strength-abounds Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Sorry fun, The only 2 chance I ever had or gave ended with a divorce.
bleeg Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 It is not impossible. I'm still working on mine. It's tough and hard work.
ARISthess Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 How is yours going bleeq? Are you still in NC? I stopped the everyday talking, went NC for 4 days and couldn't resist sent her a text today She answered tho and used my pet name... I'm gonna give her a few more days of NC before I tell her to get together for a drink.
paleblue Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 The almost complete lack of response just re-inforces the notion that second chances just dont work Maybe for a little while, but eventually things just fall apart like the first time. You can't get back Trust and Loyalty after its been broken. Move on and find someone who actually respects you and is worthy of your time.
whatadeer26 Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 My ex and I broke up in June. I gave her space and worked on myself. I had a few meltdowns where if she would contact me I would go nuts and try to claw her back, but for the most part I deleted her from my life. It drove her nuts that I wouldn't respond to her. But I just couldn't bare the thought of not being with her and this site taught me to only respond if it was to get back. Fast forward to Sept. 5th labor day weekend. I hadn't seen or talked to her in 1.5 months. Hurt a lot, but I was moving on. Enjoying time with friends. I went to a club and she was there! I was talking to a bunch of girls when I noticed her. I waved but she didn't wave back so I went over to her. Said hi and me being drunk started screaming at her for the way she handled our break up. I ended our convo with you can stay at my table if you want and I walked away. I was really drunk so what I said and how the events occured are a bit spotty, but she came over to me when I walked away and sat down. We went on a date later that week and decided we were willing to work on us and take it slow. Fast forward to last night. We just got back from being away for the night to celebrate her birthday. I am 2 months into her and I taking it slow. We hang out 1-2 times a week. She told me she is really happy with the way things are going. She is scared to put a label on us, but is not opposed to it. We are just taking it 1 week at a time and working slowly on us. Go no contact to heal yourself, work everyday on making yourself better. Gym, extra schooling, job advancement. I am not a success story, only time will tell, but I did follow the advice on this site as much as possible and it helped me a lot. If we hadn't ran into each other I feel like after a few months I would have been in a great place mentally and physically.
lapse Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 I've heard countless stories about second chances working... I don't think we see them often on here because the majority of the people who post here are either heartbroken or recovering from being heartbroken which is, by definition, a result of the chance (whether it's first or tenth) not working. When I broke up with my exbf, his parents told me a few stories about how people they knew had gotten back together after one had moved out... how it allowed them to resume the dating that they didn't finish initially. I should post a confession on this subforum, too.
Eternity001 Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 They work, over 50% of my friend base are happily with partners they seperated with for at least a year. I don't see any of these relationships ending anytime soon.
bleeg Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 How is yours going bleeq? Are you still in NC? Still in BC. It's going to be a week tomorrow. I will contact her in 3 weeks on her birthday. I've got her fav flowers and the next 3 weeks i'm trying to learn polish (her native tongue) to ask her for one last chance. I'm ready to give her what she's been missing and I'm willing to make things work and put 300% into it with no letting up. If she declines, then so be it. At least I tried.
pandagirl Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 (edited) I can think of four people who have gotten back together off the top of my head. Plus, many more reconciliations where they just broke up again. Edited November 10, 2010 by pandagirl
kyta Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Ive never had a chance work out, this time my secound chance failed, for the same reasons it failed the first time, now we still tx daily, but i dont see why we do, i really need to let her go, not many secound chances work, as the issues that caused it to fail the first time rarely ever get fuixed, and just rear there head again second, third, fourth, and so,on, i dont think we should hold on to the second chance, we should cut ties and move on, but who am i to talk, as im still holding on to something i know is fundementaly dead.
ARISthess Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Ive never had a chance work out, this time my secound chance failed, for the same reasons it failed the first time, now we still tx daily, but i dont see why we do, i really need to let her go, not many secound chances work, as the issues that caused it to fail the first time rarely ever get fuixed, and just rear there head again second, third, fourth, and so,on, i dont think we should hold on to the second chance, we should cut ties and move on, but who am i to talk, as im still holding on to something i know is fundementaly dead. I think it really depends on the reason something ended in the first place. People don't change, I accept that. But self improvement is possible. I also know happily married couples who broke up 3 or 4 times while they were dating... i don't think that any rule can apply here its a case by case thing... And finally... I think its logical that on here we have more examples of second chances not working. Think of how many people got their second chance and never updated with the good news.
kaycstamper Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I was engaged for a year and my fiance suddenly and unexpectedly broke up with me without even the decency of doing so in person. I had no contact with him for two months (he was taking care of his dying mother). I saw she passed away and sent him a sympathy card. He called the night he got it and talked to me several hours. He said he loved me, said he'd snapped. While we didn't get back together, we were talking every other day on the phone and it was going well, as friends. Then three weeks later he suddenly did an about face and cut off contact again. He said he'd never tell me why he'd broken up with me. Not wanting to go through this over and over again, I'm moving on. It set me back emotionally, it was very hard to go through this. There isn't any chance for something working if you can't discuss what was wrong. I figure since I treated him well, we were getting along great, and he couldn't be honest with me, the issue is his to deal with and I don't need it.
Mrlonelyone Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 (edited) Second chances can and do work out. We don't hear about them here because when they do, most don't come back to tell us. My best example is my parents. My father and mother have been married since 1980 and dating/ living together for years before then. They have dealt at one time or the other with every kind of problem that can crop up. Their worst break up was in 1995. From 1995 to 1999 they were separated. My father loosing his sight and his practice of medicine really strained the relationship. My father and little sister living in LA, me and my mother living here in Chicago. My mother was dating someone else, my father was dating someone else. They were all but divorced. They eventually got it back together. They have been together ever since. If they divorced tomorrow I would say that 11 years more of marriage would count as a successful second chance (and 35 years of marriage as a successful marriage.) Second story: John Forbes Nash and Alicia Lopez-Harrison de Lardé Nash. As in the movie "A beautiful mind" and real life. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Forbes_Nash,_Jr.#Personal_life John and Alicia met in 1957. She admitted him to a mental hospital in 1959. They had They divorced in 1963.... then in 1994 resumed a romantic relationship and were remarried in 2001. The details are not important...look at the gap of 30 years between divorce and starting a new relationship...then getting remarried. Again even if they got divorced tomorrow... that would be a successful second chance. Third: The real life story of John Rolfe and his wife Rebecca a.k.a Pocahontas John Rolfe's life proves that there has to be more than one person to fall in love with. He and his first wife were marooned on Bermuda and had a daughter which they would name Bermuda. His wife and daughter would both die there. John then made it to Virginia, likely a heartbroken man. While there he met Pocahontas who was being held for ransom. She had been married to a American Indian name Kocoum and the Oral history of the tribes say she had a son with him. When she was kidnapped and nothing was done to bring her back that was by their custom as good as divorce. So she was a heartbroken woman. (Not over Capt. Smith though. He was more like a father or big brother to her.) Pocahontas and John Rolfe met and talked about religion with the pastor. Eventually Pocahontas was converted to Christianity. John Rolfe would then write in a letter asking permission to marry Pocahontas, the most sincere, and romantic words I have ever read. Let therefore this my well advised protestation, which here I make betweene God and my own conscience, be a sufficient witnesse, at the dreadfull day of judgement (when the secret of all mens harts shall be opened) to condemne me herein, if my chiefest intent and purpose be not, to strive with all my power of body and minde, in the undertaking of so mightie a matter, no way led (so farre forth as mans weakenesse may permit) with the unbridled desire of carnall affection: but for the good of this plantation, for the honour of our countrie, for the glory of God, for my owne salvation, and for the converting to the true knowledge of God and Jesus Christ, an unbeleeving creature, namely Pokahuntas. To whom my hartie and best thoughts are, and have a long time bin so intagled, and inthralled in so intricate a laborinth, that I was even awearied to unwinde my selfe thereout. But almighty God, who never faileth his, that truly invocate his holy name hath opened the gate, and led me by the hand that I might plainely see and discerne the safe paths wherein to treade. Pocahontas would have one child with him, Thomas Rolfe. They travel to England where she contracts a respiratory infection and dies at 21. Rolfe would remarry again in Virginia, and this third wife would die. He died in 1622 possibly killed in a Powhattan attack on the colony or of natural causes just before it. Let no one doubt, there are second chances with those who we really truly actually love...not just lust for or are in the honey moon phase with. There are also, as John Rolfe's story shows, many first chances to be had. I know it can be hard when one is freshly dealing with loss, but never give up hope. Edited December 15, 2010 by Mrlonelyone formatting.
NG85 Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 As of right now I'm still considering pursuing a second chance, but I have no idea yet how successful I'll be. However, I do know a lot of couples who broke up, only to get back together within months or even weeks. I had a roommate who was seeing a girl, then they broke up and got new partners, but realized how much they cared for one another and then got back together for quite some time. While most of these reconciled relationships ended up souring, there is one success story. A friend of mine was dating his girlfriend for a few years when one day they broke up. A few months passed and they got back together, and I found out recently they're engaged. I'm excited for them and I'm excited to see how it goes!
TheGrimSweeper Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 Both people need to be ready for a second chance to work. Most of the time it fails I believe is cause both people are not ready yet. Getting back together in a few weeks or only a couple months after it happened I think its doomed to fail agan (probably because they just came back out of loneliness and didnt actually resolve anything with the time apart). You need a more significant amount of time, (4-12) months. And this time also needs to be completely apart from each other (not seeing each other, and barely talking if at all). You won't be able to figure anything out if the person is still there all the time in your life.
Mrlonelyone Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 You need a more significant amount of time, (4-12) months. And this time also needs to be completely apart from each other (not seeing each other, and barely talking if at all). You won't be able to figure anything out if the person is still there all the time in your life. I agree. A couple needs to be apart so that they can realize what life is like without that person in it at all. Then ask if life is really better without them, or if it's really better with (person who broke up the LTR).
Jdw_Icequeen Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 Well I don't know if this counts because were not back together.. yet.. Well We have been broken up about a month. He wants to take things slow because he isn't a 100% sure of how he feels right now. We did however agree to be "friends" and take things slow. However I have made my side very clear to him. I can and will move on. He dosen't want that. He does want to move forward and try to work on things. He knows if he starts dating anyone else I'm done. I'm not playing the "freind" he knows I am in this to take things slow to try to fix things. Not just his little buddy he can chat to when he feels like it. So we set a few rules and see eachother once or twice a week and on the weekends. This is all pretty new because we were fighting back and forth a while so in the last month have only seen eachother 4 times. He was also sick and yadda yadda. The first steps though are always pretty slow. I have reconciled past relationships only to end up leaving them myself in the end. This one I do have faith that won't be the case. We haven't started "dating" obviously yet but we will warm up to things. We txt everyday now friendly conversations. One day at a time is better then just giving up for me.
pandagirl Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 Both people need to be ready for a second chance to work. Most of the time it fails I believe is cause both people are not ready yet. Getting back together in a few weeks or only a couple months after it happened I think its doomed to fail agan (probably because they just came back out of loneliness and didnt actually resolve anything with the time apart). You need a more significant amount of time, (4-12) months. And this time also needs to be completely apart from each other (not seeing each other, and barely talking if at all). You won't be able to figure anything out if the person is still there all the time in your life. Agreed. I'm just coming up on four months since the breakup, and I feel a LOT different from just two months ago. In the first two months, I would've taken him back right away! But a lot of those feelings were due to feeling emotional and panicked. Now at four months, I still miss him, but at this point, if a reconciliation was possible, I don't think I could go down that road. I know see things more clearly. You need a lot of time apart from each other, so you can start over again.
Lauriebell82 Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 (edited) My husband and I are a "second chance" story. I met him at the gym originally when I was home for Christmas break from grad school. I was still not over my ex boyfriend of 3 years, and since they have the same name coincidentally, I did not give the relationship a chance. I broke it off after a month. Fast forward about 9 months, we started talking on AIM and decided to hang out. I resisted going out with him at first, because I was afraid, but finally decided to take the chance. We started dating after that. We've had our ups and downs over the years, some issues that we had the first time resurfaced, but because we are both comitted to each other, we worked them out and there have definately been more ups! We are very happy now. Edited December 17, 2010 by Lauriebell82
Trovador Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 My ex and I are back together, after about six months apart and a lot of stuff: NC, LC, friendship, animosity, indifference, closeness, fights, dates and SO ON... I think we did everything in the book NOT to be back together but nothing worked out... I don't think something specific functioned in my case, because in the end I didn't want anything to do with her, not even friendship, and I really walked away from her... I even started to initiate something with other girls, and it was the same if my ex kept contact or not, in other words I was getting over the relationship and moving on... and then, my ex came into me with a vengeance... she even acted "better" than when we first fell in love with each other... We both changed for better and without formal declarations we just kissed again... We are back but I don't think it will work out, but the point is that now I am living a second chance, only after I really tried to move on, with no tricks, plans or games... and I hope you got my point, second chances doesn't really exist, new relationships do...
aerogurl87 Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 There's a reason old flames have the word ex in front of their former titles. Second chances rarely work, hate to say it. I honestly could've had a second chance with my ex boyfriend who is still in love with me two years later. But honestly I wouldn't even want it because the hurt the breakup caused isn't even worth trying anymore. Why try and salvage something that's been broken when you can start fresh with something (or in this case, someone) new? Leave the past in the past, and carry the lessons learned from your mistakes into the future.
Mrlonelyone Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 But honestly I wouldn't even want it because the hurt the breakup caused isn't even worth trying anymore. Is it not true that breaking up hurts regardless of weather it's a first or second chance?
slamma19 Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 I know of 2 successful reconciliation stories. I had these two friends that dated for 2 years, then the guy broke up with the girl because he 'didn't love her anymore'. They dated other people, then after a year of not talking to each other he began pursuing her a lot, and now have been together for over a year, happier than ever. Another couple I know began dating in grade 10, had an on-again, off-again relationship for a year, then finally broke up for good. They also then dated other people, then in grade 12 began talking again on a school trip, and soon got back together. They now have been going strong for over a year and live together too.
aerogurl87 Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Is it not true that breaking up hurts regardless of weather it's a first or second chance? It does but my ex and I broke up more than once. The longer you stay with someone, the more it hurts when the relationship ends in my experience. Plus with him and I there was way too much damage from emotional abuse and cheating on his side, and physical cheating on my part, to salvage anything. I think when I met my current boyfriend and realized I could have everything I had wanted with him and not have it be tainted by our past, I didn't even want to try with him anymore. Why go back and try to fix something that's been broken when you can get what you want with someone with whom you have a clean slate?
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