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Trust in relationships

chocha_mocha

By chocha_mocha
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chocha_mocha Member

chocha_mocha

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How do you see trust - is it something you walk into relationship owning, giving blind faith to a partner, or something that is built up over time through interacting with your partner and gaining a sense of who they are?

 

I have recently split with my partner and one of the reasons being that I couldn't give him the 'blind faith' he wanted or expected. I am of the opinion that you learn to trust someone over time and this gets stronger in line with the relationship. I wouldn't say I was suspicious, its just I don't feel able to give my heart and soul on a plate straight away. For me it takes time and involves getting to know the person.

 

He was the opposite. He would walk into a relationship with all the trust in the world and would wait to be proven otherwise. I did trust him but at times would question his behaviour with certain things that made me feel uncomfortable. He would walk around in this bubble of "I'm a nice guy, I'll never hurt you" but yet I felt some of his actions were disrespectful. As a result, I was distrustful, because I couldn't always trust what was in his head, even though his actions or words said otherwise. I think he believed I was a mind reader:confused:

 

I'm interested in hearing other views of what trust is and are you ever 100% able to trust someone? - I'm probably at around 95%;)

Titania22 Established Member

Titania22

Posted
Posted

I think it has to grow over time.

Nemicron Established Member

Nemicron

Posted
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It should be in the actions. For example. Not going around flirting with opther people. Always being honest with you. Not making you feel like you should have to question anything. Because blah blah would never do that.

 

I believe trust is something that should be there totally without question. And your partner should never make you even doubt for a second about what they are doing.

 

 

 

 

How do you see trust - is it something you walk into relationship owning, giving blind faith to a partner, or something that is built up over time through interacting with your partner and gaining a sense of who they are?

 

I have recently split with my partner and one of the reasons being that I couldn't give him the 'blind faith' he wanted or expected. I am of the opinion that you learn to trust someone over time and this gets stronger in line with the relationship. I wouldn't say I was suspicious, its just I don't feel able to give my heart and soul on a plate straight away. For me it takes time and involves getting to know the person.

 

He was the opposite. He would walk into a relationship with all the trust in the world and would wait to be proven otherwise. I did trust him but at times would question his behaviour with certain things that made me feel uncomfortable. He would walk around in this bubble of "I'm a nice guy, I'll never hurt you" but yet I felt some of his actions were disrespectful. As a result, I was distrustful, because I couldn't always trust what was in his head, even though his actions or words said otherwise. I think he believed I was a mind reader:confused:

 

I'm interested in hearing other views of what trust is and are you ever 100% able to trust someone? - I'm probably at around 95%;)

brainygirl Established Member

brainygirl

Posted
Posted

Trust has to grow. I think that internally you have to have a "seed", if you are always suspicious of everything and everyone then you will never trust.

 

But trust is built on words being followed by actions. If the words and actions don't mesh up, trust is broken.

 

If he did things you weren't comfortable with or found to be hurtful, then you are right in not trusting him.

donnamaybe Established Member

donnamaybe

Posted
Posted

I don't know about 100% trust. That's rather hard to imagine.

 

HOWEVER, I base my ability to trust on what I see of a person's actions - not just their words.

 

EXAMPLE: If I were in an A situation, would I trust the person who I already KNEW was lying on a daily basis to the one person to whom they vowed to be someone who would always "have their back?" Hee YELL no! I would have to be pretty naive to think that a proven liar and cheat would choose ANYONE to never lie to. :laugh:

 

Then you have my man - who, yes, I trust A LOT! I see how he interacts with people - even strangers - on a daily basis. He has too much integrity and a caring for the greater good for me to worry too much about his honesty level. ;)

Cee Established Member

Cee

Posted
Posted

I generally trust people until they give me reason not to. My trusting nature has gotten me in a little trouble, but it has opened me to many opportunities to get help and support. Giving people my trust is not a big deal to me- I am giving them a chance to be in relationship with me. But I don't like to depend on people. For example, even if I get a ride, I carry bus tokens just in case I have to travel alone. It's not that I don't trust other people, but I trust myself more. A lot more.

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chocha_mocha Member

chocha_mocha

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Then you have my man - who, yes, I trust A LOT! I see how he interacts with people - even strangers - on a daily basis. He has too much integrity and a caring for the greater good for me to worry too much about his honesty level. ;)

 

You see that was a major problem in our relationship, in that I never saw him interact with anyone, other than myself and my dad. He had very low self esteem and was terrified about the though of meeting my friends. He had let his own friends drift away. So in 18 months, I never met anyone he knew and he never interacted with my friends. We hardly ever had nights out because of his social anxiety so I rarely saw him in that environment also. A couple of months ago he then started to go out, all very suddenly. It was a complete swing around. I remember we had a conversation about his old socialising days and him saying that he would mainly go out to get extremely drunk and flirt with women. So this didn't exactly make me feel so confident knowing this was his reference point to socialising:o. There was a whole host of other things, like not keeping boundaries with women who came on to him etc. I guess I never really knew the whole of him, just the mushy bit I would see when we were together.

 

It's not that I don't trust other people, but I trust myself more. A lot more.

 

That actually makes alot of sense

beatlejuice Member

beatlejuice

Posted
Posted

You're right in not trusting him. Trust to me is the most important thing in a relationship, and it's hard to come by...I don't trust anyone, and so far, I've been right not to. Everybody always says to trust your intuition, so if it's telling you something, there's a reason. People have said this to me, here or otherwise, and that's the way it is. Once trust is out, that's it for me.

Confusedalways Established Member

Confusedalways

Posted
Posted

I go into most situations trusting people 100%, until they give me a reason not to.

 

Probably not the best idea, but so far it's been good to me. Once someone loses my trust- forget about it.

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chocha_mocha Member

chocha_mocha

Posted
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Posted
Once trust is out, that's it for me.

 

Is there a way of re-gaining that trust again? I guess I'm the sort of person who once they have a thought in their head then that's it, its there. If I doubt a person's intention then that's how it usually stays. Its difficult though to understand if that is intuition or just stubbornness:rolleyes:

beatlejuice Member

beatlejuice

Posted
Posted

I'm the same way. Think of it this way, though...would you rather be wrong & then it ends because of it? or be right and second-guess yourself and so end up being sorry? To me it's better safe than sorry.

 

As for regaining trust, I have with one guy, only to find that I was right about him in the first place. A lot of time had passed between my initial reaction to him and when I gave him a second chance. I thought he'd changed/grown up, but alas, not so much. :o

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

"Anxiety, fear, hope, doubt;

These are the squeaking, grinding, perennially moving cogs that make Life what it is;

In Life, Trust is the Oil."

mogul Established Member

mogul

Posted
Posted

Before I get in a relationship with someone, I feel that I need to trust them first. Once I am with her, I will trust her completely until she gives me a reason to question her. Once the trust is gone, the relationship is done. In the future, I will be a lot more careful to not get burned.

hadess07 Member

hadess07

Posted
Posted
How do you see trust - is it something you walk into relationship owning, giving blind faith to a partner, or something that is built up over time through interacting with your partner and gaining a sense of who they are?

 

I have recently split with my partner and one of the reasons being that I couldn't give him the 'blind faith' he wanted or expected. I am of the opinion that you learn to trust someone over time and this gets stronger in line with the relationship. I wouldn't say I was suspicious, its just I don't feel able to give my heart and soul on a plate straight away. For me it takes time and involves getting to know the person.

 

He was the opposite. He would walk into a relationship with all the trust in the world and would wait to be proven otherwise. I did trust him but at times would question his behaviour with certain things that made me feel uncomfortable. He would walk around in this bubble of "I'm a nice guy, I'll never hurt you" but yet I felt some of his actions were disrespectful. As a result, I was distrustful, because I couldn't always trust what was in his head, even though his actions or words said otherwise. I think he believed I was a mind reader:confused:

 

I'm interested in hearing other views of what trust is and are you ever 100% able to trust someone? - I'm probably at around 95%;)

 

i do agree with you that the most important element in a relationship is trust. once this is gone, it will be very hard to maintain the relationship no matter how much love both have for each other. its something very hard to build yet so easily broken.

 

hope some of this INFORMATION can help you

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