Berry34 Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 (edited) Long story short. I found out my long term girlfriend had a "as she calls it" an over the phone relationship I DID NOT know about with an ex-coworker. She complained that she and I had a fallen out due to lack of communication. When initially found out and first confronted her she didn't deny she was talking to him but she did lie about the FB chat and emails which I already had seen. She says all she did was talk on the phone because he was a good listener. After seeing some of her phone bills doubt krept into my mind and to the extent that I didn't believe it was just phone calls. With that said, at one point she got so upset that I wouldn't believe that she never had anything physical with the guy she took an entire bottle of pills which was something I never thought she'd do. I rushed her to the hospital and you can imagine what went on from there. Right now we have a therapist helping us threw our ordeal. I never did see any mushy, love type raunchy emails or FB messages but most of the calls were at night when I worked my overnight shift. I did see a honey your so sweet xoxoxo email. In my book anything could of happened. If she did sleep with the guy would anyone do anything crazy like that taking pills trying to convince me that she didnt? Edited November 8, 2010 by Berry34
michelangelo Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 A cheater can do absolutely anything to convince you that they didn't cheat. Take pills? Sure, why not? Then again, she could do that anyway for other reasons entirely.
Mad Max Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 A cheater will go to literally any length to cover up their infidelity.
PegNosePete Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 She obviously had an inappropriate relationship, an EA with this guy. Whether or not she had a PA as well, who knows. But confiding in another man and lying about it, is bad enough. Some women will confess, my wife admitted it after about 10 minutes of denial. But others will deny it all the way to their death bed. Attempting suicide is no indicator of whether she had a PA or not.
Author Berry34 Posted November 8, 2010 Author Posted November 8, 2010 Ask her to do a polygraph... There is a place the next town over. I asked her about doing that and she said she'll think about it. Next thing I know she's telling anyone that would listen that I asked her to take one after we discussed keeping it between the two of us. That right there gave me even more doubt. The therapist says that's going too far but if you have nothing to hide what's the fear?
Author Berry34 Posted November 8, 2010 Author Posted November 8, 2010 She obviously had an inappropriate relationship, an EA with this guy. Whether or not she had a PA as well, who knows. But confiding in another man and lying about it, is bad enough. Some women will confess, my wife admitted it after about 10 minutes of denial. But others will deny it all the way to their death bed. Attempting suicide is no indicator of whether she had a PA or not. Yeah that sounds sensible. She asked me if I ever screwed around and I admitted it. I told her I wouldn't drive her insane wanting to know the truth. I did the crime so I have to deal with the outcome. I respect her and love her enough to tell her even if it meant her leaving. She got upset left it alone and has focused all her attention on me trying to get me to believe her. She doesn't even bring up what I did. Does that make any sense?
PegNosePete Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 You cheated on her, she cheated on you. It's probably time to move on, and both find someone you can be faithful to.
misternoname Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 My ex lied through her teeth despite mounting circumstantial evidence. It wasn't until I found undeniable proof that she finally came clean. As a previous poster noted...cheaters will do literally anything to hide their indiscretions. Keep in mind, it takes a certain type of mindset to be a cheater. Cheaters are liars. Period. Dot.
YellowShark Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 (edited) I caught my EX in-the-act with the MM she was cheating with. And to this day she and MM deny it all happened... and those two have painted me to everyone in the social circle as a "psycho jealous maniac" who made it all up. So in answer to your question cheaters will lie to anyone and everyone including the people they claim to love. They will deny...deny...deny. If she did sleep with the guy would anyone do anything crazy like that taking pills trying to convince me that she didnt? Just like OJ. Remember him? An innocent person who didn't murder his wife DOESN'T put a gun to his head and then take the LAPD on a 30-mile slow-speed chase across LA. Edited November 9, 2010 by YellowShark
alexandria35 Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 There is a place the next town over. I asked her about doing that and she said she'll think about it. Next thing I know she's telling anyone that would listen that I asked her to take one after we discussed keeping it between the two of us. That right there gave me even more doubt. The therapist says that's going too far but if you have nothing to hide what's the fear? So she will attempt suicide to prove her innocence, but she needs to think about a polygraph? Meh...you cheated on her anyways, and the only reason you confessed was to try to manipulate a confession out of her. I don't think this relationship is very healthy on either side.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 A cheater will go to literally any length to cover up their infidelity. or in my experience, they will tell half truths to cover up the entire lies. Like my X. The guys she was messing around with, she would tell me that they'd come on to her, but she resisted. That way if someone came to me and say my wife was messing around with someone, she could say, "oh, that was the guy I was telling you about that came on to me and I stopped him" that way it would appear that she is being truthful with me.
confusedinkansas Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Yeah that sounds sensible. She asked me if I ever screwed around and I admitted it. I told her I wouldn't drive her insane wanting to know the truth. I did the crime so I have to deal with the outcome. I respect her and love her enough to tell her even if it meant her leaving. She got upset left it alone and has focused all her attention on me trying to get me to believe her. She doesn't even bring up what I did. Does that make any sense? If you screwed around on her......She screwed around on you.......... Why on earth do you care then? Seems she got the 'tit-for-tat' What difference does it make IF she did or not. You just want to know the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth???? You yourself as a cheater should know the lengths MEN & WOMEN go to to hide what they're doing. If the two of you aren't married & this bugs you that much.....move on. Sheesh. This is the second story in my lifetime I've heard where the guy cheats on the girl - then is SHOCKED & Ever so hurt that she cheated too.........
Lauriebell82 Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Yeah that sounds sensible. She asked me if I ever screwed around and I admitted it. I told her I wouldn't drive her insane wanting to know the truth. I did the crime so I have to deal with the outcome. I respect her and love her enough to tell her even if it meant her leaving. She got upset left it alone and has focused all her attention on me trying to get me to believe her. She doesn't even bring up what I did. Does that make any sense? Wait, YOU cheated on HER as well? Yikes, what a mess! I am unsure why unfaithful partners think that being "open and honest" about an affair means they are a good person/partner. If they were a good partner they NEVER would have caused that pain. Regardless, I am curious as to why you care so much about this either. SHE probably doesn't care about your affair because she did the same thing...she doesn't have an argument and neither do you. I agree that the best thing to do is move on and find a relationship where you won't cheat..or maybe you are just not the monagomous type? Some men aren't.
karnak Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 maybe you are just not the monagomous type? Some men aren't. Some women as well.
Schism Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 Wait, YOU cheated on HER as well? Yikes, what a mess! They're perfect for each other... lol! OK, OK, JK. Did you "just" come clean or did she know this ahead of time?? All I can fathom right now is "Seriously?" Is this even a relationship at this point? Are you two doing ANYTHING to foster love (exclusive to each other)? Why are you so passionate about finding if she had sex with him, so you can blame it on her and leave? That kettle is already pretty dark.
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