always_searching Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 (edited) Have any of you had such a desire? I'm not talking about contemplating suicide, but just laying in bed and "praying" or "wishing" for death, or, rather, just not to wake up in the morning. Or even wishing you'd never been born. I think this thought goes through my head every night, and I've not really noticed it until just now, when I shut my eyes to go to sleep, and thought, "It'd be really nice if I just didn't wake up tomorrow." It's not that I had a terrible day, or anything. It's not that I'm terribly depressed (though, I may be slightly so). I think I have it pretty good, all things considered: I have people who care about me and support me; I have my mind and my health; I have possessions; I even have goals. It's just, all of it seems so futile. I mean, we do and possess all this stuff: hopes and dreams, goals, friends, a lover/beloved, fame, fortune, blah, blah, blah. What the hell does it matter, when we are all destined for the grave in the end? There are times I just don't see the point, or even want to bother. I mean, yes, I've contemplated suicide, but I just don't feel I have the right to take my own life. However, if a "natural death" of some sort were to occur in my sleep, or if God would just assume me into Heaven, or something of that nature...I can't say I'd be terribly disappointed. Am I the only one who has these thoughts? Edited November 9, 2010 by always_searching
skydiveaddict Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 (edited) No, you are not the only one. But we have already discussed this. I have my reasons, and you know what they are. But they are not yours. I don't like to hear you say this And you shouldn't feel this way anyway. You have your whole life ahead of you. Start living it. You have more happiness ahead of you than you know. I don't even like to hear you say this, it bothers the hell out of me. stop it. PM me and I will talk to you. Edited November 9, 2010 by skydiveaddict
Jannah Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Many people experience the thoughts you described, it is a terrible feeling to have. I think it is good you are reflective towards your thoughts and feelings and seeking outside opinions. We do not live to experience death, we live to experience the precious gift that is life and you deserve to take care of yourself and create a beautiful life for yourself. If it helps to talk about it on here, all the more worthwhile. ❤
Cee Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 I experience depression so I've had these thoughts, but I'm fortunate to be in treatment and am doing fairly well with it. Sometimes I have these thoughts not when I'm depressed, but in a period of stress or extreme anxiety. Sometimes when my life is stressful, I lose my grounding and life loses meaning. That's what they call an "existential crisis," where someone is questioning the very foundations of their own life. Spirituality or human connection is helpful with such crises. I don't want to get too detailed in answering this question because I know this stuff is triggering to some people. And the last thing I want to do is upset someone who is already depressed. I suggest you talk to a friend or counselor. Daily Strength has online support groups for all sorts of issues including depression too. http://www.dailystrength.org/ I'm glad you reached out and said something. By helping yourself, you might help someone else.
Trinity2 Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Have any of you had such a desire? I'm not talking about contemplating suicide, but just laying in bed and "praying" or "wishing" for death, or, rather, just not to wake up in the morning. Or even wishing you'd never been born. I think this thought goes through my head every night, and I've not really noticed it until just now, when I shut my eyes to go to sleep, and thought, "It'd be really nice if I just didn't wake up tomorrow." It's not that I had a terrible day, or anything. It's not that I'm terribly depressed (though, I may be slightly so). I think I have it pretty good, all things considered: I have people who care about me and support me; I have my mind and my health; I have possessions; I even have goals. It's just, all of it seems so futile. I mean, we do and possess all this stuff: hopes and dreams, goals, friends, a lover/beloved, fame, fortune, blah, blah, blah. What the hell does it matter, when we are all destined for the grave in the end? There are times I just don't see the point, or even want to bother. I mean, yes, I've contemplated suicide, but I just don't feel I have the right to take my own life. However, if a "natural death" of some sort were to occur in my sleep, or if God would just assume me into Heaven, or something of that nature...I can't say I'd be terribly disappointed. Am I the only one who has these thoughts? I've hit extremely low points and have thought about suicide seriously. I will never try though due to how I believe spiritually like you. My mother had a friend that was majorly messed up due to a botched suicide attempt, that is another reason I don't follow through. I am seriously afraid of how it will go down though.
BambooLand Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Recently I have wished my diet of grease and salt will give me a heart attack and die. Family won't be as hurt since it wasn't "actually" suicide, but heart attack by fries on purpose lol. You're a nice person, stop having these thoughts cause I don't think you should be having them. Most of the time I go to sleep and can't wait to get up in the morning, because I try to keep my life exciting and stimulating. I don't want to die or even imagine it. I just think while we are al here on Earth, why not make something of it and discover as musch as we can while we are here. Also if we find another that wants to share these discoveries with you in your life, then that is a plus.
Surrealist Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Yes and I have contemplated suicide as well. This only started around 6 years ago. I have been diagnosed with mild depression but I dont accept to take anything for it. I wont attempt suicide for the exact same reasons in that I believe in God, heaven and hell. That is the truth of how I feel. I personally think if God eas beckoning me to die and be with him in heaven, I would NOT hesitate. Who wants this ****ty world anyway? What honestly is the best you can get here? Even rich people have to llive with themselves and some of them are lonely wrecks. Only got to look at many celebrities as a testament to this.
somedude81 Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I think about death and dying every single day. I can't think of a single reason to get up tomorrow. My future looks bleak and in a few months, my life may become very difficult as I may run out of money. I'm barely hanging on with the hope that my life will get better and that I'll find somebody who likes me. But with the ever repeating cycle of; "meet girl, fall for her, get rejected, get over her," I'm starting to doubt that I'll find happiness. I really don't want this sh*t to continue into my 30's. I am running out of strength. Right now, I would just be happy if I didn't wake up tomorrow.
Surrealist Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I think about death and dying every single day. I can't think of a single reason to get up tomorrow. My future looks bleak and in a few months, my life may become very difficult as I may run out of money. I'm barely hanging on with the hope that my life will get better and that I'll find somebody who likes me. But with the ever repeating cycle of; "meet girl, fall for her, get rejected, get over her," I'm starting to doubt that I'll find happiness. I really don't want this sh*t to continue into my 30's. I am running out of strength. Right now, I would just be happy if I didn't wake up tomorrow. Re money running out... is that because your welfare runs out? I know it is different in American than here in Australia. Or is it something else? Do you have a job or trying to get a job? What's happening in that part of your life atm and is this contributing to the way you feel?
somedude81 Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I'm a college student living off of grants, student loans and some money my parents gave me. I've got enough cash to last about five more months but I don't really know beyond that. I really don't want to work as that will only bring my grades down, which aren't that good right now anyways. There's also a chance I could get kicked out of school since it's really hard to do well while under constant depression. Other than that it's just loneliness since I don't have a girlfriend or any close friends.
Author always_searching Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 I think about death and dying every single day. I can't think of a single reason to get up tomorrow. My future looks bleak and in a few months, my life may become very difficult as I may run out of money. I'm barely hanging on with the hope that my life will get better and that I'll find somebody who likes me. But with the ever repeating cycle of; "meet girl, fall for her, get rejected, get over her," I'm starting to doubt that I'll find happiness. I really don't want this sh*t to continue into my 30's. I am running out of strength. Right now, I would just be happy if I didn't wake up tomorrow. I'm really sorry to hear that, somedude. If it is any consolation, I have only enough money to make it one more month, just recently got a part time job that I have yet to actually start, am getting kicked out of my roommate's house in January (which is primarily my fault, so I can't be too perturbed about that), and have no where to live after that as I am not welcome to return home (step-dad wants me out on my own). So, I know the struggles of lacking financial security. I also just paid to take the GRE and am applying to PhD programs which takes money. I am really taking a leap of faith on blowing what money I do have on PhD programs. God, I will really be in the hole come next month...and I will be utterly screwed come January. I just pray that I get accepted into at least one of the PhD programs I am applying to. On the plus-side, I have a pretty nice car and I wouldn't mind living out of it for a couple of months, if need be. I mean, it would be an adventure, anyway. (Notice my optimism, SkyDiveAddict? )
thatsonlyme Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 I'm not sure if I really wish to die, but I couldn't care less if I did. I appears that every time I find a little happiness in my life, life decides to slap me in my face! I'm tired of this game already and things are likely to get even worse in the near future. I just can't seem to find any purpose in my life. I tried to work on my business so I can have just enough money to enjoy a good life with my ex. We had our dreams and that was my goal. I have no dreams anymore. nothing worth fighting for. Some people can be happy on their own, but I need someone to share happiness! I love travel but I can't travel alone. I love photography but my photos now look empty and sad, there is nobody to capture! I love cooking but I have nobody to cook for! My financial situation is scary at the moment, I have invested money in my business which has been on hold for moths, I drive a cab to pay my bills but last two weeks I hardly worked at all because I was going out with friends and drinking. My ex still owes me some cash and I have some assets to sell, but I also have big expenses, plus new car that that I just bought. Last couple of months I've been spending more than I'm making and I just can't motivate myself to work more! TO make things even worse, I have over 25 grand available limit on my credit cards and I have started using it!
quankanne Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 However, if a "natural death" of some sort were to occur in my sleep, or if God would just assume me into Heaven, or something of that nature ... I can't say I'd be terribly disappointed. that was my attitude about the time I hit 30, and I'd actually hoped that my time here would expire before I hit 40. Why, I'm not sure, but I think it had a lot to do with the belief that by the time I turned 40, my life wouldn't be interesting. I mean, what could possibly be good about growing older than that? Your body starts going downhill, you (from a woman's standpoint) are less attractive than your younger counterparts, yadda yadda yadda. now that I'm 40-something, I look back and smile on my silly younger self for ever thinking that there's nothing more ... if I could take my knowledge now and couple it with the body I had as a coed, why, I'd conquer the world! :p:p whatever it is that's got your mind tied up with an early exit, trust me, it's going to pass because your life is going to change just enough to where you'll see another side of things and you're going to realize you like your little spot in life.
bayouboi Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 I think about this a night before I go to sleep as well.
Nikki Sahagin Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 Yes, I think of it a lot. I've never really been too scared by death. It's like the burning question I want the answer too, but I know if it came i'd be regretful and afraid and i'd choose life. I think about death as a peaceful thing. I heard somewhere that 'life is hard, death is easy' and I think that's true.
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