of wine. The caption under the pic said "Women waiting for the perfect man" While I dont want this to be me, I feel that I've spent too much time with the wrong men and thats why I'm single. Either that or the right men passed me over because they were looking for the perfect woman.

Either way, I am currently trying to find the balance of when to hang onto someone and when to let go, knowing that I'm not perfect either.

[Star Gazer]

He has no clue really how you feel about him.

 

Really?? She spent the last date making out with him and made plans for a third date before the third date was over.

 

What other confirmation does he need after only 2 dates that she likes him??

 

I think this guy is going to need a LOT of reassurances for the life of their relationship, however long it lasts.

[Jannah]

A guy on POF sent me a picture of a bunch of skeletons wearing dresses sitting a table with a bottle of wine. The caption under the pic said "Women waiting for the perfect man" While I dont want this to be me, I feel that I've spent too much time with the wrong men and thats why I'm single. Either that or the right men passed me over because they were looking for the perfect woman.

Either way, I am currently trying to find the balance of when to hang onto someone and when to let go, knowing that I'm not perfect either.

 

Well, maybe it's true, that all women secretly want to be smacked on the heinie and told they are a very very bad girl.

[Cee]

We've met twice, Sunday was our second date and I'm still seeing him again tomorrow.

The self deprecating humour is funny, he's a funny guy- which I like about him. It's a huge turn on for me.

 

I personally find him very attractive- but that little glimmer of a lack of confidence shifted my enthusiasm a little.

 

I really just want to nip this in the bud. If he keeps it up, I know I'll lose interest quickly.

 

Part of me thinks that his behavior might have been shaped by online dating. I am normally enthusiastic and flirty with potential mates. But after going through the online dating mill, I became more detached and apathetic during dates. I know that I was sabotaging my chances, but I couldn't help myself.

 

I don't know how you can nip this behavior in the bud. Maybe on your next date you could broach the topic (for 5 minutes) - find out why he's acting that way. And then you can gently or jokingly tell him that you'd prefer confidence when he asks you out.

[sally4sara]

We've met twice, Sunday was our second date and I'm still seeing him again tomorrow.

The self deprecating humour is funny, he's a funny guy- which I like about him. It's a huge turn on for me.

 

I personally find him very attractive- but that little glimmer of a lack of confidence shifted my enthusiasm a little.

 

I really just want to nip this in the bud. If he keeps it up, I know I'll lose interest quickly.

 

Could it be that you'll lose interest over anything because its much less risky for you to walk away quickly over small stuff than put yourself out there where you might face rejection? You know, later, after time and when it will hurt more?

 

Is this thing that is lowering your interest based on a value you hold and cannot ever see as one of those little things that can be made up for by more important qualities he might have - or is it bothering you because you don't want to risk ever again hearing someone say they can't see themselves growing old with you.

[D-Lish]

Maybe a better question is- how do I go about handling this so he gets the message to be more relaxed?

[John018]

Maybe a better question is- how do I go about handling this so he gets the message to be more relaxed?

 

Easy - just show high interest in him. Flirt with hm a lot on your date and he should understand that you do like him.

 

If he carries on with the negativity then maybe his issues are deeper.

[KraftDinner]

In the initial stages of a new relationship, it's really easy to get turned off... it's not a question about being too hard on someone or being mean... it is largely beyond your control.

 

I can see having my enthusiasm quelled a bit by this exchange.

 

What it says to me is this: "I need lots of reassurance and you had better respond to me quickly or I'll accuse you of hurting or neglecting me. Make me a priority even though we just met."

 

Personally, I would find this sort of insecurity endearing LATER ON in the relationship, once you have established that you are a couple or whatever. But after just a date or two? Red flag for sure.

 

I wouldn't stop seeing the guy over that, but it'd give me pause and if that sort of thing continued I would probably lose interest. Again, that sort of thing later on would be cute.

[sally4sara]

Maybe a better question is- how do I go about handling this so he gets the message to be more relaxed?

 

Try telling him that when he expresses his insecurities, it makes you feel pressured into focusing on avoiding anything that triggers his insecurity rather than just relaxing and enjoying your time with him?

Once you know an insecurity is there, it prompts you to avoid anything that might bring the subject back to his insecurity and further dwelling on it. Then the entire rapport of the evening feels forced.

 

And more to the point, no matter how you explain it, if its in your words and your speaking style and he can't deal - then you know you're bound to have problems communicating later.

[Ariadne]

Maybe a better question is- how do I go about handling this so he gets the message to be more relaxed?

 

It may be that he is acting like that because you are older than him by a few years. Kind of being a baby and not knowing what you want from him.

 

Glad you are having fun, good luck with this guy.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I assume by 'in the country' you mean the US? That could explain a lot! (No offense intended).

I'm probably one of very few English people on this site and I wonder if we just approach things differently.

I'm not surprised you put your game face on and refuse to show a shred of insecurity if some of these posts are an indication of the reaction you'd get. I do think it's a shame people can't be more open and genuine with each other.

 

In my experience dating is more about tricking the other person into liking a man/woman who doesn't exist than about getting to know one another. Truth is though... I rarely show insecurity in any aspect at this point.

 

We've met twice, Sunday was our second date and I'm still seeing him again tomorrow.

The self deprecating humour is funny, he's a funny guy- which I like about him. It's a huge turn on for me.

I personally find him very attractive- but that little glimmer of a lack of confidence shifted my enthusiasm a little.

I really just want to nip this in the bud. If he keeps it up, I know I'll lose interest quickly.

 

Tomorrow? Oops my earlier post was off. What was I thinking?

 

Just be honest with him that you don't like men who lack confidence. The guy is old enough he can take it.

 

Maybe a better question is- how do I go about handling this so he gets the message to be more relaxed?

 

Tell him that your definitely interested, and that you don't appreciate him doubting that.

[mmk1]

Here's where I agree with easy heart. IMHO, the instant nature of the text makes anything less than an instant response to a text seem like the other person is not interested. This is especially true if you're used to getting quick responses and suddenly become insecure if you don't get an instant reply sometime. That's why texting can stink in dating.

 

Problem is, 1/2 the girls I date say they are too busy to chit chat and always use text. The others complain when I use text and not call. So, ask and be sure, guys.

 

My thing is, if Im asking people for plans by text, I impose my own deadline and simply move on to the next person if the response is not quick enough. Definitely don't angst over slow replies; just set your boundries and move on. Next!

[xpaperxcutx]

It may be that he is acting like that because you are older than him by a few years. Kind of being a baby and not knowing what you want from him.

 

Glad you are having fun, good luck with this guy.

 

Well D's certainly not one to mother another grownup.

[DazednConfused]

We've met twice, Sunday was our second date and I'm still seeing him again tomorrow.

The self deprecating humour is funny, he's a funny guy- which I like about him. It's a huge turn on for me.

 

I personally find him very attractive- but that little glimmer of a lack of confidence shifted my enthusiasm a little.

 

I really just want to nip this in the bud. If he keeps it up, I know I'll lose interest quickly.

 

 

So focus on the "huge turn-on" and the "very attractive". Ever found yourself very quickly over-the-moon for someone? This poor bastard is just too deep in his own head about you and where he hopes this is all going. As another poster said... this is a probably a product of on-line dating; we all do it to some level...

 

Jump on the site... see the "hotties"; write the hotties; get no responses or not interested... improve our profiles, lower expectations and begin again... rinse, repeat, meet a few people, some decent, some not-so-great, rinse repeat. Then... you finally meet one you're very interested in... a few dates... and poof... that person vanishes like a cool breeze in July. If it happens more than once, it starts to feel like a pattern, and you begin looking for it. Yes, it can be self-fulfilling... it can also be the flakiness of people continuing to send/receive mails on the site and they find someone they think may be better. Either way... it can be very difficult to maintain that energy in the early stages because you simply don't know if the other person is as interested or will simply vanish.

 

"Where are all the REAL men?", "I just want a guy who isn't afraid to be himself", "He should be intelligent, charming, confident, sensual, witty, handsome, in touch with himself, grounded, athletic, sexy, well-groomed, funny, house, car, good job, live alone, love dogs, love cats, love kids, full head of gorgeous hair, good stamina for all the hiking we're gonna do, comfortable in a tux or jeans, take charge yet know what I want and do it, love t travel to exotic places, etc...etc....etc"

 

All things boiled down... you found someone you could really like, he found someone he could really dig... stop trying to get a complete read from every little thing and enjoy each other. Personally, I've never met a woman whom I couldn't find something unique and enjoyable, you're all really great. But please stop the neurotic over-thinking; you'll throw away alot of really great people doing this.

 

-Dazed

[carhill]

Analyze less, press flesh more. Dating is a pleasurable way of getting to know someone, or at least should be.

 

I've found, when dating someone, if I start to feel like I must analyze ever word and action for appropriateness and acceptability, it's time to discontinue that potential. It ceases being 'fun'. Perhaps this is an example of dating 'style' compatibility. Each of us has a different style and a positive and satisfying dynamic is a meshing of compatible styles.

 

OP, I'll offer a suggestion: If you are having a text exchange and receive a text like I read up-thread, invite the person to call you, or call them. Use such incidents to build intimacy or, at the very least, clarity.

 

Enjoy your date!

[Kamille]

Maybe a better question is- how do I go about handling this so he gets the message to be more relaxed?

 

What a mature way to approach the situation!

 

My answer:

 

This

 

 

I've found, when dating someone, if I start to feel like I must analyze ever word and action for appropriateness and acceptability, it's time to discontinue that potential. It ceases being 'fun'.

 

 

Therefore that:

 

Easy - just show high interest in him. Flirt with hm a lot on your date and he should understand that you do like him.

 

 

I worry that if you have a "talk" about this incident too early, then he'll start feeling like he has to watch what he says and does around you. Ramp up the flirtation, let him know you dig him. If his insecurities persist after that, then I would bring it up in discussion.

[Green]

He seems NEEDY and IMATURE.

 

Seriously I could give rats ass if some girl I just started dating wants to hang out... I would never her ask her out or commincate via txt unless she initiated and even then I'd rather just call or talk in person.

 

I hate self depricating humor makes me uncomfortable.

 

Why are you dating younger men. Don't you know the rule MEN date YOUNGER and WOMEN date OLDER. A younger guy who dates you has a good chance of being a loser.

[ReturnToSender]

Why are you dating younger men. Don't you know the rule MEN date YOUNGER and WOMEN date OLDER. A younger guy who dates you has a good chance of being a loser.

 

Wow... Thats a personal choice not a universal rule.

[Green]

Wow... Thats a personal choice not a universal rule.

 

If that shocks you I have some more advice that would blow your mind.

[threebyfate]

Don't do this D. One text after two solid dates. Sounds like both of you need to relax and just enjoy each other's company, to see what might or might not happen between the two of you.