mhertz Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 So my (ex)girlfriend and i broke up 2 weeks ago after about a year. I'm absolutely devastated. We just went long distance about 2 months ago.. So first, there was this guy who was into my (ex)girlfriend at college. He "had trouble with his English homework" so he would invite her over to help because they were in the same class. I knew she was going over there and i was ok with it because i knew nothing would happen. But then she finally told me that he had been making moves on her.. Now our relationship to begin with is very little physical. We're both abstinent and i've been ok with very little touching at all because she's such a great person that that part didn't even matter. But she had been letting this guy do everything she let me (except kissing). She would let him hold her, touch her, and whatever. It wasn't until that he tried to kiss her and "grab" her (which i never even tried) that she finally realized what she had been letting him do. She also admitted to being attracted to him before he tried to kiss/grab her even though she knew they could never work and she always told him they could never work even if she wasn't already in a relationship. So obviously i was pretty upset. What happened was very unlike her. It was so hard to believe.. We had promised each other before to stay loyal no matter what. She took all of this really hard and she felt terrible for letting this happen. She removed the guy from her friend list on facebook and cut all contact with him. Over the course of about a week or 2 she would get sick and not be able to eat or get any of her school work done. She kept trying to make things better and eventually i realized i knew she was truly sorry. So i forgave her but i still had some back and forth feelings. One day i would be happy and talking to her a lot and the next day i would be kind of mad/sad and distant. Though, i have been really busy with school and marching band so i couldn't help the distant part. And if anyone has ever been a part of a competitive marching band then they would understand haha. She finally said that she can't keep going on with my back and forth feelings. She couldn't concentrate on anything and just spent her whole time crying and being sick. She had been trying hard to fix us but i had been way too busy and stressed to cooperate. So i told her i would make time for us and try as hard as i can to fix us again. Then she said she thinks we should just break up because we're just at two different points in our life and now just isn't a good time. She said she didn't feel happy and recently she felt like she "had" to like me instead of wanting to. I told her that we just need time to talk again like old times to remind us of each other because we both have been really busy and hadn't had much time to talk anymore. She said we needed time apart so we can both think and concentrate on what we need to at the moment. She has really bad family problems, college marching band, plus all of her college work/practice. She has to maintain all A's in her classes to keep her financial aid. She wanted to still be friends no matter what and she said if it was meant to be, then we will be back together in the future. I understand she is just emotionally overwhelmed at the moment.. Before all of this, we were both eachother's best friend. It's so hard to go without talking to her. We used to be so incredibly happy with each other and got along so well. We would talk all of the time and agree on everything. We never argued. We both thought we were absolutely perfect for each other and would spend forever together. But now it's like she doesn't want to have anything to do with me. I sent her a text a week ago just telling her i hope everything is going well and that i am praying for her. She replied with a mere "Thank you" which is unlike her. But other than that, there has been no contact at all since the break up. I don't want her to forget about me.. But i want to give her the space i think she needs. Her mom talked to me a few days after our break up basically saying that's she been talking to her, to not give up hope, that she's going through a tough time, and that she still cares about me a lot. There's plenty of guys that would love to be with her and i'm sure there are some already trying. But she says she isn't looking for another relationship. She just doesn't want to have one at the moment. Should i keep my hopes up of us getting back together (like how she said if we were meant to be then we would be back together) or should i just move on?
Cratsky Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 I recommend you focus on moving on because there is no guarantee she will come back. She might end up having a fling with this guy. I don't suggest you start sleeping around or start developing romantic interests in other people but set yourself a timeframe and commit to it. If she hasn't come around by then, absolutely close the door. 3 months is a pretty good timeframe. Take a look at all the no contact threads etc. You'll find that she'll probably contact you in a months time, all sad and alone but she won't make any comment of wanting to commit. It takes 3-5 weeks for the feeling of loneliness to peak, so she'll just be looking for a quick emotional pick me up before continuing on her way. Don't wait (even though I know you're desperate to do that). Focus on making yourself happy, keep busy with projects, sports etc.
havehope Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Hey, sorry you're feeling that way... I mentioned in another post about not worrying whether or not someone will forget you. I haven't talked to my 9th grade bf in like 8 years or so, but it doesn't mean I forgot him. I remember my kindergarten best buddy, and that he had blue fruit roll ups everyday, but we haven't talken since then probably. Important people in your life will never be forgotten - even when you move on.
Author mhertz Posted November 8, 2010 Author Posted November 8, 2010 Thanks for the responses. I was planning on giving it a month or so of no contact just to let her emotions settle down. And her school work and activities should be slowing down as well. Then i'll try to text her again.. This should be around Thanksgiving and she's coming home then. It's been about a month since i've seen her. As we were having "the talk" she said she wanted to go running with me or something no matter what happens. So i was thinking of asking her about it to see if she still wanted to. I feel like her decision and everything was pretty rash so maybe giving her time will give her a chance to think about it all. And maybe us getting to see each other will reignite some of the spark we had. Or i could be completely off and getting false hope.. But it would help me sleep better if i knew i at least tried for a second chance. Would i be doing the right thing here? I still feel like we could work. This was the first major thing that has happened between us.. And we both kind of freaked out about it. I don't want to throw it all away just because of this.
Author mhertz Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 Would trying to talk to her now be a bad idea? I'm worried about her and i wish i knew how school and everything was going with her.. It's been a week and 2 days since i've tried to contact her last. I wouldn't bring up our relationship or anything.
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