Mattock5656 Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 (edited) I tend to be a blunt person. I don't intenionally go out and hurt people's feelings but rather often times people will ask me for advice and I give them for the most part a honest answer. Then some of them would turn around and get angry or offended that I didn't give them a sugar coated answer. For example, one of my friends wife was asking me for advice on their troubled marrage and I told them that they got married to early. (I realize that people who marry early have success, but personally I wouldnt marry till I know the person for awhile.) Then she turned around and said, "Well how do you know, you never been married?" yada yada Then I have my other friend who broke up with her girlfriend, and she asked me for advice (which I should of just ignored) and she was like, I hope we can still remain friends blah blah...then she keeps talking me about the breakup between them too.. I am just getting frustrated talking to her, and she asks me about the breakup and I tell her straight up to move on and stop worrying about all this stuff...Also, to build her self-esteem because she lacks it... and she got frustrated and said she didn't want to be friends anymore. And that I was just a gateway. Also, if someone is rude to me at work (like another employee, not a manager) I will tell them straight up if I think they are wrong and usually there nice to me afterwards weird lol Am I too blunt? Or should I just not give advice to people? When is it bad too be blunt you think? If someone asks me if something looks good, I tell them if to me it looks good. Also, if I truly like something I will say it to them. I by no means, a complete negative person. I get the bluntness from my dad, which is interesting. Edited November 8, 2010 by Mattock5656
Mad Max Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 The problem is when people ask for advice, they usually want the answer they're looking for. Deep down, they know what they're going to do and they're going to do what they want. When you give them the honest truth and don't sugarcoat anything, many either ignore you or become flat out offended. Although my dad was an ass, he did give me some useful advice in this area; "If you ask for advice, expect the honest truth. If you don't like the answer, then you shouldn't have asked the question".
tami-chan Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 What exactly do you mean by "being blunt"? Do you mean "being rude"? There is a thin line between the two, I think. So if you have not perfected delivering your opinions in a respectful way (ii.e. respectful to her feelings, etc.), I would be super careful.
Surrealist Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Am I too blunt? Or should I just not give advice to people? When is it bad too be blunt you think? If someone asks me if something looks good, I tell them if to me it looks good. Also, if I truly like something I will say it to them. I by no means, a complete negative person. I get the bluntness from my dad, which is interesting. If you're finding people reacting to your advice or opinions in an angry or defensive way, it suggests that you do not know how to speak or provide advice in a courteous, respectful or sensitive manner - if and when the situation warrants. I have encountered a number of people (not necessarily on this forum but elsewhere and in daily life) who have no problems with being 'blunt', or otherwise insensitive, disrespectful or outright rude to people, and yet cry like a baby when someone returns the same treatment. These people, and perhaps yourself, in addition to being insensitive, disrespectful and rude are typically hypocritical and protest against the treatment they themselves treat others.
redliner Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 There is a difference between being honest and brutally honest.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Well, there's being blunt " honest" and then there's being blunt to the point where you're telling people off, like what you did to the friend with the break up. There's nothing wrong with being honest, but even the most bluntest tend to pick the wrong words to say.
that girl Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 For example, one of my friends wife was asking me for advice on their troubled marrage and I told them that they got married to early. "You got married too early" isn't advice, it is judgment. Unless you have a time machine, they can't change when they got married, you're just telling them what they did wrong. It isn't constructive. Then I have my other friend who broke up with her girlfriend, and she asked me for advice (which I should of just ignored) and she was like, I hope we can still remain friends blah blah...then she keeps talking me about the breakup between them too.. I am just getting frustrated talking to her, and she asks me about the breakup and I tell her straight up to move on and stop worrying about all this stuff...Also, to build her self-esteem because she lacks it... and she got frustrated and said she didn't want to be friends anymore. And that I was just a gateway. Did she actually ask for your opinion or did you just assume she wanted it since she was talking about her problems? Even if she did ask something like "What do you think I can do to remain friends with him now that we've broken up?" It is not reasonable to answer "Just move on and work on your self esteem cause we all know you don't have any!" If you're finding people reacting to your advice or opinions in an angry or defensive way, it suggests that you do not know how to speak or provide advice in a courteous, respectful or sensitive manner - if and when the situation warrants. Bingo. One person might be oversenstive or there might be some crossed, wires but if this happens to you a lot, the problem is you.
Author Mattock5656 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 If you're finding people reacting to your advice or opinions in an angry or defensive way, it suggests that you do not know how to speak or provide advice in a courteous, respectful or sensitive manner - if and when the situation warrants. I have encountered a number of people (not necessarily on this forum but elsewhere and in daily life) who have no problems with being 'blunt', or otherwise insensitive, disrespectful or outright rude to people, and yet cry like a baby when someone returns the same treatment. These people, and perhaps yourself, in addition to being insensitive, disrespectful and rude are typically hypocritical and protest against the treatment they themselves treat others. Ok thanks for being honest. I think simply I'm not very good at giving advice. Or maybe my approach is a little bit off, or maybe somtimes my tone is wrong...I will definetly have to work on that, but it seems sometimes its better to sugar coat things. So, how would I tell someone in a decent way to give them advice, even if it might not be what they want to hear?
LisaLee Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Maybe you just lack tact? I know I do... something I am working on.
Recommended Posts