mikarla Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 If you meet someone online, how would you feel about them keeping their profile active on a dating site? I have been seeing my boyfriend for six months and three weeks ago he told me he loved me... fantastic! you say? Well, I was on cloud nine but then I decided to check his dating profile to see if it still existed. Not only was it still on the site, he had logged on this week- prior to that, his last log in was about five months ago. I no longer have a profile on the site, I can access his profile by doing a simple name search. I want to bring this up with him, but don't know if I should because it will show that I've been checking up on him and will show my insecurity. On the other hand, I'm worried that he's looking again because he's over me, what other motivation could there be for him logging in again after five months? Should I raise this with him or let it slide for a few weeks and see if he keeps logging in? It's the first time I can honestly say that I've been in love with a guy, it kills me to think that he may be over our relationship
Tim The Enchanter Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Was it a free site or a paid site? I've had girlfriends quiz me over why I went back on a site, when all I was doing was trying to see when my subscription ran out (because it can auto-renew if you're not careful). Having said that, you've been going for 6 months. If that was me, I would have taken my profile off the site ages ago.
carhill Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Reasonable question, presuming six months of intimacy and sex: 'Why do you still have a dating profile available online?' That's it, no 'tone' nor follow up. Listen.
terra Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Reasonable question, presuming six months of intimacy and sex: 'Why do you still have a dating profile available online?' That's it, no 'tone' nor follow up. Listen. Always such great advise Carhill!
Author mikarla Posted November 8, 2010 Author Posted November 8, 2010 Was it a free site or a paid site? I've had girlfriends quiz me over why I went back on a site, when all I was doing was trying to see when my subscription ran out (because it can auto-renew if you're not careful). Having said that, you've been going for 6 months. If that was me, I would have taken my profile off the site ages ago. Free site for the majority and you can pay to make a certain amount of contacts, but they have a time limit expiry and do not auto renew. I agree, six months is long enough of a time that I think if he was really serious about me he would have taken his profile down. Reasonable question, presuming six months of intimacy and sex: 'Why do you still have a dating profile available online?' That's it, no 'tone' nor follow up. Listen. Great advice. That's the way I was going to go about it and not even bring up the fact that he's been online recently and that I've been periodically checking his log in status : / The reason why it puzzles me is that before this happened I felt very secure in the relationship and honestly believed that he loved me. I'm really hoping that it's just because he doesn't see the big deal in it all and isn't out fishing for a new girlfriend before he dumps me. Thanks for the replies guys.
eminembnja Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 I think this kind of thing can go either way. If he keeps logging on, then obviously that's an issue. But when I got into my last relationship it just didn't cross my mind to disable my profile since I wasn't thinking about visiting the site. Then I got some random administrative email and logged in out of habit. I guess my point is that there are innocent reasons he may have logged on. Does the site make it easy to put your profile on hiatus, or would you effectively lose your entire profile?
Author mikarla Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 ^You have the option of disabling the account, which allows you to restore or you can delete it. When I first started dating him I disabled the profile, then when things got serious I deleted it. I've calmed down a little since I first posted the thread, it IS possible that him logging in after five months was for an innocent reason, but it's is still worrying me. I think I'm going to just ask him to disable it as there isn't any reason why he should still be on there, given that we're at the "I love you" and meeting the entire family stage.
Tim The Enchanter Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 ^You have the option of disabling the account, which allows you to restore or you can delete it. When I first started dating him I disabled the profile, then when things got serious I deleted it. I've calmed down a little since I first posted the thread, it IS possible that him logging in after five months was for an innocent reason, but it's is still worrying me. I think I'm going to just ask him to disable it as there isn't any reason why he should still be on there, given that we're at the "I love you" and meeting the entire family stage. Yes. There could be a completely innocuous explanation to his behaviour, but you are well within your rights to request that he take his profile down. Any reasonable and committed person would not hesitate to delete their profile at such a request.
eminembnja Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 If it were me, I'd watch the account to see if he logs in regularly. Asking him to disable it might just lead him to set up a different account, then you'd never know. Of course, my ex has made me a bit distrustful these days, and what I would do certainly doesn't have any relationship to the right thing to do.
alexlakeman Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 Just ask him direct "I noticed your profile is still up..." ... "I would prefer if you would just hide it or take it down or should I keep mines up as well?"
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