halemeno Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 After ignoring me for the week or so that I was sick, the MM has contacted me again, acting as if nothing happened. Of course I gave in and talked to him as if I wasn't bothered, and I'm sure that if I brought up the fact that he's treating me like a callgirl, he'd respond with "I was just trying to give you space while you were sick until you felt better." I know that that means, "I couldn't have sex with you while you were sick, so I had no use for you." All we've done is text and IM since he contacted me again, and while he's the one who keeps initiating the contact, he seems oddly uninterested. I know he's been very depressed and I'm sure he's bored with me already, but I guess I'm the only option for distraction he's got. It just frustrates me that not only do I feel guilty for being involved with him, but also feel unwanted by him on top of that, yet grudgingly turned to when he needs distraction. I know he sought me out as something that would fix his life, bring him excitement, and has no doubt figured out that I'm not what's going to make everything better. So why does he feel like he can treat me like the scrapings from the bottom of the barrel? He's starving, so it's better to eat scum than to eat nothing, but it's still not feeding his real hunger.
BB07 Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 So why does he feel like he can treat me like the scrapings from the bottom of the barrel? Because you are allowing him to treat you that way????
spice4life Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 (edited) After ignoring me for the week or so that I was sick, the MM has contacted me again, acting as if nothing happened. Of course I gave in and talked to him as if I wasn't bothered, and I'm sure that if I brought up the fact that he's treating me like a callgirl, he'd respond with "I was just trying to give you space while you were sick until you felt better." I know that that means, "I couldn't have sex with you while you were sick, so I had no use for you." All we've done is text and IM since he contacted me again, and while he's the one who keeps initiating the contact, he seems oddly uninterested. I know he's been very depressed and I'm sure he's bored with me already, but I guess I'm the only option for distraction he's got. It just frustrates me that not only do I feel guilty for being involved with him, but also feel unwanted by him on top of that, yet grudgingly turned to when he needs distraction. I know he sought me out as something that would fix his life, bring him excitement, and has no doubt figured out that I'm not what's going to make everything better. So why does he feel like he can treat me like the scrapings from the bottom of the barrel? He's starving, so it's better to eat scum than to eat nothing, but it's still not feeding his real hunger. Wow, that should be enough to make you want to run. Do you actually hear what you are saying about youself? You are comparing yourself to scum. If this how you feel about the situation then you should go NC immediately and move on with your life. Who cares what his real hunger is. Edited November 8, 2010 by spice4life
desertIslandCactus Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 After ignoring me for the week or so that I was sick, the MM has contacted me again, acting as if nothing happened. Of course I gave in and talked to him as if I wasn't bothered, and I'm sure that if I brought up the fact that he's treating me like a callgirl, he'd respond with "I was just trying to give you space while you were sick until you felt better." I know that that means, "I couldn't have sex with you while you were sick, so I had no use for you." All we've done is text and IM since he contacted me again, and while he's the one who keeps initiating the contact, he seems oddly uninterested. I know he's been very depressed and I'm sure he's bored with me already, but I guess I'm the only option for distraction he's got. It just frustrates me that not only do I feel guilty for being involved with him, but also feel unwanted by him on top of that, yet grudgingly turned to when he needs distraction. I know he sought me out as something that would fix his life, bring him excitement, and has no doubt figured out that I'm not what's going to make everything better. So why does he feel like he can treat me like the scrapings from the bottom of the barrel? He's starving, so it's better to eat scum than to eat nothing, but it's still not feeding his real hunger. The President of the United States took advantage of an intern .. Who do you feel was the more lowly of the two ?
siuys Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 halemeno, i think deep down you know he's not treating you right, and you're allowing him to do just that - treat you like you don't deserve any better! Wake up and smell the coffee. You were sick and he stayed away. What a ratbag. Sorry but that's how i see it. When i was really ill for a few days, x separated MM at least were by my side, made me tea, read to me, put cloth on my forehead... that's when you know someone does care.... he is not worth it!
Fight4Me Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 After ignoring me for the week or so that I was sick, the MM has contacted me again, acting as if nothing happened. Of course I gave in and talked to him as if I wasn't bothered, and I'm sure that if I brought up the fact that he's treating me like a callgirl, he'd respond with "I was just trying to give you space while you were sick until you felt better." I know that that means, "I couldn't have sex with you while you were sick, so I had no use for you." All we've done is text and IM since he contacted me again, and while he's the one who keeps initiating the contact, he seems oddly uninterested. I know he's been very depressed and I'm sure he's bored with me already, but I guess I'm the only option for distraction he's got. It just frustrates me that not only do I feel guilty for being involved with him, but also feel unwanted by him on top of that, yet grudgingly turned to when he needs distraction. I know he sought me out as something that would fix his life, bring him excitement, and has no doubt figured out that I'm not what's going to make everything better. So why does he feel like he can treat me like the scrapings from the bottom of the barrel? He's starving, so it's better to eat scum than to eat nothing, but it's still not feeding his real hunger. Everything you wrote, particularly the parts in bold, really made my heart break for you. Instead of focusing on the whys of his side, turn your questions toward yourself: Why are you with someone who has no use for you while you're sick? Why are you settling for someone who seems oddly uninterested? Why are you so accepting of someone who is bored with you, and considers you a mere distraction? Why do you think so little of yourself that you would continue to associate yourself with someone who not only causes you to feel guilty (a good thing, in this case), but makes you feel unwanted, and worse, like scrapings from the bottom of the barrel? This isn't about you being an OW, but about you being a human being who should know she deserves so much better than this. I can only imagine how disgusting he is to his wife (besides cheating on her), and I wouldn't be at all surprised if he has more than one OW. The good news in all of this is that you have the power here. YOU hold all the cards and are completely free to extricate yourself from this scumbag (which is too good a word for him, imo). Gather the strength from those here who are telling you the same thing. Write out the parts in bold and put them by your phone as a reminder of WHO HE IS before you answer his calls. I honestly wish you the best, but you also need to want it for yourself first.
Author halemeno Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 Thanks for the support, everyone. I agree that the issue is really mine -- I think that I'm not able to feel important or necessary unless I'm filling a concrete need for someone (like sex for the MM). This is something I'm trying to work through in IC, but in the meantime it's got me letting him treat me pretty horribly. I feel obligated to fix what's wrong in his life and give him something to look forward to, but he certainly doesn't seem to care anymore. I very much regret losing my virginity to him, and wish that didn't burden me with this odd sense of loyalty to him. I think it's definitely time to let him know how upset I am and why, and try to go NC asap. Does anyone have any advice? (I'm not sure what kind of advice I'm asking for; this is just a really difficult step to take.)
desertIslandCactus Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Thanks for the support, everyone. I agree that the issue is really mine -- I think that I'm not able to feel important or necessary unless I'm filling a concrete need for someone (like sex for the MM). This is something I'm trying to work through in IC, but in the meantime it's got me letting him treat me pretty horribly. I feel obligated to fix what's wrong in his life and give him something to look forward to, but he certainly doesn't seem to care anymore. I very much regret losing my virginity to him, and wish that didn't burden me with this odd sense of loyalty to him. I think it's definitely time to let him know how upset I am and why, and try to go NC asap. Does anyone have any advice? (I'm not sure what kind of advice I'm asking for; this is just a really difficult step to take.) Yes. I think you should leave the relationship and brush the dust off of your feet. At another time to meet up with someone with whom you are on the same accord. Matthew 10:14 And whoever who shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when you depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet.
D-Lish Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 So why does he feel like he can treat me like the scrapings from the bottom of the barrel? The simple answer is that he treats you that way because he can- because you allow it. The question you should be asking yourself is why do you allow it?
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