Why am I am sat here crying

[TerryV]

Its coming up to the point of it being a year since my wife ended our marriage.

 

I am slowly getting stronger ish but why is it that one week I feel strong and on top of the world and the next I feel so low.

 

Its weird its like the good week uses all my energy and then I feel knocked down.

 

I have taken a good few holidays this year and gone away and kept busy but I needed some rest time at home. I felt so drained and tired of being on the go all the time. I took thurs, fri and today off work and its been ok but over the period I have felt low a fair bit.

 

I am guessing this is because i am not busy but surely I need to learn how to just rest at home and not have to be busy and still feel ok. how do you do this?

 

I have been chatting to my mum today whilst at home talking about the break up and things have come to a head and I have had a good cry this eve.

 

Is what I am going through normal? I feel so stupid I really do but if this how most people feel?

 

Thanks people You all reall help.

[worlybear]

Yes it's normal. You're grieving. Don't beat yourself up and allow yourself to cry sometimes. It is sad.

Have you any social contacts outside of your family? It may be an idea to get together with a few people socially and start to mix a little so that you begin to re-structure your life.

You don't mention divorce. Is everything over or are you hoping she will change her mind- you need to clarify this for your own peace of mind.

At the moment it sounds as if you're not sure what's happening.

Keep posting and we will try to help.:bunny:

[TerryV]

Thank you.

 

I have tried to keep myself as busy a poss and getting out a fair buit but I find as soon as I relax and chill at home bang it hits me. I am better than I was but I still find it hard just relaxing as it creeps into my mind.

 

As for the divorce, when my wife ended our marriage she blammed everything onto me, everything which I accepted because she had the power and for ages I believed it was all my fault until I had counselling and they got me round to the way of thinking that its never always one sided. This was important as I had it all on my shoulders and this was bringing me down.

 

As for the divorce, my wife wanted to file for divorce against me for unreasonable behaviour. I refused to do this because she basically fell out of love with me and asked me to move out. There was no argument fighting she just fell out of love with me so I felt I couldnt accept it against me as that personally would make me feel even worse.

 

My wife also refused to let me file it against her for unreasonable behaviour. So we agreed to leave it two years and divorce under seperation.

 

I have thought about contacting her and filing it against me to just get it done but not sure for my personal recovery whether emotionally thats a good idea?

 

I always hoped we would get back together but its been a year now and I havent heard from her so realistically I gave up any hope about 3 months ago.

[sacg]

Hi Terry,

#

Totally normal man, i feel for you. Read my posts if you think your not normal. It's a bitch when they walk away and we're still attached and very much in love. Be grateful she aint messed you about for a year!

 

I feel the same, been to work today, and felt ok. Got home tonight, and it all creeps in. I'm gonna PS3 now, just to take my mind of it.

 

I spent 3 days last week working from home, and didn't get much done tbh, just got lower and lower. Being alone aint good. Too much time to ponder.

 

So yeah, its all about keeping busy, which doesnt mean burning yaself out, just occupied, out the house if you can and around people.

 

Good luck buddy, always here.

[TerryV]

Hi Terry,

#

Totally normal man, i feel for you. Read my posts if you think your not normal. It's a bitch when they walk away and we're still attached and very much in love. Be grateful she aint messed you about for a year!

 

I feel the same, been to work today, and felt ok. Got home tonight, and it all creeps in. I'm gonna PS3 now, just to take my mind of it.

 

I spent 3 days last week working from home, and didn't get much done tbh, just got lower and lower. Being alone aint good. Too much time to ponder.

 

So yeah, its all about keeping busy, which doesnt mean burning yaself out, just occupied, out the house if you can and around people.

 

Good luck buddy, always here.

 

Cheers, same to you.

 

Its nice well not nice that someone is also suffering but that other people know how you feel. The people around me say they understand but its dif when u talk to someone that is going throught it too.

 

Man why does love have to hurt so much! Sounds corny but it does.

 

I still cant believe that 14 months after I got married it was all over, I sit and shake my head a fair bit and laugh out of madness that its happened.

 

I guess all you can do is just take day by day. It just annoys me when I break down, I want to be strong all the time but its just not possible.

[sacg]

Strength comes back! I'm still waiting too, but i feel it little by little.

 

Dunno about you, but I was a roughty, toughty, ex soldier, and this hurt me more than anything I've been through. Turned me so weak and pathetic, lost a lot. Don't worry about it, deal with it as you do and it will all come clear, (i hope), LOL.

 

know what you mean about having people that know, and don't just roll theyre eyes and think, "Jees, aint he over her yet?"

 

How old where you when you married and how long the courtship(if you'd call it that), if you dont mind me asking...

[TerryV]

Strength comes back! I'm still waiting too, but i feel it little by little.

 

Dunno about you, but I was a roughty, toughty, ex soldier, and this hurt me more than anything I've been through. Turned me so weak and pathetic, lost a lot. Don't worry about it, deal with it as you do and it will all come clear, (i hope), LOL.

 

know what you mean about having people that know, and don't just roll theyre eyes and think, "Jees, aint he over her yet?"

 

How old where you when you married and how long the courtship(if you'd call it that), if you dont mind me asking...

 

Not at all, we met when I was 22 when we met and she was 28. We married when I was 27 when we got married and the marriage lasted 14 months

 

We had our ups and downs always did and we were both fiery in nature and argued a lot but we always did and we always kind of liked that about each other. We went through a lot of hard times together but were so strong.

 

In Aug last year her mum died on the 13th. I have or had pictures of us on hol on the 9th Aug cuddling kissing, all good. Come the Oct she asked me to move out said she no longer loved me them come boxing day bang it was over.

 

After her mum died she changed. She would go mad if she heard me say that because when we split she just made out it was all my fault. Very hard times.

[sacg]

Wow, sounds very familiar. Long time too. We had that fiery passion too, Im now starting to think that's not all good tbh. Sort of drowns out the reality.

 

Went through a lot with her too. I think we miss the passion more than the person. Just my thoughts.

[TerryV]

Wow, sounds very familiar. Long time too. We had that fiery passion too, Im now starting to think that's not all good tbh. Sort of drowns out the reality.

 

Went through a lot with her too. I think we miss the passion more than the person. Just my thoughts.

 

I hear you. The day after we got married we went back to the ceromony room and held each other and cried, it was such a passionate moment and we were so in tune with each other. We used to say the same things at the same time.

 

What does my head in is the fact how can something with such strong feelings be over. She cut it dead just like that bang. Dont get it.

[sacg]

I don't really want to say it man, but my guess is someone else. I'm sorry, but how quick, and how she disappeared. Again, just my view, base on my experience.

 

What was going on prior to your break up? do you hold any blame for the collapse?

[TerryV]

I don't really want to say it man, but my guess is someone else. I'm sorry, but how quick, and how she disappeared. Again, just my view, base on my experience.

 

What was going on prior to your break up? do you hold any blame for the collapse?

 

Well we both despised people that cheat as we had both been cheated on. She swore blind there was no one else and I tend to believe her.

 

Thing is when her mum died she changed, big time, all the pictures in the house, she dumped me dropped all her mates, wasnt at home and kept staying at her dads she really did suffer. Friends that saw her after we split said she looked a state for some time.

 

I dont know 100% she could of cheated.

 

I had stuff to do with the split for sure I always believe it most cases its down to both parties for one reason or another. I feel I was partly responsible. The trouble is when we split she blammed it all on me everything totally. Which I took with me and punished myself for months and still do to some extent.

 

I sit here and wonder had I been dif would it have changed, doubt it because there is always working things through.

 

The thing is from telling me in Oct to ending it in Dec she made no effort at all it was me chasing doing all the going to see her, she kept drifting apart and people have said there is nothing I could have done.

[sacg]

Well we both despised people that cheat as we had both been cheated on. She swore blind there was no one else and I tend to believe her.

 

Man, don't hate me. I'm not saying she did for sure, just a but quick and gone, no contact whatsoever?? And I'll tell you something, My ex, who was insecure, never went one day, not one, when she begged me to never hurt her, never go behind her back and leave her, never to fall for someone else when with her, and that is EXACTLY what she did to me. So I am not unaccustomed to a real shocker.

 

Thing is when her mum died she changed, big time, all the pictures in the house, she dumped me dropped all her mates, wasnt at home and kept staying at her dads she really did suffer. Friends that saw her after we split said she looked a state for some time.

 

I can understand her having a real bad time, and it affecting her mental state, but its times like these that draws partners closer surely? Was you there for her? I'm sure you was. So why shut you out? I feel more for you for not having the answers, as ****ty as they may be than anything else, if that makes sense.

 

 

I had stuff to do with the split for sure I always believe it most cases its down to both parties for one reason or another. I feel I was partly responsible. The trouble is when we split she blammed it all on me everything totally. Which I took with me and punished myself for months and still do to some extent.

 

I did too, and funny enough, I got all the blame. Again, why it draws me to another person. They feel guilty and bug out on you instead. Sort of alleviates what they have done. Again,I'm speaking from my experience and my ex, so this may not apply to you. but dont punish yourself, i dont know the full story, and I'm guessing you don't mine, but it does take two, I've realised that.

]

 

The thing is from telling me in Oct to ending it in Dec she made no effort at all it was me chasing doing all the going to see her, she kept drifting apart and people have said there is nothing I could have done.

 

Chasing is the fastest way to push a woman away, i've also learnt that. its not manly and not attractive. That said, we do what we feel we have to to save what we have, but mostly, woman have detached long before and its just not there to be saved anymore.

 

Surely you must have some idea's, some feedback from Family and friends, something that gives you some indication as to why?

 

I'm free to IM, MSN or skype man if you wanna talk. I can really relate to this, and if your not comfortable with everything on here, PM me.

 

Hope I'm not being too harsh, again, Its only my experiences I can relate to, but after 2 and a half years and reading a lot on here, i see similar patterns.

[TerryV]

Well I spent 6 months going over and over it. I was there for her did everything for her and she kept pushing me away.

 

All of her friends, my family and hers couldnt understand her behaviour either. I have gone through it with counsellors, hypnotherapists the whole story every even and no one to this day has been able to actually get a definitive.

 

Other than she couldnt cope with her mum dying. She was very independant and liked to cope alone so maybe that was it.

 

To be honest I have no idea, and every time I asked her to tell me why I got a dif reason and never 100% got to the bottom of it.

[swfc_77]

the conversation of cheating should never come up in a relationship if it has its worth.

 

1 thing i have learned is that people who you think love you, care for you, want you are still capable of lying.

 

my ex accused me several time and i had the chance's to cheat but wouldn't/couldn't and never would to be fair.

[sacg]

How ya doing Terry?

[112233]

It sounds like you're a single young man with prospects again. No reason to be sad, what's the problem? It's been a year, you should have been dating a long time ago.