murphomatic Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 So, I figured I try my luck at the whole online dating thing. I created a profile on OkCupid.. I like the site layout, and with the whole questions thing - it seems to give you a little more insight into the people you're looking at. Here's my quandry .. I've had my profile filled out and active for a few weeks now, and have sent out a few dozen emails. The women that spark my interest come and look at my profile, but never reply. My emails to them aren't ridiculous in any fashion - I mention that I like their profile, ask them a couple questions about specific items they mention in their summary, and keep it somewhat short and easy. So my question is, what am I doing wrong? Am I just hideously ugly and don't realize it? Am I writing things wrong or otherwise portraying myself badly? I've tried to be as straight-forward as possible in my profile, and give people an honest look at who I am ... but interest is nil. If anyone on here has an OkCupid account, and wouldn't mind taking a look at my profile and giving me a hint or two as to how I can make my profile more enticing - here it is. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
Tim The Enchanter Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 You're not doing anything wrong. First of all, women on free sites are invariably more flakey than on paid sites, so it's a case of you pay your money, you take your choice. Secondly, sending out many emails and getting no responses is simply how internet dating goes for guys. You need a thick skin and you need persistence.
Cee Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I second that. You are doing nothing wrong. Please don't let online dating do any damage to your self-esteem. I would look at your profile, but that means I'd have to re-enable my OKC profile and frankly I'm fed up with the site and online dating.
Author murphomatic Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 Thanks Tim and Cee - I certainly wouldn't let it hurt my esteem in any way, I know that I'm a decent person and am deserving of decent things and a decent relationship with another decent person. I just worry that maybe there's a "technique" here that I'm naive to .. I created the OkCupid account years ago to take some online test just for pure entertainment, and never filled out the profile. A few weeks back I thought "eh - what the heck? Let's see what this is like..." So anyway, it just seemed a bit odd that I could send out so many innocuous emails, have so many views because of them, and not a single reply.. It just made me think that maybe I said something in my profile that was an instant red-flag to everyone but me! Cee - what is it that has you fed up with OkCupid and online dating in general? I'm curious to know what has you to the point of disabling your profile with no interest in returning?
Sarah1977 Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Consider dating women a little older, too. I am within your age range and find you attractive and interesting enough. But I am always extra, special leary of men who refuse to date even a year or two older than themselves.
MyNameIsJonas Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 OKC has this "your best face" thing where you submit your photos, OKC puts them in front of a bunch of female members (I guess), and after a day or two you get results. That should tell you which photo to use as your header. I was skeptical but tried it and it turns out the photo I thought was the best was actually one of the worst. I changed my photo and things improved almost instantly. I agree with the above poster mentioning that you need thick skin and persistence. I would say the average return rate for any man on OKC is less than 20%. The return rate is higher for a pay site but still not above 50%, IMO. I'm not looking at your profile because I honestly don't think you are doing anything wrong. It's a step in the right direction that the women are actually looking at your profile instead of just deleting your message. Just keep at it man; it'll work out.
Author murphomatic Posted November 8, 2010 Author Posted November 8, 2010 Consider dating women a little older, too. I am within your age range and find you attractive and interesting enough. But I am always extra, special leary of men who refuse to date even a year or two older than themselves.Good point Sarah - thank you so much for bringing that up. I don't even know why I had my range set in such a way ... I wouldn't mind dating a woman a little older than myself at all! Again - thank you!
Sarah1977 Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Good point Sarah - thank you so much for bringing that up. I don't even know why I had my range set in such a way ... I wouldn't mind dating a woman a little older than myself at all! Again - thank you! Yeah, to me it always come across as the guy isn't very sincere. He's just trying to bag the youngest hotties he can to boost his ego or something. Good to hear that that's not you.
USCGAviator Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Don't sweat it murph. Myself and a friend I work with know firsthand what your going through. I use a generous age range on both sides and sent out numerous emails with little return. I was beginning to think most women on those sites are merely tourists looking for an ego boost.
D-Lish Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 OK, I looked. Firstly, you need to take better pictures. That's the first thing people will look at. The one with your mouth open has to go! The pics in general don't do you any justice. Secondly, take out "the bad and ugly" commentary. It comes off as negative. If I viewed your profile, and the pics interested me enough to read your commentary- I would turn away after reading the bad and ugly paragraphs. The first "about me" stuff was good, I'd keep just that and post some more flattering pics.
Cee Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 I quit the site because I never managed that formula of mutual attraction. I went on a lot of dates and after awile it felt mechanical. I'd rather meet people through face to face interactions. Some men seem reasonably successful on OKC. I think their attitude is they don't care about the women who don't message them, only the ones who do. I don't know your age, but I think OKC is more successful for the under 30 set. My guy friend who is 29 commented that he thinks he's a bit too old for OKC now. I think he was referring that younger women aren't ready to make lifetime commitments. He also does Match, too and seems to be doing decently well using both. He hasn't met a girlfriend, but he's gotten laid a decent amount.
Author murphomatic Posted November 8, 2010 Author Posted November 8, 2010 OK, I looked. Firstly, you need to take better pictures. That's the first thing people will look at. The one with your mouth open has to go! The pics in general don't do you any justice. Secondly, take out "the bad and ugly" commentary. It comes off as negative. If I viewed your profile, and the pics interested me enough to read your commentary- I would turn away after reading the bad and ugly paragraphs. The first "about me" stuff was good, I'd keep just that and post some more flattering pics.Awesome feedback - Thanks D-Lish!
MyNameIsJonas Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 He also does Match, too and seems to be doing decently well using both. He hasn't met a girlfriend, but he's gotten laid a decent amount. If Match.com took that quote and sprawled it across their main site, their male subscriber base, and their profit margin, would increase 6,809,459%. Sorry to threadjack. I'm done now.
USCGAviator Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Plenty of fish is another free site but you may find alot of the same women form OKC.
Author murphomatic Posted November 8, 2010 Author Posted November 8, 2010 OK, I looked. Firstly, you need to take better pictures. That's the first thing people will look at. The one with your mouth open has to go! The pics in general don't do you any justice. Secondly, take out "the bad and ugly" commentary. It comes off as negative. If I viewed your profile, and the pics interested me enough to read your commentary- I would turn away after reading the bad and ugly paragraphs. The first "about me" stuff was good, I'd keep just that and post some more flattering pics. One thing that's hilarious ... the "Open Mouth" photo - that's the one that the "Your Best Face" test thingy came back with as my "ultimate photo"... laughing my ass off at that one!
MyNameIsJonas Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Plenty of fish is another free site but you may find alot of the same women form OKC. No, you will find a lot of the same women as OKC. I speak from personal experience. Plus POFs site isn't nearly as good/polished as OKC's. If you want to broaden your horizons then fork over the money for match or another site.
USCGAviator Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 No, you will find a lot of the same women as OKC. I speak from personal experience. Plus POFs site isn't nearly as good/polished as OKC's. If you want to broaden your horizons then fork over the money for match or another site. Yeah?? Is there a different pool of women on match? Just wondering if the quality would be better. I can get laid on POF but I'm looking for something more meaningful.
D-Lish Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 One thing that's hilarious ... the "Open Mouth" photo - that's the one that the "Your Best Face" test thingy came back with as my "ultimate photo"... laughing my ass off at that one! lol. They said my best photo was the one close up of my dog:laugh:
MyNameIsJonas Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 (edited) Yeah?? Is there a different pool of women on match? Just wondering if the quality would be better. I can get laid on POF but I'm looking for something more meaningful. My experiences (key phrase) were that women take match/chemistry/eharmony more seriously since money is involved. I had many more dates during my period on match then OKC, and women seemed more willing to meet up and didn't flake out as much. A buddy was/maybe still is on eharmony and he did pretty well for himself. I lurk on match every now and then in contemplation of spending the money again, and the overlap between the two sites appears to be less than 5%, IMO. Of course this is for my area (Metro DC) which is basically a metropolis. Your results may vary. Edited November 8, 2010 by MyNameIsJonas I can't write good.
Author murphomatic Posted November 8, 2010 Author Posted November 8, 2010 lol. They said my best photo was the one close up of my dog:laugh: LOL - that's ridiculous! Guess I won't put too much stock in that particular test. I just put up some photos that are hopefully better. Thanks again for the input -
dispatch3d Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Meh I can get replies but not dates. Not that I put any effort into online dating. Anyways, sample message? Can probably help with some editing. Another guy had a bunch of threads up, I'm pretty sure he started getting more replies.
GivenUp0083 Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 So, I figured I try my luck at the whole online dating thing. I created a profile on OkCupid.. I like the site layout, and with the whole questions thing - it seems to give you a little more insight into the people you're looking at. Here's my quandry .. I've had my profile filled out and active for a few weeks now, and have sent out a few dozen emails. The women that spark my interest come and look at my profile, but never reply. My emails to them aren't ridiculous in any fashion - I mention that I like their profile, ask them a couple questions about specific items they mention in their summary, and keep it somewhat short and easy. So my question is, what am I doing wrong? Am I just hideously ugly and don't realize it? Am I writing things wrong or otherwise portraying myself badly? I've tried to be as straight-forward as possible in my profile, and give people an honest look at who I am ... but interest is nil. If anyone on here has an OkCupid account, and wouldn't mind taking a look at my profile and giving me a hint or two as to how I can make my profile more enticing - here it is. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated! This is a bit reassuring to me (unfortunately for you) that you see the same results that I had with a year of online dating because your profile is WAY better than mine ever was. You seem like a pretty cool dude, so I'm going to just let you in on the secret about online dating: It absolutely sucks for guys. I bet there's a lot of women that if you had met them face to face and they knew these things about you they'd be more than happy to go out with you, especially at your age. But the fact is it's online. Everyone uses the internet. Everyone has a profile. So there are 50 guys emailing these same women every single day. The fact that it comes down to is you aren't rich or you aren't super modeling-calibler attractive. When women have so many options it's best to think about applying for a job in this economy. All the really good jobs have a lot of applicants, so what do they do? They have to weed out all the applicants somehow. So they've set a criteria for themselves that are relatively high and maybe not in the right areas. Unfortunately, how great of a person you are rarely reflects through a profile, which is why a lot of women claim to "haveproblems dating jerks" or other complications from online dating, because it's hard to judge character through profiles. If possible, try speed dating. I've heard from friends that it is much more level a playing field, and even more so beneficial for men as there's typically more women at these events, and you know these women are definitely looking for a relationship. Many women online aren't even sure if they want a relationship, they may just be browswing with no intention of dating. Hope that helps, and don't let online dating get you down, most of the women aren't worth it.
TaurusTerp Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 I say get rid of the first 2 pictures in white tees and ugly baseball caps. I think the last one or the underarmor should be your main picture.
D-Lish Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 LOL - that's ridiculous! Guess I won't put too much stock in that particular test. I just put up some photos that are hopefully better. Thanks again for the input - Yep, they are better Murph!
GivenUp0083 Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Besides my "quit online dating" suggestion of advice, I should be fair and offer something contructive: I sometimes got responses by trying different things. Maybe not starting off so serious (serious as in the eyes of the girl, to guys we don't think it's so serious). They get a lot of the same types of emails I'm sure from guys saying hello, introducing themselves, talking about what they have in common, asking about her interests, yada yada yada. Basically what I'm trying to say is try being different. Try sending out a one sentence email. Example: some girl had some goofy sunglasses on for saint patricks day in one of her pictures so I sent a message "hey, nice glasses! :cool:" Or a girl says she loves peanut butter so I said "hey, gimme a jar and a spoon and I'm in heaven". Here's how this can work: -Less time and effort required on your part in hopes that the girl has enough decency to respond to your well though out email. -You separate yourself from the pack -It doesn't sound as serious and more like starting up a conversation at the grocery store -She doesn't know exactly what your intentions are yet. If we know anything about women its they like to be mystified, so just saying hey and something short, quick, and funny/goofy makes them wonder why you didn't say anything more and what your real intentions are. -It is less of a committment and effort to respond back. If you write out a paragraph with multiple questions then she may think it would be too much effort to write back to every guy who asked a few questions, and we know women think too hard about what to respond with cuz they over analyze everything. BUT if you only wrote one comment or a question then it's not as much of a mental effort to respond. Hope that helps.
Recommended Posts