What name do I use?

[KikiW]

Getting married for a second time this weekend. I am honestly unsure of what my legal name should be and I am looking for advice or opinions.

 

I know I will take my new husband's last name. My question is whether or not to use my ex's last name as my middle name. I have been told by someone in education that it can be very helpful when working with children and moms who have remarried but either hyphenate or keep the child's last name as a middle name.

 

I have tried looking online to see if there is a specific tradition in this case but haven't really come up with anything. I know I won't hyphenate - my ex's name is way too long and would be silly. I know I won't re-take my maiden name, if I choose anything other than my ex's name, I would use my original middle name.

 

So what's the protocol here? Anyone in education find what I was told to be true?

[ReturnToSender]

I know in Latin culture its traditional to keep the ex's name and then just add the next husbands name onto it. Not sure where you're from, but here in the states thats pretty much unheard of. Just do what makes you feel comfortable, in modern days theres no steadfast rule about that really...If you want to drop it and take on your new husbands name which is most common, do that...if you want to keep your ex's name without the hyphen do that.

[denise_xo]

Just do what makes you feel comfortable, in modern days theres no steadfast rule about that really...If you want to drop it and take on your new husbands name which is most common, do that...if you want to keep your ex's name without the hyphen do that.

 

This. I've always had a different surname than my mother, and it's never been an issue.

[quankanne]

both my sisters kept their first married names and put the new ones on after that, simply because they both had kids and it made it easier for the teachers. It makes a certain sense.

 

I was between writing jobs when I got married, and so I just used first, middle, married. Normal, right? Well, it confused the hell out of the editors who interviewed me because here I had clips bearing my maiden name and I was applying under my married name – no mention at all of the maiden name in my applications! Current boss solved that when he hired me all those years ago by saying he wanted BOTH surnames on my byline so that people could more easily identify with me, and so far, it's worked beautifully.

[Eeyore79]

I would be extremely upset if I married a woman and she wanted to keep her ex's name. That relationship is supposedly in the past - I wouldn't want my wife having some other guy's name. How does your partner feel about the situation?

[KikiW]

It's not really hinging on whether or not I am leaving my previous relationship in the past. If I did not have a child with him, I don't think this would even be an issue. My fiance and I have talked about it and he is fine with whatever I decide. He sees both sides of it, but his final statement was that I should keep it. He did actually suggest I talk to my ex and see what his opinion might be, in case it might be a sore point. However, knowing my ex he won't really care, but I will ask anyway.

 

My own mother kept my father's last name after they divorced. When she got remarried 8 years later, she hyphenated and kept it, partly because she had established herself professionally and wanted to make sure she was still recognizable, so it doesn't sound all that uncommon.

Edited November 9, 2010 by KikiW

[tfkizzle]

Getting married for a second time this weekend. I am honestly unsure of what my legal name should be and I am looking for advice or opinions.

 

I know I will take my new husband's last name. My question is whether or not to use my ex's last name as my middle name. I have been told by someone in education that it can be very helpful when working with children and moms who have remarried but either hyphenate or keep the child's last name as a middle name.

 

I have tried looking online to see if there is a specific tradition in this case but haven't really come up with anything. I know I won't hyphenate - my ex's name is way too long and would be silly. I know I won't re-take my maiden name, if I choose anything other than my ex's name, I would use my original middle name.

 

So what's the protocol here? Anyone in education find what I was told to be true?

 

90% of the people I know who have married more than once and taken their new husband's last name every time have just tacked the newest name on the end and dropped their legal middle name in favor of ex's name. For example, Mary Lou Smith got married and became Mary Lou Baker (or sometimes Mary Smith Baker), then got married again and became Mary Baker Cooper. I think the reason so many people do this is because of email addresses, professional reasons and so on, and let's face it (not being rude) it can be hard for people who aren't super close to you to keep track of all these name changes. It's nice to have something familiar there so they know who you are.

Edited November 9, 2010 by tfkizzle

[KikiW]

Yeah, talked to my ex this morning, he was actually teasing me and saying I should adopt ALL my names as my formal name - i.e. Christina Louisa Maltese Thompson Worthington (that's not my name, but I made one up with about as many letters per name as I actually have) - except I pointed out that I don't actually use my birth name as the name everyone calls me by, I have a nickname, so how do I fit "Kiki" in there? haha.

 

Anyway, going to go with my first birth name, my ex's last name as my middle, and my new husband's last name, but keep my nickname for general use. That seems to be the best option.

 

Thanks everyone!

[sally4sara]

My son has a different last name than I do because I use my maiden name while he has his father's last name. And his step father has another different last name than either of us.

 

No one has bussed home the wrong kid so far. I've never had a problem with it.

[PegNosePete]

I don't understand why anyone would want to keep their ex's name, except for professional reasons. And even then how much effort is it to put a signature line on your email explaining that your name has changed?

 

In fact as soon as my divorce goes through, I WANT MY NAME BACK! She has no right to use it any more!

[simpleone79]

Unless for legitamate proffesional reasons drop your ex's name. The kids will not have an issue with it. Never seen anyone freakout later in life because they had a different surname than their mother. To me it's a respect thing to your new husband. He may just be saying it's ok because he just doesn't want to upset you and is trying to make it easy on you by not making a big deal out of it. Most guys do have some sort of issue about their name. It's an ego thing even though most will never admit it. If your exs name is not completely neccesary, drop it. Just my opinion.