gabby898 Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 I went for a cup of coffee and to the cinema with a male friend and my boyfriend got all mad and jealous. This male friend is a new friend that I've met in university. I don't know him that well so I haven't told him everything about me (I'm also not very talkative and sometimes quite private) so I still haven't told him that I'm in a relationship. We became friends because we are both in a very similar situation. Both of us moved country when we were 15 (same country we're from...), so we had a lot to talk about. (when I had first moved, when I was 15, I was feeling very lonely and have feeling like that for the past 3 years, I'm now 18, which has also brought about some depression bouts). So, knowing that someone had been in the same situation with me and listening to him having the same feelings as me was very comforting. I have to add that this was NOT a date! None of us considered it as a date, and we never treat it as a date at all. (He didn't offer to pay at any point, he didn't even hold a door open for me...) you get the picture. Not a date atmosphere at all. and there was nothing, no attraction of some sort, it felt like I was with a friend, nothing more. I had told my bf that I will go out with him to the cinema and also I have told him everything about this guy because I tell my bf everything. I also have to add that he's got some online female friends and I would have no problem with him meeting any friend he wants to! One of his friends (to whom he had send naked pics of himself and she had said that she wanted to have sex with him), who lives in London wanted to meet him a few months ago, when he was going to go to London for work. He told me and because I completely trust him, I was fine with it! They never met though, because one something occurred, not sure what, can't remember... but the intention to meet was there though. How on earth can he be mad at me for this? I don't think he is justified at being mad at all. Am I that's wrong?
ReturnToSender Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Why would you not tell the guy you are in a relationship. Whether or not you think going to coffee and a movie with him wasnt a date doesnt matter if he thinks youre single... if youve made it to that point and just havint mentioned youre not available, thats leading him on. Beyond that, I was following along merrily till you mentioned your bf has someone sending him naked pics and happens to live in the city he travels to for business. Hrm... My guess is hes mad because he knows what hes up to with nudie pic london, and displacing it on you.
Author gabby898 Posted November 8, 2010 Author Posted November 8, 2010 Why would you not tell the guy you are in a relationship. Whether or not you think going to coffee and a movie with him wasnt a date doesnt matter if he thinks youre single... if youve made it to that point and just havint mentioned youre not available, thats leading him on. Beyond that, I was following along merrily till you mentioned your bf has someone sending him naked pics and happens to live in the city he travels to for business. Hrm... My guess is hes mad because he knows what hes up to with nudie pic london, and displacing it on you. well, I know that he has not met this woman but I do know they've been friends (online) for quite a while. Also, today while we were arguing, he said that she still likes him and she would be with him in a instant if he wanted to. I thought that was a pretty mean thing to say, while I was the one who was reassuring him all the time that there's nothing going on with me and my friend and nothing will ever happen. I have no idea if what he said is true or not...
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 I went for a cup of coffee and to the cinema with a male friend and my boyfriend got all mad and jealous. First... Your BF does not seem like a super great guy. However... Coffee is cool, but borderline bad if one on one... the cinema is typical date spot. Unacceptable.
Mad Max Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Going to a movie or anywhere one-on-one with a male friend is unacceptable if you have a boyfriend. If my girlfriend did that, she'd be dumped on the spot. It doesn't matter that you told your boyfriend about this guy. If your boyfriend decided to go to dinner with a female friend, you wouldn't allow it, even if he did tell you.
make me believe Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Gabby, I would be extremely wary about why your BF is still carrying on a "friendship" with a girl who openly tells him she wants to f*ck him. I think it was wrong for you to hang out with a new male friend without talking to your BF about it first. I would be really uncomfortable if my BF met a girl & had long conversations with her & felt close to her because of things they had in common.... and then started hanging out ALONE with her without even telling me about it first. It sounds like you & your BF need to establish some boundaries, and talk about what behavior is acceptable with members of the opposite sex. For my fiance & I, what you & your male friend did would not be ok. However, it would also not be ok for one of us to be "friends" with someone like the girl your BF is friends with. Oh, and I also think you should have been upfront with this guy about having a boyfriend. I'm betting that he did not see your coffee & movie as purely platonic. I'm of the mindset that most guys don't seek out friendships with girls unless they are interested in them & looking for something more, though.
BrokenArrow1987 Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 (edited) I wouldn't say guys don't want to be just friends with girls, but guys do look at these kind of things differently. You going out with this other guy to him is just taht, going out. From a male perspective you are dating this other guy, weither you admit it or look at it that way or not. You may not have had sex with this other guy but you are cheating on your crappy boyfriend. How can you expect him to nt be mad about it. YOU WENT OUT WITH ANOTHER GUY AND DIDN"T TELL HIM YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND TO BOOT, YOU CHEATED ON HIM DUMB BITCH! Also you SHOULD be concered about him visiting this lady friend of his. You don't respect your boyfriend or care enough to be jelous about him hanging out with other women. You need to stop lying to yourself and admit you cheated on him to him. Maybe he wouldn't be so mad if you didn't lie to his face and get mad at him for something you did wrong instead of passive agressivly taking out your resentments of him hanging out with other women by dating other men and saying you did nothing wrong. Edited November 9, 2010 by BrokenArrow1987
Author gabby898 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 Gabby, I would be extremely wary about why your BF is still carrying on a "friendship" with a girl who openly tells him she wants to f*ck him. I think it was wrong for you to hang out with a new male friend without talking to your BF about it first. I would be really uncomfortable if my BF met a girl & had long conversations with her & felt close to her because of things they had in common.... and then started hanging out ALONE with her without even telling me about it first. It sounds like you & your BF need to establish some boundaries, and talk about what behavior is acceptable with members of the opposite sex. For my fiance & I, what you & your male friend did would not be ok. However, it would also not be ok for one of us to be "friends" with someone like the girl your BF is friends with. I did tell him though. I told him beforehand that I was going to go out with a friend. He never told me it bothered him so much! he just gave me a few warnings and he also said that I don't necessary have to mention that I've got a bf if he's not flirty. Me and him are still actually arguing about that... Oh, and I also think you should have been upfront with this guy about having a boyfriend. I'm betting that he did not see your coffee & movie as purely platonic. I'm of the mindset that most guys don't seek out friendships with girls unless they are interested in them & looking for something more, though. I disagree... You might be right that "most guys...are looking for something more", but that would never stop me from developing any friendship with any guy I want. Because there always will be the guy who will be different. (or gay )
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 I did tell him though. I told him beforehand that I was going to go out with a friend. He never told me it bothered him so much! he just gave me a few warnings and he also said that I don't necessary have to mention that I've got a bf if he's not flirty. Me and him are still actually arguing about that... Ugh... Your wrong! And your BF is using this girl in London as emotional blackmail. Which is similarly unacceptable. I would normally say you two deserve each other... but you seem to be the instigator of bad behavior in this situation. I disagree... You might be right that "most guys...are looking for something more", but that would never stop me from developing any friendship with any guy I want. Because there always will be the guy who will be different. (or gay ) Uh... if you have to hide the fact that you have a BF.... then it's not platonic. That's kind of a Duh! type thing. Now that I read it... It's totally unacceptable... and I don't think you are worthy of having a relationship based on your pre-cheater entitlement attitude.
ReturnToSender Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Uh... if you have to hide the fact that you have a BF.... then it's not platonic. I just really felt this part beared repeating.... Think about it, if you knew he was just a friend and had no intentions, then it wouldnt matter so much to keep it from him that you have a bf. My ex-hubby had a saying "you can lie to me, but you cant lie to yourself"
Author gabby898 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 Ugh... Your wrong! Uh... if you have to hide the fact that you have a BF.... then it's not platonic. That's kind of a Duh! type thing. I didn't intentionally hide it though. It just never really came up and didn't feel the need to tell him since I didn't feel he liked me in any way or was interested in me at all...
lkjh Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Look you can paint this anyway you want but the truth is this guy is probably somewhat interested in you and you most likely know this. You didn't tell him you had a bf and you DID go on a date. Even of you claim you didn't. You just met him, went and got coffee, talked about what you had in common, withheld the fact that you had a bf, and then went to the movies with him alone. Its was a date. Your bf is acting immature by trying to get even with this London girl but the fact is you went on a date By the way you are either lying or a fool if you believe that this guy just wants to be friends. He would most likely have sex with you right now if you offered it so lets be real
Author gabby898 Posted November 10, 2010 Author Posted November 10, 2010 I understand what you're all saying. I apologised to him about 3 times for not telling the guy I had a bf. He said some very mean things during our argument and tbh I really hated the way he accused me and said stuff like "what's wrong with you", he called me "naive", and used that other girl for emotional blackmail... so I told him I didn't like the way he spoke to me. (I never spoke to him that way btw and never have). But after all this, he's still continuing with the argument. I have no clue what to do so for the moment I'm ignoring him... I tried the proper way of let's work it out, we've been constantly arguing for two days!
lkjh Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I understand what you're all saying. I apologised to him about 3 times for not telling the guy I had a bf. He said some very mean things during our argument and tbh I really hated the way he accused me and said stuff like "what's wrong with you", he called me "naive", and used that other girl for emotional blackmail... so I told him I didn't like the way he spoke to me. (I never spoke to him that way btw and never have). But after all this, he's still continuing with the argument. I have no clue what to do so for the moment I'm ignoring him... I tried the proper way of let's work it out, we've been constantly arguing for two days! Using the other girl to make you jealous is immature but you are either Naive or a great liar. There is no way you believe this guy wants to be just "friends". By going on this date you essentially cheated even-though you did nothing physical
lkjh Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 ok I just read your other post and just a few weeks ago you posted about how you cheated on your bf while on vacation and did drugs. You even tried to justify it by claiming you cheated because you liked the OM for 3 years(like that makes it ok) and thought the OM was a good guy. Then you actually bash the OM for messing with you while knowing you have a bf. Do you ever except responsibility for your actions? Why are you in a relationship? You obviously need attention from other guys and you clearly don't respect your bf because you refuse to confess and continue to cheat. Break up with him, work on yourself and figure out why you need attention from other men. Right now you are not girlfriend material
lonestar190 Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I didn't intentionally hide it though. It just never really came up and didn't feel the need to tell him since I didn't feel he liked me in any way or was interested in me at all... Yeah, you did. I am calling you out on this statement judt like everyone else. I have never been able to meet someone and have a sustained conversation (coffee and a movie) without the fact that I have a girlfriend slipping in somewhere. Maybe it is "my girlfriend and I did something like that..." or "I don't care for that but my girlfriend does..." or "yes I have plans this weekend, my girlfriend and I are..." or at the very least "let me call my girlfriend and let her know I will be out late." If you went that long, you intentionally chose words and omitted talking bout your boyfriend. You may never have been asked directly, but I guarantee you used "I" when you normally would have used "we" and you knew you were doing it. I bet you ignored calls/texts from your boyfriend as well or said they were just from a "friend."
sally4sara Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I didn't intentionally hide it though. It just never really came up and didn't feel the need to tell him since I didn't feel he liked me in any way or was interested in me at all... Because I want my friendships with men to be real friendships - I make sure this subject comes up in our first conversation. And it isn't an age thing or an experience thing. Its pretty clear early on in life that some men will only take an interest in a woman if they find them sexually attractive. You knew this the moment you developed breasts and men started paying more attention to you. So the only reason I can think of to NOT bring it up is if you want that kind of interest out of the guy. And you probably do want that kind of interest, at least superficially, to teach your BF a lesson over his online chat tone with this London girl. Passive Aggressive! If you want helpful advise you're going to need to be honest with yourself about this one.
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