iamawesome Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 That's kinda rough. I sort of calmed down from the shock and realized that yes she screwed up-but hasn't done anything with him...It's just words. I could say those things to any of my exes and it wouldn't neccisarily mean anything...I thought about it and if I said something like that I'd just be screwing with them. It's just words-I mean I've had exes contact me after some time and the conversation never went like that because them and I were in another elationship with other people-sort of like me and my girl are now Dude you obviously don't know anything about making moral decisions or emotional decisions. Read about Immanuel Kant, or something. He says: He asked if an object can be known to have certain properties prior to the experience of that object. He concluded that all objects about which the mind can think must conform to its manner of thought. Basically, the very fabric of all of our society is based on this notion. Meaning that actions of individuals are judged on INTENT not on the consequences they may or may not yield. This is why manslaughter is different than murder, they are separated by intent. Your girl here is showing intent. That is far worse than her getting drunk one night and shagging some dude by accident. You have to focus on her intent not the outcome of her actions. If you focus on this factor, you will know she is already gone and you will realize what you have to do. Now go be a ****ing man. You are embarrassing all of us.
Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 You know what I mean....She's been glued to me anyways so that's a good sign.....She works a little too close to his house (for my comfort level) and we live probably 15 miles away from that. Yesterday I was off so during her lunch break I was in the area so I sort of drove by his place (just to make sure) and she wasn't there. I mean if she wanted to it would be soo easy for her to go there but she hasn't and I believe her
Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 Ok so using that analogy-would you say her intent would be "manslaughter" or "murder" emotionally speaking of course not the actual meaning of said words???
iamawesome Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 She has broken the most important part of a relationship, the emotional trust. She did this with her own intent and freewill. You can call it premeditated it you want to stick to my analogy... This isn't a "one-off" crazy thought. It's something that was on-going and explicit in nature. It reveals desire and she acted in spite of the consequences (ending things with you). I guarantee she considered the possibility of you finding out and did it anyways. This is why in this case, her intent is really sinister. It's already over, you just need to stop the denial.
Art_Critic Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 You know what I mean....She's been glued to me anyways so that's a good sign.....She works a little too close to his house (for my comfort level) and we live probably 15 miles away from that. Yesterday I was off so during her lunch break I was in the area so I sort of drove by his place (just to make sure) and she wasn't there. I mean if she wanted to it would be soo easy for her to go there but she hasn't and I believe her Is the sex really that good that you are willing to let her play you for a chump ? Why not ask her about it all. show her the contact info you have. You mentioned that you just the other day caught her in a lie about the contact.. she had just emailed him. Dude... no woman is worth having someone play you like this..
Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 To answer that question-yesss it is. She is gorgeous. Every guy who meets her stares at her-she's used to that I suppose. I don't think she realizes it most of the time. That's what bothers me in part because the way her ex is so nonchalant when they've talked-I couldn't do it like he does-Maybe it's because he's older, i don't know. It bothers me because I've read about the push-pull theory and it's sort of like what's going or was going on with them. I think the way he handles her is part of what was making her (in her mind) interested,as opposed to me I sort of have a big mouth sometimes-so she's comparing me to him probably
carhill Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 A saying relevant to my admittedly much older generation: 'Beauty is as beauty does'
Art_Critic Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 I would imagine that in 6 months when you catch them banging each other in bed that you will be heart broken and shocked ? Dude..... Have you shown any of your friends this info ? Something else to think about.. many times people don't use condoms.. It will be as if you are sleeping with him... STD's would be a concern at this point as well....
SeriousBob12 Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Why are you even here? Why did you ask for advice? You clearly are lost up your own ass of denial. She doesn't think of him, you are right. She thinks about his raging boner in her mouth. Yeah, that's not so bad at all. Couldn't have been better put.
Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 I haven't told anyone about this other than all of you. It would end up dividing people and I don't need other people involved in this situation. It would make things worse. We've already made plans together for Thanksgiving and Christmas with our families...Banging the guy??? Really??? It's one thing to say it, it's another thing to do it..Like I said though with his easy going approach is what worries me the most. I mean how can you go back? I don't understand how going backwards makes any sense at all! What does he have that I don't??? Ya know
carhill Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Nothing about a woman is ever obvious, no matter how it might appear. Their minds work in ways you cannot begin to fathom, so don't try. Stay true to your boundaries and don't count on anything.
Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 Not that I don't get everyone's opinion but I wanted to add that she also was calling him by their private pet names too-Sorry to say that don;t want to get screamed at was just wondering if that was anything significant
iamawesome Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 im starting to think this dude is trolling.
Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 Oh...I'm new and just looked up trolling online. I'm sorry if I've looked like that at all. I wasn't trying to interupt any discussions or be rude or incite any kind of problems with people here. I guess I'm just in a confusing situation that I keep going over and over agian in my head. So one minute I think there's hop and then the next I'll feel like that's right there's not. So I apologize for any misunderstandings I've caused...It's just I have this girl that I want to keep and half of her I guess is out the door already. Normally I wouldn't be asking so many stupid questions_I've been through breakups. This one is different though with the recent move in and all of that
SeriousBob12 Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 The only thing that's confusing is how far in denial you are. I don't know what you expect myself or others to say. Are you looking for that one poster who will say "it's okay! everything will be alright! She clearly likes you more, she only said she wants to suck her ex-bf's dick because she was being sneaky and fun! Don't sweat it! you two are meant to be and will get married, have kids, and live in a nice white house with a white picket fence!" ? Fine... it's okay! everything will be alright! She clearly likes you more, she only said she wants to suck her ex-bf's dick because she was being sneaky and fun! Don't sweat it! you two are meant to be and will get married, have kids, and live in a nice white house with a white picket fence! For the love of christ either start being logical or accept that you're willfully ignorant. We're trying dude. Don't make excuses dude. I would NEVER want to be with a girl that said the things she did. Regardless on if she acted on them or not (you'll never know), but I mean for real? How can you just "forget" something like that? So what if she's showing you affection now? There are plenty of other girls that would do the same but have respect for your feelings and class.
Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 Seriousbob12...Your right...I was looking for one person to say "Oh I did that to my ex just to F with him, I love my BF way too much to leave and ever actually do anything with my ex"-I guess that's what I wanted to hear selfishley enough. Sorry for all the confusion on my end..It's crazy how something so good can go so bad so quick
SeriousBob12 Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Even if someone DID say that, would it really outweigh how many people have told you otherwise? You gotta respect yourself. This girl isn't respecting you at all, doing this. I don't care if I was dating Natalie Portman, if she was texting the ***** that you typed to us, I'd dump her for the sake of my dignity. This girl really sounds like a manipulative *****, shock her and show her you don't roll that way. Otherwise she knows full well she can walk all over you. Eventually she will break your heart and you'll look back on this and be like "god the signs were there, I'm an idiot!"
Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 Everyone was right I'm sure...I'm just going to look for a place to live in the meantime. I don't think I'm going to confront her either-where is that gong to get me? Maybe I don't really want to know the whole story. I guess there is no "tell her this or say that" that will make her turn around and see me only-I was hoping-can't hate me for that
Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 12, 2010 Author Posted November 12, 2010 Last post on here....They say 1000 frenchmen can't be wrong neither are you guys. Thank you so much for putting up with my annoying denial and stupid questions..I read the entire thread again and my how stupid did I sound. I learned a lot-just walk away is what it comes down to and i"m out. The final straw was she emailed him again about her body and what does he like about it!!! You know what F YOU!!! I'll be long gone for good by the time she gets home from work. Again everyone thank you
seibert253 Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 Last post on here....They say 1000 frenchmen can't be wrong neither are you guys. Thank you so much for putting up with my annoying denial and stupid questions..I read the entire thread again and my how stupid did I sound. I learned a lot-just walk away is what it comes down to and i"m out. The final straw was she emailed him again about her body and what does he like about it!!! You know what F YOU!!! I'll be long gone for good by the time she gets home from work. Again everyone thank you Bravo, (standing and clapping) Stay gone though. She's gonna try and lure you back in. Don't fall for it. You're better off with out her. Peace,
PegNosePete Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 Good for you dude. Well you know what I mean, bad situation, but you're doing the right thing. We all go through denial at first, I certainly had my fair share, we sometimes need a kick in the teeth to bring us to our senses.
tgr172 Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 Nothing about a woman is ever obvious, no matter how it might appear. Their minds work in ways you cannot begin to fathom, so don't try. Stay true to your boundaries and don't count on anything. Carhill is right. The game is never ending. Thats what makes it sooo tiring if youre a guy who cares. And its a lucky if you get a girl who is sincere and true... and you love them also. It seems its either one or the other, finding both is the "Holy Grail". lol. I have been in what you are in. Always trying to rationalize the situation to keep from facing the negative outcome. The eternal optimist! Always trying to give the benefit of the doubt and trying to see the partners point of view. HOWEVER, there comes a time where they need to see yours!!! Youre posts strike home cause I have and continue to do what you are doing. Its a great way to be and makes for a good relationship if you are with a willing partner. Careing, understanding, seeing the the good. Unfortunatly, it also leaves you open to be used. Dont feel bad for yourself and thing its something youre doing wrong. Dont let her make you doubt what youve got to offer!!! I can see that the arguments are stemming from you looking for her to treat you with the respect and love that you give her and that she leads you to believe she has for you. However she says one thing but does something different. You confront her with it, hold her to task and she turns it around and makes you out to be the problem cause your making a perfectly normal protest and concern. Classic transferrence (in therapy terms). So you are now thinking you are the problem. Man Ive gone through that before. I started feeling so bad about myself (ie: I have a real personality flaw, I am really screwed up) That I went to a shrink to fix my problem. She even went with me once to tell him all those personality things that he needed to fix in me. Took him 3 sessions to nail it. He said I m the ******* because I made her confront those things where she had serious issues that was impacting not only her relationship with me but all her relationships. What I do now is take it on board that its not personal about me, we still date and I enjoy when we get together however I dont expect anytrhing other than that... we date, we are not in a relationship. When she does whatever it doesent affect me because I expect it and have no intentions of being in a commited relationship with that behavior. I am now much more relaxed and not only dont let her actions bother me.. I expect them to happen. Again the mindset is Im having fun with her when we get together but I have no intention to let it go beyond that. Funny how she now is upset because Im not clinging to her and doesent like it. Im not mean or dismissive, just have a hell of a good time when I get up with her and when the date is over its over. Told her the situation and I adore being with her but its better for both of us for me not to look for any long term outcome. She snippy and said "FINE" but I forgot all the issues and am happy when we get together and am happy when we arnt together. Bothers the heck out of her. I actually makes our time together "living just for the moment." The point is I know that its not personal about me how she behaves its her issue not mine, Im just enjoying the fun stuff and the issues are her problem.
carhill Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 Sounds like acceptance to me. Glad the OP worked it out in a healthy way for himself. Tgr172, I experienced a lot of what you're talking about in my M. Not having your healthy perspective on it, I nearly checked out, literally, and ultimately made the poor choice to have an EA. Happy that MC (equivalent of your 'therapy) came along when it did. Hope the OP can use the lessons learned to better enable him to observe unhealthy signs without having to 'snoop' and confront them before they get to this point. Trusting himself to believe in his instincts and his own boundaries.
Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 16, 2010 Author Posted November 16, 2010 Ok I'm back but not the same way I was before. I packed up and left. Of course I got the texts nonstop about where did you go I love you, you can't leave me like this. Finally I had to respond because I still have some things to get form the apartment. She is knocking down my door to get me back now after everything she has done. My only stupid question is should I give her one final shot-as in maybe she knows how bad she screwed up??? I'll admit when I left I was pissed and when she was texting me I was all like F-off, leave me alone blah blah
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