iheartsuki Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 My boyfriend has told me that "I am the only one he fantasizes about". I haven't asked him, he just has told me this numerous times. I'm not naive and I realize it's normal for guys to fantasize about lots of random women....and was even under the impression that it's uncontrollable for the most part. So, that said, I've noticed that he doesn't have much of a filter when it comes to looking at other attractive women. I've witnessed many a double take. Can't say that it makes me feel great (and I've told him this) but THIS he tells me is "not under his control". I'm not necessarily trying to catch him in a lie (if he fantasizes about other women, what am I going to do? tell him to stop it?? I bet that will work..), but it just doesn't add up. He doesn't have a filter when it comes to LOOKING....yet he only fantasizes about...me? My lasts relationship was with someone who lied about exactly this kind of thing...plus many many many other things. So maybe I'm just paranoid of that happening again, since most of his lies were about things I didn't even ask about or for. But still....it just doesn't add up and I'm wondering from other men if fantasizing about ONLY the person you are with is even possible?! And if so...then wouldn't you also only be interested in looking at the person you're with? Don't the two go hand in hand? Kinda seems like....why look if you're not even going to use any of that sensory input later...??
USCGAviator Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 I fantasize about any pretty woman that walks past me. However, I'm loyal to whoever I'm with and I do find it disrespectful to that in front of you. He needs to learn how to use his blinders
Rinah Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 I've caught myself giving glances at other men, does it mean that I want them, or would go out of my way to be with them? No. I've also noticed my boyfriend looking at other women before. He's even pointed out some "That girl over there, isn't she pretty?" It's pretty normal to have attraction to others. Let's face it, no matter how much you love someone, you will always have fantasies (even if small) of other people you find attractive. It has nothing to do with you. It doesn't mean he doesn't find you to be the most attractive either. I honestly think that this subject isn't something to over think. The more you think about it the more paranoid & insecure you will get. He finds you to be attractive? He tells you how appealing you look when you dress up? Then that should be good enough. Don't worry about his fantasies, your his reality.
PegNosePete Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 I'm wondering from other men if fantasizing about ONLY the person you are with is even possible?! And if so...then wouldn't you also only be interested in looking at the person you're with? Don't the two go hand in hand? Kinda seems like....why look if you're not even going to use any of that sensory input later...?? Have to say I never fantasized about anyone else on a regular basis. Maybe once a month or so. And certainly not while doing anything with my partner. Yes I would look at attractive girls, all guys rubber-neck somewhat. But to do it while with your partner is extremely disrespectful. The sensory input is just instant gratification, it wouldn't be used later unless it was something really spectacular!
carhill Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 (edited) OP, a man or woman can control any action or behavior they choose to. He chooses not to control his response to other women being within his field of view when he's with his girlfriend in a way which you might seem to find respectful. Do you find his looking at other women disrespectful to you? You decide whether this behavior and other related behaviors, like commenting or making gestures, if applicable, match up with your boundaries, then communicate that. That he tells you he only fantasizes about you is something I find a bit odd, not knowing context. It could be flirting. He could be selling something. He could be convincing himself of something. Hard to know. Still, IMO, odd. My version would be 'oh, honey, I had this amazing fantasy about you and ...... (describe it in detail)' That's called intimacy. I choose not to stare at, make comments about, or gesture to other women when in the presence of a woman I'm in a relationship with or dating, as I find it disrespectful. Other men choose as they see fit. Up to you how you react to those choices. Good luck Edited November 8, 2010 by carhill
davisc123 Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 I am quite open in the sense that if my ex told me she found another man attractive then it wouldn't bother me. But she always maintained she didn't find anybody else attractive, and 'it isn't like that'. I used to get a laugh out of this and poke fun at her, because she was lying to herself. It is human nature to fantasize, or to find somebody attractive. It made me feel uncomfortable in being honest, so I ended up telling her the same. She ended up cheating on me and leaving me It's ok to find somebody physically attractive or to fantasize, it didnt mean I was anyway inclined to cheat on her. It didnt make me love her any less either. It's just one of those things.
InternationalPlayboy Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Yes it is a lie - you are not the only woman he ever fantasizes about. But it's white lie that has your interests and the relationship's interests in mind. Him saying he only fantasizes about you is like you telling him how "large" he is and how you have an orgasm every single time blah blah blah. He doesn't believe those things, but it's nice to hear and really where is the harm? Sure these may be lies, but more than anything they are ego and morale boosters and an occasionally necessary part of long-term relationships.
chelle21689 Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 I don't fantasize about other men. Everyone says that everyone does it, it probably common but not everyone. It's hard for met to even get turned on by the idea, I tried...and I don't. I guess I associate that with romantic feelings.
make me believe Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 OP, a man or woman can control any action or behavior they choose to. He chooses not to control his response to other women being within his field of view when he's with his girlfriend in a way which you might seem to find respectful. Do you find his looking at other women disrespectful to you? You decide whether this behavior and other related behaviors, like commenting or making gestures, if applicable, match up with your boundaries, then communicate that. Exactly! Looking at other women, especially in your presence, is absolutely under his control. I also find it odd that he feels the need to tell you that he doesn't fantasize about other women. If it was something you expressed concern or an insecurity about, I would understand him trying to reassure you. But to just bring it up out of the blue, especially since he claims not to be able to control looking at other women, sounds like he's protesting too much if you get what I mean. I don't think it's impossible for a man or woman to refrain from fantasizing about people other than their partner. When I am with a guy, I'm with him because I want him more than anyone else. The idea of being sexual with another guy, no matter how good looking he is, simply isn't appealing to me.
TheLoveAdvisor Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 Think how Adam felt, he only had Eve to fantasize about.. Is it possible for a person to have fantasies about one person??? I guess anything is possible, but it would be very hard...
TrentW Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 I swear, Im never going to understand straight women. Most of the men i've been with looked at other woman, and they were very subtle, and to be honest I was there looking with them. We'd make a game out of it. Whoever spotted the girl with the best rack won an hour oral session. fun times. Bottom line: If he has no filter, he doesn't care about how you feel about it. If a past relationship was with the same kind of man who disregards your feelings, than the problem lies within you.
Seamless74 Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 Your boyfriend is absolutely, positively, flat out telling you a boldface lie, Thank god you included in your post you never asked him.. But heres the thing that women dont understand and this type of logic makes it extremely difficult for men to deal with women.. how bout a hypothetical to help illustrate my point. imagine if you will after wonderful date friday night we decide go to starbucks to enjoy a nice cup of coffee on a cold saturday morning. were sitting there enjoying each others company thinking about the fun we had the night before and reading the paper whatever, maybe theres like 5 other people in there just doing there thing, and then out of the blue comes in a stunningly attractive woman. Now were not gonna look because we know were screwed if we do but starbucks aint that big and a tension fills the air as it often does when a beautiful woman enters the room.. So if we dont look than you bust us on avoiding, and if we do look then you know how that ends.. Maybe the woman is the passive agressive type and brings her up in conversation about her way of walking or style of dress. Which once again we have to be very careful how we answer that question cause that could start a fight too... Its tough man seriously damned if you do damned if you dont.. thats why a playful secure way of dealing with the situation is the best way to go.. Thats where you ladies should steal a page from the Males Playbook.. You ever had your significant other when a really hot guy walks into view say "Theres your boy" or something like that... Its our way of saying we know theres a hot guy over there your checking out were aware of it and were trying to diffuse the situation before it becomes something else.. Its your oppurtunity to look and check um out and at the same time say no way he too this or that even though he probably isnt... Women should do something along the same lines.. instead of pouting or being insecure which is what about 70% do... sounds like TRENTW has the right idea in that relationship have fun with it..
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