Is she in GIGS or Rebound or Neither?

[fob]

My girlfriend and I have been together for close to 3 years. This past month we have a lot of fights going on, and she started to go out more with her college friends and enjoying the night life. She broke up with me last week and right off the bat she is going out with one of her college friend. I do sense that they have something going on even before we officially broke up...

 

During the month of October, while we were having fights and when she felt all sad and upset, she is often with her group of friends(including her new bf) hanging out at night. Then at the day of break up, she did say that she doesn't have anymore feelings for me, she said that "we're not in high school anymore" and she wants to live up her life, go out a lot, hang out a lot, meet new people(new relationship?) She said she is very happy right now because she is stress free compared to last month when we had plenty of fights. She said that the month of November is the "turning point" of her life. I can see that she cares a lot for her new bf, because although she doesn't like people who smokes, she's still with him. So I have no idea how I should categorize her relationship, GIGS or rebound or neither?

 

 

She told me that she wants to enjoy life, and wanna live up her life. She also said that she have been iffy about our relationship(not sure what she meant, probably meaning she wants to try out new things, new relationships in life)

 

Right now she does not contact me, and she's very much in loved with her new bf, because she slept with him already, and I know for a fact that she is not a player, unless she loves a person, she won't do sexual things with him. She seems very decisive that she has moved on, although her new bf smokes and drinks, where as I don't do neither.

 

What do you guys think? Is she suffering GIGS? I don't think it's a Rebound because she doesn't seem to have any feelings with me anymore, and she doesn't seem to feel any emotional pain according to what I see, what I hear from her friends and family.

 

 

 

Any opinion is welcome. Thanks <3

[iamawesome]

It's def not rebound. I wouldn't call it GIGS either. If it were GIGS I think her expectations would be more unrealistic. Also, I had a case of the GIGS myself and it was brought about by the fact that I was scared to death that I had found "the one" and felt pressure to gain more experience. With that being said, I think in the case of GIGS she would have some feelings toward you.

 

I think in her mind she no longer sees you in her future and you no longer meet her evolving needs/wants. I think its as simple as growing apart?

[Hhhh]

GIGS is bull**** doesn't mean anything when the relationship goes south they break it off to meet new people and if she has been around this guy before the relationship I doubt it's a rebound but rather gave you up for him. You got to move on brother

[fob]

Actually she only knew him for about 3-4 months. He's her new college friend this semester. She said the reason why she's leaving me is because she wasn't happy with all the fights and she wanted to explore new people and fun in life. I guess at the age of 19, young adults tend to think that way, don't you think?

[fob]

It's def not rebound. I wouldn't call it GIGS either. If it were GIGS I think her expectations would be more unrealistic. Also, I had a case of the GIGS myself and it was brought about by the fact that I was scared to death that I had found "the one" and felt pressure to gain more experience. With that being said, I think in the case of GIGS she would have some feelings toward you.

 

I think in her mind she no longer sees you in her future and you no longer meet her evolving needs/wants. I think its as simple as growing apart?

 

You gotta understand now, the problem was we had too many fights, and this guy she's with now is very peaceful (at least for now) so her expectation is to just have fun and not have to deal with fights every other day, she's not really trying to choose the best men in the world as her bf...

[Leandro]

Actually she only knew him for about 3-4 months. He's her new college friend this semester. She said the reason why she's leaving me is because she wasn't happy with all the fights and she wanted to explore new people and fun in life. I guess at the age of 19, young adults tend to think that way, don't you think?

Yea they don't especially in college. Don't worry about it. we're still young and will love again. Let her go.

[durkadurka]

I'd say neither. One thing my ex never said to me was how much fun she was having with her new person.

 

Sorry chap.

[fob]

I'd say neither. One thing my ex never said to me was how much fun she was having with her new person.

 

Sorry chap.

 

Hmm? My ex never told me how much fun she's having with her new person.. I heard about what's going on from her friends. She only told me she wants to move on because she wasn't happy due to all the fights in October and she wants to try something new.

[Hhhh]

if its because of the fights then she's immature because you cant run away from fights but learn to solve them thats how a relationship works she gave up on you your probably better off

 

(and common she cant handle one month of fighting lollll)

[fob]

if its because of the fights then she's immature because you cant run away from fights but learn to solve them thats how a relationship works she gave up on you your probably better off

 

(and common she cant handle one month of fighting lollll)

 

Do you mean that one month of fighting is common and not a lot?

 

yah... the way I see it is that our fights in October was like a "stepping stone" for her to move on with her idea of trying out new things, have fun, and new relationships. I don't know if she found something better, or if she will reminisce our 3 years memory later on and come back(which i still hope she will, haha silly me) but I'm trying to move on and get over her. It's hard but I just tell myself, everyone needs to go through this stage sometime in life in order to become a MAN.

Edited November 9, 2010 by fob

[fob]

How long would their honeymoon stage be?

[D-Lish]

When I was her age, I started Uni and broke things off with my bf of 3 years.

 

College opens your eyes to new experiences. When you're used to highschool, and you go off to college- a whole new world opens up.

 

I had been so sheltered, and my bf was really controlling. College is a transitional time for young people.

[SeriousBob12]

Fob,

 

I saw this all the time in college. In fact I won't lie, we used to look forward to it. You meet a super hot chick during frosh, oh ****, she's taken? well better start counting down the clock until they break it off....by mid-terms 90% of those girls were either single or with a new guy they met in college.

 

As D-Lish put it, college opens your eyes and is quite the transitional phase for most.

 

it seems to me the fighting was just the catalyst to the breakup, it probably would have happened regardless.

 

She's with someone else (which sucks I know, trust me), which is all the more reason that you have to stop thinking about the two of you. Let her new bf be the inspiration for you to not even get caught up in their lives. This is a new chapter in her life, and so it should be in yours.

[fob]

What if my intention (at least as of right now, 2 weeks after break up) is still wanting to get back together with her?

[SeriousBob12]

That's the thing boss, intention or not I don't want to ***** on your parade, but I don't think it's a possibility.

 

Look at the variables mate, she ended it, has a new bf, told you she doesn't love you anymore, and isn't talking to you

It's a rough and crappy situation to be in. I was there back in the summer. My ex was able to move on about a month after we broke up, only she didn't tell me and just cut me off. I had to deal with the hurt and pain of knowing she was with someone else, but I never lost touch with the reality which was: if I'm out of the picture, she's not talking to me, and is with someone else, she's done with me. That was the hardest pill to swallow, only because even accepting such a notion, didn't make it any easier to deal with.

 

You can have all the intentions in the world, and want to get her back but in reality the ball isn't in your court. You can't force her to get back with you, and by the looks of it she isn't leaning towards it happening either.

 

It's a rough time for sure, and I feel for you dude. The best thing you can do is go NC and start to let go and move on. Don't go NC with hopes of getting her back, do it for yourself. From this point on, anything and everything you do should be for you, to help you get over the two of you.

 

I know it sucks to read this, but better now that you don't start getting hopeful and hoping for you two to happen...because you'll find down the road you'll come crashing down and it will be like the initial breakup all over.

 

IF she does want to come back down the road, let that be something she decides and she acts on out of her own terms, NOT something you force.

[fob]

Yah bro I know the ball isn't in my court. I'm just curious to how 33 months of memories can be buried deep down so easily for her. But in any case, I'm doing NC to move on. I gotta say that I'm feeling better than the first week after break up... It was hell, had a sad face on me 24/7...

But I tend to have glimpse of hope like when their honeymoon stage will end, and stuff like that. Silly me..

[SeriousBob12]

Hey mate, it's okay that you feel that way, it's apart of being human.

 

No one can answer how 33 months can just be walked away from except her, but chances are she won't truthfully. Further more, at the end of the day you'll still be right back to where you are now in the sense that it won't change the present, you're still going to have to get over and forget her.

 

I feel for you man, it's not an easy process. Understand that it's okay to grieve. You probably will have a sad face in the coming weeks/months but it does go away.

 

I'd say stick to the NC and don't lose yourself in the process. If you search around you'll find many cases on this forum of where people break and out of desperation plea, beg, and do anything to grasp at something that doesn't exist anymore. The only outcome of that is a feeling of regret and foolishness. Stay true to yourself and don't break. Over time little things like checking her FB profile, hoping for texts/emails, and all other sorts of communication (or lack thereof) become a natural thing you learn to live without.

 

Right now is the best time to use the support of friends and family to help you. Like I said before, there is no shame in being upset or hurt over it.

Also don't be shocked if down the road you grieve hardcore again; usually that's the moment you accept it's really over.

 

And as I'm sure you've realized there is a forum here that's full of support.

 

The best with your recovery journey bro.

[Ajax]

Yah bro I know the ball isn't in my court. I'm just curious to how 33 months of memories can be buried deep down so easily for her. But in any case, I'm doing NC to move on. I gotta say that I'm feeling better than the first week after break up... It was hell, had a sad face on me 24/7...

But I tend to have glimpse of hope like when their honeymoon stage will end, and stuff like that. Silly me..

 

And that's the Million dollar question. And guess what? There's no answer. People bury their memories all the time.

[fob]

Also, when the girl says she has no feelings for you, can we take that statement literally? Or does that statement changes overtime?

 

 

She said it once before about 2 years ago, but somehow I attracted her back o.o (i didn't use NC but she didn't have a new BF at that time)

Edited November 12, 2010 by fob

[evilmonkey2008]

Dear Fob,

 

Im going through the same process, my gf of 3 years went to uni i see her every weekend all is fine, then the next weekend i cant see her because something else cropped up, she slept with this guy and is now in a "commited" relationship. Dude im totally crushed never saw it coming, she said she dint love me anymore and i was a **** bf.

 

And to be honest i think she was right, but still didnt have to do that to me. Trust me i got no chance of getting her back, because i punched her new bf and i broke her phone i let my rage and emotion take control and in trying to get her back i destroyed every chance of ever getting her back. Im going to have to live with this regret for a while, so FOB take it from me just go NC its the best thing you can do. Me i made a complete mess out of it, and this only happened last month.

 

take care.