What is wrong with me folks?

[sacg]

I’m hoping for some honest advice here.

 

Save going over old ground, we split 2.5 years ago, I loved her dearly, she left me for someone else. That didn't work out, she to'd and fro'd and blew hot and cold, back and forth. Was a messy 2 years, Jesus, 2 years. We stayed in touch until September this year, and yep, she finally met another guy and I was cut out cold. I have not bothered since. Neither has she, he obviously ticking all the boxes for her this time.

 

Now, I'm really not happy, I feel absolute ****e! Weekends are crap, I dread them! I constantly think of her and the new guy, doing what we did, her giving him everything I had, them being so affectionate and close and I feel totally low, hurt, cheated and jealous. I'm almost obsessing, and find it hard to shift the thoughts. I constantly talk to myself about how she could be this way. It doesn't feel like I've moved on much after all this time. Why do I give a damn after all she has done and why am I not living my life by now? I still want to contact her too, it’s so damn hard. Although I will not, as Ive been there and now how it hurts and sets you back.

 

My questions are;

1. Is this normal and due to the fact we have only really gone NC the last 8 weeks and I'm only just NOW starting the healing process which should have happened a year or so ago?

2. Or am I totally weak and pathetic and should have been in a better place by now after all this time, regardless of contact till the latest bo came on the scene?

3. Am I obsessed?

 

Will I forever feel this way? Sure as hell feels like it at the moment, and Im fed up with it.

 

PS. Dont get me wrong, Im no longing hoping for a recon, I know I couldn't be with her now. But I still miss her and feel this way? Go figure.

Edited November 8, 2010 by sacg

[davisc123]

I’m hoping for some honest advice here.

 

Save going over old ground, we split 2.5 years ago, I loved her dearly, she left me for someone else. That didn't work out, she to'd and fro'd and blew hot and cold, back and forth. Was a messy 2 years, Jesus, 2 years. We stayed in touch until September this year, and yep, she finally met another guy and I was cut out cold. I have not bothered since. Neither has she, he obviously ticking all the boxes for her this time.

 

Now, I'm really not happy, I feel absolute ****e! Weekends are crap, I dread them! I constantly think of her and the new guy, doing what we did, her giving him everything I had, them being so affectionate and close and I feel totally low, hurt, cheated and jealous. I'm almost obsessing, and find it hard to shift the thoughts. I constantly talk to myself about how she could be this way. It doesn't feel like I've moved on much after all this time. Why do I give a damn after all she has done and why am I not living my life by now? I still want to contact her too, it’s so damn hard. Although I will not, as Ive been there and now how it hurts and sets you back.

 

My questions are;

1. Is this normal and due to the fact we have only really gone NC the last 8 weeks and I'm only just NOW starting the healing process which should have happened a year or so ago?

2. Or am I totally weak and pathetic and should have been in a better place by now after all this time, regardless of contact till the latest bo came on the scene?

3. Am I obsessed?

 

Will I forever feel this way? Sure as hell feels like it at the moment, and Im fed up with it.

 

PS. Dont get me wrong, Im no longing hoping for a recon, I know I couldn't be with her now. But I still miss her and feel this way? Go figure.

 

I would say it's normal, as you haven't given NC a proper chance until now. And the fact that she kept reeling you in and stringing you along would have kept a glimmer of hope in your mind, and you'll be hurting because she is no longer even doing that.

 

Your logic will be telling you that she is no longer in touch is a good thing, but because you love her you still yearn for her call to see that she still thinks about you.

 

I am in the same situation, although it was only 8 months she strung me along whilst seeing OM. I eventually forced her out of my life, and so far she hasn't been back in touch. I know it's for the best, but part of me still hurts that she doesn't get in touch. And I am totally depressed with thoughts of her and him together. I am just trying to struggle through it telling myself that the pain is natural and wont last forever.

[sacg]

Thanks for responding Davis,

 

I appreciate it. I'm hoping your right, and I'm just starting the process with proper NC and letting go, christ, what a waste of 2 years.

 

Can't wait to not give a **** anymore.

 

Thoughts with you too bud!

[sacg]

Thanks for responding Davis,

 

I appreciate it. I'm hoping your right, and I'm just starting the process with proper NC and letting go, christ, what a waste of 2 years.

 

Can't wait to not give a **** anymore.

 

Thoughts with you too bud!

[rosaroo]

O.k. I know this sounds cheesy, but have you thought about putting up a profile on Match.com or something like that? You need to see that you rock and there are OTHER WOMEN OUT THERE for you! Even if you just browse, it can make you feel better and get your mind on trying something new.

 

Two months is not a lot of time. However, I don't think the passing of time is really what heals us. (I'm saying these things for myself, here, not preaching!). I tend to feel better when I create new memories for myself. Which I'm not doing right now, so I feel like crap. Heck, I'm even waking up crying over some guy who I met back in college because I'm really depressed right now.

 

Have you ever heard of Meetup.com? You can join all kinds of interest groups in your area - people who have never met join up and you can make good friends and get your mind off the past. In my area we even have a Ghost Hunting group. LOL! Isolation on the weekends SUCKS the worst of anything. That's why the Meetup groups are cool, because you have stuff to do.

[sacg]

Thanks Rosaroo,

 

Don't think Im quite ready to date and stuff yet. Probably a little too biter at the mo, and I'd probably just moan about what she did. And i dont think browsing will cut it either.

 

Like the meetup thing tho, Im in the UK, and we do have that here, although I don't think as popular. Maybe give it a go.

 

Thing is, and why i originally posted, was that I'm so down and pretty crappy miserable, and don't really have the desire to get out, as sad as that is. I'm such a diff person to that i was 3 yeas ago, Its madness.

 

Was just worried i was becoming, well pathetic really and not moving on. But i guess Davis is close with I'm only just now going through that. Roll on the anger stage, :-)

[sacg]

Ok, took your advice and signed up to a few meetup groups. Lets just hope I have the drive and bottle to go when one happens.

 

Stay posted.

[br0ken_w0lf]

Hi sacg, I saw one of your other threads and meant to respond earlier but didn't get a chance before. I can completely relate to how you're feeling and here's why: over 3 years ago, my ex-wife left for someone else. Only recently had we gotten in contact again but doing that made me realize that even over the last 3 years, I'd still been hoping for reconciliation, despite telling people otherwise and believing otherwise myself. She's since figured out (through the dissolution of her relationship with the guy she left me for) that her own issues caused her leaving and it was not me, which does help somewhat. At her own suggestion for my well-being, she thinks NC is best (at least for now) because she can tell that contact is doing me more harm than good.

 

So when you are genuinely surprised that you are still feeling this way after 2.5 years, don't feel bad as this is normal for the situation, likewise for me. I didn't let go of the person and the renewed contact just made things worse. Personally, I'm not sure how to let go of the person and, having already gotten into a relationship when I wasn't ready, I need to get to that point. I'm going to counseling later this month to try and sort through some of this stuff. But, believe me, lately I've been having the same sort of "what the hell is wrong with me, it's been 3 years!!!?" feelings... And that time largely does feel like a waste. But I suspect if you really stick to NC this time, that you will progress. I too wonder about whether I'm always going to miss this person and just how much of that feeling is acceptable and how to move on despite it.

 

All that to say, you're not alone. Take care.

[bl22]

OP i know exactly how you feel right now. My gf left me for someone else, and I'd never known a nicer girl in my entire life until then. Everytime I see young couples out I cant get it out of my head her being with him. Doing the things she did with me with him. Its absolutely sickening.

 

I think at the back of my mind I just want her to come back to me and say she was wrong and wants our future together, but I dont think she will....and I dont know what Id say if she did.

[McGrupp]

as soon as you cut real contact, ie decide you will never contact her again...thats when the healing begins. dont regret that you stayed in contact with her this long.

 

**** happens.

 

theres no timeline. understand it will take time.

 

NOW TAKE HER OFF THE PEDESTAL AND MEET SOMEONE NEW AND REMEBER THE BAD TIMES.

 

like when she strung you along for 1 year...thats a start

[havehope]

bl22 - ditto to exactly everything you just said verbatim (except that I'm a girl).

 

Sometimes i start feeling anger towards him and that makes it a little better for him. We don't deserve to strung along. I can really relate because I kept in touch with him after he left me for someone else, and felt I never gave NC a fighting chance till now. So even though its been 1.5 years since the break up, I feel like I'm starting fresh bc I'm starting the Nc thing for good. But we can do it! :-)

[sacg]

Thanks for the posts guys,

 

Really appreciate it. So it looks like I'm really starting from stage one now, and feeling this damn awful is to be expected, regardless of 2.5 years of separation. At least I'm not going freakin mad.

 

And cheers McGrupp, Im trying to do that, and sometimes I dont even have to try, but i guess she's still on that pedestal to some point. Which is damn annoying.

 

Why do you only see the good in people even after all they do?

[davisc123]

Becauses you're a good person mate, and love is blind.

 

I know it's hard but remember how selfish she has been by doing this to you. She doesn't deserve you.

[rosaroo]

I'm so glad you signed up for some Meetup groups! My turn now to take my own advice. It's weird because when you are in a relationship your thoughts are all about someone else, or the two of you together. You forget what makes you happy and what interests you. But the chances of meeting someone compatible to you are that much greater if you are pursuing your own "voice" and following up on things that you've always wanted to do, plus it increases your self-esteem because you are rebuilding a "life."

 

One more zen kinda thing I have found helpful is to sit and breathe slowly in and out and just let my emotions flow through me. Don't be afraid of the fact that you are obsessing or feel sadness or fear - allow the feelings to come up and watch them - observe them. Don't judge them, or yourself for having them. When we resist something, it grows stronger. Telling yourself, "This is average. Others feel this way after a breakup. It will pass. I accept these feelings" sounds strange, but it can help to accept the pain you are feeling instead of calling yourself a loser or other negative things, because you are just a normal guy experiencing perfectly normal grief over something a lot of go through.

[Trinity2]

I didn't even read your post, just the title. Why does there have to be something wrong with you? Maybe you will see the reason soon of why certain things don't work out?

[sacg]

Should read then man, its not asking what's wrong with me par se, because she left, its what wrong that I still feel this way and went through what I did.

 

Anyways, Im feeling a ton better. Its been 47 days no contact, and I am only just going through this stage. Never in 2.5 years have I felt so detached. And its getting better each day. Thanks god i walked away this time. No going back, no way. **** her!

 

Bought those books you recommended to McGrupp, time to get my mojo and masculinity BACK! I will return! LOL

 

Thanks for all your posts.

 

And roll on the masked Masqeruade ball at a dance club next Friday, full of 300+ singles (meetup), cant wait.

 

Im gonna start living again!

 

i hope this aint a false high, i don't wanna come back down.

[cerridwen]

Bravo!! Thanks for posting such an upbeat update and giving hope to us still-heartbroken! Your happiness sounds very genuine so I have nothing but confidence we too can get there as well!

[sacg]

Carridwen,

 

You will, I guarantee that. I'm not overly confident Im fully there yet, it almost feels a little surreal. But I'm feeling better having NC and getting her out of my mind, and my life. That control is shifting. I'm not held down like I was.

 

This has taken over 2 years, only because I stayed foolishly around. Only now a I am waking.

 

I wish you all the best, i truly do, I'm not that far gone i cant still remember, and fear, the horrible, no hope situation i was in.

 

Stay strong, stay NC, and see you at the masqearade ball!!!!

x