Lowering standards for casual sex (really only interested in looks)

[U1987]

A few weeks ago, I posted a thread explaining that I was really tired of relationships and traditional dating, and that at this point in my life, I really only want casual sex. The advice that really got to me was that I need to have more "flexible standards."

 

What exactly are "flexible standards?" What happens to a person's "standards" when they have a ONS or FWB?

 

Because honestly, I feel like my standards are flexible already.

 

I like to think I'm relatively attractive. I'm not a young Brad Pitt or Daniel Craig, but I'm in shape, dress extremely well; exceptionally well I would say. I'm still waiting for a private judgment of my OLD profile.

 

Also, what exactly do "flexible standards" mean?

 

It may sound shallow, but physical attractiveness is my primary interest. She doesn't haven't to look perfect, but I need to find her attractive. I'm not after a specific body type or height or skin color, but I expect a proportional figure (a few extra pounds is okay as long as it's still 3-2-3) consistent skin-tone and clean, unfrazzled hair.

 

I used to care about girl's interests and hobbies and personalities and the crowds they rolled with, but honestly, I don't care about those things any more. I've stripped away those standards. They're non-factors now; they don't come into consideration when I judge a girl's attractiveness anymore.

 

I feel like by eliminating my prerequisites for a girl's personality, I open myself to more girls I would have previously disqualified.

 

Would you consider those "flexible standards?"

Edited November 9, 2010 by U1987

[Leigh 87]

I think you would be fine with a girl you found physically attractive, so long as they can at least hold a conversation with you. You have to be able to get along well enough with them to not be turned off, lol.

 

You have to be able to at least be able to talk well enough together, and you have to feel comfortable enough in each others presence. In addition to those two criteria, it is also better to have chemistry, which happens by chance.

 

Basically, as long as you are physically attracted to her, and she can hold a conversation with you, her personality does not turn you off, and even better if you have chemistry, then go for it I say!

 

You only need to have deaper standards if you want more than a fling. a fling is just sex, any other emotional or personal needs are only required if you want to invest anything in them, as people.

 

A super hot guy "settled" for casual sex with me. He is very good looking and far more outgoing than I am, yet he settled for me because he found me attractive enough to have sex with, we were able to get along fine, and we had chemistry.

[that girl]

Women tend to be more forgiving of looks when personality is involved than they are for one night stands.

 

Let's say a girl is a solid 8. If she's looking for a relationship, she'd probably consider a 6 if he had a great personality.

 

But if she is just looking for sex, why should she bother with a 6? If it is just about looks, why not wait for a 10? No point dealing with a UTI or the risk of pregnancy or an STD if they guy is just a 6. Until she sleeps with him, she can't know if he's good in bed, so she might as well go for the hotness.

 

I general I'm not a big fan of assigning numbers to people, but U1987 you don't really seem to understand that women aren't going to be more interested in you when you lower your standards to just look at looks.

[U1987]

Women tend to be more forgiving of looks when personality is involved than they are for one night stands.

 

Let's say a girl is a solid 8. If she's looking for a relationship, she'd probably consider a 6 if he had a great personality.

 

But if she is just looking for sex, why should she bother with a 6? If it is just about looks, why not wait for a 10? No point dealing with a UTI or the risk of pregnancy or an STD if they guy is just a 6. Until she sleeps with him, she can't know if he's good in bed, so she might as well go for the hotness.

 

I general I'm not a big fan of assigning numbers to people, but U1987 you don't really seem to understand that women aren't going to be more interested in you when you lower your standards to just look at looks.

 

So what do I have to do? What is it going to take to break into the casual sex scene?

 

Because when I first started on here, some people here said online dating was a really easy place to hookup but I haven't even gotten a date yet.

[fishtaco]

So what do I have to do? What is it going to take to break into the casual sex scene?

 

Because when I first started on here, some people here said online dating was a really easy place to hookup but I haven't even gotten a date yet.

 

No, online dating is a lot of work in front of the computer, for a guy. You basically have to spam everyone. And the spam messages have to be somewhat relevant to their profile, yet keep it short. Also if you message women that just recently signed up, you'll have a better chance of getting a response. It's a game that personally, I find extremely boring.

 

If you're a good looking guy, go out. Hit bars and clubs. Join a singles meetup group or something. Anything that can get you out there partying with a bunch of strangers and where booze flows. Because if you want casual sex, be around drunk women. I don't know if there's a "scene". Usually even if a woman wants casual sex, she won't do it because she doesn't want to look like a "slut" - the well-known and unfortunate double standard. So sometimes they drink so they can have an excuse for having casual sex. It wasn't me! It was the alcohol! You just have to be at the right place at the right time.

 

Lowering your standards will net you an increase. It's not about assigning number to people or whatever. It's simply math. A certain percentage of women will say yes. If you lower your standards, more women will "qualify", and given the same percentage, you'll get more quantity.

[Green]

I personaly would never have "casual sex" but when I was single I did enjoy dating a girl a few times just to have fun... no real expectations. Plus when I first started dating my current gf we didn't have a big make it officialy talk till like a month or more after we started "hanging out"...

 

Oh and lowering your standards is a bad idea. BE YOURSELF go after women you feel a GENUINE attraction to. Nothing is worse then to just use somebody you don't have REAL attraction for

[fishtaco]

I personaly would never have "casual sex" but when I was single I did enjoy dating a girl a few times just to have fun... no real expectations. Plus when I first started dating my current gf we didn't have a big make it officialy talk till like a month or more after we started "hanging out"...

 

Oh and lowering your standards is a bad idea. BE YOURSELF go after women you feel a GENUINE attraction to. Nothing is worse then to just use somebody you don't have REAL attraction for

 

But the guy is talking about casual sex... Maybe the woman is using him right back. Men use women as often as women us men. People are the same regardless of gender. I say as long as he's not lying just to get sex, then all is fair. We're all adults, we're all responsible for our own actions. We are all responsible for checking out the situation before we enter. No one should be expected to babysit the other person.

[that girl]

So what do I have to do? What is it going to take to break into the casual sex scene?

 

Because when I first started on here, some people here said online dating was a really easy place to hookup but I haven't even gotten a date yet.

 

There isn't a casual sex scene, there are people who sometimes/always have casual sex.

 

You basically should be hitting on every woman you find remotely attractive and if she doesn't sleep with you right away, move on. Be upfront about not being a relationship guy, don't spend multiple dates or emails building rapport.

[veggirl]

Well, maybe you should be on a website that is geared towards what you are looking for. How about that Adult Friend Finder website. Isn't that just people looking for casual hook ups? Apart from being online, I agree with just going to the bar....plenty of people leave the bar with strangers.

[Star Gazer]

So what do I have to do? What is it going to take to break into the casual sex scene?

 

Because when I first started on here, some people here said online dating was a really easy place to hookup but I haven't even gotten a date yet.

 

If you want to have sex with hot chicks, and that's it... You either need to be equally hot or be able to spend a lot of money on them. Because otherwise, why would they bother having sex with a plain dude who's not interested in a relationship??

[tami-chan]

If you want to have sex with hot chicks, and that's it... You either need to be equally hot or be able to spend a lot of money on them. Because otherwise, why would they bother having sex with a plain dude who's not interested in a relationship??

 

hmmm... anybody find some stereotype about "hot chicks" being supported by this statement? and here I thought, that in this day and age "hot chicks" who want to have casual sex will do so because they can and not because men spend money on them... sounds like prostitution-so much for all the arguments !

[AverageJoe]

hmmm... anybody find some stereotype about "hot chicks" being supported by this statement? and here I thought, that in this day and age "hot chicks" who want to have casual sex will do so because they can and not because men spend money on them... sounds like prostitution-so much for all the arguments !

 

Bingo.

 

Hey Pal, I remember that thread. You got some pretty decent advice there. So, why are you not putting any of that advice into action? Still think you can get it with with online sites, eh? Get your ass out there and make it happen. Talking about it gets you no where.

 

 

 

I used to care about girl's interests and hobbies and personalities and the crowds they rolled with, but honestly, I don't care about those things any more. I've stripped away those standards. They're non-factors now; they don't come into consideration when I judge a girl's attractiveness anymore.

 

Not many men care about this to begin with anyway. Good to know you snapped out of it.

[Akherousia]

hmmm... anybody find some stereotype about "hot chicks" being supported by this statement? and here I thought, that in this day and age "hot chicks" who want to have casual sex will do so because they can and not because men spend money on them... sounds like prostitution-so much for all the arguments !

 

 

Depends. A woman interested in a FWB might select a man who isn't that great looking but has the potential to develop into a relationship. An attractive woman might have sex with an attractive man just for the kick of it.

 

Now, the strangest thing - it seems! - is that I was once going out with my brother and his friends and this very beautiful young woman(something around 18 and 22), the shop's clerk, was entirely blushing and acting all nervous near my average friend.

 

My brother? She didn't even look at much. And my brother was much taller etc than my friend. So why was the young woman visibly so moved by my average friend? He didn't spend any money on her. He doesn't have perfect teeth. He's balding, and he didn't use game on her nor was he using expensive clothes.

 

So? From what I've seen, I'm quite sure she'd sleep with and he's average. Maybe he has the eyes she's been dreaming about since she was 5 years old.

 

Maybe his shyness makes him very cute to her(she did seem to be very shy).

 

Was it confidence? I doubt it. My friend doesn't go around acting lke he's god's gift to women nor is he a bad boy. He's the typical young man, with the average college degree, the average job and the average job.

 

The girl? She was a very, I mean, VERY good looking woman, surrounded by very tall and very young and very good looking men and still, she was interested in an average joe.

 

You can be 7 feet tall but that doesn't mean you are going to be the next Michael Jordan(and Jordan was short compared to many others).

 

You can be the next Enrique Iglesias and turn out gay. Or you can be the most average of guys and land beautiful women without the need for money or "game".

 

The world is a huge place. Someone is bound to feel attracted to you and yes, that includes young and attractive women.

 

Just play it safe and don't go for club rats; you don't know where they've been.

[AverageJoe]

If you want to have sex with hot chicks, and that's it... You either need to be equally hot or be able to spend a lot of money on them. Because otherwise, why would they bother having sex with a plain dude who's not interested in a relationship??

 

You really have no clue. I like your passion but you have no idea what women, other than yourself, want or like to do. So, you cant speak on behalf of hot women.

[Akherousia]

You really have no clue. I like your passion but you have no idea what women, other than yourself, want or like to do. So, you cant speak on behalf of hot women.

 

 

Have you ever considered that StarGazer is hot? What is it with men on LS and their habit of telling women what women want and what women are attracted to?

[AverageJoe]

Have you ever considered that StarGazer is hot? What is it with men on LS and their habit of telling women what women want and what women are attracted to?

 

Never considered it. Why would I? As if it would change my mind.

 

How many hot women have you went out with?

[Akherousia]

Never considered it. Why would I? As if it would change my mind.

 

How many hot women have you went out with?

 

I lived in Denmark for some 6 months. Does that answer your question?

[AverageJoe]

I like Denmark, hell you might have even met me if your hot.

 

 

Women think they give the best dating advice to men. In fact, they do not. Men should never, ever take dating advice from a female, ever.

 

Yet, you as a female think you know better. Why? Simply put, your female. You have no idea how other women besides youself think or act. You may think you do, it just isnt so. Furthermore you have no idea of the male mind, you only have a preconcieved notion of what society might allow you to know.

 

When a male counterpart engages a female and things click, you have no idea how I (or others) can turn that in my favor if I so choose. Your vagina has no higher value than my penis. Many women think it does to their core, and sadly many men believe it also.

[bac]

A few weeks ago, I posted a thread explaining that I was really tired of relationships and traditional dating, and that at this point in my life, I really only want casual sex. The advice that really got to me was that I need to have more "flexible standards."

 

Also, what exactly do "flexible standards" mean?

 

It may sound shallow, but physical attractiveness is my primary interest. She doesn't haven't to look perfect, but I need to find her attractive. I'm not after a specific body type or height or skin color, but I expect a proportional figure (a few extra pounds is okay as long as it's still 3-2-3) consistent skin-tone and clean, unfrazzled hair.

 

 

Would you consider those "flexible standards?"

 

Flexible standards mean that you do every attractive female who is into you.

Anyway, you do the first choice because you are a male. Then, if she shows signs that she is into you, you do not reject her for any reason.

Flexible standards mean that you get sexual satisfaction with multiple hot chicks.

Inflexible standards mean that you reject most girls for some minor, irrelevant reason either before you have sex with them or after the first/second/third sex.

 

The standards are irrational ideas that control your brain to prevent you from getting laid.

[Star Gazer]

hmmm... anybody find some stereotype about "hot chicks" being supported by this statement? and here I thought, that in this day and age "hot chicks" who want to have casual sex will do so because they can and not because men spend money on them... sounds like prostitution-so much for all the arguments !

 

My point is... who do HOT CHICKS have sex with, for JUST sex and no romantic potential? Ugly guys? Hell no. They f*ck hot guys, or average guys with money.

[U1987]

I personaly would never have "casual sex" but when I was single I did enjoy dating a girl a few times just to have fun... no real expectations. Plus when I first started dating my current gf we didn't have a big make it officialy talk till like a month or more after we started "hanging out"...

 

But I want casual sex. So why would you bother telling me this?

[fishtaco]

My point is... who do HOT CHICKS have sex with, for JUST sex and no romantic potential? Ugly guys? Hell no. They f*ck hot guys, or average guys with money.

 

Actually I'd say they f*ck the convenient guy. Sometimes the convenient guy is also hot, sometimes not. Casual sex is casual.

 

Although a hot or rich guy is probably better equipped at convincing women that weren't looking for casual sex to have it. But if a woman is looking for casual sex, convenience and not clingy I would say have higher priority.

[zengirl]

Women tend to be more forgiving of looks when personality is involved than they are for one night stands.

 

Let's say a girl is a solid 8. If she's looking for a relationship, she'd probably consider a 6 if he had a great personality.

 

But if she is just looking for sex, why should she bother with a 6? If it is just about looks, why not wait for a 10? No point dealing with a UTI or the risk of pregnancy or an STD if they guy is just a 6. Until she sleeps with him, she can't know if he's good in bed, so she might as well go for the hotness.

 

I general I'm not a big fan of assigning numbers to people, but U1987 you don't really seem to understand that women aren't going to be more interested in you when you lower your standards to just look at looks.

 

Exactly. Basically you're only going to get girls who are overtly interested in casual sex (a much smaller number than those who have it) AND who consider you hotter than they are. So your success depends on how hot you are. So, the best advice is. . . get hotter. Honestly.

 

Girls who have casual sex with men who are less attractive than they are generally aren't having truly casual sex----they are looking for deeper FWB situations where a certain degree of emotional needs can also be met, etc. Such arrangements do exist in various forms. Or, as others said above, perhaps they're looking for some free, fancy meals.

 

Unless you get lucky and score an angry hot woman who's just going to have sex with the next guy who hits on her to piss someone else off or something. . . you're likely going to strike out most of the time if you're going above your league in looks. And you'll strike out A LOT even if going below your league. Leagues become more firm when you're just talking about casual sex, and the way you approach it --- not caring about anything but her looks --- will turn off more women than it will turn on, even those who have casual sex.