Arabella Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 .... I saw the light. I've posted countless threads about my year and a half involvement with a narcissist, who suffered from several mental illnesses and abused drugs. It was a completely one-sided relationship where I gave endlessly and loved someone who never returned any of it. He pounded my heart into a pulp over and over again. This past summer it came to a breaking point. The point where I realized that I was losing my mental health and stability because of him. I ended all contact with him, despite his protests. Best decision I ever made. Two months ago I met someone. We just recently became a couple and I can tell I'm already falling for this guy. He has all the positive qualities my ex had, plus all the things he could never have been. He's reliable, caring and trustworthy. Despite being younger, he just makes me feel safe. Not only in a physical way, but emotionally. I feel safe giving him my heart and emotions because he reciprocates every bit of it. He makes himself worthy of every nice word or thing I do for him. I can tell how much he appreciates it and how much it means to him. I'm posting this because to me, it's the sign that I've finally moved on. I have no urge to contact my ex and see how he's doing. I just don't care. I'm not angry, resentful nor hateful anymore. I'm just happy. I'm also posting this because I was one of the people who would read thread like this one and think "that's never going to be me". But it did happen. I just had to make the decision to actually leave the pain behind and move on, on my own terms. One day, you will do it too. Don't feel pressured. Let yourself grieve. Let yourself feel the pain. It's natural. And when you're ready? Make the decision to pull yourself together and enjoy life again. Even if right now, you can't imagine ever loving or trusting someone like you once did... You, too, will be happy again... Best of luck, Arabella
Leandro Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I'm really looking forward to this happening to me.
SoccerPlaya Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Thanks for sharing. I want to move on from my ex so bad, and sometimes I think I've made progress...but then I fall back into the terrible self-destructive cycle again and again. It's nice to hear these kinds of things. Congratulations and I wish you the best!
skydiveaddict Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Even if right now, you can't imagine ever loving or trusting someone like you once did... You, too, will be happy again... Best of luck, Arabella I wish that were true for everyone. Unfortunately it is not. But I'm glad it happened for you
Author Arabella Posted November 8, 2010 Author Posted November 8, 2010 Thanks for sharing. I want to move on from my ex so bad, and sometimes I think I've made progress...but then I fall back into the terrible self-destructive cycle again and again. It's nice to hear these kinds of things.! I did that many times. I would cut him off for a week then start talking to him again. Over and over again. I just couldn't help myself. Then I realized just how bad he really was for me, and how he never deserved any of my love... and I just did it, and never looked back. The key to all this was wanting to move on. When I reached the point where talking to him literally made me feel scared because I was afraid of what he would say or do next that would hurt. You, too, can do it. You just have to find the reason and motivation to WANT to do it. I wish that were true for everyone. Unfortunately it is not. But I'm glad it happened for you I said the same thing and convinced myself I would love this kid forever because we just were meant to be. I was wrong. Only when I accepted this fact I was finally able to pursue happiness by other means, including considering a romantic relationship with others.It took finding someone who is far more right for me to realize the true extent of how wrong. I sincerely hope it happens for you too, despite your current belief that it will not. Arabella
bestrong Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 I wish it's going to happen on me, but I doubt it. A year after the break up, she is still in my mind every single day. Little things would trigger my memory and I can relate everything with her. It sucks to feel trapped and can't see a way out. I am truly happy for you. Stay happy!
rebeccajones Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Arabella that is wonderful and is great to hear. I'm hopeful that I will get to that point as soon as possible. It's been 1.5 months and I'm haven't let go, but I hope to.
SoccerPlaya Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 RJ 1.5 months is not long, it's totally normal to still be feeling the pain. Just keep focusing on other things & moving on. (heh, easier said than done I know) I've realized through this last year that there is a time to feel pain but the longer you wait to let go the more your life becomes consumed by it and then it just becomes even HARDER to move on bc you're mind is so use to focusing on your ex. Oh if only life had a rewind button...
ReturnToSender Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Thanks so much for sharing this Arabella... I can use all the motivation and encouragement I can get right now and your experience really helps!
havehope Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 RTS I've followed a few of your posts and it sounds like we have similar situations post-break up. Because I can relate to you, just wanted to give you encouragement that you can do it and we can get past this together. They don't deserve the energy, time, or tears we've spent on them since it ended. I know its hard but you have someone rooting for you who has a similar situation. Thanks arabella! I hope I'm there one day too, because you're right, right now I feel like I'm never going to get there.
ReturnToSender Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 RTS I've followed a few of your posts and it sounds like we have similar situations post-break up. Because I can relate to you, just wanted to give you encouragement that you can do it and we can get past this together. They don't deserve the energy, time, or tears we've spent on them since it ended. I know its hard but you have someone rooting for you who has a similar situation. Thanks arabella! I hope I'm there one day too, because you're right, right now I feel like I'm never going to get there. Thanks so much... are you trying to go NC too? I know I have to do it, and even though Im so annoyed and frustrated with him right now, the thought of not having contact with him already is getting to me. Not sure why...hes given me every reason to give up...I always keep coming back for more, but now Im so emotionally exhausted. I just wanna be done with this crazy drama and get myself together so I can be in a real, stable, healthy relationship. Right now after what Ive been through and how I feel, Id settle for one out of three LoL!
Author Arabella Posted November 8, 2010 Author Posted November 8, 2010 Thanks so much... are you trying to go NC too? I know I have to do it, and even though Im so annoyed and frustrated with him right now, the thought of not having contact with him already is getting to me. Not sure why...hes given me every reason to give up...I always keep coming back for more, but now Im so emotionally exhausted. God I know how you feel. I tried to do it so many times, always making excuses for him, and telling myself I had to be there for him if he needed me. It's all nonsense. Remember, you must put yourself first, since he's clearly not going to do it. It's in your best interest to cut your losses and move on. The sooner you accept and do this, you will begin to heal. It may still take some time, but you will be right on the path to happiness.
ReturnToSender Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 God I know how you feel. I tried to do it so many times, always making excuses for him, and telling myself I had to be there for him if he needed me. It's all nonsense. Remember, you must put yourself first, since he's clearly not going to do it. It's in your best interest to cut your losses and move on. The sooner you accept and do this, you will begin to heal. It may still take some time, but you will be right on the path to happiness. I really appreciate that Arabella... I have to say I had a super weak moment. I found out some pretty hard stuff is going on in his family, he didnt tell me about any of it, I found out through another family member, but apparently its big enough that it will affect him in a major way and Im sure stressing him out big time. Im really close to his fam and really care about them quite a bit....and I felt really sorry for him going through that, and for a moment wanted to call him up. BUT then two things came to me...one he didnt say anything to me about it himself, two no matter how much I love them, theyre his family and his problem to deal with not mine. Three (ok I said 2, but this is a biggie) I need to stand by NC...knowing me this is just an excuse to break it after less than 24 hours when he probably hasnt even noticed yet that Im not talking to him. I held strong. But yeah, I came *this* close...
havehope Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 hey RTS - I'm trying NC, but its hard. I'm at a few weeks now. Its been about 1.5 years since he cheated and here we are. Wish I would have done it from the beginning because I feel I'd be so much farther along. What happens is he'll talk to me when its convenient for him... he'll talk to me probably every few months or so, being all sweet and then will disappear for months at a time. I don't break NC, but i gotta stop replying. Its not helping me heal. Its just weird to think that I'm completely shutting out someone i've known for 10 years who used to be my best friend. I guess 'used to be' is important there...
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