Titania22 Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Just some food for thought from my own experiences. I don't know about women as I have been only with men, but I am sure this works both ways. I have found when a guy likes me, he will be willing to care and be ethical in his decisions. In my situation there has always ben an economic imbalance where I have have assets then them, even if they have more lifetime earning potential. So when it is good they would never try to take my property, etc etc. But when they don't want/like me anymore, that goes out the window, and all their promises are empty. I want to put out the concept of observing our partners and potential partners, not be how nice they are to us, but by how they treat their enemies and people they don't like. In this day and age, more likely then not you will find yourself on the other side eventually, and people seldom change their patterns of behaviour. Perhaps if we make these observations (quietly to ourselves, because you they will always say, but I would never do that to you), then we be ready, or at least not surprised, when the world of hurt is headed our way.
brainygirl Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 That kind of makes sense, and "they" already say to look at how a date treats waitstaff. I also look at how they talk about their exs, if all the former girlfriends were crazy I begin to wonder who's really crazy in the situation.
Author Titania22 Posted November 8, 2010 Author Posted November 8, 2010 It's also an opportunity to look at ourselves, and see how we see our enemies and people we don't like. Are we deserving of the trust of others? Are we likely to screw them over, the minute they do something we don't like?
Author Titania22 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 Just bumping this up, because Nemicron wanted to see it.
Nemicron Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 I understand how that is. I was told everything when I first got with my ex. " Oh I love you, I'll never cheat on you. I'll never make you feel crazy. I wont use. ETC...." Piles of Horse ****. I dont understand why a person makes these kind of promises and then can't even keep them. So I dont have any answers for this one.
Nemicron Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Aww thank you. ^_^ Just bumping this up, because Nemicron wanted to see it.
Author Titania22 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 I dont understand why a person makes these kind of promises and then can't even keep them. So I dont have any answers for this one. The answer is just in listening and observing how they talk about the people they don't like(or from their past) and seeing it for what it is. It's true some people do us wrong and we have a right to be angry. But some people are vindictive or act unethically just to spread the pain (make the other person pay for hurting them). Also money problems show like this too. If someone has a string of bad debts and they encouraging you to get into debt, all their promises that they will pay you back mean nothing. What I realised in the last few days is that, when a person is obvious about the abuse (i.e. hitting, threatening etc) it's easy to see, and gives a greater chance of walking away. If a person talks all love love to you, and always has a good sob story for their actions, it's much easier to get sucked in, and not realise until much later how much you were screwed over. Had I ever thought to look at either of the behaviours of guys with exs and such critically I could have avoided setting myself up for a fall. Even just by realising the pitfalls and taking steps to legally protect myself along the journey. In my case being too compassionate and taking people at their word has led to my downfall.
Nemicron Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Yea mine too. I still dont trust people at all after everything The answer is just in listening and observing how they talk about the people they don't like(or from their past) and seeing it for what it is. It's true some people do us wrong and we have a right to be angry. But some people are vindictive or act unethically just to spread the pain (make the other person pay for hurting them). Also money problems show like this too. If someone has a string of bad debts and they encouraging you to get into debt, all their promises that they will pay you back mean nothing. What I realised in the last few days is that, when a person is obvious about the abuse (i.e. hitting, threatening etc) it's easy to see, and gives a greater chance of walking away. If a person talks all love love to you, and always has a good sob story for their actions, it's much easier to get sucked in, and not realise until much later how much you were screwed over. Had I ever thought to look at either of the behaviours of guys with exs and such critically I could have avoided setting myself up for a fall. Even just by realising the pitfalls and taking steps to legally protect myself along the journey. In my case being too compassionate and taking people at their word has led to my downfall.
Author Titania22 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 Yea mine too. I still dont trust people at all after everything From what I have seen, individuals are all to some degree different from each other, but we all have patterns (cycles) of behaviour. In theory if you can recognise a persons different patterns of behaviour in different circumstances, you can guess pretty closely how they will react (behave) at all times. My exboyfriend was brilliant at it. In terms of my behaviour he knew me better than I knew myself, which ment easy manipulation for him. I bring this up, not so we can all become master manipulators, but rather so we can see the potholes in the road and navigate around them.
phineas Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 It's also an opportunity to look at ourselves, and see how we see our enemies and people we don't like. Are we deserving of the trust of others? Are we likely to screw them over, the minute they do something we don't like? I just turn my back on them & walk away. It's not worth the time & energy. I was ANGRY at my cheating ex-wife & what she did to our family. But I never tried to screw her over or hurt her like she hurt me. However dropping a ton of weight & packing on some muscle seems to be the thing that got her goat most. The women I see are always asking about my ex & telling me i'm too nice to her. I'm just not mean to her.
Nemicron Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Maybe you are right. However I dont really have any focus at the moment. From what I have seen, individuals are all to some degree different from each other, but we all have patterns (cycles) of behaviour. In theory if you can recognise a persons different patterns of behaviour in different circumstances, you can guess pretty closely how they will react (behave) at all times. My exboyfriend was brilliant at it. In terms of my behaviour he knew me better than I knew myself, which ment easy manipulation for him. I bring this up, not so we can all become master manipulators, but rather so we can see the potholes in the road and navigate around them.
Author Titania22 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 Maybe you are right. However I dont really have any focus at the moment. I know what you mean. I am very nooby when it comes to recognising patterns in other people. But if I end up in another relationship at some point, you can bet, I will be giving it my best try.
Author Titania22 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 I just turn my back on them & walk away. It's not worth the time & energy. I was ANGRY at my cheating ex-wife & what she did to our family. But I never tried to screw her over or hurt her like she hurt me. However dropping a ton of weight & packing on some muscle seems to be the thing that got her goat most. The women I see are always asking about my ex & telling me i'm too nice to her. I'm just not mean to her. That's the best when you can do it. I would rather have just walked away, but my boyfriend put 70k debt on my credit cards and left, and I can't pay it, so I actually have to deal and hold him accountable for his actions. I spent the last 3 yrs telling myself he is a good person and it was just bad luck, but other then some lame attempts to be honorable, he kept putting faith in his snake oil salesman of a father. So now as of friday I have decided I need to face my situation instead of hiding, and do what needs to be done to free myself. I wish him all the best in life, but I need to be free of this debt, and able to live my life.
Nemicron Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 WQell your a better person then I am. I'm still so angry at my ex I just turn my back on them & walk away. It's not worth the time & energy. I was ANGRY at my cheating ex-wife & what she did to our family. But I never tried to screw her over or hurt her like she hurt me. However dropping a ton of weight & packing on some muscle seems to be the thing that got her goat most. The women I see are always asking about my ex & telling me i'm too nice to her. I'm just not mean to her.
brainygirl Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 WQell your a better person then I am. I'm still so angry at my ex I get along ok with my ex, if I severly limit contact with him. which is hard with kids in the pictured. I've gotten to the place where I just tell him I don't care to hear what he has to say.
Nemicron Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 i can't even talk to her right now. I'm beyond emotional and everything. I just couldnt. I freak out in my head even if I happen to even see her. I get along ok with my ex, if I severly limit contact with him. which is hard with kids in the pictured. I've gotten to the place where I just tell him I don't care to hear what he has to say.
brainygirl Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 i can't even talk to her right now. I'm beyond emotional and everything. I just couldnt. I freak out in my head even if I happen to even see her. I know how you feel, my ex basically ruined my life, ended up homeless and pregnant with a third kid when I left our marriage. I spent years rebuilding my life and attempting to learn how to trust people again, and he's lived with a series of random women and played daddy to their kids. That's annoying enough, then he starts talking about how he's completely changed since we were together and I need to understand he's a different person now. I'm sorry, I've been raise our kids while he's been gaining some sort of enlightenment and being supported by his women or his parents. Yeah, things are best when I drop the kids in his front yard, wave and leave.
Woggle Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 I never did a thing to my ex except divorce her. She chose to ruin her own life and that is all on her.
Nemicron Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Yea samehere without the kids. She completely ruined my life. And now I have no idea on even how to start again. But if she were to show up at my door tomorrow. I just couldn't handle even being around her. I'm still so furious and the things she did. And more so at myself for even putting up with it. I doubt I'll ever truely trust women ever again. And as the same goes for anyone in the Army either after all that. I could seriously mess her life up right now. But I'm realizing. It wouldn't solve anything. And I know eventually she will fall and it will be hard. But she has 2 lil girls of her own. And thats the real crime. She's messing them up worse. I know how you feel, my ex basically ruined my life, ended up homeless and pregnant with a third kid when I left our marriage. I spent years rebuilding my life and attempting to learn how to trust people again, and he's lived with a series of random women and played daddy to their kids. That's annoying enough, then he starts talking about how he's completely changed since we were together and I need to understand he's a different person now. I'm sorry, I've been raise our kids while he's been gaining some sort of enlightenment and being supported by his women or his parents. Yeah, things are best when I drop the kids in his front yard, wave and leave.
Nemicron Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 That sucks. To bad you ended up having to get a divorce. I never did a thing to my ex except divorce her. She chose to ruin her own life and that is all on her.
Woggle Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 That sucks. To bad you ended up having to get a divorce. The divorce was actually one of the best things that happened to me. My life blossomed afterwards.
brainygirl Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Yea samehere without the kids. She completely ruined my life. And now I have no idea on even how to start again. But if she were to show up at my door tomorrow. I just couldn't handle even being around her. I'm still so furious and the things she did. And more so at myself for even putting up with it. I doubt I'll ever truely trust women ever again. And as the same goes for anyone in the Army either after all that. I could seriously mess her life up right now. But I'm realizing. It wouldn't solve anything. And I know eventually she will fall and it will be hard. But she has 2 lil girls of her own. And thats the real crime. She's messing them up worse. Sounds like you're doing what you need to be doing, namely staying the heck away from her. I wish i could just cut the asshat out of my life . . .
Nemicron Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 I dont blame you there. Sounds like you're doing what you need to be doing, namely staying the heck away from her. I wish i could just cut the asshat out of my life . . .
daphne Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 I just turn my back on them & walk away. It's not worth the time & energy. I was ANGRY at my cheating ex-wife & what she did to our family. But I never tried to screw her over or hurt her like she hurt me. However dropping a ton of weight & packing on some muscle seems to be the thing that got her goat most. The women I see are always asking about my ex & telling me i'm too nice to her. I'm just not mean to her. You sound better than the rest of us. Good for you.
skydiveaddict Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 I have a very hard time trusting anyone.
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