Is confidence the most important thing in a prospective partner?

[Ariadne]

The only thing that she has over me is confidence. Apparently, that's all that matters.

 

I can't help but think that if I was only confident, he would be in love with me now and I would be happy.

 

Maybe she is also not a dik.

 

I've seen her last pictures with him and she actually looks very sweet and if she is traditional then she probably wouldn't be demanding of his time and efforts.

[Green]

Being an uncofident MAN can really hurt your dating life and relationships with women. But unconfident WOMEN really have nothing to fear. Confidence feels good so I suggest you work on it for yourself but shouldn't be the linch pin that ruins ur relationship with men

[deebeechrisyo]

Ideally, one would be able to live a fulfilling life without wearing any "mask". However, after 20-30 years of failing at something (in most cases, love), it's only natural to become so down on oneself, that the realization that something must change becomes apparent.

 

In that scenario it's probably not even necessary to change yourself, but trust me at some point the level of doubt at what you are capable of becomes so low that personal change is something that dominates your thoughts.

 

I was once the humble, quiet, wallflower type who failed at forming relationships. I decided to become a little bit more outgoing, assertive, and "loud", which in turn improved my ability at forming relationships. My true self might have been able to do this at some point in my life but I wasn't willing to wait. Or perhaps this new-found self is my true self that was pushed down to the very depths of my body, inching it's way out one day at a time. Who knows.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Being an uncofident MAN can really hurt your dating life and relationships with women. But unconfident WOMEN really have nothing to fear. Confidence feels good so I suggest you work on it for yourself but shouldn't be the linch pin that ruins ur relationship with men

 

I get what your saying, but think of it like this.

 

Unconfident women often try to build confidence by only accepting men who fit some ridiculous mold. Some will only date guys that look like models, or are rich, or act like they are God's gift to earth... ect. They also accept really bad behavior from the men they do date.

 

So... I think women with this problem just have their own set of issues.

[sweetjasmine]

Being an uncofident MAN can really hurt your dating life and relationships with women. But unconfident WOMEN really have nothing to fear.

 

Low self-esteem harms everyone and degrades their quality of life, regardless of gender. People with those types of issues tend to have great difficulty in getting into and maintaining a healthy relationship and they tend to become codependent.

 

So being an "unconfident" woman, you have plenty to fear -- depression, loneliness, difficulty forming healthy, intimate relationships, etc. Just because there are people out there who are perfectly willing to get into dysfunctional relationships with women who have no self-esteem or emotional stability doesn't mean that those women have "nothing to fear."

[Star Gazer]

Ever notice that the most confident seeming guys and girls are relaxed?

 

This is SO TRUE. IMO, they also lack a predisposition for analysis of every little detail. There's no "OMG, what does this mean?!?!" Why? Because they generally just assume, "Eh, s/he nay not like me. If so, that's okay, no skin off my back."

[810]

be comfortable in your own skin = confidence, IMO.

you have to like who you are. if men don't like who you are, then i don't think you want to be with them anyway.

before, during or after any relationship, you only have yourself...so learn to get along with it.

[JamesM]

Part of the problem is assuming that a confident person today will be a confident person tomorrow. And of course, the opposite is true. Just because someone is not confident today does not mean he or she will not be a very confident person in the near future.

 

Many times we seem less confident based on current circumstances. And many of those who appear confident have never faced adversities which will test their confidence. So when they actually face some crisis, then the real person comes through.

 

Part of dating is getting to the real person. Picking someone based on appearance may cause a rude awakening when that person shows who he or she is underneath.

 

The reverse is again true. Sometimes people appear less confident because they are uncertain when meeting a new person. Yet in a few moments, the real person appears and while that person seemed shy and uncertain, he or she is actually quite confident of his or her abilities.

 

Outgoing and friendly does not mean confident and secure.

[Star Gazer]

Now that I think about it, assuming OP meant confidence as in a healthy self-esteem as opposed to just outward confidence... Having a healthy self-esteem is a critical requirement for being in a happy relationship.

[Mellisa]

BTW this was brought on by that politician guy that I liked and his serious girlfriend that he got right after me. He was a real di$k to me and he treats her like a queen. I went to school with her briefly and all I remember about her is that she is one of those super outgoing, confident and bubbly girls.

 

I have her on FB, and objectively speaking, she is plainer than me, heavier than me (borderline obese), lives with her parents at 27 and is a college dropout. Her interests are shopping and watching Australian Next Top Model. The only thing that she has over me is confidence. Apparently, that's all that matters.

 

I can't help but think that if I was only confident, he would be in love with me now and I would be happy.

 

What exactly are the things you are insecure about? Do you maybe have some standards for yourself like what should you be like or what you should have?No one is perfect and no one has it all.I think you tend to think too much of you not being confident, of you lack confidence;The law of attraction is that when you keep thinking negative things about yourself, you dont change them but instead you get caught up in them and become those things.We become what we think.So from now on,you need to stop thinking not being confident but instead think confident.Also want to mention about self love,you have to realize internally that how unique and beautiful you are,embrace self love and then confidence will build on itself.

 

Just know that you are perfect the way you are;have peace with yourself and start loving yourself more:)

[sally4sara]

I'm wondering if a lack of confidence in of itself isn't the problem, but what it brings with it that is the problem.

 

I was remembering this guy I dated for about 8 months many years ago. He was nice, smart, funny, attractive all the good stuff.

But not every joke would bang it out of the park for me; something I was fine with and considered normal.

 

I'd had a bad day the day before one particular date and so my enjoyment of his jokes was not to whatever level he wanted. He began talking about how he was worried he was losing his humor in general and expressed some doubt in his abilities.

 

It wasn't the insecurity that bothered me I'm now realizing. It was the pressure to always laugh my head off so he wouldn't think I didn't find him funny no matter what kind of mood I was in. I felt like I couldn't have a bad or sad day, or even just be a real human being because what if the mood I had wasn't what he was hoping for? I couldn't see myself being happy in that situation for long where I had to fake happiness or deal with him internalizing my every response.

 

So maybe it isn't insecurity that is so much the problem as the pressure that comes with knowing about whatever insecurity they have and trying to avoid triggering it?