Ro2Pi Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 How do you stop putting yourself down after a break up? The reasons are clear and my own that I can stand by for the break up... But she lied to me about her feelings and reasons. She told me that she wanted to be single and couldn't handle a relationship with all the school... 1 month later she dated her best friends and been going out for 3 months now. I can't remove her from my social contacts yet because of some legal issues (not between us, thank goodness). All of my thoughts are negative to me. He's the popular, good looking, nice, and what appears to be the better guy than I am. A guy who makes her happier too... I get how people either work or don't work together... but my self-confidence has hit rock bottom and is preventing me from even normal life. Has anyone else gone through this? Can anyone give me some hope for myself? Sorry for sounding so self-pitying.
ReturnToSender Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Oh I did it too...for like 7 long months I belittled myself, thought less of myself, and constantly compared myself to the new woman in his life that he left me for, originally with the excuse that hes just not ready for a relationship, and once I found out about her, with the excuse that hes "confused" One thing is, once I found out more about her I realized I dont want to be anything like her anyway.... Which brought on a new slew of self-degragation, in that if shes that messed up and shes that miserable to be with, then wow, I must have been a super crappy gf! But I let that go too... I was beating myself into the ground for no reason. It took a looong time though, and even now and then I still have my moments of wondering why Im not worth it when so and so is. What helps me is to understand...just cause Im not worth it *to him* doesnt mean Im not worth it *period* I know my value and self-worth, and not going to keep letting him and his situation take away from that...
Leandro Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 The same thing is happening to me right now. I haven't seen her for 3 months now, but she's still with him. I felt like ****!! My self esteem was very low. the other guy is way taller than me and a little bit smarter, so it hurts a lot. I try not to beat yourself up about it. Focus on yourself, let her go. You will find love again.
Username37 Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 How do you stop putting yourself down after a break up? The reasons are clear and my own that I can stand by for the break up... But she lied to me about her feelings and reasons. She told me that she wanted to be single and couldn't handle a relationship with all the school... 1 month later she dated her best friends and been going out for 3 months now. I can't remove her from my social contacts yet because of some legal issues (not between us, thank goodness). All of my thoughts are negative to me. He's the popular, good looking, nice, and what appears to be the better guy than I am. A guy who makes her happier too... I get how people either work or don't work together... but my self-confidence has hit rock bottom and is preventing me from even normal life. Has anyone else gone through this? Can anyone give me some hope for myself? Sorry for sounding so self-pitying. I can relate bud. My ex said the same ****: can't handle boyfriend, don't want to date, the typical dumper bull****. Then she rebounded a few times over the summer and is with a new guy who apparently is a really good tennis player and is in smarter classes than I. I sometimes compare myself to him, but I'm trying not too. Like Leandro said: focus on you. Because no matter what, you are the most important person in your life.
Trinity2 Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 How do you stop putting yourself down after a break up? The reasons are clear and my own that I can stand by for the break up... But she lied to me about her feelings and reasons. She told me that she wanted to be single and couldn't handle a relationship with all the school... 1 month later she dated her best friends and been going out for 3 months now. I can't remove her from my social contacts yet because of some legal issues (not between us, thank goodness). All of my thoughts are negative to me. He's the popular, good looking, nice, and what appears to be the better guy than I am. A guy who makes her happier too... I get how people either work or don't work together... but my self-confidence has hit rock bottom and is preventing me from even normal life. Has anyone else gone through this? Can anyone give me some hope for myself? Sorry for sounding so self-pitying. Your not self pitying, you are releasing. I feel you and am depressed too. We need some miracles. Hey, we're gonna make it, it will take time. Sorry I'm not much help, but at least I can relate? Take care and I hope the best for both of us.
Trinity2 Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 I can relate bud. My ex said the same ****: can't handle boyfriend, don't want to date, the typical dumper bull****. Then she rebounded a few times over the summer and is with a new guy who apparently is a really good tennis player and is in smarter classes than I. I sometimes compare myself to him, but I'm trying not too. Like Leandro said: focus on you. Because no matter what, you are the most important person in your life. This is very true and encouraging.
Author Ro2Pi Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 Its taking so much energy to change the focus back to myself. But all of your support is helping the process, thanks everyone. And @trinity2: You're all helping a ton! I just found this beautiful trailer which in a way helps remember the subtle dimension to life and ourselves. http://www.aish.com/ho/p/Dancing_Under_the_Gallows.html
USMCHokie Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 You can add me to the list of guys whose exes gave them the whole runaround about not wanting a relationship at the time and then finding themselves in a new one within minutes...and I definitely spent my fair share of time wallowing in my own self-pity... As the legendary Barney Stinson says, "stop being sad, and start being awesome instead." No truer words have ever been spoken. Stop valuing yourself based on how this girl valued you. Her opinion is irrelevant now. So it really becomes a matter of pulling your head from out of your ass and realizing that you are a great person, and some girl somewhere will appreciate everything you have to offer. But first, you have to appreciate everything you have to offer.
skydiveaddict Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Stop valuing yourself based on how this girl valued you. Her opinion is irrelevant now. So it really becomes a matter of pulling your head from out of your ass and realizing that you are a great person, and some girl somewhere will appreciate everything you have to offer. But first, you have to appreciate everything you have to offer. Why can't I ever get that through my feeble brain?
USMCHokie Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Why can't I ever get that through my feeble brain? I too sometimes have trouble practicing what I preach...
skydiveaddict Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 I too sometimes have trouble practicing what I preach... Naw, you're much further along than me. I can tell. Over it, in fact. I'm still a mess and I shouldn't be. It's embarrassing.
USMCHokie Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Naw, you're much further along than me. I can tell. Over it, in fact. I'm still a mess and I shouldn't be. It's embarrassing. Yea, I am over it...finally...but I was referring to the part of my post about appreciating yourself and what you have to offer...I'm still working on that...
skydiveaddict Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 (edited) I was referring to the part of my post about appreciating yourself and what you have to offer...I'm still working on that... Me too, (obviously), but I admire the progress you've made. You've come far. Edited November 9, 2010 by skydiveaddict
havehope Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Ro2Pi, USMCHokie has good advice: we have to learn to appreciate and value what we have to offer. We have to be our own person before we can be a person for someone else. Our ex's don't matter and neither do their opinions of us. Stay true to you and wait for that person who values that - you're worth it
Author Ro2Pi Posted November 10, 2010 Author Posted November 10, 2010 You guys are right and I want it to be my goal. How in the world do I begin though? I don't expect an instruction manual but I feel like I'm starting with so very little.
skydiveaddict Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 (edited) You guys are right and I want it to be my goal. How in the world do I begin though? I don't expect an instruction manual but I feel like I'm starting with so very little. When you are torn down to nothing, than the only way is up. You are right, you have very little. BUT, you have your whole life ahead of you. Do the things that you were always scared to do, force the fear inside you to take a back seat. Take the risks that no one else will take. Believe in yourself. That is how you conquer your self-doubt. And soon you will be the man you never thought you could be. It's easy, go out and live every day like it was your last. "Cause in fact, it just might be. Edited November 12, 2010 by skydiveaddict
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