Insanitylater Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 (edited) When I first met him, I thought he was a jerk. . . but, Why is this such a popular statement in the dating world? How many times have you read, or heard a woman say this, when she talks about her SO? I know 3 married couples where the females all had negative feelings about their man when they first met, yet now they are all married. They are good couples now, and they guys are great guys, hard workers, family oriented. But at the time of dating, the women saw them as jerks because of certain behaviors. Are there any women willing to divulge why they decided to continue, or give more chances, to a guy that they saw as a jerk, ahole, etc? . Edited November 7, 2010 by Insanitylater
Woggle Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 My wife saw me as a jerk when we first met because I was in player mode and that did not impress her. For some reason she agreed to a second date and I showed her the real me and it grew from there. I was actually impressed by the fact that she saw right through the same crap other women ate up with a spoon. I suspect this might be the case with your examples. A man is in player and he is impressed that a woman is not into it. It shows that she won't fall for the same crap when some idiot smiles at her and she decides she is bored in her marriage. It also shows she values the right things.
Akherousia Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 When I first met him, I thought he was a jerk. . . but, Why is this such a popular statement in the dating world? How many times have you read, or heard a woman say this, when she talks about her SO? I know 3 married couples where the females all had negative feelings about their man when they first met, yet now they are all married. They are good couples now, and they guys are great guys, hard workers, family oriented. But at the time of dating, the women saw them as jerks because of certain behaviors. Are there any women willing to divulge why they decided to continue, or give more chances, to a guy that they saw as a jerk, ahole, etc? . This appeared when I googled bad boys. http://www.scienceforums.net/topic/34676-why-are-women-attracted-to-bad-boys/
Woggle Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 This post right here explains perfectly why all the women who fell for my player crap pretty much disgusted me. I agree that spouting generalities don't help the argument. This can be answered simply by reversing the roles: there are also some guys who are turned on by girls who are trouble from the word go. This does not mean we all are. True story: I am one of these nice guys who felt the titular generality was true. I was once on a date with a girl that you could describe as "bad"- flirty, shallow, demanding, etc. Well, it happened that I had grown tired of not only her attitude but the many other girls like that that I had been seeing. She was flirting up a storm with a guy at a party, and I basically gave up on her, without coming out and saying it. I just got really sarcastic and sullen and just plain mean. To my utter amazement, she responded to it, though that was not my plan. She acted not only conciliatory, but almost clingy. That only made me more disgusted, and so I tried to ditch her- but of course that only got her hotter. She was the classic case you described, but I was not simple enough to presume all women were like that. Oh, yes, the rest of the story- I couldn't keep up the act. I eventually started to feel sorry for her, so I softened up- and poof, the illusion was over, she lost interest. 0 Posts: 7 | Joined: 30-October 07
Akherousia Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 This post right here explains perfectly why all the women who fell for my player crap pretty much disgusted me. That's easy to solve. If the guy interested in women is not: 1)A bad boy. 2)Rich. 3)Good looking. 4) Tall. What is he to do? Forget about women and dedicate himself to something worth his time. It makes no sense to chase something or someone that you cannot have.
Author Insanitylater Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 My wife saw me as a jerk when we first met because I was in player mode and that did not impress her. For some reason she agreed to a second date Thats what I want to hear, "for some reason" I want women to explain WHAT that reason is
Woggle Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 That's easy to solve. If the guy interested in women is not: 1)A bad boy. 2)Rich. 3)Good looking. 4) Tall. What is he to do? Forget about women and dedicate himself to something worth his time. It makes no sense to chase something or someone that you cannot have. The difference is that I have no problem whatsoever getting women but the women that were attracted to my bad boy behavior I found disgusting. I had no respect for them whatsoever but when my wife saw this behavior she was disgusted by it. I actually think that women who initially thought a man was a jerk tend to be high quality. I had to act like a decent person to win her.
LittleTiger Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I wouldn't date a guy I thought was a jerk - not even once. For those who would I'm sure they'll all give different reasons - presumably the main one being that he turned out not to be a jerk after all! Depends on the woman and depends on the man. I don't know any women who used to think their partners were jerks. If you know at least three, why don't you ask them?
Author Insanitylater Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 I wouldn't date a guy I thought was a jerk - not even once. For those who would I'm sure they'll all give different reasons - presumably the main one being that he turned out not to be a jerk after all! Depends on the woman and depends on the man. I don't know any women who used to think their partners were jerks. If you know at least three, why don't you ask them? Because women dont give honest answers when you ask them things directly face to face
Surrealist Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 That's easy to solve. If the guy interested in women is not: 1)A bad boy. 2)Rich. 3)Good looking. 4) Tall. What is he to do? Forget about women and dedicate himself to something worth his time. It makes no sense to chase something or someone that you cannot have. Or dedicate himself to a woman who is worth his time. This post is just a bitter swipe at the male gender.
loverofloveandstuff Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 The difference is that I have no problem whatsoever getting women but the women that were attracted to my bad boy behavior I found disgusting. I had no respect for them whatsoever but when my wife saw this behavior she was disgusted by it. I actually think that women who initially thought a man was a jerk tend to be high quality. I had to act like a decent person to win her. Well she couldn't have found your behaviour too disgusting. She stuck around with you long enough for you to be able to show her that you're a decent person.
loverofloveandstuff Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Women give more chances to *******s because we like *******s and players. Winning over an ******* is a challenge and what's not to like about a challenge. (Most) men would rather aim for something higher than an easy woman, it's no different for women. Most women would rather aim for something higher than an easy man and nice guys=easy. Also, if an ******* happens to start showing genuine interest in you, it's very rewarding. The challenge has been won!! From here, the woman either gets bored and dumps the poor bloke or she finds the fact that he's changed his ways for her endearing and stays. Either way, she feels special because an ******* has been deassholized due to her presence. Ofcourse this doesn't apply to all women but it certainly applies to me.
LittleTiger Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Or dedicate himself to a woman who is worth his time. This post is just a bitter swipe at the male gender. I'd say it's a bitter swipe at both genders! I feel very sorry for some people - can't imagine what life must be like with such a terrible opinion of the human race.
LittleTiger Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Women give more chances to *******s because we like *******s and players. Winning over an ******* is a challenge and what's not to like about a challenge. (Most) men would rather aim for something higher than an easy woman, it's no different for women. Most women would rather aim for something higher than an easy man and nice guys=easy. Also, if an ******* happens to start showing genuine interest in you, it's very rewarding. The challenge has been won!! From here, the woman either gets bored and dumps the poor bloke or she finds the fact that he's changed his ways for her endearing and stays. Either way, she feels special because an ******* has been deassholized due to her presence. Ofcourse this doesn't apply to all women but it certainly applies to me. WOW really? In my experience a leopard doesn't change its spots. If he's got a**hole in him, he's always got a**hole in him. Don't kid yourself that you've dea**holed him. You haven't. It's just a matter of time before that side of him rears it's ugly head again - it might be many years, but you can be 99% certain that it will. Presumably you haven't found Mr Right yet? If taming 'bad boys' is your preferred method of dating, I wish you luck with that.
loverofloveandstuff Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 WOW really? In my experience a leopard doesn't change its spots. If he's got a**hole in him, he's always got a**hole in him. Don't kid yourself that you've dea**holed him. You haven't. It's just a matter of time before that side of him rears it's ugly head again - it might be many years, but you can be 99% certain that it will. Presumably you haven't found Mr Right yet? If taming 'bad boys' is your preferred method of dating, I wish you luck with that. Yeah, I totally agree with you. OP asked why women give a**holes a second chance so I was just saying why they might. I'm often initially very attracted to a**holes (not exclusively though, lol) and those were the reasons why I think I feel that attraction. I know it's not a good thing but you can hardly help what you feel! And you're right, I have not found Mr Right... I think I'm too immature and have way too many personal issues that I have to work on before I can even consider being in a serious relationship.
LittleTiger Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Yeah, I totally agree with you. OP asked why women give a**holes a second chance so I was just saying why they might. I'm often initially very attracted to a**holes (not exclusively though, lol) and those were the reasons why I think I feel that attraction. I know it's not a good thing but you can hardly help what you feel! And you're right, I have not found Mr Right... I think I'm too immature and have way too many personal issues that I have to work on before I can even consider being in a serious relationship. Well, good for you for acknowledging where you are in terms of your relationship maturity. You're right that you can't help how you feel but, if you're interested, let me give you a tip for 'curing' yourself. Concentrate on building your self-esteem. Once you realise what you're worth you won't find an a**hole attractive ever again - trust me.
that girl Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 When I first met him, I thought he was a jerk. . . but, Why is this such a popular statement in the dating world? How many times have you read, or heard a woman say this, when she talks about her SO? Right now I can't think of one I know. Are there any women willing to divulge why they decided to continue, or give more chances, to a guy that they saw as a jerk, ahole, etc? My guess would be that they were thrown together socially so while they didn't like them at first, when they met the guy again he was much more likeable.
Akherousia Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 I'd say it's a bitter swipe at both genders! I feel very sorry for some people - can't imagine what life must be like with such a terrible opinion of the human race. I'm very fond of idealists.
LittleTiger Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 I'm very fond of idealists. Actually I'm a realist. The world is full of all sorts of people, some good, some bad. Nothing idealistic about that.
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