bsilmb Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 BACKGROUND STORY: hi, so I met this girl at homecoming about a month ago. it turns out she's partially deaf but can hear just fine with cochlear implants. we texted for hours and hours and hung out a few times at football games since then. tonight she came to the game and about halfway through, I asked her out. she said yes and asked what I'd like to do first. she mentioned movies, dinner, something like that. so what exactly should I do? I'm pretty sure it will be just me and her, but there may be a friend initially. so she's getting her license soon. I just need good advice on dates, and when to start kissing and being more intimate. we hug on a regular basis, but I'd like to hold her hand and things like that. any advice would be wonderful, thank you!* so we've texted every day for at least 3-4 hours a day, never really running out of things to say. I tell her how pretty she is and stuff of that sort(I mean every word of it) yesterday we hung out all day. we cuddled around a fire, then cuddled while watching paranormal activity (I had my arm around her, we were really close, like kissing distance) NOW: so last night, she was telling me halfway jokingly how we are dating but not technically boyfriend and girlfriend. I was feeling pretty sad, cuz I was under the impression we were starting to get serious. SO I went to the mall with her tonight hoping to salvage that, somewhat apprehensive. Anyway, things went great. I show up, we hug intimately, i buy her dinner, the convos became very easy and things felt so natural and nothing forced. I felt like there was really some chemistry. Then we go to the movie and immediately after sitting down, she starts to put her drink in the cupholder on the arm of the chair between us. She then moves the drink to the opposite chair arm and leaned on me to cuddle. SO we cuddled pretty closely the entire movie. I didn't realize til about halfway through that my hand had been on her butt kinda, but she didn't mind so I went with it. Her head was on my chest and everything felt so wonderful. I kissed the top of her head twice because she'd kinda brush it closely to my head. I never kissed her on the lips because the timing never really seemed right and its not a thing a wanna rush. It would be my first.* Though we held hands when walking, and she hugged me about 5 times, very romantically and slowly. Things couldnt have gone better, but they did. After she left, i was there waiting for a ride with her best friend. Lets call the girl i like M and her best friend R. R and I chatted for a little while about random things. I then told her I really like M and i wasn't sure where her and I stood. R told me that M really likes me and is always talking about me. And smiling when I text her. R said based on what M says, she wants to be with me for a REALLY long time. So i was feeling awesome. R said the only thing is that she wants to hang out more if we are going to have a serious relationship. I agreed. M is getting her license this week so it won't be too long before we can hangout way more often. M just needs permission to pick me up. R said until then, she can take me to M's house each wednesday to hangout more. So this all seems really good so far. What's your take on all of it? What should i do from this point on? I'm interested in a long term relationship with her, and am way more confident now that I know the feeling is mutual* *my gut tells me, "don't get too excited, but I think that this could turn into a long term, serious relationship, and maybe eventually even more."* I may be young, but I know this is more than some week long crush that we will both get over. it's definitely more than that. I've never felt the connection and chemistry with any girls I've known or dated like I do with this girl. she truly makes my life better *not that I've cut ties with my friends just to be with her like I have in the past with girls, but I am definitely making a commitment to her. I have no intentions of dating other people, because i would like to be exclusively with her. She feels the same, but I think she kinda fears putting labels on things and complicating things.* so for those with some long term relationship experience, whatxan I do to help make things last? should I go for that kiss in the near future?? we hug, hold hands, cuddle, do very intimate things, but I haven't stepped up to kissing yet. partly because she's been kissed once in her whole life and I haven't even had one yet. also te time hasn't quite felt right yet. any advice? also her birthday is coming up in a couple weeks and she has invited me to Hang out with her and go to dinner and all that. I'm pretty broke so I don't really have much of a budget for a gift, plus I don't wanna buy her a really expensive necklace and freak her out into thinking I want some serious, heavy relationship this early. I Want to kinda take things slow, but I also dont want to move TOO slow, so I need some tips on that too. sorry for all the questions, but I'm young and in love, so I rather know too much than know too little *thanks!
Author bsilmb Posted November 8, 2010 Author Posted November 8, 2010 also, when she says the whole "we are dating, not technically bf and gf" what exactly does she mean or want? it was said in a joking time but I believe she was serious. it's obvious she likes me, her best friend told me how she's always talking about me and really likes me. so is she wanting to take things slow And not rush into a relationship? we've only known each other since October 2nd and we've gone out together 6-7 times; two so far in which we held hands and cuddled, but there's been hugging throughout. not little hugs, but pretty intimate haha. but still, I think this will turn into a long term relationship, she's just taking her time, which is FINE with me also, people on here keep saying I shouldve gone for this kiss, but i didn't. I plan to go for it sometime soon, good idea? also she's getting her license soon and her bestie offered to start giving me rides to her house on Wednesdays all so we can hang out more. should I be open in asking her if we could start goin on more dates more often once she has her license? (I don't have mine). the thing is, her best friend said that prett much the ONLY thing that is really holding her back is how often we are hanging out. so since idk if the girl I like knows about my Convo with her best friends, should I initiate asking if she would like to go on more dates? we are only hanging out about once maybe twice a week, although it is for 3-6 hours at a time. thanks for any advice! it's all appreciated
Jannah Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Begin by simply being friends with the person you are seeking a relationship with. This stage is vital as it allows you to learn more about your partner, as well as confirm/deny your feelings towards a relationship with them.Going off the basis that a good long term relationship is based around love, we can look into how love is defined. Dr. Sternberg (a psychologist who studied love) put forth an article speaking of the different aspects of love. In short, there are three vital components that make up true love (or consummate love). These components are Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment. The intimacy portion of love is that of friends; You enjoy spending time together, and have grown rather close strictly within the realms of "personality attraction." The passion aspect can attribute to many relationship losses. Although physical attraction is necessary in a relationship, this feeling does not need to be acted upon without full fulfillment of the intimacy aspect. If you rush head-first into passion without considering the needs of a very close friend, somebody is going to end up hurt. The final, and equally important, aspect is that of Commitment. There are two forms of commitment, short-term and long-term. Short-term commitment is the thought of simply saying "I am willing to love this person" this may not involve a necessary long term commitment, but it is the initial choice that one makes before entering the relationship. The long-term aspect (and the one we're discussing) is the choice to remain with said person for an extended portion of time. When all three aspects are fulfilled, consummate love is attained.Now that you fully understand what love is, you can make your own assumptions as to what you need to do. While every aspect does not need to be instantly attained (IE. some portions may come later in the relationship) usually all need to be present in order to maintain a healthy long term relationship. Communication can be the key. Although early on there may be nervous apprehension, this is all part of the game. In time though, you may need to be fully frank with someone and let them know how you feel.Remember to TAKE IT SLOW! A long-term relationship is something to work towards, it is not just given to you. Just make sure that neither you, nor your partner is uncomfortable with any aspect of the relationship you are in and you'll be fine. From Wiki How.
Author bsilmb Posted November 8, 2010 Author Posted November 8, 2010 Begin by simply being friends with the person you are seeking a relationship with. This stage is vital as it allows you to learn more about your partner, as well as confirm/deny your feelings towards a relationship with them.Going off the basis that a good long term relationship is based around love, we can look into how love is defined. Dr. Sternberg (a psychologist who studied love) put forth an article speaking of the different aspects of love. In short, there are three vital components that make up true love (or consummate love). These components are Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment. The intimacy portion of love is that of friends; You enjoy spending time together, and have grown rather close strictly within the realms of "personality attraction." The passion aspect can attribute to many relationship losses. Although physical attraction is necessary in a relationship, this feeling does not need to be acted upon without full fulfillment of the intimacy aspect. If you rush head-first into passion without considering the needs of a very close friend, somebody is going to end up hurt. The final, and equally important, aspect is that of Commitment. There are two forms of commitment, short-term and long-term. Short-term commitment is the thought of simply saying "I am willing to love this person" this may not involve a necessary long term commitment, but it is the initial choice that one makes before entering the relationship. The long-term aspect (and the one we're discussing) is the choice to remain with said person for an extended portion of time. When all three aspects are fulfilled, consummate love is attained.Now that you fully understand what love is, you can make your own assumptions as to what you need to do. While every aspect does not need to be instantly attained (IE. some portions may come later in the relationship) usually all need to be present in order to maintain a healthy long term relationship. Communication can be the key. Although early on there may be nervous apprehension, this is all part of the game. In time though, you may need to be fully frank with someone and let them know how you feel.Remember to TAKE IT SLOW! A long-term relationship is something to work towards, it is not just given to you. Just make sure that neither you, nor your partner is uncomfortable with any aspect of the relationship you are in and you'll be fine. From Wiki How. this is good advice but it's somewhat a broad answer to my questions. I plAn on following through on all of this. I just need my other questions answered, I know the other stuff that you stated above.
Jannah Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 this is good advice but it's somewhat a broad answer to my questions. I plAn on following through on all of this. I just need my other questions answered, I know the other stuff that you stated above. Thanks. Can you recap which questions in particular?
Yer_Blues Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Begin by simply being friends with the person you are seeking a relationship with. This stage is vital as it allows you to learn more about your partner, as well as confirm/deny your feelings towards a relationship with them.Going off the basis that a good long term relationship is based around love, we can look into how love is defined. Dr. Sternberg (a psychologist who studied love) put forth an article speaking of the different aspects of love. In short, there are three vital components that make up true love (or consummate love). These components are Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment. The intimacy portion of love is that of friends; You enjoy spending time together, and have grown rather close strictly within the realms of "personality attraction." The passion aspect can attribute to many relationship losses. Although physical attraction is necessary in a relationship, this feeling does not need to be acted upon without full fulfillment of the intimacy aspect. If you rush head-first into passion without considering the needs of a very close friend, somebody is going to end up hurt. The final, and equally important, aspect is that of Commitment. There are two forms of commitment, short-term and long-term. Short-term commitment is the thought of simply saying "I am willing to love this person" this may not involve a necessary long term commitment, but it is the initial choice that one makes before entering the relationship. The long-term aspect (and the one we're discussing) is the choice to remain with said person for an extended portion of time. When all three aspects are fulfilled, consummate love is attained.Now that you fully understand what love is, you can make your own assumptions as to what you need to do. While every aspect does not need to be instantly attained (IE. some portions may come later in the relationship) usually all need to be present in order to maintain a healthy long term relationship. Communication can be the key. Although early on there may be nervous apprehension, this is all part of the game. In time though, you may need to be fully frank with someone and let them know how you feel.Remember to TAKE IT SLOW! A long-term relationship is something to work towards, it is not just given to you. Just make sure that neither you, nor your partner is uncomfortable with any aspect of the relationship you are in and you'll be fine. From Wiki How. I wrote a paper on Sternberg and his triangular theory of love last year. It's real quality stuff with a lot of scientific backing.
denise_xo Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 I wrote a paper on Sternberg and his triangular theory of love last year. It's real quality stuff with a lot of scientific backing. And how much are you selling that for?
JungleLover Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 OP, judging from all of the threads you started, it sound like you want a whole blueprint for this relationship. Aren't you concerned that you will become totally dependent on others to get you through the relationship right up to marriage and children? You are asking for step by step instructions for a very dynamic relationship. You make relationship lasts by being fun to be around and not treating her like S***. Show her that you appreciate her regularly. Most of all, be a man. Don't act feminine around her. Don't go getting your nails manicured, wear pink outfits, go crying around her, and acting insecure. Be her fantasy man.
Author bsilmb Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 Thanks. Can you recap which questions in particular? well I aksed quite a few there isn't exactly one in particular, just all of them please I know it's a lot, but I'd really appreciate it if you did it!
Author bsilmb Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 OP, judging from all of the threads you started, it sound like you want a whole blueprint for this relationship. Aren't you concerned that you will become totally dependent on others to get you through the relationship right up to marriage and children? You are asking for step by step instructions for a very dynamic relationship. You make relationship lasts by being fun to be around and not treating her like S***. Show her that you appreciate her regularly. Most of all, be a man. Don't act feminine around her. Don't go getting your nails manicured, wear pink outfits, go crying around her, and acting insecure. Be her fantasy man. sorry for wanting so much advice! I just had a bad experience with unrequited love about a year ago... things are different with this girl, but I hope not to screw up. that's great advice! it's good to hear from a girl that you don't want to be treated like sh-t! I mean I hear people saying girls want that, nut every girl I've dated would never go for for that bull, they just wanted a nice guy who treated them right. I won't go feminine with her, I promise! she says she loves texting me, and doesn't really want me to take breaks from it, partly because it's a big part of our communication. it hasn't effected our face to face time at all, surprisingly I just don't want to slip into this unrequited love thig again she likes me and her best friend basically made it sound like she's falling in love with me and wants to be together for a LONG time. i would like that what's your take on all this?
JungleLover Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 she says she loves texting me, and doesn't really want me to take breaks from it, partly because it's a big part of our communication. it hasn't effected our face to face time at all, surprisingly I just don't want to slip into this unrequited love thig again she likes me and her best friend basically made it sound like she's falling in love with me and wants to be together for a LONG time. i would like that what's your take on all this? Hahaha! I am a guy. I think some are thrown off by the hot special woman in avatar. It sounds like you are already doing the right things. Just keep doing what you are doing and never get lazy with it.
Yer_Blues Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 And how much are you selling that for? lol, rereading this I think I may have been vague. The theory is what I'm referring to, and what has a lot of scientific backing. The paper is irrelevant, freshman english classes and such
Jannah Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 well I aksed quite a few there isn't exactly one in particular, just all of them please I know it's a lot, but I'd really appreciate it if you did it! Okay well it looks to be that she is def interested and likes you a lot. I think you have the right mindset in place, you just have to set into action. Next time you are with her, be affectionate and kiss her gently. You don't need to start getting her gifts so early on, especially since your broke, so spend time with her on her Birthday and you could get her a nice heart felt card. You've seen each other 6-7 times within a month, that sounds reasonable. As things progress, and you'll want to spend more time together, it doesn't have to be overboard but show her that you like and want to spend time with her by putting forth the effort and doing just that. Let her come to you and vice versa, depending on the vehicle situation. Take turns, etc.
Author bsilmb Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 Hahaha! I am a guy. I think some are thrown off by the hot special woman in avatar. It sounds like you are already doing the right things. Just keep doing what you are doing and never get lazy with it. sorry about that man! I couldn't tell haha I'll do that, I don't want to lose her. part of me says "take this slow, you don't want your heart broken", and the other part says, "make her yours forever".
Author bsilmb Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 Okay well it looks to be that she is def interested and likes you a lot. I think you have the right mindset in place, you just have to set into action. Next time you are with her, be affectionate and kiss her gently. You don't need to start getting her gifts so early on, especially since your broke, so spend time with her on her Birthday and you could get her a nice heart felt card. You've seen each other 6-7 times within a month, that sounds reasonable. As things progress, and you'll want to spend more time together, it doesn't have to be overboard but show her that you like and want to spend time with her by putting forth the effort and doing just that. Let her come to you and vice versa, depending on the vehicle situation. Take turns, etc. thanks! good advice. It's great to not have another case of unrequited love. I think that should all work out well. I guess I've got her to like me, so now all I've gotta do is not screw it up
Jannah Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 thanks! good advice. It's great to not have another case of unrequited love. I think that should all work out well. I guess I've got her to like me, so now all I've gotta do is not screw it up You are very welcome.
Author bsilmb Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 Four smiles! That must be a good thing. it is! this girl just makes me SOOO happy I don't ever want to lose her :/
Jannah Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 it is! this girl just makes me SOOO happy I don't ever want to lose her :/ It's so refreshing to hear things like this , it sounds like you two have a special connection. Twinkle twinkle!!
Author bsilmb Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 It's so refreshing to hear things like this , it sounds like you two have a special connection. Twinkle twinkle!! I REALLY hope you are right! i'm really starting to understand the whole saying about how you love someone even more when you missing them. I'm always counting down the days until we see each other again what kind of advice would you give on us not being able to go out more than once maybe twice a week?? that's likely to change when she gets her license and everything, but that could be a month or more, so any advice?
sally4sara Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 What should i do from this point on? I'm interested in a long term relationship You find a person, who is not already in a relationship that you share real compatibility with and just relax. Its the only way I've discovered to have a lasting relationship.
Author bsilmb Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 You find a person, who is not already in a relationship that you share real compatibility with and just relax. Its the only way I've discovered to have a lasting relationship. that's probably my biggest problem, just being able to RELAX! I have this Romeo and Juliet-esque look on a relationship. I truly believe it would be hard to find a girl as awesome as her, seriously. that's why I'm so interested in NOT screwing up
denise_xo Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 that's probably my biggest problem, just being able to RELAX! I have this Romeo and Juliet-esque look on a relationship. I truly believe it would be hard to find a girl as awesome as her, seriously. that's why I'm so interested in NOT screwing up Be careful not to try too hard. Just be your good self, trust your instincts, act accordingly and don't over think it.
sally4sara Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 that's probably my biggest problem, just being able to RELAX! I have this Romeo and Juliet-esque look on a relationship. I truly believe it would be hard to find a girl as awesome as her, seriously. that's why I'm so interested in NOT screwing up What I'm trying to tell you is not being able to relax is usually a sigh that you're either 1. not really compatible and 2. she's not a real option for you
Recommended Posts