Dude's going to blow it...

[welikeincrowds]

I know this might sound way out there, although I have had a lot of experience with control freaks. I just can't put it into sensible words to communicate to you that I have heard this before from people with major control issues.

 

Well, you're right. That does sound way out there.

[LittleTiger]

This is nuts!

 

This poor guy is being bombasted by complete strangers because he sent a couple of texts to a woman he's just started dating and obviously likes a lot.

 

Unbelievable!

 

I think I'm starting to understand where all these 'nice guys' are coming from on here - if these posts are an example of how most women think these days then no wonder you're all still looking!

[welikeincrowds]

This is nuts!

 

This poor guy is being bombasted by complete strangers because he sent a couple of texts to a woman he's just started dating and obviously likes a lot.

 

Unbelievable!

 

I think I'm starting to understand where all these 'nice guys' are coming from on here - if these posts are an example of how most women think these days then no wonder you're all still looking!

 

Perhaps you can identify what I find to be the key phrase.

 

Obviously we have no idea who he is and we're all full of ****. He doesn't know who we are, either, and I'm sure he'd be the first one to identify that we're all full of **** as well. From this display of irrational internet nonsense D-Lish will certainly be able to choose a moderate, rational course of action. And while this forum may be helpful for some, ultimately it is for entertainment. You ask that others keep it in perspective, but I'd like to remind you to do the same!

[OceanGirl]

Oh Jesus. I am that guy :S

 

I think that if I liked a guy a LOT, I would find that text cute. Otherwise, it would turn me off.

[Untouchable_Fire]

The Hugh Grant approach? Haha, wow. That's a new one. There's a difference between "befuddled" and "i'm not sure if you're even interested in me :( *A SINGLE TEAR*".

Which leads me to my next point: I never said fishing for compliments. (I really shouldn't have used the word "fishing.") What I said was validation of character. No balanced person could become despondent by the third date -- with a stranger, no less -- so what was his reason for expressing even a fraction of that emotion? As if to say "I don't know how to read you, but I will take my read of you seriously, and allow it to reflect on me personally, such that I get emotional over it." Get the **** out of here with that frownie face, bro. There is no reason to believe he was doing this to be attractive, or in any way for D-Lish's benefit. One can only conclude that it was for selfish reasons. He was doing it to feel validated.

That's how it is. Whether or not that's a big deal at all is where opinion is free to diverge. I'm annoyed, but in all fairness I'd probably try for a third date. I'm also a neurotic, so, you know, don't listen to me.

 

I don't think that is what he was doing at all. She kind of left him hanging after the last date for about 4 days. He was expressing his feelings about her slowness to contact him. How did you not get that? That's why he used the frowny face. This wasn't about validation. It was about expressing how she is making him feel.

 

I mean... he should not have to be trying to firm up plans the day of. She should have contacted him between that time. Plus since he was the first to reach out to her... he had no idea she was not in a place to respond quickly.

 

Also I did not see in her response any kind of apology or explanation for responding in a slow manner... which would be the polite thing to do when someone is trying to plan their day around you.

 

That is how I read his reaction.

[welikeincrowds]

I don't think that is what he was doing at all. She kind of left him hanging after the last date for about 4 days. He was expressing his feelings about her slowness to contact him. How did you not get that?

 

Ha! Actually, I did miss that.

 

And now I see no reason to be hard on him. My opinion has completely changed. I really should learn to read. Instead, I got mad.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Ha! Actually, I did miss that.

And now I see no reason to be hard on him. My opinion has completely changed. I really should learn to read. Instead, I got mad.

 

I had the same first impression... mostly because I think D-Lish is the beesknees. However sending the frowny face just didn't make sense to me, so I went back and re-read it.

 

It's kind of not fair that she puts up hot pictures. How is a guy supposed to read her posts when his eyes are fixed on the pic?

[LittleTiger]

Perhaps you can identify what I find to be the key phrase.

 

Obviously we have no idea who he is and we're all full of ****. He doesn't know who we are, either, and I'm sure he'd be the first one to identify that we're all full of **** as well. From this display of irrational internet nonsense D-Lish will certainly be able to choose a moderate, rational course of action. And while this forum may be helpful for some, ultimately it is for entertainment. You ask that others keep it in perspective, but I'd like to remind you to do the same!

 

Have you read some of the posts on here?

 

These people are real people, with genuine concerns and asking for help with problems which, in some cases, they perceive are ruining their lives. So, yes, maybe it is for entertainment but some people take dating very seriously and will read your comments very seriously.

 

Personally, I think everybody needs to lighten up and stop being so mean to each other and each other's prospective partners (who they don't even know). There's nothing 'out of perspective' about that.

 

I'm actually surprised that D-Lish even asked for opinions on this guy's text and behaviour because she's a smart woman and can make up her own mind - hopefully she will see some of these comments as full of **** - if that's how they were intended. Some people are very strongly influenced by the opinions of others so what's written on here does count - if not to D-Lish then to other's who may be reading.

 

Too much analysis of every single move in the dating game is just 'nuts' IMO. Dating is supposed to be fun and lead to finding a special person.

 

One 'less than perfect' text and the guy is out of the running??? Just glad I'm not a single man.

[EricaH329]

D- it almost sounds like a game. I know this might sound way out there, although I have had a lot of experience with control freaks. I just can't put it into sensible words to communicate to you that I have heard this before from people with major control issues.

 

I couldn't agree with you more.

 

This insecurity may sincerely be innocent. But, on the other hand, could be the first signs of major red flags. I've been there, done that, and it turned into an absolute train wreck.

 

All the advice I can give to you, is be careful. Look out for those red flags, and if it ever gets to a point where it's too much for you to handle, I suggest cutting your losses.

 

Hopefully it doesn't turn out that way, but IME it looks like it's heading down that path.

 

Good luck D Keep us posted!!

[LittleTiger]

Ha! Actually, I did miss that.

 

And now I see no reason to be hard on him. My opinion has completely changed. I really should learn to read. Instead, I got mad.

 

Phew.......

[tigressA]

I agree with Trinity (about the control issues) and Erica. Give him another chance, D, but definitely be on the lookout for more of that stuff. A certain person acted that way with me more than once, and of course you know the chaos that turned into.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Have you read some of the posts on here?

These people are real people, with genuine concerns and asking for help with problems which, in some cases, they perceive are ruining their lives. So, yes, maybe it is for entertainment but some people take dating very seriously and will read your comments very seriously.

Personally, I think everybody needs to lighten up and stop being so mean to each other and each other's prospective partners (who they don't even know). There's nothing 'out of perspective' about that.

I'm actually surprised that D-Lish even asked for opinions on this guy's text and behaviour because she's a smart woman and can make up her own mind - hopefully she will see some of these comments as full of **** - if that's how they were intended. Some people are very strongly influenced by the opinions of others so what's written on here does count - if not to D-Lish then to other's who may be reading.

Too much analysis of every single move in the dating game is just 'nuts' IMO. Dating is supposed to be fun and lead to finding a special person.

One 'less than perfect' text and the guy is out of the running??? Just glad I'm not a single man.

 

We all have those moments where we get caught up in emotion and need someone to point something out to us objectively. This website is fairly good for that.

 

The issue is that everyone moves so darn fast. They don't take the time to get to know people. So they always wind up falling in love with the best actor or actress, which most often is not the best person.

 

I can say that as a guy, when I am dating I put my game face on. I cut out nearly all negativity unless it's funny, and refuse to even show a shred of insecurity. I think it is just a natural response from experience in dating around here.

 

Finding a suitable female in the country feels like I'm trying to pick women from a psych ward. I assume the men are equally as crazy.

[tigressA]

The thing that bugs me is that this exchange was all within one day. I don't see anywhere in the post that indicates it was any longer than that; I read here someone said 4 days and I went "Huh??"

[Untouchable_Fire]

I couldn't agree with you more.

This insecurity may sincerely be innocent. But, on the other hand, could be the first signs of major red flags. I've been there, done that, and it turned into an absolute train wreck.

All the advice I can give to you, is be careful. Look out for those red flags, and if it ever gets to a point where it's too much for you to handle, I suggest cutting your losses.

Hopefully it doesn't turn out that way, but IME it looks like it's heading down that path.

Good luck D Keep us posted!!

 

I don't see where your getting the insecurity thing.

 

Personally it looked to me like he was expressing uhappiness with her lack of a response. Combined with no contact from her for nearly 3-4 days.

[EricaH329]

I don't see where your getting the insecurity thing.

 

Personally it looked to me like he was expressing uhappiness with her lack of a response. Combined with no contact from her for nearly 3-4 days.

 

Huh? Where is this no contact for 4 days? I just re-read the OP and it doesn't say anything about that? She had a great time on Sunday, and then he texted her the next day to firm up plans for Wednesday. She didn't respond right away because she was taking care of stuff, and when she was able to get back to him (later that day, i'm assuming) is when he responded with the last text she provided.

 

Like I said, this could just be innocent. But, it could also be more than that. I just want you D to be careful. I've been with one guy that was extremely controlling and possessive and this is how he acted in the beginning also. I had thought it was just a bit of insecurity until further down the road he started openly showing more and more psychological issues.

 

Just watch out hun. And like I said, if something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

[LittleTiger]

We all have those moments where we get caught up in emotion and need someone to point something out to us objectively. This website is fairly good for that.

 

The issue is that everyone moves so darn fast. They don't take the time to get to know people. So they always wind up falling in love with the best actor or actress, which most often is not the best person.

 

I can say that as a guy, when I am dating I put my game face on. I cut out nearly all negativity unless it's funny, and refuse to even show a shred of insecurity. I think it is just a natural response from experience in dating around here.

 

Finding a suitable female in the country feels like I'm trying to pick women from a psych ward. I assume the men are equally as crazy.

 

I assume by 'in the country' you mean the US? That could explain a lot! (No offense intended).

 

I'm probably one of very few English people on this site and I wonder if we just approach things differently.

 

I'm not surprised you put your game face on and refuse to show a shred of insecurity if some of these posts are an indication of the reaction you'd get. I do think it's a shame people can't be more open and genuine with each other.

[Jannah]

This is nuts!

 

This poor guy is being bombasted by complete strangers because he sent a couple of texts to a woman he's just started dating and obviously likes a lot.

 

Unbelievable!

 

I think I'm starting to understand where all these 'nice guys' are coming from on here - if these posts are an example of how most women think these days then no wonder you're all still looking!

 

Throw me in the "this is nuts" crowd.

 

Everyone gets flaked on, everyone. So, maybe this guy is just like the rest of us. He just happened to demonstrate it first....At this point, what you should be focusing on, is going out and having fun with him and enjoying it.

 

So, you will go out and have fun and enjoy it, gosh darn it!!

[JamesM]

Throw me in the "this is nuts" crowd.

 

Ditto here.

 

You all are being way too harsh. We all have bad days and his text could have reflected that.

 

Face it, D Lish.....based on your pics, you are a beautiful woman. If I were that guy, then I might be questioning my first thoughts that you had interest in me.

 

He has no clue really how you feel about him. It is as unknown to him as he is to you. I say to give this time and see how it goes. It could be that your gut feeling is correct, or it could be that you are simply worrying about nothing. Time will tell.

 

I can see why you may think the text shows insecurity, but I also read it to say that he simply was disappointed if you did not want to date him again. He may have been feeling down, because he had hopes for the two of you yet it appeared as if it wasn't going to be.

 

This is not insecurity about himself but uncertainty about his/your future.

 

I read it differently than you.

 

As Little Tiger said, "Wow, dating is tough these days."

[Kamille]

Not an insecure ginger!

 

What really kills it for me is the " :-( ". That text would have been completely different had he: "Great, I wasn't sure :-)".

 

It is very little information to go on though, I admit. Glad you're going to hang out with him and see if his insecurity is only the effect of how much he likes you or if it goes deeper.

[Jannah]

Not an insecure ginger!

 

What really kills it for me is the " :-( ". That text would have been completely different had he: "Great, I wasn't sure :-)".

 

It is very little information to go on though, I admit. Glad you're going to hang out with him and see if his insecurity is only the effect of how much he likes you or if it goes deeper.

 

Yes but think about how crazy this sounds....A happy face text versus a sad face text....

 

Are we to conclude that he is a pessimistic negative nancy insecure weenie based on a ":-(" versus a ":-)"?

[counterman]

See how it goes next time you meet him

 

Self-deprecating humour is great in small doses; shows, in some cases, that someone can have a laugh at himself and not take things too seriously. This conveys confidence. Too much of it and it shows self-esteem.

 

I agree with the ":-(", that could be a real downer on someone's mood, but yeah, see how it goes.

[Lakeside_runner]

This all sounds weird. You guys met up only once so you barely know each other and he already is in the state of mind like you're too good for him. Weird... I really hope it will work out though but I can see how this may come off as a turn-off for you... Good luck! Don't scratch him off yet - see how the second meeting goes and how he'll behave afterwards.

 

P.S. I'm seeing "my girl" tomorrow - so excited to get to know her better!

[EasyHeart]

Wow. I think many of you are reading WAY to much into this situation. I agree there is some insecurity here; the proper question is which side it's on.

 

The bigger takeaway from this should be (and yes, I do realize this caution will fall on mostly deaf ears): DO NOT COMMUNICATE BY TEXT MESSAGE. Pick up the frickin' phone and TALK to each other.

[Joe_the_Plumber]

It may not be insecurity as much as he was really hoping you would have responded quickly.

 

He saw your initial non-response as a rejection, when a relationship is so new we all look for signs that it isn't going to work or it is going to work.

 

Have you mentioned to him that you don't sit on your phone and sometimes it takes a while for you to reply to texts?

The reason I ask that is that some people today live in an instant world, if it doesn't happen instantly then there has to be a reason it didn't.

[Lakeside_runner]

Wow. I think many of you are reading WAY to much into this situation. I agree there is some insecurity here; the proper question is which side it's on.

 

The bigger takeaway from this should be (and yes, I do realize this caution will fall on mostly deaf ears): DO NOT COMMUNICATE BY TEXT MESSAGE. Pick up the frickin' phone and TALK to each other.

 

OK. Yeah, I'm not sure that this shows a lot of insecurity but it shows some light neediness. People have the right not to respond to texts right away and it should not trigger texting back something that feels like "Oh, I'm sooo happy you texted back because I thought you are rejecting me but we're back to normal now."

 

I don't think that it would make any difference had he called her, left a VM, she'd call him back and he'd tell her the same thing that he texted.