mark87 Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Hey guys, I'm Mark. I met this girl at my cousin's wedding close to a year and a half ago. I approached her and we hit it off right away and could tell she was very attracted to me. After that night we stayed in contact at least on a weekly basis. I was currently living at home in St. Louis w/ my parents prior to joining the Air Force and she's from Montana going to school at Gonzaga in WA state. She started her freshman year and a few months later I left for basic training. While we met she was on a break w/ her ex she'd been with throughout high school. Soon after the wedding they got back together on and off. I kept in minimum weekly contact though and she was always happy to hear from me. She managed to write me a little in basic which I thought was a really good sign. Everytime we spoke she was very happy and positive and thought she had an awesome personality. Once I graduated and was in tech school she broke it off w/ her bf due to communication and difference in their beliefs. We began texting everyday and began to skype for up to over 3 hrs some nights. We both felt an awesome connection and felt we could be our absolute selves w/ eachother. There were no big disagreements or conflicts ever. In July, I got stationed near Rapid City, SD. A long way from WA, but a better distance than being in STL. As we talked she was real fond of the idea of coming to see me and we worked out a weekend but then was forced to cancel due to me being given a last minute project. Since that point I knew things felt different. She said we'd for sure work something out. She was now real busy just beginning her sophomore year w/ 19 credit hrs and now a resident assistant. She still enjoyed talking but it became less and less and when I asked about her visiting it went from, "for sure" to "I'll try" or "I'll see what I can do". So I confronted it in a facebook message and asked if she was maybe moving on because she seemed not so sure. Two days later she responded and said things have been crazy busy and she knows I'd like some definite answers but she can't give them, and that I'm a great guy and loves talking to me but can't visit and we have too much going on. So my best method was to not fight it but agree because I know she is busy and told her I didn't feel it was the right time either. However, she texted me a little here and there afterward. A month later goes by I happened to ask what her plans were for this weekend and said she was hitting up Seattle. I asked if she was going w/ her girls she said no and wouldn't specify. So I asked who? She said she was going by herself to visit a friend. At this point I knew but just wanted to hear her say it. I ask your ex goes to school there, you guys on good terms, do you think you'll hangout? She said thats actually who she's staying w/ and that their great friends now and have been talking and she wanted to see him because he won't be home for Thanksgiving. I also ask do you think there's a possibility of starting anything back up? She said she didn't know and that she's going with the flow. In my mind if she's staying with him and haven't seen each other since breaking their going to be rekindling all types of emotions. I told her I'm not going to say I'm upset by this but I definitely find it interesting she didn't have the time for me but has no problem flying out to see him after she told me she wouldn't go back to him and when they disagreed on some pretty important stuff to her. We talked about it further and I said if he invited you to spend the weekend with him he wants to get back together with you. She sounds like she's unsure of his intentions but I don't think she wants to admit that he wants to get her back. At this point I told her I'm going to be busy throughout this weekend and coming up but I'll text her when I have time. Before she left she had friends posting on her wall asking let me know how your weekend went! The whole thing says to me that their getting back together. In the meantime I've taken her out of my phone and off facebook. I didn't want to be reminded constantly. She seemed like a great girl and its hard to think of not communicating w/ her after over a year of talking. I even told her I think she's confused and I think her age has something to do with it. She's 19, and I'm 23. This girl was once willing to drive 12 hrs to see me so I have a hard time thinking she'd totally forget about me but at the same time I have to move forward and go into no contact. I feel, if she cares enough she'll contact me. I think she def misses the good times w/ her ex but when they were together things were pretty wishy washy and she told me she was glad she was out of that situation. Is it just a matter of letting her grow up and figuring herself out? Anyone w/ experience? I'd definitely appreciate the input!
cozenedindigo Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 was caught in a weird limbo like this with a guy and his ex as well. it went from him promising me it was over b/w them to him going back to where he lives (and she does too) admitting that seeing her again might rekindle something. not worth it. in your case, you sound very levelheaded. In mine, I completely lost my head and let him set the pace of the relationship, so he claimed a lot of stuff he ultimately didn't follow through with. The rejection stings to this day (I'm almost 30 days NC) but I'm glad I figured out sooner than later, that things were this entangled with the ex. Next time I meet someone I want them to be completely free, in their minds and hearts. It just doesn't help when they lie, to you and supposedly to themselves as well =/
folieadeux Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Correct me if I'm wrong, but you guys met up for just that one night at the wedding? (I'm not trying to trivialize anything, just wanted to get a clearer picture.) From what I can tell from your post, you guys met for a night, hit it off, and remained in semi-regular contact after that. Unfortunately, this sort of thing happens all the time and isn’t necessarily a guarantee of a lasting romance. You both are very young, with alot of other things on your plate right now; neither one of you seem to be in the greatest position to have what it takes to sustain an LDR. It takes a considerable amount of time, money for traveling and other related expenses, and effort on both individual's parts to truly make things work. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but an LDR shouldn’t even be attempted without these basic foundations otherwise you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment. I know it hurts that she is reuniting with her ex, but you two were never an official couple (from what I can tell), so she has every right to do so and move on. I would suggest you do the same as it appears she’s no longer interested in pursuing the same type of relationship as you.
Author mark87 Posted November 8, 2010 Author Posted November 8, 2010 Correct me if I'm wrong, but you guys met up for just that one night at the wedding? (I'm not trying to trivialize anything, just wanted to get a clearer picture.) From what I can tell from your post, you guys met for a night, hit it off, and remained in semi-regular contact after that. Unfortunately, this sort of thing happens all the time and isn’t necessarily a guarantee of a lasting romance. You both are very young, with alot of other things on your plate right now; neither one of you seem to be in the greatest position to have what it takes to sustain an LDR. It takes a considerable amount of time, money for traveling and other related expenses, and effort on both individual's parts to truly make things work. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but an LDR shouldn’t even be attempted without these basic foundations otherwise you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment. I know it hurts that she is reuniting with her ex, but you two were never an official couple (from what I can tell), so she has every right to do so and move on. I would suggest you do the same as it appears she’s no longer interested in pursuing the same type of relationship as you. I know it sounds kind of cheesy meeting one time but for a while we were in contact daily for about 3 months and having up to 3 hr skype sessions. What set me off is that she told me she couldn't visit like she was too busy but had no problem flying to Seattle to see her ex when she claimed she was done w/ that whole situation and telling me she'd never met anyone like me and was amazing etc, etc. I am moving forward though just curious about other people's outlook and input. I asked this past week before this if she'd consider something for us down the road, and she said if its meant to happen it will and she's going with the flow. So maybe its a matter of time and who knows, but in the meantime I'm focusing the road ahead.
folieadeux Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 I know it sounds kind of cheesy meeting one time but for a while we were in contact daily for about 3 months and having up to 3 hr skype sessions. What set me off is that she told me she couldn't visit like she was too busy but had no problem flying to Seattle to see her ex when she claimed she was done w/ that whole situation and telling me she'd never met anyone like me and was amazing etc, etc. I am moving forward though just curious about other people's outlook and input. I asked this past week before this if she'd consider something for us down the road, and she said if its meant to happen it will and she's going with the flow. So maybe its a matter of time and who knows, but in the meantime I'm focusing the road ahead. It doesn't sound cheesy at all...people do end up together that met that way (that's how me and my SO met actually); however I was just trying to point out that having an initial connection like that unfortunately doesn't always guarantee anything. The fact that she's willing to travel for her ex and not you should give you all the answers you need in regards to that question...she obviously had a change of heart and is in a different point in her life than you are. And that's fine and can be expected, she is a teenager afterall. Best of luck to you and I'm glad you're moving on with your life.
Author mark87 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 was caught in a weird limbo like this with a guy and his ex as well. it went from him promising me it was over b/w them to him going back to where he lives (and she does too) admitting that seeing her again might rekindle something. not worth it. in your case, you sound very levelheaded. In mine, I completely lost my head and let him set the pace of the relationship, so he claimed a lot of stuff he ultimately didn't follow through with. The rejection stings to this day (I'm almost 30 days NC) but I'm glad I figured out sooner than later, that things were this entangled with the ex. Next time I meet someone I want them to be completely free, in their minds and hearts. It just doesn't help when they lie, to you and supposedly to themselves as well =/ Sorry to hear that, but sounds like you're moving on as well. Are they back together at this point, or are you just taking a big break from it?
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