bl22 Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 (edited) If so...few questions Have you regretted it? Presuming the relationship you were in originally was good and non abusive, lets say your boyfriend/girlfriend took you out and you 2 had fun together, you would tell them they were the love of your life all the time....what made you leave? Did you ever miss the person you first fell in love with? Did you ever feel guilty doing the things you did with your original boyfriend with the new guy? Did it work out with the new guy? Did you ever try and get back with the person you betrayed? How can you go from one person to another without feeling like a total bitch, surely it clicked in your head every now and again 'hmm de ja vu'... Any answers welcomed Edited November 8, 2010 by bl22
Barby Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 (edited) If so...few questions Have you regretted it? Presuming the relationship you were in originally was good and non abusive....what made you leave? Yes I have left a very good relationship (not abusive, jealous, he didn't cheat, ect) (we'll call him "C") for an ex. I did come to regret it almost immediately and returned to the relationship with "C". I decided to leave "C" because I had such a long history (7 years) good and bad with my ex...he had left to go to Los Angeles 6 months previously (we'd been broke up for a few months before he left)...anyway I'd met "C" and been with him a month or so when out of the blue I ran into my ex. I had been thinking about him/missing him when it seemed like out of nowhere he appeared. "C" and I were getting along well but I still had un-resolved feelings for my ex. So I thought that's where I wanted to be so that's why I left "C". Did you ever miss the person you first fell in love with? Well I first fell in love with my ex but when I went back to him in fact I did miss "C" terribly!!! Did you ever feel guilty doing the things you did with your original boyfriend with the new guy? As far as being intimate with him, ect...no, each relationship was different I didn't spend time comparing the two! Did it work out with the new guy? Yes after I went back to him..I left him twice more for the ex (in a month period however I was only intimate with my ex once during this time) but "C" asked me to make a choice and I did in fact I chose to be with "C"....now we've been together for about 8 months and I am 4 months pregnant with "C's" baby. I have NO contact with my ex and haven't for about 5 1/2-6 months. We are doing well. Did you ever try and get back with the person you betrayed? Yeap and we're still together and expecting our first baby (as I stated above) How can you go from one person to another without feeling like a total bitch, surely it clicked in your head every now and again 'hmm de ja vu'... I didn't escape without guilt. I felt terrible each and every time I looked at either one of them because honestly I cared and loved them both sincerely..however I was no longer "in love" with the ex and I was "in love" with "C" but it took me going back and forth to realize where my heart really was and where I belonged! But I felt terrible, low, and dirty for even being in this situation! Any answers welcomed Hope this helps...just my experience... Let me add...if I had to do it all over again I would not have left "C" ever...but I guess everything happens for a reason and now I don't have to live with the thoughts of "What if/what coulda been" with my ex. Edited November 8, 2010 by Barby
sedgwick Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 (edited) I am ashamed to say I've done it twice (though not for many years.) Both times I left the two best guys I've ever known, who treated me really well, for two of the biggest a-holes I've ever known. I was a self-destructive, miserably unhappy person at the time and I couldn't deal with people treating me well because I didn't think I deserved it. Thankfully, I have salvaged friendships with the men I left, and they are two very important people in my life to this day. They understood the serious craziness I was going through at the time and they forgave me. The relationships with the guys I left them for were very intense and passionate and flamed out fast, and I no longer speak to either of them or have any idea where they are. There were problems in the relationships with the good guys, though. It's not like things were perfect, although I do totally take responsibility for breaking these guys' hearts. With the first one, we'd been fighting a lot and our relationship had been going south for the last three of the six years we were together, and ultimately the split was amicable. Me meeting the other guy was just the catalyst for us finally ending something that had needed to be ended for a long time. With the second guy, it was long-distance, we both have firmly entrenched lives in our own cities, and I met someone local after doing the long-distance thing for three years with no end in sight. I would have stayed with that guy if we'd been in the same city, but we were never going to be. Both of the good guys are now in solid relationships with other women, and I do miss them and I do have regrets, but I know we all really tried to make it work out and it just didn't. Edited November 8, 2010 by sedgwick
sacg Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Great thread OP, and honest answers ladies, although I feel a slight resentment towards you, it also allows me to see an alternative view to betrayal. Everything is not back and white i guess.
Barby Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Great thread OP, and honest answers ladies, although I feel a slight resentment towards you, it also allows me to see an alternative view to betrayal. Everything is not back and white i guess. It really isn't...(black and white) this was the first and only relationship that went this way for me...my first relationship lasted from age 18-21 second one from 22-29 now the third/current 29-now (I turned 30 in august). I'm not proud of my betrayal but am grateful I ended up with a wonderful man!
Author bl22 Posted November 8, 2010 Author Posted November 8, 2010 Thanks for the replies That definately fills me with some hope that my ex will in time come to regret the things shes done to me as of right now shes cold hearted and i havent done anything bad towards her, its really dented my confidence in people in general cause she was an angel for 2 and half years. Another question .... How did the guy you was with react when you left them for someone else? Did they make the usual mistakes we all make of begging, pleading and critisizing the decision? If so, did that change your view towards them at all or if it did, how long for? Also finally, who contacted who first to make friends/get back together and how long NC was there? Thanks for the replies guys, its good to hear views from people who have been in this situation.
Barby Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Thanks for the replies Another question .... How did the guy you was with react when you left them for someone else? Being understanding, tried to keep in contact but didn't "push" himself on me. Did they make the usual mistakes we all make of begging, pleading and critisizing the decision? If so, did that change your view towards them at all or if it did, how long for? Yes he did state his opinion, beg me, plead with me, but not in excess...and yes this did change my view towards him ("C")...it made me realize he really did care about/love me and want to be with me despite my mistakes! I still respect him more for being honest about his feelings for me and allowing me "firmly but respectfully" to make a choice. I didn't see him as weak or pathetic or see it as being a mistake...it was exactly the opposite...I needed to see/hear how he felt to re-affirm he was who I needed to be with. Also finally, who contacted who first to make friends/get back together and how long NC was there? He contacted me but I ignored his texts and calls for a few days...he stopped and went NC for a few days and that broke me down...I realized how much I missed him, contacted him, confessed to him why I did what I did, ect" Our breakup wasn't long but it really opened my eyes! Thanks for the replies guys, its good to hear views from people who have been in this situation. Again just one experience but I think reaching out to her with dignity and respect and letting her know how you feel could be a good thing *depending on how she is, how she feels about you, ect* I say "give it a try" speaking strictly based on my own experience.
Recommended Posts