bac Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 I'm relatively new to Online dating. But I do not understand why these guys I'm connecting with absolutely HAVE to meet ASAP. I like to see if we can "talk" via email, im, text or phone for a while before I actually meet someone. However, I've found that the guys I'm talking to want to meet TODAY or TOMORROW. When I suggest a date a week from now, it seems like they're put off. I don't understand the rush. I'd like to get to know someone - albiet somewhat impersonal - before setting the date. Any thoughts??????????? When I started online dating, I had the same problem. I do not have the problem now, because I have no unrealistic expectations about guys dating online. Anyway, before I meet a guy, I need to know some basic information about him. Unless I have the info, I have no idea if I can like him somehow. From my experience, I had only pleasant experiences with guys, who were like me and prefered to exchange several emails before meeting. I also had experiences to meet the guys who want to meet right away. If they want to waste their money on strangers who are wrong for them, why should not a girl have a nice dinner with the guys. I also let the guys know that I do not kiss anyone on the first several dates. Typically, after the 3 date, they will dissapear naturally because they would think that you are hard to get and because there are plenty of other potentially easy and quick girls online. I met a lot of them and none of them turned out to be right on most levels. IMO, they want to meet any woman without any prior communication because they really do not care much about who a girl is. But, they care to find as many as possible girls who are easy and quick about sex. So, their method works best to find such a match.
phineas Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 as a guy, if I tried online dating A week for a meet up is no big deal. However I don't want to spend the time before that date exchanging e-mails.
LittleTiger Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 as a guy, if I tried online dating A week for a meet up is no big deal. However I don't want to spend the time before that date exchanging e-mails. Just curious, but why not? If you're interested in getting to know the girl, showing that you're interested with an email or two is likely to score you brownie points. No wonder so many people have trouble with online datine!
phineas Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Just curious, but why not? If you're interested in getting to know the girl, showing that you're interested with an email or two is likely to score you brownie points. No wonder so many people have trouble with online datine! Brownie points? for someone I haven't even met in person? LOL! What is wrong with talking on the phone? What exactly is wrong with leaving your house & meeting someone at a coffee shop or mall? Exactly what is it you expect to glean from someone through e-mail? That they know how to use spell check? I'm confused, I always thought the point of online dating was to meet people that you normally wouldn't meet in your day to day travels. Not find a pen-pal. I'm with carhill. There are some women out there that will string a guy along for attention as long as they will allow her to. Actually, there are a lot of women like that. I'm no longer interested in multiple e-mails or even phone conversations with someone who may not even look like the picture they posted. I want to meet you. I want to listen to you talk. I want to see how you dress. I want to see if your actually into me. Unless I have actually interacted with you in person I will never know if i'm interested in you or not.
Author colliejoanie Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 To clarify, I'm not giving these guy far off dates just for the hell of it. I'm a single mom, work two jobs, and go to school full time. I truly have about one night a week, or maybe one afternoon a week to devote to meeting someone new, away from home, without my daughter. No games here. Just reality.
carhill Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Those kinds of time constraints will necessarily limit your options to men who are available during those narrow periods and are sufficiently interested to date you on your specific schedule. I for one would not be one of them, simply because I'm relationship-centric and you are too busy for a relationship in my book. Nothing wrong with that. Being busy is great. The work is finding a partner who is cool with that and where the available time and energy dynamics match up. Good luck
dispatch3d Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 To clarify, I'm not giving these guy far off dates just for the hell of it. I'm a single mom, work two jobs, and go to school full time. I truly have about one night a week, or maybe one afternoon a week to devote to meeting someone new, away from home, without my daughter. No games here. Just reality. Yeah this is actually different than what you originally stated. You were making it sound like you intentionally put guys off for dates to "get to know them" over email. Which I wouldn't really be into. I'd just take that as what you said. So you think it's unreasonable for them to demand to meet on a particular night of the week but you also demand meeting on a particular night of the week? Haha hummm ;-). I can understand where you are coming from tho. Wasn't meant to direct that at women who say I can't do x day but I'll do y day and actually follow through.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I'm relatively new to Online dating. But I do not understand why these guys I'm connecting with absolutely HAVE to meet ASAP. I like to see if we can "talk" via email, im, text or phone for a while before I actually meet someone. However, I've found that the guys I'm talking to want to meet TODAY or TOMORROW. When I suggest a date a week from now, it seems like they're put off. I don't understand the rush. I'd like to get to know someone - albiet somewhat impersonal - before setting the date. Any thoughts??????????? Don't eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeever give into those quick meetings. What you'll end up with is to be across the table from somebody who doesn't have enough to say, and who will tend to seem rather dull and boring. You don't need the online beginnings to get that - you can go to some bar and find it on your own. With TIME spent interacting online, or at least on the phone, you cause yourself to bring those first real-life meetings about with people who know enough about the movers and shakers in your life to keep asking the right questions, and when there is a lull, you in turn know what to ask or say about the players in their life. I can't stand the online people who, fifteen minutes after your first chat begins, figure out that you each went to the same concert seven years ago and should, for that reason, rush out to the nightclub across the street from the venue to meet in real life. Keep following your instincts that way!! Don't let them soften your resolve. (Tis only the undesirables you are weeding out anyway)
LittleTiger Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Brownie points? for someone I haven't even met in person? LOL! What is wrong with talking on the phone? What exactly is wrong with leaving your house & meeting someone at a coffee shop or mall? Exactly what is it you expect to glean from someone through e-mail? That they know how to use spell check? I'm confused, I always thought the point of online dating was to meet people that you normally wouldn't meet in your day to day travels. Not find a pen-pal. I'm with carhill. There are some women out there that will string a guy along for attention as long as they will allow her to. Actually, there are a lot of women like that. I'm no longer interested in multiple e-mails or even phone conversations with someone who may not even look like the picture they posted. I want to meet you. I want to listen to you talk. I want to see how you dress. I want to see if your actually into me. Unless I have actually interacted with you in person I will never know if i'm interested in you or not. Nothing wrong with talking on the phone. If you had read my posts you would know that the phone is my preferred method of communication. Actually I wouldn't agree to meet a guy until we had talked on the phone. Nothing wrong with leaving the house and going to the coffee shop either - once you've decided that you might have something to talk about and you're not going to be wasting your precious time staring at your coffee, watching it go cold and wondering how quickly you can leave without seeming too rude. Yes, brownie points are a good idea - especially before you meet. If you don't want to communicate and show an interest in the woman as a person, guess what she's going to assume you're after? Oh and I see from the points I've highlighted that she would probably be right. You clearly care more about what she looks like and whether or not she'd consider having sex with you, than you do about finding out who she really is. I could be wrong but, with that modus operandi, my guess is what you're looking for is a FWB or FB, not a long term relationship. As the OP is probably looking for a relationship, she is right to steer clear of men like you.
Tim The Enchanter Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Brownie points? for someone I haven't even met in person? LOL! What is wrong with talking on the phone? What exactly is wrong with leaving your house & meeting someone at a coffee shop or mall? Exactly what is it you expect to glean from someone through e-mail? That they know how to use spell check? I'm confused, I always thought the point of online dating was to meet people that you normally wouldn't meet in your day to day travels. Not find a pen-pal. I'm with carhill. There are some women out there that will string a guy along for attention as long as they will allow her to. Actually, there are a lot of women like that. I'm no longer interested in multiple e-mails or even phone conversations with someone who may not even look like the picture they posted. I want to meet you. I want to listen to you talk. I want to see how you dress. I want to see if your actually into me. Unless I have actually interacted with you in person I will never know if i'm interested in you or not. You sound bitter. And it may not have occurred to you, but I can tell from someone's writing that a) they are literate b) they can string more than a few sentences together c) they're capable of expressing themselves in writing. Let me guess: you aren't much of a reader, are you? I guess those things I've listed don't mean much to you. Well that's fine. No, I don't want to send endless emails either, but they are great for developing a rapport with someone that you have yet to meet. Emails are a casual way of corresponding, which is what you want to be doing in the lead up to the first date. You don't want to be constantly telephoning someone prior to meeting them. I'll bet that if you start doing internet dating regularly as I have, you will realise the whole point of using email as both a filtering and rapport building system.
phineas Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Nothing wrong with talking on the phone. If you had read my posts you would know that the phone is my preferred method of communication. Actually I wouldn't agree to meet a guy until we had talked on the phone. Nothing wrong with leaving the house and going to the coffee shop either - once you've decided that you might have something to talk about and you're not going to be wasting your precious time staring at your coffee, watching it go cold and wondering how quickly you can leave without seeming too rude. Yes, brownie points are a good idea - especially before you meet. If you don't want to communicate and show an interest in the woman as a person, guess what she's going to assume you're after? Oh and I see from the points I've highlighted that she would probably be right. You clearly care more about what she looks like and whether or not she'd consider having sex with you, than you do about finding out who she really is. I could be wrong but, with that modus operandi, my guess is what you're looking for is a FWB or FB, not a long term relationship. As the OP is probably looking for a relationship, she is right to steer clear of men like you. because how un-attractive a guy is has absolutely nothing to with whether a woman will date him. how good he talks on the phone is all that matters.
phineas Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 You sound bitter. And it may not have occurred to you, but I can tell from someone's writing that a) they are literate b) they can string more than a few sentences together c) they're capable of expressing themselves in writing. Let me guess: you aren't much of a reader, are you? I guess those things I've listed don't mean much to you. Well that's fine. No, I don't want to send endless emails either, but they are great for developing a rapport with someone that you have yet to meet. Emails are a casual way of corresponding, which is what you want to be doing in the lead up to the first date. You don't want to be constantly telephoning someone prior to meeting them. I'll bet that if you start doing internet dating regularly as I have, you will realise the whole point of using email as both a filtering and rapport building system. not bitter. just tired of women wasting my time & stringing me along. too "busy" to meet is one thing, but if you have the time to text me for a few hrs one night or can talk on the phone for an hr you can't really be all that busy now can you? And dude, it's love shack. I don't even spell check. i'm a cave man. 2nd generation walking up right. so you got me pegged 100% and of course I read. The shampoo bottle while i'm on the crapper for instance.
Tim The Enchanter Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 not bitter. just tired of women wasting my time & stringing me along. too "busy" to meet is one thing, but if you have the time to text me for a few hrs one night or can talk on the phone for an hr you can't really be all that busy now can you? And dude, it's love shack. I don't even spell check. i'm a cave man. 2nd generation walking up right. so you got me pegged 100% and of course I read. The shampoo bottle while i'm on the crapper for instance. Each to their own. I use email in order not to be strung along, because the flakey ones will invariably fail to keep up with the emailing. When they're interested, you will get an email a day from them almost without fail. I had 20 dates last year and at least 10 already this year. However, there was probably twice those numbers of women who simply flaked out at the email stage. I feel that the email stage helped to filter those flakes out and saved me time, money and energy.
tincanman99 Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Because most men that have experimented with online dating very quickly discover there are women who are content to email forever without meeting up. Its a huge time waster because it takes time to craft nice emails that convey your thoughts. Why would you waste your time in email when you can see someone in person and feel them out. A huge amount of communication is non-verbal and is conveyed by body language. On top of this if you are not physically attracted to someone its dead. I personally dont want to email more than few time before meeting up and closing the deal. If we click than its on, if not than thats that. You havent wasted huge amounts of time and emotions on it.
Tim The Enchanter Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Because most men that have experimented with online dating very quickly discover there are women who are content to email forever without meeting up. I haven't discovered that at all.
carhill Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I ran into my fair share of e-mail queens back when online was new. In fact, I've met a few right here on LS. Weeks and months pass and, with one misunderstood or badly couched remark, it's over. Back in the days of love letters (I'm old enough to have done that, before computers) one had to condense their thoughts into what one could easily hand-write and it was generally romantic, often poetic and nearly always positive. E-mail is more 'conversational' and a quick read on LS of what some IM's and e-mails contain support that they are anything but love letters. Without in-person flesh pressing and real time investment of one's psyche, there are many things, simple, superficial things, that can go wrong and ruin an otherwise good potential. Also, for any man with life experience, he knows other men are 'hitting on' this e-mail queen in real life and she may disappear at any moment because she found her 'perfect man', whether that be for life or for this week, totally negating his energy and effort. That is the risk of the dating game, but a smart man seeks to limit his risks. He wants to, like those other guys, 'hit on' her in real life, leveling the field of play. A woman does not have to agree with this methodology. Her participation is completely voluntary. She can move on to the next potential. If that is her path, I applaud her honesty and expediency and move on to a woman with a more compatible dating style.
LittleTiger Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 because how un-attractive a guy is has absolutely nothing to with whether a woman will date him. how good he talks on the phone is all that matters. If he doesn't write well and communicate well, I'm not interested in how he looks.........and I'd be willing to bet there are a lot of women who would agree with me.
sally4sara Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I remember a time when online dating or using a dating service was considered the route of the desperate and limited options crowd. It was normal to meet someone IRL. That means meeting someone you might not know at all. Just because its no longer considered unusual to look for people online anymore, doesn't mean people wouldn't prefer a face to face option over a bunch of intermittent emails, awkward phone conversations, and pictures that may or may not be them or about 10 years old and the only good pic they have. The guys who want to meet you in what is your opinion "too quickly" just want to know who they are spending their time on. They are people who would rather not have to resort to surfing a dating sight because a dating sight gives men little chance to show the qualities that spark attraction in a gender less visually stimulated. Your pic is on there, and they might be visually stimulated into action by it. But it doesn't work so well for men. Meeting you in person gives them the chance to shine that online dating prevents for men. And its just a public meet up the first time right? Don't you have to be around strange men every time you step out of your house anyway?
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