fallingapart1 Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 (edited) I've been in a committed relationship with a man for a year now. I am 28 years old and recently lost my virginity to him after being exclusive for a while. About a couple of months ago I found out that he has been browsing through escort sites and porn sites. I honestly thought nothing much of it and never thought I should even bring it up or make a big deal out of it. I'm very confident with who I am as a woman and I feel and believe he loves me very much. He was out of town this weekend and his behavior was strange that raised some doubt in my mind. So when he returned I went through his call log to find about 7 random numbers that were dialed. I googled up those numbers only to find out that they belong to sensual massage/escort service agencies. I noticed that he had just dialed them up but did not speak with a live person. I went numb after knowing all this. I thought nothing of it in the beginning when I knew he went through the sites to look at other women photos or porn sites. But the fact that he was dialing to seek one up hurt my feelings. I instead confronted him INDIRECTLY by asking why he was acting strange this weekend and talked to him about doing anything inappropriate behind my back and about trust issues. He sincerely told me that he would never do anything behind my back to jeopardize our relationship and what we have. I wanted to believe him but I just cant seem to I have been feeling so numb and hurt. Our relationship has been nothing but great, we love each other very very much, we have a good sex life as well. So why browse or even have the intention of hiring one?? I don't know what to do? How can I trust such a person? I haven't been able to act normal around him, Ive been feeling depressed and crying a lot behind his back and I have not been able to function properly after knowing any of this. How can someone say they love you so much and show you that they love you even think of doing such a thing? I feel like I'm falling apart. Please give me some advice. Edited November 8, 2010 by fallingapart1
Author fallingapart1 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 (edited) He obviously has a curiosity if nothing else. Why do you think he didn't speak with someone when he called those 7 numbers? Is it possible they went to a voice mail? He definitely seems to have a curiosity. Once I noticed those sites a couple of months ago on his computer I went back to see if he had been browsing them in the past and saw nothing but occasional porn. He didn't get hold of anyone when he dialed those 7 numbers at 4 something am in the morning but their voice mail. He also did lie to me when he told me that he went back to his hotel room at 4am after partying and thought of calling me but tried to lay down for a few minutes but fell asleep and didn't get the chance to. He did dial another agency number during the afternoon and received a call back where he spoke to a person for about 2 minutes. And that was it, he then called me and hung out with his other friends and came home to me. But I think he suspects that I know something. I asked him for his blackberry yesterday to look at the calender and went through it in front of him and noticed that he had deleted all the numbers from the escort service agencies. We talked some more yesterday night about trust and any inappropriateness and again he said there is nothing inappropriate he would ever do behind my back. He would never talk to someone else unless he had a bad intention of doing something. He keeps saying that doesn't have any intentions of doing anything stupid to jeopardize what we have and that he wants to be with me for the rest of his life and wants me to be comfortable with him when hes not around. I don't know if I should just be watchful for a few weeks until something comes up? I know that I will be away from him out of town next month for about a week and that would be a good chance for him to do anything that he would want to do behind my back. It will give me a chance to keep an eye on him and if I notice anything irregular then its time to confront and say my goodbyes. What do you think? Please advice. Thanks Edited November 9, 2010 by fallingapart1
TaraMaiden Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 It's very simple. if you want straight answers, you're going to have to ask him some straight questions. We cannot provide any answers for you, only hypothetical suggestions, or theories as to the basis for his behaviour. The long and the short of it is - we don't know. Present him with the evidence, and ask him for some straight answers. Tell him to please not treat you like an idiot, you're not dense, and you deserve some honesty now. Or he can go sleep in his car tonight, because you refuse to have anything further physical to do with him until he decides to be transparent with you. That's it really.
2sure Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 It's very simple. if you want straight answers, you're going to have to ask him some straight questions. Thats it. You cannot have an important or difficult conversation without being upfront.
Cee Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Look, I'm not an expert having never done escorts/massage parlors, but I know some guys who have done this stuff. Your partner knows how to find and contact escorts, and based on what you said, he had his phone full of numbers. He likely has escort/massage parlor experience from his past. And he's hiding it from you because he doesn't want to lose you. The big question that I can't answer is if he is planning to go back to using escorts/massage parlors. Confronting him is hard because the shame attached to this, but try to get him to admit to using escorts in his past. And then take the conversation from there.
YellowShark Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 (edited) About a couple of months ago I found out that he has been browsing through escort sites and porn sites. This action shows intent, not simply curiosity. So when he returned I went through his call log to find about 7 random numbers that were dialed. I googled up those numbers only to find out that they belong to sensual massage/escort service agencies. Once again. His actions show intent - calling escort agencies. He didn't fall on his phone and pocket-dial several escort agencies! I instead confronted him INDIRECTLY by asking why he was acting strange this weekend and talked to him about doing anything inappropriate behind my back and about trust issues. He sincerely told me that he would never do anything behind my back to jeopardize our relationship and what we have. I think trolling escort websites and calling escorts IS something inappropriate.. unless you gave him the thumbs up to troll escort websites and call escorts. How can I trust such a person? I haven't been able to act normal around him, Ive been feeling depressed and crying a lot behind his back and I have not been able to function properly after knowing any of this. You can't since he is denying trolling escort websites and calling escorts. How can someone say they love you so much and show you that they love you even think of doing such a thing? I feel like I'm falling apart. Please give me some advice. Ask him nicely to please be honest with you. It is his chance to prove if he is trustworthy. If he lies, then you know if you can trust this man. Best of luck. Edited November 9, 2010 by YellowShark spelling
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