YellowShark Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 I would never pick up my partner's phone and start going through it. Trust me. If you knew something was fishy in your relationship and "the phone" was sitting there on the table you would have a really really tough time not picking it up and reading the texts on it.
carhill Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Another thing is all of the things in our new apartment are mine. She got rid of all of her stuff because mine was newer. So she really has nothing to take anywhere to. I am hoping she didn't change her FB profile pic (with us in it) on there to make him jealous or something-I just thought of that. OP, from experience, including a divorce, don't feel too secure in 'stuff' being yours. Some women like to 'upgrade' and stuff is a part of that. I've had enough friends with houses cleaned out while they were at work to know that. The second part may simply be her inciting drama by playing you off against her ex. It might have nothing to do with either of you, rather a third party whom neither of you are aware of. Attention whores can be *very* devious. I had the great misfortune of loving one once, and for a long time. Save yourself
Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 OOOOk-Well here goes WTF!!! She left her email account open in OUR bedroom...OMG I thought the texts were bad enough...Wow I forget how email is a little more detailed...The things she wrote about sex with him that I just read are crazy, and how they gave up on their relationship to quickly, and how they could by a house together for them and live a perfect life and have a boy and a little girl together(he's got me on that one he owns one already)... The important part here that I just figured out though is he got back into contact with her FIRST from what I can tell. I think she's leading the guy on and having fun with it is what is really going on-I hope
Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 Oh yeah and also he started telling her what he would do to her (in bed)and she was responding about how horny she was because of it and how she hasn't been that turned on in a long time....This is terrible
Art_Critic Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 I think she's leading the guy on and having fun with it is what is really going on-I hope I think you are the one getting lead on... how many sexy emails does she write to you ?
Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 I forgot to say that all of the texts and emails stopped abruptly almost a week ago....Maybe it really was just a melt down from one of our fights and she just wants reassurance
carhill Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Hmm, no stuff and an orbiting ex. Lubricating the exit slide? Betcha this one is never alone, not for a nanosecond. Watch your stuff carefully
Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 I have to give you guys just a little background. She's 23, I'm 28 and her ex is 34. Her and I got together and partied all summer and it was amazing. All of our friends lived right in our apartment complex and it was just nonstop fun with all of my friends and all of her friends. Her ex on the other hand isn't so much into all of that-she said he's just kinda his own guy an does his own thing...I know he's more responsible and stable than me but we have way more fun going out and what not. Why would she want to give all of this up for some guy in his thirties who has his own house and rather stay in??? She's only 23-she wouldn't...
Art_Critic Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Dude... she is basically cheating on you... One thing for sure is that the sexting and emails are most definitely and precursor to her cheating on you. I personally have a zero tolerance to this kind of behavior... She is totally not being there for you and is totally disrespecting you. I think you should show her your hand.. now.. and then stop living together and breakup
WTRanger Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 She's leaving her email open on purpose, she wants you to look. She's a coward and can't end this herself so she's going to make you do it. Sort of like when a cheater eventually wants to get caught. The cheater can't admit it, so they'll leave blatant clues so the other person will find out. In my opinion women her age love excitement, yet secretly crave stability. You are the temporary excitement, you are there to get the party side out so she can go back to the older ex. She sees the ex as someone who is mature. She could be starting to see you has a 28 year old man who still thinks he's 21 and needs to perhaps think about maturing into a man. Her ex is a man and you are a boy to her. Moving in after only 5 months is always a recipe for disaster. You don't know the person yet. You've got to end this one. Look up, there's the ax above your head. Believe me, it's coming. She's acting all nice a sweet because she's already made a decision to cut you out of her life. The Jaws music is playing, the fins are circling, you need to get out of the water my friend.
carhill Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Her ex on the other hand isn't so much into all of that-she said he's just kinda his own guy an does his own thing...I know he's more responsible and stable than me but we have way more fun going out and what not. Why would she want to give all of this up for some guy in his thirties who has his own house and rather stay in??? She's only 23-she wouldn't... OP, presuming you came about this information from listening to your GF, I'll share with you a little life lesson I learned. When a woman opens her mouth to talk about an 'ex' in any proactive way, it generally means: 1. She's lying or omitting significant portions of the truth and clearly is not giving a balanced nor objective account 2. She still has 'feelings' for the ex, regardless of whatever she might say to the contrary. In fact, if she says something like 'my ex is an azzhole; I hate him!', you need to run away, fast. Such statements don't necessarily mean she still 'loves' him, but rather that she's still 'attached' to him, emotionally. If she wasn't, you'd hear 'Yeah, my ex and I were together for xxxx and it didn't work out. We broke up back xxxx' and no details proactively offered. OP, if/when you do as Art suggested, and show her your 'hand', in that moment you will see who she really is. Take it in. It's a really good life lesson. Good luck
Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 I agree she screwed up. So there isn't one person on here who maybe thinks she had some sort of meltdown and has realized what she did and has stopped and because of what she did is now coming back around to me lovingly??? I mean if it happens agian in a month or so then yes I would agree. We've been together for 5 MONTHS!!!
carhill Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Another life lesson: A healthy relationship isn't a contest and neither of you are a prize. Are you willing to leave this discovery silent and not snoop again?
WTRanger Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 I agree she screwed up. So there isn't one person on here who maybe thinks she had some sort of meltdown and has realized what she did and has stopped and because of what she did is now coming back around to me lovingly??? I mean if it happens agian in a month or so then yes I would agree. We've been together for 5 MONTHS!!! Ah, sweet denial. The answer to your question is nope, she didn't have a breakdown. It's a choice, a physical, actual, CHOICE of her's to respond that way. A breakdown is your excuse for her acting that way. There's no excuse. She choose to do it. 5 months, 5 years, 50 years. It doesn't matter. With everything you know now, this "rebound relationship" is over. You cannot forget what you know. Just wait until the smallest argument and you explode all over her because you are bottling this stuff up. You keep checking her email and phone, what are you hoping to find? You know something you shouldn't know and it's going to eat you alive. She's sucking up to you, and no it's not a sign of her love, because she knows that she is doing is wrong. Yet she's not going to stop it. Do some searching on this board. Once she does this, she'll always do it. Do you really want to live like this?
Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 I've read on here all about rebound relationships.. I don't think this one is/was. We met and became involved really quickly-yes, but there was so much love and it was so amazing-I mean really if I were done with someone I wouldn't be plastering my FB profile with her it-that doesn't even make sense. I also wouldn't be turning into susie homemaker (which she has)...We've just had some terrible fights and I think she's contacted him to feel better...IVE READ on here that people do that exact thing-like screw with an exes head to make themselves feel better with no intention of leaving theri current relationship!!! The one thing I will say (again consistent with what I've read to get your ex back on LS) is he must have experience with this because I'll hand it to him-his responses do make him look calm and collected whereas I'd be flipping out!!!
ARISthess Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Dude, don't get me wrong here, but you are one lucky guy!! You've been blessed with the information that will save your dignity. Please, be a man and get rid of her. YESTERDAY! I know i sound like some d*ck that doesn't understand that you have feelings for her, but don't forget i'm on here for some reason too... and if you read my thread you'll see that i'm going to win her back. ITS THE TRUTH THOUGH... I don't know if she purposely left the phone/emails for you to see them, or if God felt sorry for you and enlightened you to pick up that phone, but with the information you have theres only one thing to do. Its up to you to choose how you do it, you can confront her about the messages and throw her out, you can be subtle about it, hell you can even say that you got back together with YOUR ex and that SHE was just a rebound (you can even say sorry there )... just think of a way and do it NOW.
iamawesome Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Dude, how many people do you need on LS to tell you that Armageddon is upon thee? No it was not a temp meltdown. WTRanger is spot on. My ex is doing things to her rebound that she never did with me and she even tells her rebound about it and then they argue! Leaving her laptop open is a coward's way of doing the same thing. Bottom line, is a girl who loves you would not be doing this **** to you. You deserve better from a girl. You deserve a girl who respects, loves and is focused on you.
ARISthess Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 I mean really if I were done with someone I wouldn't be plastering my FB profile with her it-that doesn't even make sense. I also wouldn't be turning into susie homemaker (which she has)... Never try to understand a womans actions and reactions by comparing them to the ones you would have.... we're two different species who have a complete different way of thinking and acting.... Make the decision and save yourself a whole lot of grief and dignity....
VeveCakes Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 I love when it gets to the point where I can use my all time fav line: "denial, it ain't just a river in Egypt".
Art_Critic Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 I've read on here all about rebound relationships.. I don't think this one is/was. We met and became involved really quickly-yes, but there was so much love and it was so amazing-I mean really if I were done with someone I wouldn't be plastering my FB profile with her it-that doesn't even make sense. I also wouldn't be turning into susie homemaker (which she has)...We've just had some terrible fights and I think she's contacted him to feel better...IVE READ on here that people do that exact thing-like screw with an exes head to make themselves feel better with no intention of leaving theri current relationship!!! The one thing I will say (again consistent with what I've read to get your ex back on LS) is he must have experience with this because I'll hand it to him-his responses do make him look calm and collected whereas I'd be flipping out!!! Good luck.. you're gonna need it.. You don't seem to get that people just don't call up an ex because they have a fight with their current guy.. You do realize that the chances are extremely high that they DID hook up.. no matter what she says she can't go back on the sex talk thru texting and emails.. You also need to learn what cheating is.. this girl is cheating on you and becuase it hurts, you are willing to make excuses for her. Time to ask her all about it.. you might even want to email or call him too.. maybe have her call him in front of you.
Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 Ok-so nobody agrees with my theory even a little bit??? Relationships have survived worse than this and made it through. I'm starting to get the impression that people are thinking she's going to go back to him??? Why would she want to loose everything we have for him-he's not old but he's older than him. Should i read her other emails-I really didn't read them all. Leave me for him though-really??? I heard exes are exes and woman never go back??? I even read it here on LS
Art_Critic Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Ok-so nobody agrees with my theory even a little bit??? No... Any relationship that is fixed after something like this requires open communication about any cheating from both partners in order to reconnect. You cannot fix this by ignoring it.. you must call her out on it...
carhill Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 OP, here's a datapoint. My exW has been through at least two men during our separation (we're recently finally divorced) and apparently has a third living at her house (I saw him when dropping off some furniture last week while she was at work) and she has *never* called me about anything other than divorce business or when she wanted 'something' (Hoover behavior). This indicates to me that she's completely detached. Does this sound like your GF? Do you think she's detached from her ex? If she's not, she's unavailable for a mutually intimate relationship, rendering you nothing more than a sexual partner and/or orbiter. If that matches up with what you want, proceed. If not, execute your boundaries. Talking it to death won't make it better, I promise
Author wonderwhy1 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 Ok so let me get this straight-we just moved in together (but fight alot)-the lease is actually in her name. She has done a 180 in the last week being all over me, cooking, sleeping with me nonstop, putting a new pic on facebook of us EVERY single day-and she could possibly want the ex back??? That doesn't make any sense to me. All this week she's said how much she loves me. So yes she screwed up but it's been 5 months and we live together I don't see how going back to him is an option for her
Art_Critic Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Ok so let me get this straight-we just moved in together (but fight alot)-the lease is actually in her name. She has done a 180 in the last week being all over me, cooking, sleeping with me nonstop, putting a new pic on facebook of us EVERY single day-and she could possibly want the ex back??? That doesn't make any sense to me. All this week she's said how much she loves me. So yes she screwed up but it's been 5 months and we live together I don't see how going back to him is an option for her How many times to you need to hear it ? You need to believe her own words to her EX.. she was talking about how much she misses him and wants him.. Those are strong words.. You need to find a new place to live.
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