Dude's going to blow it...

[TouchedByViolet]

Why are you dating younger men. Don't you know the rule MEN date YOUNGER and WOMEN date OLDER. A younger guy who dates you has a good chance of being a loser.

 

Is this sarcasm? I never understood this rule, I think it has more to do with women generally being more physically attracted to older men and men being more physically attracted to younger women. It has very little to do with personality/compatibility IMO.

[Green]

Don't do this D. One text after two solid dates. Sounds like both of you need to relax and just enjoy each other's company, to see what might or might not happen between the two of you.

 

My gaydar went off when he txted :-(

[Green]

Is this sarcasm? I never understood this rule, I think it has more to do with women generally being more physically attracted to older men and men being more physically attracted to younger women. It has very little to do with personality/compatibility IMO.

 

Yeah women are more attracted to older men thats why she is doing herself a diservice by dating younger men... Plus Men are mor attracted to YOUNGER women so she is getting a lower quality man just from the fact that he is dating some one older... or maybe hes not that seriouse... either way bad news for her

[threebyfate]

My gaydar went off when he txted :-(

Honestly Green, you can be pretty insecure and emotional at times too. So can everyone else on LS, including myself.

 

We're talking one text, compared to hours of real life contact on two solid dates. Rationally speaking, the latter should be trumping the former, hand over fist over hand over fist.

[JamesM]

Yeah women are more attracted to older men thats why she is doing herself a diservice by dating younger men... Plus Men are mor attracted to YOUNGER women so she is getting a lower quality man just from the fact that he is dating some one older... or maybe hes not that seriouse... either way bad news for her

 

Besides the other advice above that IMO is bad, this is also not true of all men by far.

 

I dated younger and older women in my time...and married an older woman.

 

Age is less relevant than compatibility IME. Some older women act younger and some younger women act older.

 

Personally, I think that too much is being read into the few interactions so far. Could be that he isn't the one, but it is too early to tell.

 

That is why communicating via text is not good. As for all of the little nuances such as a smiley instead of a frown...not everyone knows which would look better. Even I as someone who is told often that I communicate well via words, would have a tough time texting effectively.

 

Have another date and then see what feeling you have about him.

[sally4sara]

Yeah women are more attracted to older men thats why she is doing herself a diservice by dating younger men... Plus Men are mor attracted to YOUNGER women so she is getting a lower quality man just from the fact that he is dating some one older... or maybe hes not that seriouse... either way bad news for her

 

Till you can explain how it is that some marriages directly conflict with your "rule", I suggest you stop threadjacking a start one for this "rule" you so badly want to discuss.

[ReturnToSender]

Is this sarcasm? I never understood this rule, I think it has more to do with women generally being more physically attracted to older men and men being more physically attracted to younger women. It has very little to do with personality/compatibility IMO.

 

I dont think it was meant as sarcasm, but its definitely a personal choice... one that cant be imposed on everyone else to live by. Just because something is typical doesnt make it a rule that everyone must abide to.

 

Just like how typically women date a man who is taller than her..at my height Id be SOL, I tower over a sea of heads whenever I go out. Ive pretty much come to terms with it that Ill never know what its like to rest my head on a mans shoulder while dancing Though I prefer older men, I dont think a woman is wrong if she dates a guy who is younger than her...its not up to me to decide who someone is supposed to be attracted to and I dont support discrimination so, there you have it.

 

But I digress as this has nothing to do with the original topic lol

[TouchedByViolet]

Yeah women are more attracted to older men thats why she is doing herself a diservice by dating younger men... Plus Men are mor attracted to YOUNGER women so she is getting a lower quality man just from the fact that he is dating some one older... or maybe hes not that seriouse... either way bad news for her

 

This makes no sense. Green some of your opinons are just that. Yet you declare them as though they are universal facts of life.

 

D, I think it is most probable the guys nerves got to him. Now at 35, that is a lot more odd than a male in his 20s but maybe he is super excited. God knows people do some STUPID **** when they meet someone they really like. Stumble on words, say really awkward things, make a fool of themselves somehow, etc.

 

Don't make a big deal out of the situation. Next time you see him simply tell him you are enjoying yourself with him and give him a long kiss. He should get the message.

[ReturnToSender]

How much do you want to bet she goes on this date and things go great and all this worry was really for nothing... Thats what Im hoping for anyway! Im just gonna stay tuned to see how tomorrow goes...

[Chicago_Guy]

Obviously the OP was never that interested in the 35-year-old guy in the first place, regardless of what she wrote in her post. That's the only explanation as to why that silly text would be so troubling to her.

 

You people seem to think that this guy is incredibly needy or insecure. Maybe he is, or maybe he is an inexperienced dater and doesn't know how he is supposed to behave. Maybe the OP has also been unknowingly giving him mixed signals?

 

The OP must be pretty hot to get away with being this picky at age 41. So I suppose that the OP will probably end this soon and the 35-year-old guy will learn his lesson the next time he dates. Next time he'll show far less emotion and will probably also be quick to end things if a woman does some seemingly insignificant thing that he thinks is annoying. I guess this will make him more of a "catch" and more desirable to women for reasons seem very illogical...

[LittleTiger]

So focus on the "huge turn-on" and the "very attractive". Ever found yourself very quickly over-the-moon for someone? This poor bastard is just too deep in his own head about you and where he hopes this is all going. As another poster said... this is a probably a product of on-line dating; we all do it to some level...

 

Jump on the site... see the "hotties"; write the hotties; get no responses or not interested... improve our profiles, lower expectations and begin again... rinse, repeat, meet a few people, some decent, some not-so-great, rinse repeat. Then... you finally meet one you're very interested in... a few dates... and poof... that person vanishes like a cool breeze in July. If it happens more than once, it starts to feel like a pattern, and you begin looking for it. Yes, it can be self-fulfilling... it can also be the flakiness of people continuing to send/receive mails on the site and they find someone they think may be better. Either way... it can be very difficult to maintain that energy in the early stages because you simply don't know if the other person is as interested or will simply vanish.

 

"Where are all the REAL men?", "I just want a guy who isn't afraid to be himself", "He should be intelligent, charming, confident, sensual, witty, handsome, in touch with himself, grounded, athletic, sexy, well-groomed, funny, house, car, good job, live alone, love dogs, love cats, love kids, full head of gorgeous hair, good stamina for all the hiking we're gonna do, comfortable in a tux or jeans, take charge yet know what I want and do it, love t travel to exotic places, etc...etc....etc"

 

All things boiled down... you found someone you could really like, he found someone he could really dig... stop trying to get a complete read from every little thing and enjoy each other. Personally, I've never met a woman whom I couldn't find something unique and enjoyable, you're all really great. But please stop the neurotic over-thinking; you'll throw away alot of really great people doing this.

 

-Dazed

 

Great post Dazed.

 

(The last sentence should be written in stone)

[colliejoanie]

I went on a first date with a guy on Saturday. Great time, really relaxed. he's super attractive. Then I started getting THOSE texts. If I didn't get back to him right away, he'd send one saying "oK, just don't lose my number". "do you want me to go away now".

 

Unbelievable how much of a turn off that was. AND I'M NEEDY AND INSECURE!!! HAHAHA!!!!!

[Art_Critic]

Hey D-Lish. cut the guy a little slack.. third date..

 

I'm sure he is hoping it works out too and maybe he put too much into hoping you responded faster as that might have been good news for him.. he saw the lack of response as a bad sign..

 

Too soon to tell if it was real insecurity or just hoping he saw more interest according to the signs he is used to seeing from women.

[Cracker Jack]

Prime example of people over-analyzing every little detail. Meh.

 

Anyway, just enjoy yourself, D. As mentioned, no one's perfect; things like this happen. It'll all be good. Have fun.

[Green]

Besides the other advice above that IMO is bad, this is also not true of all men by far.

 

I dated younger and older women in my time...and married an older woman.

 

Age is less relevant than compatibility IME. Some older women act younger and some younger women act older.

 

Personally, I think that too much is being read into the few interactions so far. Could be that he isn't the one, but it is too early to tell.

 

That is why communicating via text is not good. As for all of the little nuances such as a smiley instead of a frown...not everyone knows which would look better. Even I as someone who is told often that I communicate well via words, would have a tough time texting effectively.

 

Have another date and then see what feeling you have about him.

 

So you were in your 30's and married an older women in her 40's? or were you in your 20's and maried an older women in her 20's and now are using that as an example of how great your relationship turned out?

 

1) your example isn't like the one we are dealing with 2) my blanket statement is only meant maximize posotive results sure an older woman younger guy relationship might work out but its the exception to the rule (don't act like this is some odd rule you never heard idea and try not to be so offended by common sense)

 

Till you can explain how it is that some marriages directly conflict with your "rule", I suggest you stop threadjacking a start one for this "rule" you so badly want to discuss.

 

This relationship won't be one of them. It's not thread jacking as I'm commenting on information given by the OP on a thread about "Dude's going to blow it.." simply adding in more reasons why it will be "blown"

 

I dont think it was meant as sarcasm, but its definitely a personal choice... one that cant be imposed on everyone else to live by. Just because something is typical doesnt make it a rule that everyone must abide to.

 

Just like how typically women date a man who is taller than her..at my height Id be SOL, I tower over a sea of heads whenever I go out. Ive pretty much come to terms with it that Ill never know what its like to rest my head on a mans shoulder while dancing Though I prefer older men, I dont think a woman is wrong if she dates a guy who is younger than her...its not up to me to decide who someone is supposed to be attracted to and I dont support discrimination so, there you have it.

 

But I digress as this has nothing to do with the original topic lol

 

Women often find themselves attracted to say "Biker dude" and then wonder "why are all these guys alcoholics and dead beats." the OP finds herself attracted to a LOSER and the fact that he is 35 would have helped profile him quicker. The OP would have better luck with men her own age or OLDER if she find them physicaly attractive.

 

This makes no sense. Green some of your opinons are just that. Yet you declare them as though they are universal facts of life.

 

D, I think it is most probable the guys nerves got to him. Now at 35, that is a lot more odd than a male in his 20s but maybe he is super excited. God knows people do some STUPID **** when they meet someone they really like. Stumble on words, say really awkward things, make a fool of themselves somehow, etc.

 

Don't make a big deal out of the situation. Next time you see him simply tell him you are enjoying yourself with him and give him a long kiss. He should get the message.

 

So she should reward his loserness with a big long kiss the next time she sees him haha.

 

How much do you want to bet she goes on this date and things go great and all this worry was really for nothing... Thats what Im hoping for anyway! Im just gonna stay tuned to see how tomorrow goes...

 

I'd take that bet. She will probably go on another date but this "Dude is going to blow it" sooner then later

 

Prime example of people over-analyzing every little detail. Meh.

 

Anyway, just enjoy yourself, D. As mentioned, no one's perfect; things like this happen. It'll all be good. Have fun.

 

The devil is in the details. Start sending women needy txts at the begining of a relationship with emoticons and see how fast you get dumped by MOST if not ALL women.

[dispatch3d]

Give him light negative feedback yet still act interested whenever he does that text type thing like did you actually have fun, whatever. He just needs to feel accepted, but at the same time discouraged from the actual external behaviour. Hopefully that makes sense.

 

Meaning if everytime he gives you a needy text like "Do you actually like me?" or whatever, that you tell him you love him or act too warm, it's going to encourage him to keep doing it.

 

That is about all you can do.

[Cracker Jack]

The devil is in the details. Start sending women needy txts at the begining of a relationship with emoticons and see how fast you get dumped by MOST if not ALL women.

 

There is NO relationship here, tho. The guy just sent her a friggin text, which made him seem like he was a bit unsure of her interest. There was nothing "needy" about it--just reluctance on his part. People aren't perfect when it comes to this sort of stuff. I wish others learn to understand that.

[northern_sky]

Can you please explain what you mean by confident?

 

What did he do that was confident

 

What did he say that sounded confident

 

etc etc

 

I'm just very intrigued by what each woman individually sees as confidence in a man.

 

He is so confident.

 

Translation: He is 6'3" and ripped.

 

He is so confident.

 

Translation: He is rich.

 

He is so confident.

 

Translation: He treats me like crap.

 

....just kidding.

[Green]

There is NO relationship here, tho. The guy just sent her a friggin text, which made him seem like he was a bit unsure of her interest. There was nothing "needy" about it--just reluctance on his part. People aren't perfect when it comes to this sort of stuff. I wish others learn to understand that.

 

He made CLASSIC mistakes I ALWAYS warn against. YOU DON'T ASK A GIRL OUT OVER TXT. You do it in PERSON. They already HAD PLANS so there WAS NO REASON for him to txt "just want to make sure we still have plans" or what ever he txted.. then when he got NO REPLY het txt a SAD FACE geez.

 

NUMBER 1 ASK out in person and if girl says yes JUST assume it is a YES and move on. NUMBER 2 don't contact people for BS insecure reasons like you want to make sure plans are still on... AND also important DON'T bring attention to the fact that you are insecure about an unresponded non time sensitive txt by sending emoticons...

 

IF it was that FCKEN important that he be reasured the date was not cancled and still on he should have CALLED and if she didn't answer the only msg should have been "hey its __________ call me back" and then if she never called back then he should just assume she didn't get the msg after over 24 hours have gone by... not automaticly assume he is being ignored and send :-(.... and if he knew he was being ignored at 35 he should be over that crap. But really HE SHOULD HAVE NEVER sent an email confirming that crap.,

 

Its very simple and common sense if you even take a second to think about it.

 

I have a date comming up END OF STORY. Not I have a date now I need to TXT to confirm and then txt to complain about not recieving a reply to a non time sensative question.

[Green]

He is so confident.

 

Translation: He is 6'3" and ripped.

 

He is so confident.

 

Translation: He is rich.

 

He is so confident.

 

Translation: He treats me like crap.

 

....just kidding.

 

Actualy it just meant he didn't seem to care or worry about being rejected... now he is afraid of being rejected.

 

He's gone from "Dlish lets have a good time" to "Dlish please don't hurt me! ;*-("

[Cracker Jack]

He made CLASSIC mistakes I ALWAYS warn against. YOU DON'T ASK A GIRL OUT OVER TXT. You do it in PERSON. They already HAD PLANS so there WAS NO REASON for him to txt "just want to make sure we still have plans" or what ever he txted.. then when he got NO REPLY het txt a SAD FACE geez.

 

NUMBER 1 ASK out in person and if girl says yes JUST assume it is a YES and move on. NUMBER 2 don't contact people for BS insecure reasons like you want to make sure plans are still on... AND also important DON'T bring attention to the fact that you are insecure about an unresponded non time sensitive txt by sending emoticons...

 

IF it was that FCKEN important that he be reasured the date was not cancled and still on he should have CALLED and if she didn't answer the only msg should have been "hey its __________ call me back" and then if she never called back then he should just assume she didn't get the msg after over 24 hours have gone by... not automaticly assume he is being ignored and send :-(.... and if he knew he was being ignored at 35 he should be over that crap. But really HE SHOULD HAVE NEVER sent an email confirming that crap.,

 

Its very simple and common sense if you even take a second to think about it.

 

I have a date comming up END OF STORY. Not I have a date now I need to TXT to confirm and then txt to complain about not recieving a reply to a non time sensative question.

 

So, using your logic and "golden rules", the guy has no chance of redeeming himself since he made a mistake? Guess there's no such thing as "second chances" when you do something "wrong". Lol. He made an honest mistake. You're blowing things way outta proportion, yo.

 

Anyway, it doesn't matter anymore.

[Green]

So, using your logic and "golden rules", the guy has no chance of redeeming himself since he made a mistake? Guess there's no such thing as "second chances" when you do something "wrong". Lol. He made an honest mistake. You're blowing things way outta proportion, yo.

 

Anyway, it doesn't matter anymore.

 

It's really quite in proportions fact is he hasn't BLOWN it yet but all signs point to him blowing it. As it stands now Dlish hadn't cancled her date with him. Problem is he is putting a very bad taste in her mouth.

 

If he does in fact blow it with Dlish he will have plenty of more chances to learn from his mistake and find his special some one so its not like its over for him.

[Cracker Jack]

It's really quite in proportions fact is he hasn't BLOWN it yet but all signs point to him blowing it. As it stands now Dlish hadn't cancled her date with him. Problem is he is putting a very bad taste in her mouth.

 

If he does in fact blow it with Dlish he will have plenty of more chances to learn from his mistake and find his special some one so its not like its over for him.

 

Oh, cool. Thought you were implying he was a "loser for life" or something. We're good.

[D-Lish]

Can you please explain what you mean by confident?

 

What did he do that was confident

 

What did he say that sounded confident

 

etc etc

 

I'm just very intrigued by what each woman individually sees as confidence in a man.

 

It was his attitude, it's hard to explain. All of his messages were super funny. He's quite witty.

 

At our first meeting, we had lunch and it was all in the way he carried himself. He made a lot of eye contact, he smiled a lot. The way he talked to me was like he was completely comfortable with me. At one point he said he liked my ring and grabbed my hand to look at it- just really unafraid to reach out and grab it. Actually, when he touched my hand, it made me blush.

 

Confidence is hard to describe, other than the way someone carries themself. He just had an air about him. I felt a click immediately. He also poked a bit of fun at me- light hearted fun of course. After our first lunch, he text me a little later on and said "btw, you were rockin' that outfit this aft"... It was really cool.

 

He also initiated our second date pretty much immediately "we should do a hike on Sunday, it's supposed to be nice". I liked that he took the initiative to do that.

 

Our second date was much of the same chemistry. He was being kind of goofy- which I like. It shows that someone is not afraid to show you who they are. He also initiated a really cool kiss- I said something sarcastic as we were walking and he bear hugged me from behind then he turned me around and kissed me.

 

I don't know what changed with regard to setting up our next date for tomorrow. I think I've been totally clear about getting together again. But maybe I am doing something that isn't giving the right signals?

 

Here and there, there has been a little of the self deprecating stuff. He's poked fun at himself for being "a ginger", and he's made the odd joke having to do with his height. But, when he didn't hear back from me right away about setting things up for another date, and was quick to text again, I was a little taken aback. There was a "sorry" in there somewhere he texted sometime after. I hate the sorry when there is no reason to say so!

 

I just like this "confident" guy I've had a couple of dates with. So... If I can nip this negative stuff in the bud, I want to be able to do that. I think he's cool. I'm seeing him tomorrow night for dinner. He's coming to pick me up at my place.

[Sabali]

There is a general confident personality that one has in life and then there is a confidence when it comes to dating and women. The two are not synonymous. There are many confident guys I know through my career and just doing activities such as playing sports but get these guys in front of women and they don't know their right from their left.

 

Is complete confidence a deal breaker? Must a person have 100% of of the qualities we look for in an ideal partner? What are we able to forgive? Can someone be short of 30 - 40% of what we look for? We won't ever get 100%. I know that.

 

Some really great people are simply as not as great when it come to dating. Some have been through some horrible dating experiences and just get anxiety when it comes to finally meeting a potential person that they can be with for a long time.

 

 

It sounds like this guy was doing every thing right until he got anxious and sent that insecure text. He made that one false move.

 

 

What does all of this mean? It means date Saba. No one hide their flaws better than me.