dsd85 Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Hi everyone. I need advice on a situation I don't really know how I got into, it was never my intention and I feel horrible! I think I have two boyfriends. The first one if my current bf of 5 years, and the second is junior high sweet heart who I recently reconnected with. Here is what happened. Last March, my boyfriend and I broke up, the relationship was going through a very rough patch, we had one of our big arguments and none of us bothered to reach out to the next person, so we stayed broken up for 6 months. I found out he had a new gf and completely went nuts, I could not believe I had let him go so easily and fought to get him back because I missed him and wanted to save what we had. In August, we got back together since his new relationship didn't really work out. Nonetheless, things were going pretty good, great actually, until one day I received a text message from him. The text message sounded like it was directed to somebody else, to my surprise, it was meant for the same girl I was growing a little suspicious of that same week. It read "you can keep the fact that you chocked me, just don't call me ever again, this will never work, go back to your boyfriend. i won't tell your brother. just forget anything we had." It turns out he went out that night with his friends sisters to a party. When I asked him about her earlier that week, he told me she was his friends sister and had been around the family for a while, and she takes him as a brother. Since I wasn't around for 6-7 months, I believed him, until I received this weird text message. To me, it sounded as if they had something going on, something more than just a friendship. I confronted him, he got upset with me and didn't bother to address my concerns, except for only the next few days when he told me it was nothing, and i was exagerating. I stopped contacting him because I started coming to terms with the fact that maybe him and won't work, no matter how much I want us to, and no matter how much I love him. After all, this was not the first time I was hurt by him, and not the first time infidelity was an issue in the relationship. After I stopped contact, he didn't bother calling or messaging me, nothing at all, for two weeks, we only spoke once or twice during that time, but it was very brief, basically he called me once at 1 am to ask me if i didn't want to hang out with him for out 5 year anniversary....OUR ANNIVERSARY WAS OVER, HE CALLED ME AT 1 AM, AFTER THE DAY HAD PASSED, SO I SAID NO, AND TOLD HIM IT WAS LATE. He could obviously tell I was not impressed. The second time I texted him, asked him, "what's going on with us," and he didn't even reply. During these two week, I was reconnecting with an old friend of mine. He was very sweet to me, but thought me and my bf weren't together anymore since we had broken up in March and I didn't tell many people we were back together. Since I thought my bf and I were breaking up again, I didn't think it would be important to tell my friend that my bf and I got back together. Long story short (as if this isn't already long) my friend and I started hanging out, developing feelings and we got really close. Two weeks into my bf and I not talking, he called me and started talking like everything was normal, making me feel guilty, saying I over reacted and he didn't call because he wanted to give me space to think, cus I was angry. So, I gave in, felt guilty and didn't know how tell my bf that I've been hanging out with someone new. It's been a month now, and even though my "friend" and I haven't made it official, it looks like I might have two bf's. Today my friend put his profile picture on fb as a pic of him and I, and it makes me feel awful. p.s I have not slept with the friend yet.... Please help! I need to make a decision, but don't know how! I love my boyfriend, we have been through so much and fought so hard for us, and even though he might not be the perfect guy, I can't let go of the fact that I love him, but I don't fully trust him, and don't know if he will hurt me again. On the other hand, my friend is the most amazing guy, and i know his character, I know he would never hurt me. I just don't know how to chose. I'm a mess, and digging a very big whole for myself! Suggestions please!!
Nemicron Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Well first of all you said the guy that you were with for 5 years cheats on you. Once a cheater always a cheater. Ditch him. And go for the new guy. You old BF will cheat on you again if he did it once already. Theres no sense in thinking he wont. Trust me my ex told she wouldn't and that was a huge lie. But you'll be happyier with someone else that might care for you and understand whatever your needs actually are. Hi everyone. I need advice on a situation I don't really know how I got into, it was never my intention and I feel horrible! I think I have two boyfriends. The first one if my current bf of 5 years, and the second is junior high sweet heart who I recently reconnected with. Here is what happened. Last March, my boyfriend and I broke up, the relationship was going through a very rough patch, we had one of our big arguments and none of us bothered to reach out to the next person, so we stayed broken up for 6 months. I found out he had a new gf and completely went nuts, I could not believe I had let him go so easily and fought to get him back because I missed him and wanted to save what we had. In August, we got back together since his new relationship didn't really work out. Nonetheless, things were going pretty good, great actually, until one day I received a text message from him. The text message sounded like it was directed to somebody else, to my surprise, it was meant for the same girl I was growing a little suspicious of that same week. It read "you can keep the fact that you chocked me, just don't call me ever again, this will never work, go back to your boyfriend. i won't tell your brother. just forget anything we had." It turns out he went out that night with his friends sisters to a party. When I asked him about her earlier that week, he told me she was his friends sister and had been around the family for a while, and she takes him as a brother. Since I wasn't around for 6-7 months, I believed him, until I received this weird text message. To me, it sounded as if they had something going on, something more than just a friendship. I confronted him, he got upset with me and didn't bother to address my concerns, except for only the next few days when he told me it was nothing, and i was exagerating. I stopped contacting him because I started coming to terms with the fact that maybe him and won't work, no matter how much I want us to, and no matter how much I love him. After all, this was not the first time I was hurt by him, and not the first time infidelity was an issue in the relationship. After I stopped contact, he didn't bother calling or messaging me, nothing at all, for two weeks, we only spoke once or twice during that time, but it was very brief, basically he called me once at 1 am to ask me if i didn't want to hang out with him for out 5 year anniversary....OUR ANNIVERSARY WAS OVER, HE CALLED ME AT 1 AM, AFTER THE DAY HAD PASSED, SO I SAID NO, AND TOLD HIM IT WAS LATE. He could obviously tell I was not impressed. The second time I texted him, asked him, "what's going on with us," and he didn't even reply. During these two week, I was reconnecting with an old friend of mine. He was very sweet to me, but thought me and my bf weren't together anymore since we had broken up in March and I didn't tell many people we were back together. Since I thought my bf and I were breaking up again, I didn't think it would be important to tell my friend that my bf and I got back together. Long story short (as if this isn't already long) my friend and I started hanging out, developing feelings and we got really close. Two weeks into my bf and I not talking, he called me and started talking like everything was normal, making me feel guilty, saying I over reacted and he didn't call because he wanted to give me space to think, cus I was angry. So, I gave in, felt guilty and didn't know how tell my bf that I've been hanging out with someone new. It's been a month now, and even though my "friend" and I haven't made it official, it looks like I might have two bf's. Today my friend put his profile picture on fb as a pic of him and I, and it makes me feel awful. p.s I have not slept with the friend yet.... Please help! I need to make a decision, but don't know how! I love my boyfriend, we have been through so much and fought so hard for us, and even though he might not be the perfect guy, I can't let go of the fact that I love him, but I don't fully trust him, and don't know if he will hurt me again. On the other hand, my friend is the most amazing guy, and i know his character, I know he would never hurt me. I just don't know how to chose. I'm a mess, and digging a very big whole for myself! Suggestions please!!
Author dsd85 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 Thanks for the reply. I know you're right. But I just have that feeling of desperation to make it work with my bf. I forgave him for cheating almost 3 years ago, we had out ups and downs...it's just so hard. Have people ever had that feeling when you get cheated on, that you somehow think it was your fault, and try to fix it? I know I shouldn't think like that ever, but I do
Leandro Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Thanks for the reply. I know you're right. But I just have that feeling of desperation to make it work with my bf. I forgave him for cheating almost 3 years ago, we had out ups and downs...it's just so hard. Have people ever had that feeling when you get cheated on, that you somehow think it was your fault, and try to fix it? I know I shouldn't think like that ever, but I do Did you stand there and put his junk in her for him?? No? Then it wasn't your fault for him cheating on you, her knew what he was doing.
Author dsd85 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 Thanks again, Guys I really really need to decide what to do. This is very out of character for me and I feel awful. I know some people can just cheat and think nothing, but I'm cheating on both guys and I need to make a decision. I feel awful, after my friend put up a picture of us on facebook, EVERYONE we know is commenting, saying congratulations!!! Which means we are a couple. AND I'M NOT READY TO BE A COUPLE WITH HIM YET BECAUSE I'M STILL WITH MY BF!!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO? I CAN'T BREAK UP WITH MY BF! AND I CAN'T LET GO OF THIS GREAT GUY! BUT HE IS MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THINKING WE ARE A COUPLE AND PUTTING UP A PICTURE! I FEEL AWFUL!
xpaperxcutx Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Why can't you break up with your bf? Unless he is so emotionally abusive that you have lost your will to live without him, I think you're just being a coward. Really, if you think someone who cheats and treated you so is a saint to be with, then by all means you deserve him. Situations are what you make of it, there is no fate to intervene. If you find some more respect for yourself to discover you deserve better, you wouldn't be in this mess. If you think life is h*ll right now, then it's all because you did it to yourelf.
Author dsd85 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 you are right and i appreciate your harsh truth. but the only thing i'm having trouble with is breaking up with my bf due to things so far in the past, almost 3 years ago was when he cheated. it hurts me to let him go. the whole text message thing two months ago after we got back together.... well i never really found out if they did have something going on (him and his friends sister.) last night, he let me go through his phone without any hesitation, i think because he feels me pulling away and he wanted to show me i have nothing to worry about i guess i'm gonna end up hurting one person, or both, or maybe just end up alone like i deserve.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 you are right and i appreciate your harsh truth. but the only thing i'm having trouble with is breaking up with my bf due to things so far in the past, almost 3 years ago was when he cheated. it hurts me to let him go. the whole text message thing two months ago after we got back together.... well i never really found out if they did have something going on (him and his friends sister.) last night, he let me go through his phone without any hesitation, i think because he feels me pulling away and he wanted to show me i have nothing to worry about i guess i'm gonna end up hurting one person, or both, or maybe just end up alone like i deserve. Everything hurts, but that only comes after making certain decisions and coming face to face with difficult situations. If being with your boyfriend makes you happy, then be with him although as an outsider I already sensed there have been more bad than good. If I have to be more blunter- your bf doesn't deserve you and you don't deserve the new guy.
Author dsd85 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 i definitely don't deserve the new guy. i'm just trying to figure out if i'm ready to let go of my bf. when i think about what i'm doing, i feel worse for my bf than i do for the new guy. does that mean anything???
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